


Out For Stars

by hesterbyrde



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Diverts at throneroom, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friends to Lovers, Heterosexual Sex, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Redemption, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Not Canon Compliant, Oral Sex, Scar touching, Slow Burn, scar obsession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-03-24 09:03:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 85,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13807968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hesterbyrde/pseuds/hesterbyrde
Summary: "Please." His voice fractured around the word, the cracks reaching all the way to Rey's heart.He had begged. He had actually begged, even though his lips had trembled to speak the word, disgusted as he was desperate. He had begged her to stay. She took a deep breath, willing the roiling waves in her stomach to cease. She reached for the Balance, falteringly but with purpose. It steadied her."No." The word fell trembling from her lips.His face crumpled. And for the briefest second, Rey was sure that peeking out from beneath the scarred face and the tousled hair matted with sweat and blood, and the heap of black clothing was the shattered husk of Ben Solo… betrayed, and confused, and denied yet again. The cracks that had rent through her heart when he'd begged threatened to open into fissures of grief and guilt, but she held her ground."No." she repeated, more gently and assuredly this time as she took a tiny step towards him. "No. No, this time you join me."





	1. As I Came to the Edge of the Woods

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings all! Welcome to my very first Reylo fic, and my first fic for the Star Wars canon. (Arguably... I did a Hannibal fanfic set in the Star Wars Universe but I don't really count that...)
> 
> I'm new to the fandom... basically as of Rogue One, and I'm new to the Reylo fleet as of The Last Jedi, basically because I'm a sucker for the idea of redemption being a power fantasy. I didn't really grow up with this series the way a lot of people did, so I'm employing a lovely fleet of beta readers to help me keep true to canon. Many thanks to KaminaDuck, HexMeridian, and Eria for their help with this. That being said, if you catch any grammar or spelling errors, let me know! Also if I've missed something in the tags, please tell me! I mostly write for the Hannibal fandom, and often certain things are not spelled out because... well, we all know the original material.
> 
> This fic is completed and in the editing phase. I'll be updating on Mondays, hopefully without any interruptions. 
> 
> The fic name and chapter titles are taken from three poems by Robert Frost; "Choose Something Like A Star," "Come In," and "Looking for a Sunset Bird in Winter."
> 
> Please enjoy and let me know what you think in the comments! Here we go!

The fight in the throne room had been a frenzied dervish. Utter chaos all around as electrified blades and lightsabers clashed. Sparks flew and rained down everywhere, burning spots into Rey's vision and making her ears ring. And yet at her core she felt peace in that moment that surpassed her understanding. She did not feel herself to be a part of this passing chaos surrounding her. She was still and Kylo with her, and the world moved around them. She had never experienced anything like it before, and had she not been pressed with the business at hand, she might have worried she never would again.

And she wanted to experience it again.

The Balance. She had felt it for that instant. Back to back and shoulder to shoulder. Light and Dark together. It sang in her blood over the relentless pounding of her heart and the unhinged sound of Kylo Ren’s furious scream. She could feel it in her very bones, like the clamorous strike of a hammer against an anvil.

She giddily laughed to think of it later. How they had found and used each other in that moment, as if they'd fought together all their lives. Grown up in Luke's temple and learned to work together. As a guard. As propulsion. As balance. 

The Balance. They were the Balance. In the violence that swirled, there was the peace of the other's presence. There at the eye of the bloody storm, it was a lovely sort of sacred, unconquerable quiet.

In fact, their only mistake in their fight against the Praetorians was to drift apart. It all nearly came unwound then. The red-garbed guards almost overcame them, but even over the yawning distance of the throne room, they managed to work together.

And thus, when all lay wasted around them, they caught each other's eyes.

"The fleet!" Rey shouted desperately, pointing at the lens where she had been shown the ragged remnants of the Rebel fleet. "Order them to stop firing! There is still time to save the fleet!"

But Kylo was unmoved, still staring mutely at Snoke's body as if it confused him. As if he thought the bifurcated corpse might stand back up again to gloat over his failures. Over his weakness for the girl.

"Ben?" she asked, her voice undercut as if she were afraid of what the sound of that name might rouse.

"We have to let it die." he said in a hazy voice, still not looking at her.

Cold confusion seeped into her features. "What…?"

"It's time to let old things die." he told her, his tone dreamlike and distant. He was barely even winded from the fight she noticed. He was almost a piece of living statuary in the swaying wreckage of the throne room. Suspended like an insect in amber. "Snoke, Skywalker. The Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels. Let it all die." He turned to her then, smartly on his heel. "Rey, I want you to join me." His voice was stronger, but he still couldn't mask the quaver that shimmered through her name. "We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy."

Her brow knit as her stomach plummeted like an icy stone into her boots. The Balance… that peace that had seemed so close was suddenly gone. The rope had snapped and she was suddenly adrift. "Don't do this Ben." She half whispered, feeling tears pooling in her eyes. "Please don't go this way."

"No, no!" he shouted, advancing on her with a dangerously desperate glint in his eye. "You're still holding on. Let go!"

Rey took an involuntary step back. She knew that look. She recognized it from the snowy forest at StarKiller base, when he had offered his hand to her. Offered to be her teacher. It had been easy to say no then. It wasn't easy now. She had seen a possibility… a future… but it was fading now like a dream in the morning sunlight. She swallowed against a nauseating wave of dread as he came closer.

But he drew up short when he saw her step back. "Do you want to know the truth about your parents?" he asked, softening the edge from his voice. "Or have you always known? You've just hidden it away." 

Rey felt the tears burning her eyes and try as she might to choke them back, they flowed down her cheeks. Would he always know what was lurking in her heart? Would he always be able to rupture the calm she sought to surround herself with and cut her to the quick?

"You know the truth. Say it," Kylo was close enough to whisper it now, with something akin to tenderness but there were barbs just under the surface. He couldn't resist hurting her in turn. "Say it." he hissed.

Rey saw no choice but to give him what he wanted. To stop fighting. To give at least this small thing. The satisfaction of her pain and his power over it. "They were nobody." She breathed around a heaving, congested sob.

"They were filthy junk traders, that sold you off for drinking money." He told her, caustic derision dripping from his voice. "They're dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You're nothing."

Rey swallowed hard against a new tide of tears. Grief and anger were beginning to mingle in her heart. It was overwhelming, and it was all she could do not to bear her teeth and give in to the impulse to run him through. If only to end it. All of it. She could bear many things, but not mockery. Not from him. 

Where did she drop her light-

"But not to me." he said, interrupting her thoughts.

She looked up at him again, her lovely face pinched into a grief-stricken frown. The dismissive, haughty tone had not been for her. It was for her parents. Those who abandoned her. She looked into his eyes and found a sincerity there, awkward and stumbling as it was. And something else… a need… a desperate need. Something that said he wasn't just stroking her ego. He wasn't trying to butter her up so she would join him. He would let old things die, but he would cling to her. He needed her. Somehow…

"Join me." he beckoned to her in a tone sounding strangely like begging. It sounded odd on his voice. Like he hadn't had much practice with begging. He probably hadn't even begged before Snoke… not in a long while. So surely he wasn't...

And yet still he held out his black gloved hand and waited.

Rey stared at it, sobs half-formed still shaking her body as she clawed to hold them back. How could he be doing this? After everything? After this fight? Had he not learned? Was she the only one to be reprimanded for holding on to the things of the past? These ideas of ruling and order. They were old ways too. How could he-

"Please." His voice fractured around the word, the cracks reaching all the way to Rey's heart.

He had begged. He had actually begged, even though his lips had trembled to speak the word, disgusted as he was desperate. He had begged her to stay.

The plea was what it took to draw her back to the Balance. She reached out for that peace she had felt during the fight. For the Balance, and she found she could still hear its echos out in the reaches of her mind. And she could see the echoes in his eyes. In how badly he knew he needed her. Whether she was nothing or not. She was what he needed, though he didn't understand it yet and she was sure she didn't either. 

She took a deep breath, willing the roiling waves in her stomach to cease. She reached for the Balance, falteringly but with purpose. It steadied her.

"No." The word fell trembling from her lips.

His face crumpled. And for the briefest second, Rey was sure that peeking out from beneath the scarred face and the tousled hair matted with sweat and blood, and the heap of black clothing was the shattered husk of Ben Solo… betrayed, and confused, and denied yet again. The cracks that had rent through her heart when he'd begged threatened to open into fissures of grief and guilt, but she held her ground.

"No." she repeated, more gently and assuredly this time as she took a tiny step towards him. "No. No, this time you join me."

Kylo's face contorted with confusion at her words.

"You're right, Ben." she swallowed forcefully around the sobs that still threatened to choke off her voice. "You're absolutely right. The age of the Jedi and the First Order and the Rebellion and all this devotion to divisive nonsense needs to end. You're right. I know you're right."

"I… am?"

She nodded, taking another step forward and planted herself as he had. "You want to bury the past. Then let's bury it. Together. Put an end to all this. The answer isn't in our blood, or in laws, or in books, or in any kind of supremacy by force. But that doesn't mean there isn't one, and we have to find it. The Balance is ours to find, Ben. I know you felt it a minute ago because so did I. What if… what if the Light and the Dark are meant to work together? What if-"

He shook his head. Now it was his turn to backpedal, but his pride wouldn't let him give ground. He just paced back and forth like a caged animal. "No, you're just like the rest. You're just like Snoke and Luke and my parents. You want me to be what you want me to be."

"That's not true." Rey shot back. "I have no idea what you should be. Frankly, I'm still trying to figure that out for myself, thank you very much. So, I certainly have no business telling you what you should be."

Kylo looked down at his feet, and then again at Snoke's corpse. "Why should I trust you?" He asked. "Over all the others. What makes you different?"

"You said it yourself. The others had a vision for you. But I don't. You know I'm not trying to use you. I saw something, but so did you. I'm not trying to take us there. I just know there's possibility. That… there's hope for something different."

"Is that so?"

"Yes." she nodded emphatically. "Because I'm not Luke. I'm not Snoke. I can't give you anything, Ben. I'm nothing."

"You're not nothing."

"I am. You said it yourself just now. A trash picker destined for an unmarked pit of sand in a bigger pit of sand just like my parents, except for the fact that I have the Force. The Force means my past doesn't matter and I can be something else. And it means the same for you. You may be the son of war heroes and the nephew of some great Jedi, but that doesn't make you anything unless you decide to be something. You’re no more destined to be a hero than I am to be a junker. If you want to tear down the past, then there's a damn good place to start.”

Kylo blinked at that, suddenly rooted to the spot. 

"If you want to go find some remote hole in the ground to go hide in, away from all this, I will not stop you." she said, still edging closer. "Your destiny is yours to decide, and if it's a simple life you want then go take it. You'll not have any judgement from me. But I don't think that's what you want. And I only say that because I know you. I've touched your mind, and I've seen what you want."

Rey put her hand out again, palm up. "Come with me. I'll let you find who you're supposed to be. Who we're both supposed to be."

Kylo hesitated still eyeing Snoke's corpse as if the promise had come from him, but then he turned his back on the throne and stepped towards Rey. He pulled off his glove again, just as he had before back when Rey was still on Ahch-to, and skated his fingers down her open palm. She felt it again. The ringing echo of the Force. It clamored when they met… like the pealing of joyous bells. And over the cacophony, she could sense the turbulence of his divided nature, pulling downward like a whirlpool. An answer to her own stubborn, uplifting optimism.

The Darkness will rise, and the Light to meet it.

To meet it. Not oppose. But to meet and Balance it.

"I can't come with you." Kylo answered, slowly painting the pads of his fingers over hers. "Not without causing a scene and arousing Hux's suspicions and potentially leading them right to you and the rest of the Rebels. But I can get you out of here."

"You have to come with me." she pleaded, grabbing his hand, a fresh welling of tears stinging her eyes.

To her surprise, he let her hang on. He didn't recoil from her touch but instead dragged his thumb over the tendons that stood out bone-white under her skin. The motion was tender. Almost soothing. "I will. I will." he said, his voice had gone strangely soft. "But you're right, we have to save the Rebels first. What's left of them anyway."

Rey nodded, sniffling a little and wiping at her eyes. "What are we going to do?" 

"You're going to escape. Steal an escape pod and run." Kylo said pulling her back over to the viewing lens. "I'll stay behind and stall Hux. Tell him I thought you were headed for the bridge or for munitions. You'll escape down to that planet the Rebels are headed towards. And then, since I'm Supreme Leader now, I'll put in the order for heavy artillery to deal with the Rebels down on the surface. Heavier than what we have now. Or hell… maybe some mining ships? Act like I want to destroy the planet. It will take time and a lot of firepower since we don't have the StarKiller Base anymore." Their fingers were still entwined and he gave them an impassioned squeeze. "You regroup and run. And tell me where to meet you."

"How?" she asked turning to look up at him. "We can't communicate in any way they can track. All the frequencies will be watched."

"We have the Force connection. We'll-"

"That was Snoke! There's no way-"

"Over a distance this short, yes we can. I know we can. Between the two of us, we're strong enough." Something like a smile threatened to bend his lips. 

Rey took a deep breath, and searched the set lines of his face. She pressed her mind to his but only just enough to touch. Just enough to get an impression of what he was thinking. How he truly felt about this situation. It was a gamble, and he knew that. But he was so certain. She reached out further through the Force and let that certainty wash over her mind in warm waves. He had trusted her. Now it was her turn.

"Okay." she answered, mollified. "Okay."

"After we crack the planet, and things have settled down… maybe even before then if I can, I'll join you."

Rey nodded again, willing away the fresh doubts that swirled in her head. Him joining her wherever the Rebels were going to hole up opened a whole new set of problems. Namely how the Rebels might react to their arch nemesis in their midst. It had the potential to be catastrophic.

One thing at a time, she told herself.

And Kylo seemed to tacitly agree. "Now, lets see about finding you a ride." He leaned over the console and peered into the lens, bringing up an image of the hangar. His questing look was immediately replaced with confusion. "What… is…"

"What? What is it?" Rey's nerves were already on a knife's edge and his tone wasn't helping. She peered into the lens and saw rank on rank of Stormtroopers all kitted out a if for an inspection. "What's going on?"

"It's… It's Phasma. And Hux. They're executing someone." Kylo squinted at the viewer. "Wait… Is that the Stormtrooper that was with you at StarKiller? FN-"

"Finn! Phasma is going to execute him!" Rey shouted, jumping at the screen as if she might teleport through it to where Finn and another Rebel were face down on the floor of the hangar. "What the hell is he doing here? We have to save him!"

"You will." Kylo said, taking a deep breath, for both himself and Rey. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder, turning her towards the throne. "You will because your ride out of here is in that hangar. There's a hatch in the floor behind the throne. It leads to a back passage that will take you directly to the hanger. You can steal a ship or an escape pod or- oh no."

He had looked up over the top of Rey's head just in time to see the Resistance cruiser flash to lightspeed and breach the hull of the Supremacy. They both fell to the ground, Kylo throwing himself to the side in order to shield Rey from falling debris, taking a chunk of the ceiling to his lower back for the trouble.

"Go!" he shouted, roughly shoving her to her feet even as he was still on hands and knees.

"You're hurt!" She protested, turning back and seeing the rivulets of blood running between his fingers. "I'm not leaving you! I-" she looked down at her feet, finding Luke's lightsaber crushed under the debris. "No..."

"It can be fixed." Kylo shouted, waving his hand at her wildly. "It… it can all be fixed. But not if you don't get the hell off this ship right now. Take it and go! Go!"

Rey scooped up the pieces of the lightsaber, staring at the crushed remains and then looking at Kylo, her brown eyes wild and desperate. "Promise me you're coming. I can't fix any of this alone."

"Neither can I." Kylo said through gritted teeth, clutching at his side. "I'm coming, I promise. Now go!"

She nodded, panting against the panic and the ache of leaving him behind. But she reached for that space between them. She found him, and his frantic heartbeat and the searing pain blossoming across his back. And she found the Balance between them. The peace. The certainty that they were both going to make it out of here. They had parts to play. The Force would not abandon either of them to this fate. It hadn't so far. She breathed it in, letting the tranquility swell and swirl in her inmost being.

And then she ran like hell for the hatch.

***

It was chaos in the hangar once Rey arrived. The throne room had been shaken up, but the hangar had been closer to the direct hit. Everything was on fire and all the ranks of Stormtroopers had scattered or fallen in the burning rubble.

All but one. 

Phasma and Finn clashed on a causeway that creaked and swayed as the supports burned beneath it. Rey sprinted for them, arriving just in time to see the platform give and Phasma plummet into the roaring inferno of the deck below. 

"Good riddance." she piped up from behind Finn who spun around in disbelief.

"Rey! You're here!" he said throwing down his weapon and scooping her up in a rib splintering hug. "You're here! Wait… why are you here? What happened to you? You're bleeding!" He had noticed her shoulder and started looking around for something to serve as a bandage.

"I'm fine! I'm fine!" She laughed through the tight squeeze. She had never been so grateful to feel every bruise she had. "It's a long story. As is yours I imagine. We have to get out of here first!"

"Need a lift?" a feminine voice called out, almost as if on cue. They both turned to see a woman piloting a mech with BB8 in the back whistling excitedly.

"Rose!" Finn waved to flag her over. "Yeah, Give us a lift! We've got to go." 

They all boarded the tottering walker and made a beeline for the shuttle at the end of the dock, trampling stray Stormtroopers and droids in their wake.

"So what were you doing on board Snoke's ship?" Finn asked once they were enroute to Crait. 

"I might ask you the same question." Rey shot back with a grin, hoping to deflect all the way to the base. She still wasn't sure how she was going to go about telling this story. Who would even believe her? Besides Leia. Maybe...

But since Finn was Finn, her deflection worked. He and Rose launched into an animated tale about their conspiracy with Poe to enact a secret plan to escape the First Order tracking ship and find the code breaker on Canto Bight. Then, talking all over each other in their excitement, they detailed their infiltration of and capture aboard Snoke's capital ship, right up until the moment she'd found them. Now that they were out of immediate danger, they both seemed rather pleased with their escape from a brush with death.

"And Phasma just slid off the platform into the fire! Good fucking riddance!" Finn whooped, spinning around in his chair. 

Rey jumped to her feet. "I almost forgot. I have to call Chewie and let him know to meet us down on Crait."

"Is he coming to join us?"

"Yeah, I told him if I made it off Snoke's ship to come pick me up in the Falcon. We'll need a ride off this rock once we get there."

"You still haven't told us why you were on Snoke's ship in the first place." Rose pointed out.

"I will. Give me a minute." Rey assured them, before secluding herself in the gunner turret.

She reached for the radio first, but paused. Below her, she could see the wreck of Snoke's ship, cracked open like an egg and drifting through space. Already she could feel doubt worming its way into her gut as she watched it grow smaller and smaller. What if she couldn't reach Ben? What if he betrayed them? Again…

Rey shook her head to clear the dissenting voices. She had seen his mind. He couldn't fool her. But nevertheless, she still reached out to him through the Force, if only to satisfy herself that she could find him without Snoke's help. She could feel the cold of the vacuum of space and beyond it the icy hull of the ship and the fires burning within. It was surprisingly easy to find, so then it was just a matter of searching the vessel. 

She found Ben on the bridge. He was observing something, but without more concentration she couldn't really see what. He was just a hazy outline of black against black, his face a stark white against everything else in the harsh artificial light. But she swiftly realized he could see her when his dark eyes grew wide with panic. 

He thinks I'm there, she realized. He thinks I didn't escape.

She stepped boldy up next to him, watching his expression soften as the officers at their consoles didn't mark her passage. Their eyes stayed glued to their work as they scrambled to put out fires and tally up losses. As he leaned on the edge of a display that flashed with a thousand alerts about fires below deck, Kylo clearly fought a smile. 

"I didn't mean to startle you. I needed to see if it would work." she said, smiling enough for the both of them. "From the luck everyone else seems to have been having, I didn't want to chance it. In case we needed an alternative.”

She shuffled closer, turning to face the same direction and placing her hands on the edge of the display.

"We're headed to Crait. And then I don't know where. It looks like only a few of the ships made it through. I'm…" she paused, weighing her next statement carefully. "I'm going to have to tell them why I was aboard your ship. What I was doing there. And that you're coming back."

Kylo's lips narrowed to a thin line, but of course he could say nothing. He only stared ahead at the display, reading none of the text that scrolled under his hardened gaze.

"I know. I know I don't like it either. I don't like that I'm going to have to tell them anything about the Force connection, or anything we talked about. That… that was for us." Her voice faded a little around the words, as if she was unsure if she was making sense. "But listen, it's better than you showing up unannounced. That way, if it's clear that there will be trouble, we'll… we'll just figure something else out."

He looked down at her then. Something unnamable was coiled in his dark eyes. He slid his hand over on the console, their fingers finding each other and overlapping for a brief moment. 

"We will. I promise." she smiled a little then, reassured that there was still hope. "I'll still help you find a way out of this. Now I've got to go. I have to call Chewie and make sure I have a ride off Crait. Take care of yourself, yeah? I'll contact you when I know something."

Kylo gave a slow blink in reply, before looking away. After a moment, he realized he couldn't feel her hand anymore, though he could still sense the ghost of her warmth trapped in the leather of his glove. He fought the urge to bring it to his face.

Rey, back in the turret on the Falcon, shook her head to clear it again. This time not from doubt or fear, but from something else that she couldn't quite put her finger on. Or maybe she just had... 

But there were more pressing matters at hand, and she couldn't afford to be distracted now. She needed to call Chewie. They would likely need all the ships they could muster.

***


	2. From My Advantage on a Hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now… how is the situation with… with my son complicated?" Her expression was one of saintly patience, but her voice sounded tired. Rey hated to burden her with this… but maybe it wouldn't be a burden. Leia seemed braced for the worst with the tact and steel her rank belied, but under that was a faint shimmer of something. Hope, Rey decided. And fortunately Rey hadn't come with bad news. Not by a long shot.
> 
> And so she told her everything about Ben. Every detail she had learned from Luke about what had happened in the Temple, and from her Force connected conversations instrumented by Snoke. Rey told her about the battle with Snoke and his guards, and how Ben had helped her to escape and the plan that they had made to buy time for the Rebels to regroup and escape Crait. And that he planned to join them once they found their new hideout.
> 
> Leia listened to all of it without interruption, and when Rey was finished, she could have sworn that the general had aged twenty years during her story. And yet by the same turn, Rey could see that glimmer of long dead hope sparkling even more brightly in her warm brown eyes. A mother's hope that maybe… just maybe…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday, everyone!
> 
> Thank you all so much for the kudos and the kind words left in the comments! I'm so glad to hear that there are people excited for this.
> 
> No notes or warnings for this chapter.
> 
> Many thanks to KaminaDuck, HexMeridian, and Hawthorneox for the beta!
> 
> Enjoy!

"Supreme Leader Ren." General Hux addressed Kylo formally, though the new title still seemed to stick in his throat like a particularly large and chalky pill. "The immediate emergencies aboard the Supremacy have been seen to, and a new capital ship is enroute to our location. Your personal ships are accounted for and undamaged. It appears the Rebel scum stole one of our escape pods."

"Excellent news, General." Kylo replied coolly. It was strange. Not a few hours prior, he would have positively preened to be addressed in such a manner and savored in equal measure how much it chafed Hux to have to answer to him. But now he realized that just like everything else, it had been an empty pursuit. The hunger inside him was not sated, but now he did not know for what exactly he hungered. Only that it gnawed on his mind like a mongrel with a bone.

"Our freighters and gunships are primed and a new dreadnought is inbound to this position. It should arrive in a few hours." Hux went on. "We will be ready for a full assault of the Rebel base on Crait within-"

"I don't want to stage a ground assault." Kylo cut him off, his voice even and quiet.

"But…" Hux snorted and blustered as he pulled up short. "But, sir, the base is underground. We won't be able to bombard it from the air."

"The base is underground, you are correct." Kylo gave a condescending incline of his head as he disinterestedly scrolled through lists of military assets on a nearby holo. "But this was formerly a mining colony, yes? Do we have up to date schematics of the mine's tunnel systems?"

Hux fidgeted for a moment with his datapad, flipping through documents he had on Crait. "The most up to date maps of the tunnels predate the First Order. But I hardly think-" 

"Then we would be going down there blind." Ren barreled over him, his tone still cool and quiet. "That planet was a Rebel base long after it was a functioning mine. They no doubt have a thousand tunnels, rat holes and escape routes all over the planet. We would never be able to eradicate them all. We would risk some of them escaping and would likely take heavy losses.”

"But as I stated we can't bombard it from the air." Hux replied, the lines around his mouth deepening with anger. 

"I agree. Not with what we have, or what you have ordered for us."

"Well. Then what are you suggesting, Supreme Leader?" Hux bit off the title with a snarl. Much to Kylo's amusement, the vein between his eyes was beginning to protrude as a livid flush crept into his pallid face.

"As Supreme Leader, I don't believe I'm ever suggesting anything. The entire planet is a mine, you said? Let's go mining, then." Kylo strode across the bridge to a console full of contact listings within the Order. "Summon these three planet cracking mining ships. Since you lost us StarKiller Base, we will have to make do with inferior firepower."

"But sir, those ships are not military vessels. And furthermore, they are engaged on a mineral mining contract with a provider of our weapons systems. It would take days… potentially nearly a week to get them here. Nevermind the disruption to our supply chains." Hux was sounding nigh hysterical at the prospect. "It would be more expedient to deal with the Rebels on the ground."

"The Rebels on the ground complete with the Jedi that killed Snoke?" Kylo sniffed, finally deigning to give Hux a glance. "And who is going to deal with her? Or were you planning to face her yourself as penance for letting her escape?"

"Aren't you supposed to deal with her?" Hux bit back spitefully. "That's your job remember?" 

Kylo inwardly smirked. It had taken some coaxing, but inevitably Hux had risen to the bait and let him set the hook. Kylo rounded on him, hand outstretched but merely in threat. But Hux recoiled all the same, remembering their confrontation in the throne room. "Would you have suggested to Lord Snoke that he be the one to deal with her?" Venom dripped from his voice. This may not be his path, but making Hux squirm would always be a personal pleasure. "Would you have had the audacity to tell him that dealing with something was his job and not yours?" 

"No, Supreme Leader." Hux replied, gathering himself when he realized Kylo wasn't strangling him yet. 

"Then send word to the mining ships. They are to come here with all haste and crack this planet apart.”

"Yes, Supreme Leader." Hux replied, though Kylo hadn't waited for his reply before he exited the bridge, his voluminous cape whispering after him.

***

When their ship touched down, the Rebels, quickly realizing that the First Order didn't chase them down in one escape pod, rushed out of the mine to meet them. Poe was at the front of the pack, and BB8 whizzed by to be gathered up in an exuberant and relieved hug. For a moment, Rey thought Poe might kiss the little droid. 

But it was Leia that first pulled Rey up into her arms. "Welcome back, Rey." she said warmly. "I'm glad to see you've returned to us in one piece."

"It's good to be back." she replied, returning the squeeze with all her strength. "I'm sorry I couldn't make Luke come with me."

"Ah." her face fell a little at the edges. "So he's not coming then."

"I'm afraid not. But… it's a long story."

"I'm sure it is. But at least you're here to tell it to me." Leia looped Rey's arm through hers and turned to the exuberant but exhausted Rebels. "Come on. Back inside everyone. Kaydel, will you see to the distress signal? All officers, please meet me in what's currently passing for the command deck. I believe Rey has a great deal to tell us."

There was a flurry of activity as the tide of people all turned back to the mine. Once the distress signals were being sent, and the officers assembled in what appeared to be an old control room, Leia gestured to Rey for her to begin.

"The good news is, the First Order is not pursuing us. At least not yet." Rey told the gathered officers. 

There was no small amount of confused murmuring at this.

"That is good news. But that doesn't sound like them." Poe Dameron piped up. "What gives?"

"They're calling for mining ships or some other kind of heavy artillery to crack the planet open." Rey explained. "They aren't planning to engage in a ground war."

Leia's face puckered into a frown. "I agree with Captain Dameron. An assault like that will take time. They don't need to snuff us out with anything so grand. There's no one here to watch such a spectacle. Such a needless display doesn't sound like Snoke. Or Hux. "

"That's because it isn't Snoke." she replied before taking a deep breath. This was it. Now or never. "It's Kylo Ren. Ben. He's their Supreme Leader now."

A rumble of despair and disbelief broke out around the room.

"So Snoke is dead then." Leia replied, her voice silencing her crew. "My son killed him and has taken his place."

"It's… not exactly like that." Rey said worrying one knuckle between her fingers.

"But that's what they do." Finn broke in. "These Dark Side Jedi… they kill their masters and then take their place."

"There's more to it than that." Rey stammered, wiping her now sweating palms on the front of her pants. How was she going to do this? How was she going to explain to the room full of victims of the First Order and Kylo Ren's reign of terror that suddenly their enemy had decided to help them? "It's… It's complicated. Kylo Ren… is… he's not what you think. Not… not anymore." 

There was a beat of oppressive silence as every eye in the room locked on to her. Rey half expected angry yelling to break out. Poe certainly looked livid enough to start chewing broken glass. But Leia stalled it all with a wave of her hand.

"Everyone out." she said crisply. "I need to have a frank conversation with Rey. About my son. Out."

The room emptied quickly, though Poe lingered until Finn took him by the shoulder and led him away. Once they were alone, Leia pulled up a chair to directly face Rey and gestured for her to do the same.

"Now… how is the situation with… with my son complicated?" Her expression was one of saintly patience, but her voice sounded tired. Rey hated to burden her with this… but maybe it wouldn't be a burden. Leia seemed braced for the worst with the tact and steel her rank belied, but under that was a faint shimmer of something. Hope, Rey decided. And fortunately Rey hadn't come with bad news. Not by a long shot.

And so she told her everything about Ben. Every detail she had learned from Luke about what had happened in the Temple, and from her Force connected conversations instrumented by Snoke. Rey told her about the battle with Snoke and his guards, and how Ben had helped her to escape and the plan that they had made to buy time for the Rebels to regroup and escape Crait. And that he planned to join them once they found their new hideout.

Leia listened to all of it without interruption, and when Rey was finished, she could have sworn that the general had aged twenty years during her story. And yet by the same turn, Rey could see that glimmer of long dead hope sparkling even more brightly in her warm brown eyes. A mother's hope that maybe… just maybe…

But then it was gone, muzzled under the set of a realistic military commander's jaw. She stood smartly and strode towards the door, pitching it open with a flick of her wrist. She beckoned to her officers to rejoin her as she called out.

"Kaydel, how is the distress signal coming?"

"It's sent and received at multiple points, ma'am." came the muffled reply. "So far we've only heard back from Maz Kanata on Takodana. She's rebroadcasting our signal on her own secure channel, and she wanted us to inform you that she's holding a weapons shipment for us."

She gave a curt nod. "Good. Keep trying, but that's as good an option as any. If we don't hear from anyone else by the time I'm done with this briefing, that's where we're going."

"Yes, ma'am."

Leia huffed a sigh and turned to face her officers. "Alright. Here's the short sweet version. Snoke is dead by Kylo Ren's hand. He turned Rey in to Snoke, but double crossed him while he was distracted, and engineered her escape. And now, with the Supremacy crippled, he's engineered an escape for us. Instead of attacking with ground forces, he's ordered massive artillery… mining ships that can double as planet crackers in large numbers. It will take them days to get here, giving us enough time to gather our forces and flee for Takodana."

"How do we know it isn't a trap?" Poe asked sharply. "It wouldn't be the first time."

"It's not a trap." Rey replied. "I can see his mind. I have seen his mind. He's planning to leave the First Order the first chance he gets."

"Just because he killed Snoke doesn't make him loyal to us." Finn cut in as well, backed up by grumbles of assent from the gathered officers.

"You're right about that." Rey answered. "He's not loyal to us. He's not loyal to anyone but himself. And the problem with him has always been that he's never known who that is."

Poe snorted. "Well, I'm not interested in playing party to his journey of self discovery. He's still a murdering tyrant."

"Be that as it may, we have few options." Leia said, stepping gingerly between Rey and Poe. "If we wait here, Kylo Ren will only be able to stall for so long without revealing himself."

"How do we know he's even stalling?" Poe shot back.

"Because he's impulsive." Rey replied. "He's impulsive and desperately wants to prove himself, but he's also a shrewd tactician when he wants to be. With Hux's council, he could kill us now easily and we'd have no recourse or escape. Back me up on this Finn. You know their tactics. What would be your best guess at their next move?"

Finn tongued the inside of his cheek for a moment and then gave a reluctant nod. "If they wanted to end this quick, they'd use a ground assault. Cut that door open with a battering cannon and mow us down."

"But Kylo is specifically not doing that. In fact he's actively doing the opposite." Rey pointed out. "He's either convinced Hux of the necessity of mining ships that will take days to get here, or he's just flatly ordered them and Hux can't oppose him. So you don't have to trust him to bet that he's keeping up his end of the bargain. They would already be knocking on our door if he wasn't."

"And what is our end of the bargain?" Rose asked, unintentionally drawing all the attention in the room to herself and flinching when she realized it.

"One thing at a time." Leia responded before Rey could babble out a watery answer. "Right now, we need to finish gathering replies to the distress beacon, let the Rebels who respond know where we are going, and then gather our gear and get off this salt lick. So. To that end, Rey, you said Chewbacca is inbound with the Falcon?"

"Yes. He should be here very soon."

"Then we should all be able to fit between the Falcon and the First Order ship you rode back on with Finn and Rose. That will save us some fuel." Leia nodded as she spoke. "Rose, Finn, gather some hands and search this place for anything useful or worth something. Munitions. Valuable ore. Fuel. Anything. We are going to need to buy new ships. And maybe a few new guns and people to hold them as well."

"Yes, ma'am." Rose replied, grabbing Finn by the shirt sleeve and beckoning for a few of the officers to follow her.

"Poe, when the Falcon arrives, you and BB8 see to maintenance and fueling. Until it arrives, do the same for the First Order ship."

"For the record, ma'am, I want to say that I'm very uncomfortable with the fact that Kylo Ren is in any way a part of this escape plan." Poe said folding his arms stubbornly across his chest.

Leia rolled her eyes. "Your discomfort, as always, is noted Captain. Fueling and maintenance. Go." She made a shoo-ing motion that jingled the bracelets at her wrists.

Poe huffed out an irritated sigh, but before he could retort, BB8 butted into his calf with a loud clunk and gave a low warning whistle.

"Ow!" he shouted, hopping aside and rubbing his ankle. "Okay, I'm going, I'm going."

Leia half-smiled at the little droid before turning her attention to the remaining officers. "The rest of you, report to Kaydel and help with distress communications. And please inform her that we are headed to Takodana, so someone should probably let Maz know to put out the extra cots."

A chorus of "Yes, ma'am!" was followed by the shuffling of feet out the door.

"What about me?" Rey asked once they'd all left to attend to their assignments.

"You go get something to eat, and get some rest." Leia replied, patting Rey on the hand. "You've… done more and risked more than all of us, I think." And for a moment, that tired mother peeked out from under the general's mask again. But she smiled gratefully at least before limping out the door, her cane echoing on the salt floors.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to die-hard Poe Dameron fans... he's a bit of a twit in this fic. I needed someone to have an opposing viewpoint (lets face it... allying with Kylo Ren without the benefit of a mother's hope or Force-Skype probably would sound like madness). And it had to be someone with the stones to argue with Leia.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).


	3. In Going Twice Around the Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was dark and still inside the mine, and the air tasted vaguely of salt. Everyone was asleep in random nooks and crannies. Wherever there was a flat enough place to lay out a bedroll or a blanket, sleeping forms snored away in the gloom. Rey gingerly stepped through the cavern, sincerely not wanting to wake anyone with her restlessness. She took her staff and her bag and decided in lieu of sleep to go exploring. But she didn't get farther than the first empty cavern before the air around her grew dense and her ears felt momentarily like they were stuffed full of gauze.
> 
> The Force, her still sleep-addled mind realized.
> 
> "Ben?" Her voice was roughened from her restless few hours of sleep.
> 
> "You can't sleep either." he responded flatly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday morning everyone! Hope you all had a fabulous weekend.
> 
> I'm back with another installment. Thanks goes to my beta reader KaminaDuck. And thanks goes to you for reading! 
> 
> One small note for future readers. At time of writing, I have not read the novelization, so if there's an inaccuracy with anything in the book, that's why.
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments. I've really appreciated all the kudos and encouragement I've gotten so far.
> 
> Enjoy!

After she had eaten, Rey quickly succumbed to exhaustion. She collapsed onto a little pallet off in a corner of one of the excavated rooms and slept for at least a few hours. But it was fitful and restless, fitted with disjointed images of the fight in the throne room. Sometimes she was fighting Snoke, and a moment later she would be battling Kylo Ren, decked out in his silver and black mask, his heavy black cloak billowing in an imagined breeze. Wakefulness returned like a bolt of lightning. She sat stiff upright, the jacket she had been using as a blanket tumbling from her shoulders. Poe's jacket. She realized, her mind slow and dumb from sleep. The one that Finn always wore. He must have given it to her.

It was dark and still inside the mine, and the air tasted vaguely of salt. Everyone was asleep in random nooks and crannies. Wherever there was a flat enough place to lay out a bedroll or a blanket, sleeping forms snored away in the gloom. Rey gingerly stepped through the cavern, sincerely not wanting to wake anyone with her restlessness. She took her staff and her bag and decided in lieu of sleep to go exploring. But she didn't get farther than the first empty cavern before the air around her grew dense and her ears felt momentarily like they were stuffed full of gauze.

The Force, her still sleep-addled mind realized.

"Ben?" Her voice was roughened from her restless few hours of sleep.

"You can't sleep either." he responded flatly.

She turned and there he stood in the cavern, solid and real. Or close enough. Still dressed in black on black, though he'd eschewed the cape.

"I slept for a bit." she shrugged, taking a step towards him.

"I can't." he replied. "I've never been a sound sleeper. They say it's a sign of a settled conscience if you can get a good night's sleep. So take that for what it's worth."

"Do you dream?"

He shook his head. "Not often. You?"

"Horrible nightmares. All the time." she answered, swallowing to get the stagnant taste out of her mouth. "But… you knew that."

A pang of deep sympathy curled around Kylo's ribs and she could feel it, even without trying. Sympathy swiftly turned to aggression. He wanted to chase whatever shades hounded her from every corner of her mind. It was uncomfortable for Rey to be such a singular point of his focus, and yet… sweet in a strange way.

"Where are you?" she asked, hoping to distract him.

"I'm in the throne room of the Supremacy."

"What are you doing there?"

"Pacing mostly. Nervous energy."

"What are you nervous about?"

He huffed out a humorless laugh. "What isn't there to be nervous about? I might get caught betraying the First Order and get myself and all of you killed. And even if I do succeed… then what? I'm hardly going to be welcomed back a hero. How did they take the news, by the way?"

"Your mother took it very well. Though I think some of her contentment is fueled by a lack of options. She can be very hard to read." Rey replied with a frown.

Kylo gave a snort. "Tell me about it. What about the rest of them?"

"They grumbled which is to be expected, but ultimately I think they trust their General."

"And she trusts me?"

Rey shook her head. "No, she trusts me. And I trust you. I think she's had enough heartbreak and disappointment from everything in her life that she's… she's not given to trust often."

He nodded again but said nothing.

"Hey… one thing at a time." she soothed. "Focus on what needs doing. We made it this far. We'll figure the rest out later."

Kylo's mouth pulled in a dry smile that was nearly a sneer before he schooled it. "You sound like my uncle." he said darkly. "He always used to say I lacked focus. Did Luke teach you that? One thing at a time?"

"No. I learned it living alone and getting myself out of scrapes on Jakku." she answered primly. "Sometimes… things would get really bad. I'd have scrapping rights challenged or there would be raiders. I just would have to focus on getting from one task to the next. Find new scrapping grounds. Trick or fight off the raiders. Whatever would keep me fed and alive. Just… it makes survival less overwhelming when you can make yourself think like that. One thing at a time."

He was silent for a moment as he considered this. If he had any thoughts on her life back on Jakku he didn't show them on his face. But Rey could feel them just under the surface of the shields he kept up. It made him angry, she realized. Everything about her past… about the way she had been treated by her parents and even by him. It made him utterly livid. That surprised her. Even scared her a little. And she knew he felt it.

"You learn to fight with that staff on Jakku?" he inclined his head toward the makeshift weapon on her back. An axel or brace from some long silenced machine disintegrating in the Jakku desert, if he had to guess.

She nodded pulling it off her back and giving it a twirl one handed. "The sand nomads fight with them. I traded some scrapping rights for lessons. I needed to be able to defend myself."

His brow pinched for a moment as he thought. "Curious. I don't know that I've ever seen you fight with it…"

"Would you like to?" she gave the staff another flip with both hands this time, letting a little swagger work its way into her steps.

A smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth and he glanced around, visibly wondering what the limits of their connection might allow. If they could touch across the galaxy, surely they could spar with little more than the atmosphere separating them. He reached down and pulled up a discarded Praetorian weapon. One of the double bladed energy swords, though the electrical current was switched off.

They circled each other, watching the other's gait and sizing up their reach, before exploding into a flurry of action. It was difficult to even tell who lunged first. Their weapons just met suddenly, and a ringing clamor filled Rey's ears. It was that Balance again, faint but present even through their bond. The Light meeting the Dark, only this time without fear or animosity. Her swiftness meeting his power, but not giving beneath it. And under the muffling roar of the Force in her head, she realized that they were both laughing.

"What?" Kylo asked drawing back to catch his breath a moment with a broad smile painting his capacious mouth and creasing the scar across his jaw.

"If… if you had told me this morning" she panted, "That tonight I would be sparring with you through a Force connection, I would have laughed in your face."

"But you are laughing in my face." he pointed out wryly.

"I am definitely laughing with you, not at you." She replied, her own smile fading a little as she regarded him. She'd never really seen him smile before, she realized suddenly before masking the thought with another series of attacks, each punctuated by a swift block from her opponent. 

"I'm not used to this." he huffed out between swings, as he was continually having to adjust his grip and footing. She seemed to be able to get around him faster than he could follow for some reason.

"Then, I'll have to teach you." she answered twisting out of the way to avoid a wide swing before pivoting to repost, but she drew up short.

Kylo had doubled over, with one hand on his side.

"Ben, are you alright?" she asked nearly dropping her staff. She almost ran to him, as if she could reach him. As if he were actually with her. She realized that she'd forgotten for a moment that he wasn't.

He nodded without straightening, sending his hair falling into his eyes. "It's just a bruised rib." he managed through clenched teeth. "It's going to be fine. It just hurts."

"Well, then your staff training will just have to wait until we get to Takodana. That's where we're going by the way."

He blinked up at her. "The planet where I kidnapped you?"

"Yes." she frowned a little, remembering their fight in the forest. "I guess so."

Kylo nodded, slumping down on the throne, fingers still splayed out on his side. "You know, you really ought to be practicing with a lightsaber."

Rey looked down towards her bag. "I don't have one. Luke's was broken, remember?"

"The crystal too?"

"No, it's whole."

"Oh. Well, that's good at least. Then you can make a new one. You're supposed to build your own anyway. It's part of the training."

"Did you?"

"Yes. Twice."

Rey nodded, letting that sink in. Twice. Of course. "Will you show me how then? When you get to Takodana?"

"If you'd like." 

"I would."

A frown flickered across his sweat-sheened face. "Why? I bet you could figure it out for yourself."

She lifted one shoulder in a shrug as she propped herself up on her staff. "Probably. It can't be that hard. But… it's traditional, isn't it?"

"What tradition? I'm not your Master. And besides. Weren't we going to get rid of all that? All the Jedi traditions."

She pursed her lips in thought. "I once heard a junk trader say, "Never tear down a fence until you know why it was there in the first place." And in this case, I think we can stand on tradition because it's beneficial. You know how to build a lightsaber, and I don't. And you said you wanted to be my teacher after all. So… maybe just for this we can indulge a bit of tradition." 

Kylo blinked hard at the implications of that. "Alright." he murmured. "Alright. When I get there I'll teach you. Assuming I'm not arrested on the spot."

"Thank you." Rey answered, slinging her staff over her back. "When…" she paused to lick her lips. She probably shouldn't ask this. She didn't want to seem eager or desperate. But she was definitely the former. "When are you coming?"

"I'll give you a headstart to Takodana. I'll aim to arrive not long after you do." he replied, clearly unperturbed by the question. "I don't think Hux suspects anything, but he's irritated by my stalling. I worry he might get nosy. And… I just don't want to be here anymore."

Rey nodded to herself, shocked at the amount of relief the short time table gave her. She could sense something unsaid floating just under the surface of his mental shields. Something she could easily uncover with just a little effort, but she couldn't make herself look. "You should go get some rest so your side can heal." she said instead. "Entering atmo on Takodana will not be fun with a bruised rib."

"And you should go get some sleep because you're evacuating tomorrow."

"I can sleep in the Falcon." she replied with a shrug.

"You guys still have that hunk of junk?"

"It's my hunk of junk, thank you very much. Your father gave it to me. Sort of."

Kylo nodded, less in agreement but more in not knowing what to say. "Get some sleep, Rey. We've both got long days tomorrow."

"Be safe, Ben." she said earnestly. "Take care of yourself."

"I will. Good night, Rey."

"Good night, Ben."

And then the connection evaporated. The gentle hum of the Supreme Leader's throne room replaced with the hollow silence of the mine. Rey breathed against the anxiety which swelled in the pit of her stomach. It was equal parts the agony of being alone again, and the worry about what was to come when Kylo faced the rest of the Resistance. But he was coming. He'd practically vowed to, since he said he was going to teach her how to rebuild her lightsaber. There was an unexpected comfort in that.

A moment later, her thoughts were punctuated by the sound of uneven footsteps as Leia stepped into the cavern entrance.

"And here I thought I was the only one not able to sleep." the general mused. "But apparently it's not just me." 

"Ben couldn't sleep either." Rey said, turning to face her with a guilty expression.

"And neither can Poe. He's in the Falcon working through some issues… both engineering and not. He's unaccountably pissed at the situation, and he won't be the only one. But at least he handles it profitably. You were talking to him then? Ben?"

Rey nodded. "Just… checking in I guess. And letting him know to head for Takodana. He should be right behind us when we leave."

"That's good." Leia said, letting the news visibly settle on her.

"I'm sorry." Rey confessed, worrying her hands together. "I don't feel like it was my place to bring Ben back into the fold. Not like this… but…"

"But?"

"But I couldn't leave him." Rey said, searching Leia's face for understanding. "Not when I sensed so much conflict. Luke was wrong. It's as simple as that. And… I don't know. I still haven't figured out how I fit into all this."

Leia nodded sagely. "I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one who didn't give up on him. I felt like a fool all these years being the last hold-out. And you… you would have more reason than most to hate him." She sighed, sitting down on one of the boxes that lined the cavern walls. "May I ask you a question, as a mother?"

"Of course." Rey replied, moving to sit with her.

"What is my son like?" Leia asked, that motherly sweetness peeking out at Rey through the gloom. She didn't bother to hide it this time. There was no one to wear the General's mask for.

"Ben?" Rey let herself smile as she said his name. "He's… clever and practical. But he's terribly emotional. And he has a proud streak you can see from orbit."

"Wonder who he got that from?" Leia mused drily.

"He's..." here Rey paused. "It's hard to talk about him sometimes, because I don't know what about him is Ben and what is Kylo Ren."

"Fear." Leia answered rather quickly.

Rey frowned and cocked her head. "What do you mean?"

"Fear is what drove the axe down between my Ben and whoever Kylo Ren has become. It wore him down through the months… maybe the years that Snoke wormed his way through his heart. I have no idea how long Snoke whispered to my child with me unawares. But my brother brought the blade down in truth. I… I always suspected it to be true, but I didn't like thinking that of my own brother." Leia shook her head, and looked away when she realized they had stumbled onto the subject of Luke. "The Jedi can be as dense as neutron stars, but they have the right of some things. Fear is the beginning of Darkness. Of true evil. Fear and doubt are poison."

"Was he always afraid?"

"After he learned what destiny was. What his heritage was. What was expected of him. Yes. And he was very young. So he was always afraid. Afraid by turns of both being found wanting in fulfilling that destiny, and afraid to not push beyond whatever boundaries defined it. It was that fear that Snoke fed, along with his ego. And Luke couldn't stop it." She stopped and gave a wearied sigh.

"You should really ask Ben about it." Rey suggested, nervously knitting her fingers together. "I think it wasn't my place to say." 

Leia put a consoling arm around her. "I'm glad you did tell me. So that I'm prepared to hear it from Ben himself, assuming he even chooses to talk to me." she sighed again, shaking her head this time. "I should have listened to Han, and never sent him to train."

"Snoke would have found him eventually. He maybe already had. We can't know. I'm not even sure Ben knows. He's… he's never talked about it to me. Not yet. But I do know that Snoke's greatest weapon against the Light in Ben was his ability to covertly stoke his fear and his ego. I saw him do it in the throne room just before Ben killed him."

Leia sat back, staring off down a dark passage. "And you still don't believe it's too late?"

Rey shook her head. "I don't believe it's too late. It… he's not going to be the son that you wanted. He's not going to be Ben Solo, the Jedi Master, or even that little child ever again. I think you would be mistaken to treat him as such."

"And how should I treat him, then?" Leia asked, her voice tired but sharp. "What would be your advice?"

Rey pressed her lips together and thought for a long while. "Like Kylo Ren. A powerful, ruthless master of the Dark Side. A turncoat from the Order. A murderer. But one who has seen the Light and is trying to find his way to it. Because that is the truth."

"That's not going to be enough for most everyone else." Leia warned. "It's good enough for me, both as his mother and as the desperate general of a failing Rebellion. I'll take all the allies I can get. But it won't be good enough for the rest of them. Those that have seen violence at the hands of the First Order. People who have lost loved ones to the reign of Kylo Ren."

"Let me figure out how to handle that." Rey said. "I'm the one bringing him. He's my responsibility."

"What are you going to do?"

Rey gave a small huff and shrugged. "I honestly don't know yet. But I'll figure something out between now and his arrival."

Leia laughed then, a full throated laugh that echoed through the tunnels.

"What?" Rey asked, now infected with giggling herself.

"You sound like Han." she said, wistfully, a smile still bending her lips. "That was always him. Never a plan. Always a man of action though."

"Drove you crazy, I bet."

"Completely and irrevocably." she said with the saddest smile Rey had ever seen. She didn't know what to say to that. 

Creakily, Leia worked her way to her feet with the help of her cane. "Well, let me go order Captain Poe "Grouchy Pants" Dameron to go get some damn sleep. He probably won't otherwise. I don't need to order you to do the same, do I?"

"Oh, no ma'am. I was on my way back."

Leia cut her a sly grin. "Sure you were." she chided. And then she turned down the passage and disappeared from sight.

Rey found her way back to her pallet and slung her bag and staff down at the foot of her bedroll. The crystal from Luke's lightsaber and a couple of the Jedi texts slipped out of the canvas. She scooped up the snow white crystal, squeezing it against her palm and feeling it react to the Force within her. She was very lucky this hadn't broken when the housing shattered. There was no telling how rare they were. Or how difficult to find these days.

Then she turned her attention to the books. She'd planned on reading them, thinking that while the Jedi Order as a whole was not as useful an institution as it once had been, perhaps there was wisdom buried in the texts.

And so, morning found her with her lightsaber crystal tucked under her fingers, and her face pressed against the ancient pages of Jedi text, sound asleep.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Updates should be coming every Monday morning!


	4. Not Even If Asked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Leia, it's been too long." Maz welcomed the general in for a warm embrace. "You look a little worse for the wear." Her keen, squinty eyes looked over Leia's cane and faltering gait with brazen concern.
> 
> "Well, it's been a rough few days." Leia said, laboring stiffly to stand back up. "Got blasted out into space. Lost all my ships and nearly all my fighters."
> 
> "Less than a hundred souls…" Maz tutted looking over the bedraggled muster of fighters behind her. "And I hear your son is coming home." 
> 
> "That's what Rey tells me." Leia said, looking back over her shoulder. "Thank you for letting us bring him here."
> 
> "Never thought I'd see the day. But then, I didn't know him well, so I shouldn't say so much." she shook her head slightly. "If it means he might be back for good, then I'm happy to play my part"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday, everyone!
> 
> I come bearing this week's chapter. There's no notes or warnings to speak of.
> 
> Many thanks to KaminaDuck for beta reading. 
> 
> And thank you all for the kudos and kind words of encouragement! I'm new to the Reylo fandom and this is my first fic for it, so it's nice to know when I get it right.
> 
> Enjoy!

Takodana was just as they had left it not much more than a week ago. It was incredibly hot and humid, and Maz's palace, or what remained of it, reeked of cheap alcohol and an abundance of unscrupulous and unwashed patrons. But the rebuilding effort from the First Order attack had yielded the place more or less habitable again, though only one of the palace towers was still standing. But it was safe and secluded from First Order patrols and, perhaps more importantly, there was plenty of room for everyone. 

Maz had made a point to have a full showing of her entourage out to greet them when the Rebels landed on the causeway. Her mercenaries, which vastly outnumbered their paltry forces, looked ready for war to be sure, all kitted with their piecemeal armor and light weapons on display. And a few of them had the Rebel insignia, either on patches or crudely painted onto their armor, which was encouraging. Maybe they were going to join up, Rey thought, given that the First Order had shown little deference to locals versus Resistance fighters when they'd blazed through last time. One could only hope. They could use all the help they could get.

"Leia, it's been too long." Maz welcomed the general in for a warm embrace. "You look a little worse for the wear." Her keen, squinty eyes looked over Leia's cane and faltering gait with brazen concern.

"Well, it's been a rough few days." Leia said, laboring stiffly to stand back up. "Got blasted out into space. Lost all my ships and nearly all my fighters."

"Less than a hundred souls…" Maz tutted looking over the bedraggled muster of fighters behind her. "And I hear your son is coming home." 

"That's what Rey tells me." Leia said, looking back over her shoulder. "Thank you for letting us bring him here."

"Never thought I'd see the day. But then, I didn't know him well, so I shouldn't say so much." she shook her head slightly. "If it means he might be back for good, then I'm happy to play my part"

"We'll see if that's what it means." Leia sighed. 

Maz put her hands on her hips and surveyed the motley crew of Rebels. "Well, let's get you all in and fed. And find places for all of you to sleep. Where's Chewie?" she waggled her eyebrows with a cunning grin. "He can sleep with me."

From the rear of the pack a grackle moan sounded, followed by thunderous footsteps retreating back to the Falcon.

"When is Ben coming?" Leia leaned in close to Rey, her voice soft as they all were herded inside.

"Today. Soon. I hope."

"You hope?" 

"He knows where to go. It's just a matter of getting away without arousing suspicion." Rey took a calming breath, and put on a reassuring smile for Leia. "He's coming, I promise."

Leia mirrored her, and took her hand. "I hope you're right."

"Now… what to do about the prodigal son." Maz's musing broke into their conversation as the more senior leadership began to congregate at one of the larger tables in the bar.

"Do you have a jail cell?" Poe sniped, leaning against the back of Finn's chair.

"That will hold a fully trained Dark Jedi?" Maz shot back, giving him a narrow glare. "No, they're all taken."

"We can't put him in a jail cell. I'm the only one that could be guarding it." Rey pointed out. "Just… Maz can you put him upstairs in that tower? There's more than one room in there, yeah? I can stay in one and so can he."

Maz gave a considering nod. "That tower has three bedrooms, sure. You, General Organa, and Ben, then?"

Leia was in the middle of a considering nod when Poe gave into a full on outburst.

"What? General, I can't believe what I'm hearing." Poe half-shouted. "We can’t allow you to be in a room alone with this war criminal. He-"

Leia put up a hand to stop him, and to Poe's credit, he fell immediately silent. "While I’m sure you’re about to make a very salient point about safety and the capacity of violence in my son, you’re wrong. I’m not going to be in a room alone with a war criminal. I doubt very much that he will want to speak with me. And I will allow him that as much as I'm able. Rey will be close at hand at any rate. Won't you?" 

Rey straightened as if called to attention. "Yes, ma'am."

"This is insane." Poe sputtered to Finn. "I've gone insane. This whole thing has-"

An alert chimed from somewhere in the bar, and Maz quickly flicked her lenses over her eyes. "Speak of the devil, and I've never meant that more literally. Proximity alert. Kylo Ren's command shuttle is inbound."

Rey and Leia exchanged anxious looks, but Rey could see that resilient glint in the old general's eyes. They nodded and stood together.

And just like that the bar emptied again and everyone took up watch on the front steps of Maz's palace, just in time to see the jet black command shuttle touch down in the rubble of the courtyard. The sight made Rey sick to her stomach, and she knew the rest of the Rebels felt the same way. The last time they'd seen this ship, its pilot had come with a battalion of Stormtroopers hunting for BB8 and laying waste to any and all Rebels in their path. All in pursuit of the map that would lead to Skywalker. Their last hope…

Or so they'd thought at the time.

It was a strange thing to think about now, as Rey looked back on it. She remembered the moment Kylo Ren had walked out of her dreams and into the reality of the forest surrounding Maz's palace. And then, in the interrogation room he had unsealed his helmet and revealed his face to her. She had steeled herself for many things. She'd heard stories back on Jakku… that the Dark Side of the Force twisted you. Disfigured you. Made you a monster with red eyes and hideous scars.

She had not been prepared for the face of a boy, whom she was reasonably certain couldn't have been much older than herself. He may have been tall, but he was still somehow barely more than a boy, with his soft face, and wavy flop of hair. And there had been a woundedness in his eyes that she understood now. Or at least recognized for what it was.

And the fear. She remembered the press of it. The almost nauseating taste of it. She had only had time to be shocked by it then before he'd swept from the room. Now, she wished she could take it from him somehow, like sucking poison from a snake bite. What a difference a few days can make...

As Rey ruminated on the past, the gathered Rebels and miscellaneous bar patrons grew restless as they stared at the jet black ship. It had been stationary on the causeway for several minutes, but the hatch had not opened yet. It just sat there motionless and silent, perched on the flagstones like a great bird of prey.

"Where is he?" Poe finally asked, irritation making his voice rasp.

"I… don't know." Rey scrunched up her face as she dragged her thoughts back to the present.

"That is his ship, right?" Rose asked, looking up at Finn.

"That's it alright. I'd know it anywhere." Finn replied sourly. "There's not another like it. And no way would he let anyone else fly it. Trust me."

"What, does he not want to face us?" Poe scoffed, raising his voice a little. "Fitting seeing as the ass wears a mask all the time."

"I certainly wouldn't want to face you if I were him." Rey shot back before taking a few steps down the stairs and out onto the causeway, away from the crowd. 

She closed her eyes and reached out with the Force, casting the net of her senses over the ship. He was only a few hundred yards away so she found him with ease, still sitting unmoving at the nav console on the bridge. He looked up when he felt her. Fear swirled in his eyes and in his heart so thickly that through their connection Rey could feel her own stomach souring.

"I don't want to do this." he said, his voice and his doubt echoed in her mind.

"I know." she said softly.

"Then why are you making me?"

She pulled up short at that and shook her head a little. "I'm not making you. I can't make you do anything, you and I both know that. Facing the Rebels is something you're going to have to do if we're to have any part in dismantling all this. But it's your choice. Remember, I told you I'd let you walk away if you asked."

"I don't think I can do it." he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm afraid. Snoke always said I was weak. That I lacked conviction."

"Fear is not weakness." Rey said firmly. "Because if it is, then I'm the weakest there is because I'm terrified."

He cut her a look. "You're not weak."

"Then neither are you." she replied confidently. 

He huffed out a frustrated sigh. "I don't want to face my mother. She's out there. I know she must be. I could probably sense her if I was brave enough to reach that far."

"Yes, she's here." Rey heard the general shift uneasily behind her knowing the conversation had inevitably turned to her.

"I can't face her."

"You don't have to." Rey assured him, turning to face Leia as she spoke. "You don't have to face your mother, but you do have to face General Organa. We are all going to have to work together if we're to have a prayer of doing what we set out to do in the throne room. We will need her help."

"I know."

A long silence stretched out between them. 

"I don't want to do this." he said again, his voice a little softer.

"I know."

"You're out there?" Kylo asked, looking up at her. "You said you're out there with everyone?"

"Out front." She answered, a reassuring smile ghosting across her lips as she turned back to face the ship. "They probably think I'm absolutely insane. I'm standing out there in front of everyone, talking to no one."

He did smile at that. An unfamiliar pull of his mouth that creased the scar on his cheek. 

"You can do this, Ben. Come on. I'm waiting for you, and I'm with you. You're not doing this alone." She stretched out her hand just like she had back in Snoke's throne room. "I know you're afraid. But you're not a coward and you're not weak. Doing this is what takes strength. But you're not weak for being afraid. Please?"

He stared at her open hand, the gears behind his dark eyes turning as he weighed his options. And he pondered just long enough that Rey would not have been surprised if he had up and turned the ship around and fled, leaving her spectre standing out on the causeway. She didn't let herself look inside his mind. He hadn't signaled to her that he invited that sort of intrusion. 

But after a lengthy moment, he finally reached out and took her hand, and she led him outside to where she was physically waiting with her hand outstretched. She laughed a little, her nose wrinkling, when she felt the weight and warmth of his glove on her actual palm. The rest of the Rebels must have really thought she was crazy until Ben had appeared. 

And when she opened her eyes, there he was.

For a breath they both just stood there staring at each other in the blinding light of high noon. He looked so out of place, standing in the open under the glaring sun in his heavy black cloak. He was already sweating in the oppressive heat. Under his glove, Rey could detect the finest tremor, and his dark eyes shimmered with a matching uneasiness. She squeezed his fingers tight, leather creaking under her grip. 

"One thing at a time." she whispered, so low only he could hear her. "This is the hard part. We'll talk to the General. Then get you settled with a place to stay. And then we'll go to the briefing, talk to everyone about what we know and start forming a plan. One thing at a time."

Kylo only nodded, swallowing vainly to wet his mouth as Rey led him up the steps where Leia waited for them with a stern but patient expression.

"General Organa." he greeted, as Rey stepped aside. To his credit, he'd found his voice in time. His tone was steady and cool, in contrast to the emotions that roiled inside him. Rey was summarily impressed to say the very least, seeing as she could practically taste his uneasiness. She still half expected him to run, but she did her best to keep those thoughts off the surface of her mind. He was actually doing really well.

To her equal credit, the general didn't blanche at being addressed so formally. She curated her tone to match his even as her eyes scoured his face. "Kylo Ren. I'm told it's Supreme Leader Kylo Ren now."

He shook his head. "Not anymore. I have left my place in the First Order. It's just Kylo Ren now."

"Just… Kylo Ren." she nodded, her face going a little blank at his request to be called by his assumed name. Something small died behind her eyes, and was very carefully boxed away before she went on. "Very well, Kylo Ren. I'm given to understand that you are responsible for not only the death of Snoke, but also for keeping General Hux and the rest of the First Order off our trail as we made our escape from Crait."

He gave a stiff nod. "That is correct, General."

"We thank you for that. I-"

"That's bullshit." Poe exclaimed, drawing gasps from a few of the onlookers. He advanced on Kylo by two steps, jabbing a pointed finger at him. "We don't thank you for anything. Why are you even here? You-"

"I'll thank you to shut your mouth, Captain, before I have Engineer Tico weld it shut." General Organa snapped, and Poe's teeth slammed together with an audible click. But it didn't stop Poe and Kylo from exchanging appraising glances more withering than the hot sun overhead.

"At any rate," the general went on. "I assume you didn't come here to receive the accolades of an aging General in front of what little is left of the army you and the First Order so capably destroyed. So I must echo some of Captain Dameron's sentiment albeit with a bit more tact. Why are you here, Kylo Ren?"

Kylo squared his shoulders and gave a terse reply. "The First Order is at a precariously weak point, although the advantage is not an obvious one. Without me to succeed Snoke, the Order is without a Supreme Leader. This leaves General Hux in charge, which places you in a more favorable position in certain respects."

"You're trying to convince us to attack the First Order?" Finn asked incredulously. "Look at us. Do you really think-"

"No, you'd be decimated in a straight fight." Kylo replied flatly. "Finn, is it now? I don't mean to encourage a frontal assault, but rather I would advise you to preserve the power vacuum, while you rebuild your forces. General Hux is a terrible leader on his own without Snoke's guidance and manipulation. Prone to over zealous plots and poorly executed plans. And his men only obey him at the behest of the Supreme Leader. You would have them at a disadvantage, as much as you ever could anyway, given your current situation. At least until Hux finds a solution."

"You mean to say they'll find another Dark Jedi to take your place." General Organa clarified.

"Yes."

She nodded consideringly. "Well, that is something I hadn't considered. And probably wouldn't have if you hadn't come gallivanting up to my doorstep. Do come in. Maz, can you see to Kylo Ren's accommodations. Officers… everyone. Briefing in four hours. Get yourselves something to eat in the meantime. Dismissed."

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Updates should be coming every Monday morning!


	5. Some Mystery Becomes the Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You live as long as I have, kid, you learn to recognize people." Maz said, tottering over and peering up at Kylo with her fish-eye glasses. He glanced down at her and then quickly looked away, out over the horizon. "I told young Finn that sometimes you live long enough to see the same eyes in different people.
> 
> Kylo's lip curled as he shook his head. "If you think you're going to reach me by saying I have my mother's eyes or my father's heart or-"
> 
> "Tch. You don't. And anyone who ever told you that you do is a fool." Maz cut him off, waving a bony hand as she went back to unfolding linens. Kylo's jaw slammed shut at that. "You're nothing like either of them and you never were. It's high time you stop thinking that."
> 
> "That so?" he responded flatly trying vainly to keep his shock off his face. "You'd be the first to say so."
> 
> "I can understand that. Most people are only interested in looking at the surface."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday everyone! I come bearing this week's chapter!
> 
> Many thanks to KaminaDuck for the beta read! 
> 
> Next week's publishing schedule will be a little different. I will be posting the chapter early (Saturday or Sunday) because I will be swamped starting on Monday (I'm a stage manager, and it's tech week!). So enjoy your early chapter!
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading. I've really enjoyed reading all the kind words and encouragement you guys have sent me! Much love!
> 
> Enjoy!

Maz led Kylo and Rey up the tower steps to the top floor which was more observatory or look-out post than bedroom. But it had been appointed with a few simple pieces of bedroom furniture; a rickety table and chair, and a thick mat of blankets flung over a mattress of questionable origins. The room was ringed on all sides by arching floor-to-ceiling windows that opened out onto a surrounding veranda. The view was breathtaking to say the least with the scrolling ruins of the outer walls below and the matted forest beyond. 

"Did you bring… any luggage or anything?" Rey had asked as they climbed.

"Not really." he answered, his voice dull and tight. "All my personal belongings are still aboard the shuttle. I… um… I wanted to make sure I was actually staying first."

She glanced up and down his black robe. "You must be really hot in that thing. The Order not have a hot weather uniform?" she teased.

"It's definitely not the most comfortable thing I could be wearing right now." He admitted tightly, not even a hint of a smile touching his lips.

"Here we are." Maz piped up as she opened the door at the top of the stairs. "Rey is down one floor and General Organa one beneath that." 

"I'm jealous." Rey said, turning in a small circle and admiring the arched windows. "I only have one window in my room. And no balcony."

Kylo didn't say anything. He just stood there in the center of the sweltering room like a shadow with no owner. He looked lost… so out of place.

"I'm… going to run downstairs and fetch a few things and check in on your moth- I mean the General." Rey said, trying to sound chipper. "I'll come back and get you for the briefing. Maz, can you finish getting him settled?"

"Of course." Maz jerked her head towards the stairs. "Go get something to eat too while you're at it. General's orders." 

"I'll bring us both something." She nodded to Kylo before heading back downstairs. He didn't look at her.

Maz set about making sure the room was in order, putting very basic linens and necessaries all in easy reach. As she did so, Kylo paced the stone floor, staring sullenly out the archways and generally avoiding the direct sunlight.

"You're lucky she found you." Maz said as she fluffed a sleeping bag out over the cot in the corner.

"I suppose that's a matter of opinion." he replied, not looking at her. "Captain Dameron wouldn't agree with you, for instance."

"Short-sighted that one. Hot-headed." Maz sniffed. "He'll come around. They always do."

Kylo snorted as he regarded Maz. "You seem like you have a good grasp of character. Or you think you do."

"You live as long as I have, kid, you learn to recognize people." she said, tottering over and peering up at Kylo with her fish-eye glasses. He glanced down at her and then quickly looked away, out over the horizon. "I told young Finn that sometimes you live long enough to see the same eyes in different people.

Kylo's lip curled as he shook his head. "If you think you're going to reach me by saying I have my mother's eyes or my father's heart or-"

"Tch. You don't. And anyone who ever told you that you do is a fool." Maz cut him off, waving a bony hand as she went back to unfolding linens. Kylo's jaw slammed shut at that. "You're nothing like either of them and you never were. It's high time you stop thinking that."

"That so?" he responded flatly trying vainly to keep his shock off his face. "You'd be the first to say so."

"I can understand that. Most people are only interested in looking at the surface. Or better yet, in seeing only what they want to see. Sure… you've passion and a quick temper like your father did. And you're a born leader, not unlike your mother. But you aren't like them. Not really. It's not their passion or charisma that you carry. And as far as I can tell…" here she squinted at him, flicking the lenses over her eyes. "You're nothing. Nothing like them anyway. Lots of raw potential. But nothing ever done with it that was your own. And so you're nothing."

Kylo recoiled from the statement, blinking with confusion as if she had just slapped him across the face.

"You see, sometimes you see the same eyes in different people. This is true of some of your new compatriots. I saw Luke in Rey, for instance. I saw the one that would shift the fulcrum of the Force, just as he had. That same youthful earnestness. Guileless and driven She had no idea how she was going to change the galaxy or even if she could. She just knew that even though she was scared, she was going to try anyway because there wasn't really anyone else left to try. It was down to her. I've seen that before. But you? Your own abilities you're certain of, where Rey still is not. But unlike her, you don't know what to do with them, where she is so certain of her direction, even if she doesn't know where it leads or how she's supposed to get there. I've seen that many many times. But you? I've never seen you before. Probably because you've never seen yourself… not without Snoke's influence, anyway. No one has. So I can't tell you anything about yourself that you don't already know. But if you're ever interested, I can tell you what I see. Sometimes it helps to hear it from the outside."

Kylo could feel that old caustic bitterness welling in him. The desire to lash out at anything that so much as resembled a threat or insult. "So what did you come up here for if not to read my palm or whatever. Do you double as housekeeping?" It had been the kindest thing he could think of to say. 

"Well, there's that." Maz shrugged, still toodling around the room. "I'd hate to be called a poor host, even to Kylo Ren of the First Order. But word through the grapevine is that Luke's lightsaber was destroyed. So I brought you some semiconductors, a few casings, and a couple of focusing lenses to help her build another one." She produced a lumpy bundle of cloth from a pouch on her belt and handed it up to him. 

He made no move to take it. "Shouldn't you give those to Rey?"

"I'm giving them to you." She fixed him with a very pointed and squinty stare. "You are going to help her build a new one… right?"

Kylo blinked at the gift, before taking it. "Y-yes. Yes, I am. Thank you."

"Good." Maz nodded. "But don't thank me. Just do right by her. And by all of us. You owe her. Not everyone would have been as welcoming. She needs you. She needs your help, and she knows it. I think we all do, whether everyone admits it or not."

Kylo conceded with a nod his temper cooling at the thought that Rey might not just be doing this out of charity or as an errand for his… for the General. "Maybe you're right. I appreciate it all the same."

"Don't mention it, kid. See you downstairs."

***

After stopping off in the Falcon for a few things, Rey made her way to the kitchen to avail herself of Maz's store room. She picked a few things out for herself, fresh fruit mostly, and then a sampling of anything else she could find that looked good. She had no idea what Kylo liked. And he hadn't even said if he was hungry, but he hadn't turned down her offer of food either. She was probably overthinking it. But it couldn't hurt to-

"Why is he even here?" Poe's voice, sharpened in anger and exasperation, cut through the noise of the bar. "Why am I the only one who thinks this is a terrible idea?"

Rey drifted over to the kitchen door and listened.

"You're not the only one." Finn replied. "Kylo Ren is a cold blooded killer. I've seen it myself. And don't get me started on his temper. One time, Hux had mouthed off to him, and-"

"But if Rey says we need him..." Rose cut in, resting her chin on her hand.

"Rey." Poe scoffed, his temper beginning to boil over. "Always Rey… She's got the Force. So what? Does it make her clairvoyant? Does it mean she gets to put all our lives at risk because she thinks she can save one Force user from the Dark Side? Do I need to remind everyone that there's six more of them out there? No one's seen or heard from the Knights of Ren in-"

"She said she knows what he's thinking." Rose jumped in. "Like… the Force connects them somehow." 

"He could be lying to her. He's trained to use the Dark Side. Hiding his thoughts is how he killed Snoke remember." Poe argued, drawing conceding or at least considering nods from those around him. "I mean, she spent what… a week with Luke Skywalker? Who didn't even bother to really train her. He's abandoned the Jedi and us too. But Kylo Ren has been training under Snoke for close to a decade, and he trained properly with Luke before that. He can cut your mind apart like a hot knife through butter. I've experienced it. No way she could fight that off. I mean really… who thought this was a good idea? We don't need him."

"But I do." Rey had finally had enough.

Poe nearly spit his drink as he rounded to face her. "What?" Their corner of the bar had gone eerily quiet.

"I need him." She said, using all her willpower to keep her voice calm and strong. "We killed Snoke and all his guards together. And neither of us could have done it alone. I wouldn't have walked out of that throne room without him, and he wouldn't have had the courage to strike Snoke down if I hadn't been there to help him. It means something. I know it."

"What if he's using you? Playing some long game we don't know about?" Poe pointed out.

"Then we'll survive longer than we would have if we'd made our last stand on Crait. Because we would already be dead if we had made our last stand there. The First Order would have just sent artillery down there and blasted us to hell."

"She's got a point there." Finn shrugged.

Rey sighed and stepped closer to the table. "Poe, I don't blame you for not trusting him. Kylo Ren… He's done abominable things and shattered the trust of everyone. You don't have to trust him. Just… trust me and General Organa. You always have."

Poe didn't answer, though he looked a touch more contrite than he had before.

"He trusts the General more than any of us," Finn offered. "But it doesn't stop him from arguing with her."

"Then let's argue at the briefing." Rey suggested, lifting one bony shoulder. "That's what it's for. I have a feeling Kylo might be in an arguing mood as well, if you feel like having a shouting match. But let's handle this together. We can't afford to be divided. Not like this anyway. There aren't enough of us to fight amongst ourselves."

"Yeah… yeah alright." Poe conceded sullenly. "See you at the briefing."

Rey briefly covered his shoulder with her hand and gave a quick squeeze before heading back upstairs.

***

Satisfied she'd gained at least some measure of compliance out of Poe, Rey made her way to Kylo's room with her food and bags in tow. He was still tucked against one of the arches, staring down at the courtyard with hard, hooded eyes.

"Your view really is nice." she said, unwinding the cloth that held her selection of strangely shaped Takodanan fruit.

"Up in a tower." He sniped back. "Like I'm a damned princess."

"Well, your mother was royalty at one point. And you have the hair for it." she teased, the smile dying from her lips when he didn't laugh. She sighed and picked up a green fruit with very obvious sections furrowed into its surface and she set to work on it with her blunt fingernails. "Seriously, Ben. I mean you can go downstairs if you want. No one's able to stop you, but it's for the best that you stay up here. Safest, anyway. Just until the briefing."

He did laugh at that, though it was biting and utterly humorless. "You're keeping me up here for my safety? From a bunch of Rebels?"

"No, I'm keeping you up here for their safety. Just for today until we work out what we're going to do about the First Order. Things will be easier once we have a plan and everyone knows why you're here." She popped a segment of the fruit into her mouth and pulled a face at the tartness.

His dark eyes narrowed. "You still think I might go down there and just start swinging my lightsaber around like-"

"No, but I do think some of them are dumb enough and angry enough and definitely drunk enough to commit suicide by Jedi." She snapped, finally getting fed up with his attitude. "And I'm pretty sure that we could power the Falcon off your temper. We can't afford any of that right now. Besides," her voice softened as she took a messy bite of some sort of thin skinned purple fruit. The juice dribbled down her chin and she took a moment to extravagantly lick her lips. "I don't want to build my lightsaber in a bar. That's just asking for trouble. One of Maz's regulars would probably steal the crystal and-"

"You were serious." he interrupted, turning to face her.

"About what?" She asked, wiping at her face with one of her arm wraps.

"About me helping you build your lightsaber."

"Of course I was serious. I don't know how to do it, Ben." she replied, popping a few of the brightly colored berries into her mouth. "I don't even know where to begin. I could probably figure it out but-"

Kylo pushed off the stone arch and crossed the room to his bed, scooping the sack Maz had given him. "Come on… the light outside is better for this. Maz actually brought me some parts and a couple of tools to help make this easier."

"Actually wait. I have something for you too." she held up a hand before going digging in her pack. "I… found these aboard the Falcon. These… might not fit exactly right, but you look really uncomfortable in all that black." She produced a bundle of clothes from one of her bags.

Kylo froze where he stood, as if rooted to the stone floor. "Where did you say you got these?" he asked, taking them from her. He already knew the answer before he touched them.

"The Falcon… they were…"

"My father's." he finished for her.

"Yes." Rey breathed into the pregnant pause. Suddenly, the air around them became thick and heavy in a way that had nothing to do with the humidity. "It's fine if you don't want them. There just isn't much in the way options, and you're really tall and-"

Kylo was struck by a crushing weight of guilt mixed with gratitude. "No, I'll take them. I just… I'm fine for right now. Come out here in the sunlight." He tossed the bundle onto his cot and stepped out under the sun.

She walked with him out onto the little balcony that overlooking the jungle. Rey caught herself staring at him in the bright sun. He looked different than she'd imagined. The angles of his face and the deep scar across his cheek still caught the shadows and made him look terribly severe. He looked out of place… heavy black robe or no.

"Let me see the crystal." he requested, either oblivious to or ignoring her musing.

Rey dug around in her bag, eventually producing the wreckage of Luke's lightsaber and plucking the crystal from the shattered housing. As she pressed the stone into his hand, she briefly let her mind skim over his, hoping that he wouldn't notice. She caught vague impressions of half entertained thoughts as he fought to focus.

"I can't believe I'm going to help her fix this thing. I fought her for it not two days ago…" There was no malice in his thoughts… more amusement than anything, mostly aimed at himself.

"You're really lucky." Kylo said, holding the crystal up to the fading sunlight. Either he wasn't aware of Rey's spying, or he didn't mind. "These crystals are notoriously fragile. The one in my lightsaber is cracked."

She frowned curiously. "How did it break?"

"I broke it. When I was manipulating the crystal to force it to the Dark Side." he answered, tightly. "It cracked clean down the middle, but it still holds together. The power is unstable though… hence the vents."

"Is it dangerous to have a broken crystal?"

"If you're not strong enough with the Force to contain it yourself." he replied, still examining the crystal. "Truth be told, when you took up my lightsaber in the throne room, I wondered if it might blow up in your hands. Could you feel it?"

"It felt… different from mine. I could feel the power. The handle vibrated against my palm, but I couldn't feel the instability. I just assumed it was because it wasn't mine."

He gave a wry snort. "No wonder Luke was as afraid of you as he was of me."

Rey could only shrug.

Down below someone began ringing the bell in the palace courtyard.

"The briefing!" Rey jumped, snatching the crystal out of Kylo's hand before running to gather up the rest of her dinner. "We have to go or we'll be late!"

"Go on. I'll be down in a minute."

She nodded and took off down the stairs, grabbing their dinner but leaving the shattered remains of her lightsaber behind on the table. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).


	6. A Brush Had Left a Crooked Stroke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Good evening, everyone." Leia greeted, rising stiffly from her chair at the center table. 
> 
> A chorus of variations on "Good evening, General." rose and faded.
> 
> "I appreciate you all gathering here. We have much to discuss in terms of the direction that our Rebellion is going to head in next. I-"
> 
> "Pardon me, General?" Rose Tico piped up. "But I don't think we're all here just yet." She looked imploringly to Rey, hoping she wouldn't have to clarify that statement.
> 
> "Yeah…" Poe had caught on before Rey had a chance to answer, and he was craning his neck to look around. "Where's the snake we're supposed to be working with? I sense a distinct lack of over-starched black fabric in the-"
> 
> "I'm here." Kylo's deep voice rumbled up from the back of the assembly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy... er... Sunday! And Happy Easter to those of you that celebrate it! The chapter this week is a day early because of my work schedule. I'm a stage manager for a ballet company and we go into tech next week. Wish us luck!
> 
> Thank you again for all the kind words and comments, and for the giant pile of kudos. I'm so glad that you're all enjoying my little story.
> 
> Please note that I get into a little bit of Jedi lore in this chapter, and I'd just like to reiterate that I'm new to the series. My understanding of the Jedi and their history is probably about as good as Rey's. :D
> 
> Many thanks to KaminaDuck for the beta read.
> 
> Enjoy!

Rey arrived at the briefing with a half eaten cluster of some sort of starchy fruit in her hand, the rest of her dinner tucked into her knapsack. It peeled apart in neat little sections allowing her to eat and not be terribly distracting. She'd promised both Maz and Leia that she would eat before the briefing. And she had. Sort of. But she was still hungry.

Their ragged platoon had taken over one of the back rooms of Maz's bar for the briefing. Recruits, Rebels, and officers alike were all crowded in, some sharing bar stools while others stood around the back wall. A few even crammed themselves under tables to make sure everyone fit.

"Good evening, everyone." Leia greeted, rising stiffly from her chair at the center table. 

A chorus of variations on "Good evening, General." rose and faded.

"I appreciate you all gathering here. We have much to discuss in terms of the direction that our Rebellion is going to head in next. I-"

"Pardon me, General?" Rose Tico piped up. "But I don't think we're all here just yet." She looked imploringly to Rey, hoping she wouldn't have to clarify that statement.

"Yeah…" Poe had caught on before Rey had a chance to answer, and he was craning his neck to look around. "Where's the snake we're supposed to be working with? I sense a distinct lack of over-starched black fabric in the-"

"I'm here." Kylo's deep voice rumbled up from the back of the assembly.

A few Rebels actually jumped when they realized he was behind them, and they all parted to allow him to step forward into the inner ring of tables. Maz hopped down from her stool and beckoned to him, a wry smile on her wrinkled face.

Rey had to blink a few times to believe what she was seeing. There Kylo stood, no longer in his severe floor-to-throat black, but wearing a loose white shirt and well worn dark brown pants. He looked impossibly younger, despite still having the scar on his face accompanied by his deep seated scowl. 

"Good evening, Kylo." Leia greeted him, her voice tight as a drum at the sight. 

"Hello General. My apologies for being late. I didn't wish to be a distraction."

Behind Leia, Chewbacca let loose an irritated snort followed by a drawn out moan.

"They're the only clothes that are going to fit him, Chewie." Rey defended, turning around in her seat to face him. "It's not like there's many options at-"

"No, the Wookie's got it right." Poe snapped, standing and advancing a few steps on Kylo, who held his ground with an unreadable expression. "You can't just suddenly dress him like he's a Rebel and have us all pretend that we're fine with it."

"No one's asking you to pretend you're fine with it." Kylo replied, his voice flat and irritated. He barely glanced at him as he spoke. "And if that's what you're doing, you're doing a piss poor job of it."

"You know what?" Poe took another step forward, putting himself in swinging distance of Kylo. "I have had-"

"That's enough." Leia's voice snapped through the room like the crack of a whip, making the hair on every Rebel neck stand up at attention. She hadn't yelled, but Rey suddenly got the feeling she rarely ever had to. "Captain Dameron, I've indulged your outbursts for the last time. If you have a disagreement, say it now and then never again."

"General, Kylo Ren is a murderer." Poe half shouted incredulously, turning to face her with his hands stretched out in front of him. "He's killed I don't know how many people. Jedi. Rebels. The fact that he's standing here at all is insane. Never mind that he walks free. He's a murderer! And frankly, it's an insult that-"

"I'm standing right here." Kylo drawled, his lip curling in what could be either snarl or sneer. "I'm pretty sure it's me you want to be talking to in that tone of voice."

"You're a murderer." Poe rounded on him undaunted. "And while what you've done defies punishment, it defies sanity that you're just allowed to walk free. What are you even doing here?"

"I am well aware of Kylo's misdeeds, but what would you have me do, Captain?" Leia asked, stepping forward, making sure to crunch on Poe's freshly demoted title. "There's not a jail cell I can put him in. Not a guard that could keep him there, save Rey, and we can't afford to task her with warden duty. And any punishment would need to be preceded by a trial-"

"A trial?" Poe scoffed. "A trial, General? You have to be joking. We don't have time fo-"

Leia was about to retort when Rey was suddenly on her feet. "You know what?" she chimed in, stepping boldly between Leia and Poe. "You're right. I didn't want it to come with this, because Ben is going to like this about as well as a boot to the teeth, but if it stops this incessant arguing, I'm going to do it."

"Do what?" Kylo asked, his voice somewhat smaller with apprehension. 

Rey drew herself up to full height and turned to face the general. "As the sole Jedi on this planet that doesn't stand accused of war crimes, I invoke the right to act as peacekeeper."

"As the what, now?" Poe asked, arching an eyebrow.

"As peacekeeper." Rey repeated, as she dug around in the satchel on her hip to produce a small leatherbound book. "The Jedi texts detail examples where a Jedi can be sent out from the Jedi Temple to act as mediator and judge in cases of dispute. Even things as serious as murder if no one is unbiased enough to pass fair judgement." She dropped it open to a dry-rotted twine bookmark, and held the page out for Poe and General Organa to see. Leia took the book from her, squinting theatrically at the page, but she was clearly more interested in what Rey was about to do than anything written in some dusty old book.

"Where did you get this?" Kylo asked, frowning first at the book and then at her.

But Poe cut off any response. "You can't be serious." he exclaimed, not bothering to look at Rey, but rather speaking directly to Leia. For her part, the general seemed thoroughly amused at the whole scene, obviously content to let it play out and grateful to have the issue taken off her hands.

"I am very serious. Watch." Rey replied and turned smartly on her heel to face Kylo. "Kylo Ren, formerly known as Ben Solo, you stand accused of murder, attempted genocide, various war crimes, and probably a lot of other things that are not nearly as bad as what I've already listed. Do you deny these charges?"

Kylo blinked hard, willing himself to believe what he was seeing and hearing. "No." The single syllable dragged out, ending as more a question than a statement.

His mind reached out to clutch at hers even as he stared at her impassively. "Rey, what are you doing?" he seemed to be saying, though it was more a harried impression of thought than discernable words. His uncertainty seemed to cling and scrabble at her mind, desperate for an explanation.

"I'm fixing this. Just trust me." she pressed back, hoping that the message was coherent enough to get across. "I know how to pacify Poe and keep the general's hands clean. Just go with me on this."

There was a beat of silence in her head before Kylo responded.

"Okay."

"And so you are found guilty." Rey continued aloud, primly turning in place to make sure everyone in the room heard her. "Your punishment as pronounced by the only present representative of the Jedi order is to tell us everything you know about the power structure of the First Order, and how the current lack of a Supreme Leader might be exploited or preserved by the Rebellion. Then you will help us form and execute a plan based on that information. There. Done." She turned to face Poe. "Satisfied?" 

He sputtered, wide-eyed and red-faced. "No, I'm not satisfied. He's a murderer!"

"And he's been found guilty of murder and sentenced to his punishment by the highest ranking Jedi on the planet. Unless you know of another one." She looked to Maz who lifted her bony shoulders in a noncommittal shrug. "So it's done then." She started back towards her seat.

"We are NOT done. I-"

Rey finally rounded on him, invading his space until he was backed up against the table behind him. Everyone, even Kylo Ren, leaned back a little, fully expecting her to explode at him.

But she didn't. She didn't yell. She barely even raised her voice, but she spit the words out like blaster shots. "No one is asking you to like him, Poe Dameron. No one is asking you to trust him. Your General trusts him. I trust him. And we need him if the Rebellion is to survive and continue its mission against the First Order. And that, Captain," she bit off the title like a crust of stale bread. "Should be enough for you. And it will be." She turned to face the room. "Anyone else have something to say?"

There was a general shaking of heads and pondering of bootlaces. Except for Finn and Rose, who stared at Rey like open-mouthed fish.

Rey caught Kylo's eyes then, a strange blend of awe and surprise coursing through them as he stared agog at her. She'd surprised him. Again. She had surprised him by getting angry and by using that anger to solve a problem. He was stunned. Luke always taught him to keep his emotions out of whatever he was doing. To never let his anger overwhelm him. But that's all it ever seemed to do. But hers did not. She rode it like a wave towards a profitable conclusion instead of drowning in it.

"Then it's settled." Rey stated, squaring her shoulders. "The tyrant Kylo Ren has been judged and sentenced, and now we can get on with the task at hand. Apologies, General." She marched herself over, plopped down in the chair next to Leia and resumed eating her dinner, her feet swinging freely beneath her.

Leia had watched the proceedings with a mix of tacet surprise and amusement up until now. She stared at Rey, a smile quivering the corners of her stern mouth.

"What?" Rey asked around a mouthful of fruit, her eyes wide and innocent.

Leia arched an eyebrow. "Are you sure you don't want to be the general? I'm happy to-"

"No." she hastily swallowed to speak more clearly as she emphatically shook her head. "No, thank you. I have a feeling that when this briefing is over I will have plenty to deal with."

Leia laughed then, the rare and slightly scratchy sound cutting the tension in the room like a sharp knife through a thin string. "So as we were saying before we had to pause for a military tribunal," she began. "Kylo Ren, you came to us with information about the command structure of the First Order. You say there is currently a power vacuum?"

Kylo cleared his throat, clearly not prepared to be put on the spot so quickly twice in a row. "Yes, General." he replied, standing awkwardly to tower over everyone in the room. He looked much less threatening without his imposing black robes, but there was still a hunch to his shoulders, Rey noticed. As if he never properly learned how to be as tall as he was. 

"As has been discussed, Lord Snoke is dead." Kylo stated.

"Yes. Congratulations." Poe snarked. "I don't know how they do things over at the First Order, but this is the part where you're supposed to tell us something we don't already know."

In a heartbeat, rage flushed Kylo's cheeks but before he could whip around to face the mouthy captain, General Organa piped up.

"Rose, please go get your welding torch, and keep it with you at all briefings where Captain Dameron is present."

"Y-yes ma'am." she responded and scurried to go get it.

"You can borrow mine for right now." Maz called after her, a smile coloring her aged voice. "In the closet on the left. Third shelf."

A few chuckles broke out around the room, visibly deflating Poe's bravado.

"As I was saying," Kylo went on when the laughter had died down. "Since Rey and I dispatched Snoke and his guards, and I am not there to take his place, there is a vacancy in the top tier of the First Order command structure. Since the beginning of the First Order and its predecessors, a very powerful Sith has always stood at the helm, planning and overseeing the far reaching designs of the organization. Without me to take Snoke's place, they are weak and will lack a coherent vision until it is rectified."

"And I take it there's a way to exploit this." General Organa responded.

"Yes." he confirmed with a curt nod. "Without a direct superior that he trusts and more importantly fears, General Hux is not a tactically sound leader. He has strength as a problem solver and as an organizer within a larger command structure. But he lacks the creative vision to establish long term goals. And he doesn't command the respect of his crew. With him as the sole commander, I predict instability and ultimately mutiny in the not too distant future. This could buy you valuable time to rebuild your army and re-establish yourselves somewhere in the outer reaches."

"I sense a very pointed "unless" coming." General Organa said, squinting slightly.

"Unless Hux brings in one of the other Knights of Ren to take my place."

"The Jedi Hunters?" Finn asked.

"Yes."

"How do we know Hux hasn't already done so?" General Organa asked, her eyes narrowing shrewdly.

"When it was deemed that the only Jedi that remained was Luke Skywalker, that is… until you showed up," He nodded to Rey. "The Knights of Ren were reassigned. The Knights are all Force-sensitive to varying degrees, but I was the only one with formal Jedi training. So I was kept to apprentice under Snoke and eventually be sent to deal with my old master. The rest were sent out to… keep the peace, as it were, at Snoke's specific instruction. Only the Supreme Leader has access to their whereabouts and mission details, via his observation console."

"But that doesn't mean that Hux won't try to hack into it." Finn continued for him.

Kylo nodded. "Without me there to directly oppose him, you are correct. But it will take time. Even a master codebreaker would have to spend several cycles working to infiltrate the database. It was less designed to be uncrackable, and more simply inconvenient to do so."

"But you have this information, I take it?" Rey asked.

"Yes. It's on the galactic map on my command shuttle."

"So what you're saying is that we have a headstart on Hux. By a few days at least." Rey concluded, earning an approving nod.

"How many of them are there?" General Organa asked looking at Kylo. "How many Knights?"

But it was Rey who answered. "Six. Not counting Kylo."

He drew up short at that, frowning. "How do you know?"

"I've seen them." she answered. "In a Force vision when I found Luke's lightsaber. Maz was there."

Kylo frowned with confusion for a moment before the puzzle piece fell into place with a nearly audible click. "You saw us." the impression of a thought crawled across Rey's mind. "You saw me. Right before…" 

Rey didn't have time to answer the silent question in his eyes, but held his gaze all the same. He wanted to reach out and see what she had seen. See what warning she had been given before he showed up and-

"Six of them, then." General Organa pressed on, snapping Kylo out of the tailspin his brain had gone into. "And you know where they all are?"

Kylo blinked hard to clear his head. "The coordinates to their last known post or hideout are in my command shuttle nav system ready to go."

"Six people is a lot of ground to cover. We should split up." Poe suggested.

"Out of the question." Kylo stopped himself and took a deep breath, doing his best to be diplomatic. "They're not trained Jedi, but they're all strong with the Force in some way. Rey and I should handle chasing them down."

"If you think for an instant that I'm going to sit here on my hands and just wait-"

"Hold on, Poe." It was Finn who cut in this time. "I think… I think we might have other opportunities to hamstring the First Order besides just chasing down potential new Supreme Leaders."

"Finn, please do enlighten us." General Organa snarked. "We need to find something for this trigger-happy idiot to do besides interrupt my briefings with his temperamental mudslinging." 

"I'm only slinging mud in one direction, ma'am."

"Yes, and you're hitting the rest of us in the process." General Organa admonished. "Finn, go on please."

"The ship that Rose and I stole on Canto Bight was a pleasure cruiser belonging to a weapons dealer." He said.

"You certainly have our attention." General Organa inclined her head for him to proceed as Kylo ceded the floor to stand next to Rey. Without looking up at him directly, she offered him a bite of the fruit she was still munching, passing it to him over her shoulder. He took it with a smile she didn't see.

"So the owner of this ship, one Jascal Dalemac, is responsible for the financials for the Apex Corporation, which handles Research and Development for the Sienar-Jaemus Fleet Systems and a few other weapons developers." Finn turned to Rose. "Do you have the datapad?"

She tossed it to him with a nod.

"So, have a look at this." He flicked on the display and up popped a three dimensional image of a modified TIE fighter. "It's called a TIE Silencer. Upgraded weapons. Upgraded stealth. All the bells and whistles. These guys are about to roll it out for purchase by the First Order in a few months."

"Yeah, I already fly one." Kylo cut in, taking a step forward to peer at the hologram. "Or I did. It was the prototype. Wasn't the first time I'd tested a ship for them."

"So the First Order is a big customer of Apex, yeah?" Finn said, holding up the datapad. "Well… have a look at this." He pressed a button and the image changed from the TIE Silencer to an updated model of the X-wing.

Poe sat forward suddenly. "What the hell? That's the schematics for the new X-wing! The one I brokered the deal with Adlodar for the last time we were here. I gave him specs for some modifications." he wheeled around to face Maz. "Where is he?"

Maz shrugged, her tiny eyes wide. "I haven't seen him in six months. I assumed he's off on a procurement trip."

"I'm sure he is." General Organa replied flatly, cutting a look at Poe that spelled a very uncomfortable conversation was coming for him later regarding their supply chains. "So what are you suggesting, Finn?"

"I'm suggesting that we find a way to take out these double-dealers."

"You mean cut into our own weapons supply?" Poe asked.

"But the First Order's as well." Rose defended. 

"And then what are we supposed to fight with?" Poe countered.

"For what it's worth, I think it's smart." Kylo said, taking another piece of fruit proffered by Rey. 

"You do?" Finn and Rose asked in unison. Both were clearly not believing what they were hearing and even less sure if they should be happy about it.

"General, you don't have a lot of options at your disposal to deal with the First Order." He went on to explain, gesturing in the air with the segment of fruit. "Any sort of frontal or even guerrilla assault is out of the question. You have no ships. Not much in the way of weaponry or people. You couldn't gain ground against the least defended First Order outpost. You would be shot to bits."

"Agreed." General Organa replied dryly as she waited for him to get to his point.

"These civilian run weapons labs, though. Particularly R and D? They're soft targets… not at all well guarded aside from private security. Just well hidden. A few individuals with a solid plan could give a corporation like Apex, and thus the First Order, a very big headache without much if anything in the way of losses." He popped the section of fruit into his mouth with a gallant shrug.

"Not guarded but well hidden." Poe said thoughtfully. "Rose, did you get any of the data on lab locations from this guy's ship."

"Way ahead of you, Poe." she had already been at work with the datapad when he'd begun the question. "Looks like there's one not far from here, on Halm. The Falcon could reach it easily."

"Anything on there about security? Patrol routes?"

"Not that I'm seeing. But there is a detailed map with multiple security offices marked. I imagine we could get the information we need once we're inside." Rose suggested. "And this guy, Dalemac, has a complete list of passwords and security procedures to get around the building. Apparently, he was planning to conduct a tour for some investors."

"That's good enough to get us started." Poe said, before he remembered himself. "Um… that is if the General approves of the plan."

Leia pursed her lips thoughtfully for a moment, staring hard at the map of the Apex facility slowly rotating on the datapad. "As strange as these words sound coming out of my mouth, I must agree with Kylo Ren. Any sort of frontal assault or direct retaliation against the First Order would be suicide. They are at a very precarious point, but so are we. Perhaps the most tenuous situation the Rebellion has ever been in. We are hopelessly outgunned at present, but we have a chance to fix that. It's not over for us. We still have hope. So listen up."

Everyone leaned in. Some of the lower ranking recruits even snapped to attention out of reflexive respect. 

"We are rebuilding the Rebellion. But we have to buy ourselves some time. Rey and Kylo, I task you with finding the Knights of Ren. Use any means necessary to keep them out of the hands of the First Order. And at this point, I do mean any means."

"Yes ma'am." Rey responded with a single nod. Kylo said nothing.

"Poe, Finn, Rose, and Chewbacca, take the Millennium Falcon to the Apex facility on Halm." the general ordered. "Steal and corrupt their data. Find out what their next "StarKiller Base" is. Make them lose ground. But be careful. Don't draw attention. We don't want to arouse suspicion and see increased security if we try to do this again. And more importantly, we cannot afford to lose any of you. Meanwhile, I will stay here for the time being, and secure more recruits and weapons from reputable sources. Then we will all regroup once our tasks are finished."

"Where's the rendez-vous?" Poe asked. "Here?"

"Not here. I want to go someplace safer. More secluded." she paused, weighing her next words. "And somewhere I have personal business."

"You mean-" Rey started.

"We will regroup on Ahch-to." she said with a flat certainty that brooked no argument. Not even from Kylo, though Rey sensed a wordless flare of nerves at the thought of going anywhere near Luke again. "I need to speak to my brother. In person, apparently." She stood creakily with the help of her cane, waving off Rey's offer of help. "Any questions?"

An anthem of "No, ma'ams" answered.

"Very well. You all have your orders. Get to it. And then get some rest. I expect all my dispatched crews to be in the air before noon day after tomorrow." 

And the whole room fairly shouted, "Yes, ma'am."

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Updates should be coming every Monday morning!


	7. Far in the Pillared Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightfall on Takodana was heralded by a great choir of nocturnal insects. As the sun sank out of sight, the chatter of wings and carapaces in the treetops was nearly deafening. Those outside when the sun set, fairly needed to shout to hold a conversation with someone standing right next to them. Most people, particularly visitors, found it a nuisance.
> 
> But up in her tower bedroom, Rey found the chattering din strangely comforting. Back on Jakku she actually slept best during sandstorms, when the grit and wind would pound relentlessly across her little husk of a house. She could easily convince herself it was the roar of the ocean surrounding her island escape. The buzzing insects out in the canopy below were similarly soothing, and she dropped off to sleep almost before her head hit her pillow. 
> 
> But Kylo, who was used to the soft even hum of a space station, and the hushed quiet of a monastic temple before that, couldn't sleep at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thousand, thousand apologies for the lateness of this chapter! Last week was a performance week (I'm a stage manager for a ballet company) so not only was I totally swamped last week, but now I'm playing catch up! But the new chapter is here and we should be back on our usual Monday schedule. Again... so sorry!
> 
> Many thanks to KaminaDuck for the beta read!
> 
> And thank you all for reading and for leaving such sweet comments! I can't tell you how much good it does me to know that people are enjoying this. Especially since I'm new to writing for this fandom.
> 
> Enjoy!

Nightfall on Takodana was heralded by a great choir of nocturnal insects. As the sun sank out of sight, the chatter of wings and carapaces in the treetops was nearly deafening. Those outside when the sun set, fairly needed to shout to hold a conversation with someone standing right next to them. Most people, particularly visitors, found it a nuisance.

But up in her tower bedroom, Rey found the chattering din strangely comforting. Back on Jakku she actually slept best during sandstorms, when the grit and wind would pound relentlessly across her little husk of a house. She could easily convince herself it was the roar of the ocean surrounding her island escape. The buzzing insects out in the canopy below were similarly soothing, and she dropped off to sleep almost before her head hit her pillow. 

But Kylo, who was used to the soft even hum of a space station, and the hushed quiet of a monastic temple before that, couldn't sleep at all. His head was full of chatter… and not of the type he was accustomed to. He hadn't told Rey this when she'd stumbled upon his sleepless pacing, but he hadn't slept properly in days. Not since the throne room. There was no Snoke whispering in his ear any longer. No promises of his impending greatness to quell the doubt and indecision that would regularly rise like an ocean tide. Only the sound of his own voice in his empty head asking a thousand questions with no one there to answer them.

How did he get here? And how did it happen so fast? From disgraced pupil, to favored apprentice, to assassin, to Supreme Leader, to traitor of the First Order now set out to capture or kill his former compatriots. All in less than a week. His grandfather couldn't boast anything coming close to that. Kylo wondered for a fleeting moment of instinct if he would be proud, but the thought rang uncharacteristically hollow along with all the rest.

He'd left his grandfather's charred helmet back on the wreck of the Supremacy, he realized. It hadn't even crossed his mind to retrieve it before his escape. Hux would probably throw it away when he found it. The mere thought of the weasel-faced general having the nerve to touch such an important symbol of his connection to the Dark Side should have Kylo's rage boiling over. But he just lay there, despondently staring up at the ceiling. He kept waiting for the spark that would ignite his temper, but it never came. Not even when he made himself imagine Hux tossing it in the trash or into an incinerator. Nothing. Just… nothing. He felt nothing.

He was nothing...

Maz had told him that. She was the first person to ever look at him and be summarily unimpressed. And maybe that was just as well.

As Kylo lay awake in the dark, listening to the ceaseless drone of the forest, another voice joined the fray. That pilot Poe Dameron's words resounded in his ears.

"Why are you even here?"

It was the question of the day. The last few days actually. One he couldn't help asking himself again now that he was alone, lying on a pallet in a jungle temple surrounded by Rebels and wearing Han Solo's clothes. Until now, it had all been just… doing. He'd followed Rey's advice, for lack of having a better plan. One thing at a time. And then the next thing. And then the next. In a way, it was the same state he had developed for following Snoke's orders. Particularly if he was unsure of the ultimate goal. But now he'd arrived somewhere, however temporary, and everything was uncomfortably still… except inside his mind. 

What on earth was he doing here? 

He asked the question over and over in his head as if the answer wasn't sleeping one floor down. He knew it. A few of the Rebels had probably even guessed it, if they didn't think he'd come back for his mother. 

He sighed and laid his elbow over his eyes. No… she was The General. He had to think of her that way. Anything else was too painful, and clearly she knew it. And even more tellingly of the current situation, Kylo was actually grateful. Grateful that she wasn't trying to mother him, or be sweet, or make up for anything she perceived to be lacking. He could see and feel the impulse to do so, without even needing the benefit of the Force, but she kept those impulses firmly leashed. But by the same turn, she didn't withhold acknowledgement either. As far as he could tell, she treated him as she did any of her other recruits. With dignity and respect, but with an air of owed and assumed loyalty. He could work with that. Rigid command structure was a great anesthetic for things like this. 

His mind fell inevitably back to Snoke again. It was the same way he sought to serve him. The forced narrowing of his focus kept him from being driven buck wild by his roiling emotions. But now he was gone. Kylo didn't miss him. In the daylight hours, he was grateful but now… when he had a thousand questions that needed answering, he just felt exhausted. He wanted answers and he was afraid of giving those answers to himself.

For instance, the answer was Rey, he knew. That was the beginning and end of why he was here. He knew down in his core that it wasn't anger at the First Order, or a desire to do the right thing, or a reunion with Leia that had him here in on a humid, noisy, backwater planet in clothes that still smelled like his dead father. It was her. Rey the scavenger. Full stop. He was here because she asked. Because she had told him she'd seen a future for him. One away from Snoke. Away from the First Order.

But more importantly, she hadn't told him what that was. It was probably the smartest thing she'd ever done. Maybe she knew it. Maybe she didn't. But he knew it. He knew that the search… the journey would drive him to the ends of the galaxy, provided she was a few steps ahead of him. He would be drawn across the universe to her Light, now without fail. He would dog her steps forever, just as he had from the beginning. 

It was funny. They'd began here in a way, on Takodana. He remembered it vividly, though not without incredible shame. She'd been terrified of him. The thought made him sick now, but at the time he'd been fascinated. Enchanted by something he couldn't quite perceive… enough to disobey direct orders, though he wouldn't have called it that then. But it was the Light calling him again… trying a different voice this time.

And all this time he had thought the Light had rejected him. But even now, he found he didn't so much want to stand in it as stand beside it. Close enough to touch…

Maybe… maybe that was the Balance that everyone kept going on about. What if they'd really had it wrong all along?

More questions with uncomfortable answers.

He sighed, sinking back into the stiff, straw-filled mattress as he remembered back to the throne room fight. Remembered the mental and physical weight of her presence behind him, and feeling that together they could not be bested. But only together. Together they were unstoppable.

Kylo had finally begun to fitfully doze as these thoughts crawled across his mind. It was a comforting thought to be needed as part of a bigger picture. It was what had brought him to Snoke in the first place, but this was far more satisfying. Unguarded in his drowsiness, he felt himself reaching out with the Force to find that wonderful peaceful quiet that they could only find together.

The Balance.

And in his questing, he reached a bit too far and stumbled upon Rey. It was so easy. She was only a few feet straight down. But where he expected to find peace and tranquility, he found her mind a fretful jumble. He roused and looked closer, catching images that didn't make sense. Things that couldn't have happened… the Knights of Ren in the throne room of the Supremacy circling the two of them, all armed to the teeth and... 

But no, not the two of them.

He focused on the image and counted the figures in black again.

Seven. Not six. Rey was standing there alone, blue lightsaber at the ready, and its light glinting off the tears that rolled down her cheeks in torrents. But the set of her jaw and the fire in her eyes meant she had not been taken by surprise. She had known this was coming. The sight of Kylo Ren circling, mask on and lightsaber ignited was nothing new to her.

She was dreaming of betrayal. And it was not the first time.

His shock and revulsion must have bled through the Force connection because Rey snapped awake before a single blow could be struck. 

"I'm sorry." he said before she could even catch her breath. "I didn't mean to… I didn't…" He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. For accidentally invading her dreams? For the fact that somewhere buried in her subconscious she still thought he might betray her? Or for something else. "I couldn't sleep and I think I started to drift and-"

"No… no it's… I'm glad you woke me up." she said, her voice thick both with sleep and with the real tears that sluiced down her face mixing with cold sweat. 

Kylo opened his side of the Force connection wide enough to see her, finding it completely unguarded. Rey had curled on her side, her soft brown eyes wide and wet, as she reached for the halogen lamp by her bed. Her tear-stained fingers slipped on the switch and she wiped them on her blanket before trying again. 

"If you'd rather be left alone-" He started.

"No, it's okay. Really. I'm… I'm glad you were here." she curled back up and drew the blanket under her chin. "I've… I've had that dream before. Or near enough. It's… I'm really glad you were there to wake me up."

Another ripple of shock cut through Kylo's thoughts. "You have?"

"Not exactly like that." she clarified, sniffing loudly. "But… they're..." she trailed off, still dabbing at her eyes.

"Say it. Go on."

She sighed despondently. "It's always about you… or, well… you in the mask. The throne room and the rest of the Knights. That's new. But it's… It's always the same." she said miserably, not able to look up at him.

"I'm sorry." he said, his face pinched. 

She looked up at him, and let her guard down enough to pull his thoughts to hers. Guilt… he felt guilt from her and it surprised him. "I'm glad you were here." She said again, a fresh wave of tears falling down onto her pillow.

There was a pregnant pause. Kylo could feel her loneliness and desperation balanced on the humid air. And he could actually hear her wracked breathing coming up from below as she attempted to calm herself.

"I… could come down. If you want." the words rampaged out of his mouth before he could hope to stop them. The drive to help her had finally overridden all sense.

There was a moment of contemplatively held breath, and then she replied. "I'd like that, actually." 

Kylo hurried blindly down the dark stairs, carrying his blanket with him, and found Rey just as he'd seen her through the Force. Curled up in bed in the dim lamp light, with her own blanket pulled snug around her shoulders. He felt a sudden urge to tuck it in around her, the way he remembered his mother doing. The recollection shocked him, but not as much as the lack of emotional pain it carried. Already things were changing...

He moved next to Rey's pallet and sat down cross-legged, and for a moment they just stared at one another. Occasionally, she would move to wipe her eyes with the corner of her bedroll. She seemed resolved to just let her tears run their course rather than suppress them. Kylo found himself desperately and absurdly wanting to dry her tears for her. To repay some of the tenderness she'd shown him. To maybe show her that she didn't need to be afraid of him.

But she had been. He'd made sure of it. He'd hunted and tortured her and nearly betrayed her to Snoke. And then nearly to himself in a way, when he asked her to join him. She was right to be terrified and disgusted. And he'd reveled in her fear. He'd been a monster to her. A creature in a mask.

And yet here she was, curled up next to him in arm's reach. Afraid to the point of nightmares of the shadows that clung to him, but not running away. It was as if she could forcibly separate the creature in the mask from the man sitting with her now. Where could one find strength like that, he wondered. Because that was what he had craved all his life. 

"What is it?" Rey asked softly, a small smile curling her trembling lips. "You look like you're staring at a hyperdrive with only half the switches calibrated."

He dropped his eyes to the stone floor as he searched for words he knew he didn't have. There was no easy way to convey the breadth of what he was thinking about. The nuance. The history. The want, which was nebulous, fathomless, and still gnawed at him with an incoherent hunger.

Then it occurred to him that maybe the gulf between them wasn't as wide as he thought it was. She was sitting right here, staring up at him with wet, dark eyes. And he needed only reach out as she had. Not for himself. But for her. To answer her question and to comfort her.

So, very slowly, he laid his hand over hers where it lay on her pillow, his broad palm covering her hand entirely. "I'm sorry you're afraid of me." he said softly. The simple words sounded trite, but he took comfort in the fact that she could look inside his mind to know they were true. "I'm sorry I made you afraid of me."

"I'm not afraid. Not really." She said, her fingers curling against his palm as she forced herself to look him in the eye. "I'm… I'm afraid of Kylo Ren. But I'm not afraid of Ben."

He just looked away, but kept his hand where it was.

"You don't like it when I call you Ben." she said, squinting up at him in the dim light. "Why?"

"It's not… It's just that…" He took a deep breath and gathered the words to explain as best he could. "I haven't been Ben Solo for so long. Ben Solo is gone. You have to know this. Luke and Snoke killed any future he had years ago."

She nodded sadly, letting her face sink down against the pillow. "I know. But… I guess I hold out hope." 

He could feel her breath tickling across his skin and it made it hard to think. "Kylo is the name I chose when I wanted to make choices for myself." he went on, struggling to find words. "They were the wrong choices… very wrong choices that led me to ultimately being a pawn for an even worse power than I perceived the Jedi to be. Ben was the Jedi in training… always afraid and frustrated. Kylo was the person that I wanted to be. Powerful. Fearless. Respected. I still want those things. But I don't want them the way that Snoke wanted them for me. Or… said he did anyway. But…"

"But?"

"I… like what you mean when you call me Ben." he said, feeling rather stupid about how he'd phrased it. "I won't ever be Ben Solo again. I don't think I can. But I'm… I'm still trying to decide for myself who I want to be. As Kylo. I think… I think it's like you said you told Luke. The decision isn't made."

Rey nodded at that, her cheek brushing against his hand. The contact made their breaths hitch as she settled her face just that much closer to his skin. Kylo wanted to grab her hand and kiss it. Press his face to it. Like he'd done that with Snoke's clawed hand whenever he'd failed him. Whenever he'd gone back and begged for forgiveness. For another chance. 

Rey had never made him feel like that. He remembered in the throne room… how he'd felt when he offered her his hand. He thought he might finally have those things he sought… the power and the unswerving confidence he'd always craved. And strangely… those things didn't feel out of reach now. Just… different. 

He found himself having to look anywhere but her face to keep his sanity, and his gaze strayed over the stack of books piled by her pallet. Old and dusty and crumbling. No one would ever know they were anything special.

"Are those really what I think they are?" he inclined his head towards them.

Rey craned her neck back and then smiled. "Yep. The original texts. The last copies. Or so Luke said."

"Did Luke give them to you?"

She shook her head. "I stole them."

"You STOLE them?" An irrepressible smile split his face creasing his scar and crinkling the edges of his eyes. "From Luke Skywalker. You stole the last Jedi texts out from under the nose of Luke Skywalker?"

"I most certainly did." She gave a pleased little wiggle of her shoulders under the blanket, accompanied by a smile that wrinkled her nose. "Have you read them?" 

"I have." He nodded, reaching out to idly run his thumb over one of the weathered spines. "Every word. I had to for my training. Have you?"

"I made it to the part about Jedi Peacekeepers!" she said with a pridefully mischievous grin. "I’m… still working on them. I’m a slow reader, especially of stuff like this. Not much call for that in the junkyards, as you can imagine. What did you think of them when you read them?"

"At the time I thought it was boring and tedious. Now… from what I remember, I feel like a lot of it's reactionary."

She frowned in thought. "You think so?"

He nodded. "Light and Dark are a pendulum. A pendulum swings one way and it has to come back in the other direction. They’ve got some things right, but they’re short sighted. They ultimately made the pendulum swing harder. Farther, instead of trying to help it come to rest."

"They were entirely too obsessed with control." Rey opined. 

He cocked his head in surprise. "You think so too?"

"It doesn't work. The far sides of the Force are… fragile. Brittle. You stray out of line even for an instant and you're at risk of it all falling apart. The Jedi texts don't tell you that, but literally every other story about the Force does. The Jedi go on about fear being the root of everything evil, and while I don't think they were entirely wrong about that, they fail to see that they were afraid too. Fear isn't something you can just get rid of, and that's what they kept trying to do. And kept alienating themselves in the process." She shook her head with a bit of a frown. "No, there has to be a better way. I'm sure of it. But it's not found in this business of extremes."

Kylo blinked long and hard. Clearly she'd been giving this a lot of thought. More thought than he had before he had defected, that was for sure. "That's why you want me with you." He said finally.

She dared a look up at his face. "That's part of it. You did show me that there's value in the Dark Side of the Force. There's danger there, but no more so than in the Light. They're just as frightened. And just as prone to giving in to it. Action and inaction driven by pure fear is the root of evil. Not the fear itself."

"Exactly! Exactly!" Kylo sat forward, all drowsiness and uncertainty momentarily banished as he squeezed her hand in his. "All that piousness and purity… it makes you proud and… and and… and brittle. No less than the Sith. Name me one Jedi Master that wasn't either martyred or went into hiding. Name one."

She frowned in thought for a moment, but it was more performative than anything else. "My classical education on Jakku was somewhat lacking in the intergalactic history department, but… I'm going to make a leap of intuition and guess there aren't many."

"Any, in my opinion."

"Well, then answer me this." Rey propped herself up a little on her elbow, but didn't move her hand from where it rested under his. "Is there a Sith Lord that didn't kill his master and then subsequently get killed by his own apprentice years later? They have cycles of their own like that don't they? I've heard stories."

"There's a few cases where their apprentice didn't get to them in time… but the apprentices of old in the Sith order are basically trained to kill their masters. Rule of Two they called it."

"Ridiculous." Rey scoffed with a laugh, flopping back on her pillow. "How are any of us expected to get anywhere? Light or Dark. When all the masters keep disappearing for one reason or another in the middle of our training? There's no… wisdom. No perspective."

"Precisely my thinking." he agreed, her laugh infecting him with a deep chuckle.

She sat up again, cocking her head at the sound. "I don't know that I've ever heard you laugh."

"I... don't do it often." he said, a soft smile still on his lips. 

"You should." she said, laying her cheek against his hand again, her eyelashes tickling his knuckles. "I like the sound."

Kylo was suddenly overwhelmed again by the desire to lift her hand and kiss it, just to feel if her sun-bronzed skin was as soft as it looked. As if he couldn't tell that by holding her hand.

"You should get some sleep." Rey said, wiggling her shoulders to nestle herself deeper in her blanket. "We're leaving for who knows where very soon. The General will have a lot of work for us to do tomorrow." There was a pang of something in her voice that kept the statement from ringing as true as it should. And she hadn't let go of his hand.

"Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?" Kylo asked, skating a thumb over her knuckles.

She looked up at him, her dark eyes sweet and wanting. "I would… but…" 

In answer, Kylo shifted to lean against the pillar by her little pallet. 

"That can't be comfortable." Rey said softly, even as she snuggled her face down next to his hand.

"I'm fine." he replied with a faint smile before he closed his eyes.

What he really meant was "I'm right where I'm supposed to be." And if she'd dared to take a peek inside his thoughts, that was the thought she would find until sleep claimed him.

It was Kylo's turn to dream now, as he slumped against the stone, but the dream was oddly pleasant which was rare for him. He was aware first that he was flying, propelled through the air in wafting gallops. A bird, he realized. He was a bird careening at breakneck speed through an old forest. It was dark all around, the trees appearing in the gloom like the ancient pillars of some forgotten temple. They were a blur as he sailed past them, weaving his way towards the edge of the forest. The canopy of the trees kept the interior of the forest in deep shadow, but ahead he could see that night had not reached the whole of the world quite yet.

He burst out of the trees and banked hard, sailing up on the wind to the highest branch he could see. His black feathers caught the golden light of the dying sun, but he did not turn to face it. Instead, he looked east where a bright silver star was rising over the mountains. Its pure white light reflected in the bird's liquid dark eyes, and it called out from its little perch.

Its voice was grackle and rough. Not a song to most ears. Not even to its own. But it was the best cry it could muster. And all night it sat atop its bare twig, calling to the light it saw far off in the velvet black night. The bird didn't try to reach it, nor did it think in vain it might beckon it closer with its call. It just wanted to show in some way that he knew it was there. And hopefully across the vast gulf of space, the star would know too.

And the first light of morning still found Kylo unmoved from his post, dozing against the pillar with his hand entwined in Rey's. And the soft warmth of her breath ghosted across his skin.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Updates should be coming every Monday morning!


	8. But Does Tell Something in the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The following two days were a buzz of activity. Supplies were loaded on two ships; the Falcon and Kylo Ren's shuttle. Repairs had to be made, and the remaining crew not accompanying either ship needed to be organized to eventually escort General Organa to Ahch-to. New recruit sign ups were being run in a back corner of Maz's cantina, while the promised weapons shipment was catalogued and dispersed out back. 
> 
> No one was still. Not even for a second. No one was above the task at hand. Time was the only thing on the Rebels' side and everyone made the most of it.
> 
> It was a new sensation for Kylo. He'd never just been part of the bustle before. Loading crates. Checking and double checking nav systems, and helping Rey with the engines in both his shuttle and the Falcon. With so few people, nothing was beneath anyone. Not even him, and he'd fallen into the current of activity with surprising ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings all!
> 
> We are back on schedule! This chapter ended up being a little short than average... I've never been good at keeping consistent chapter lengths. But we will be on for another update on Monday!
> 
> Many thanks to my beta reader KaminaDuck.
> 
> And thank all of you for reading, leaving kudos, and sending all your wonderful comments. Seriously... you guys are the best, and I'm so glad you're enjoying my story.

The following two days were a buzz of activity. Supplies were loaded on two ships; the Falcon and Kylo Ren's shuttle. Repairs had to be made, and the remaining crew not accompanying either ship needed to be organized to eventually escort General Organa to Ahch-to. New recruit sign ups were being run in a back corner of Maz's cantina, while the promised weapons shipment was catalogued and dispersed out back. 

No one was still. Not even for a second. No one was above the task at hand. Time was the only thing on the Rebels' side and everyone made the most of it.

It was a new sensation for Kylo. He'd never just been part of the bustle before. Loading crates. Checking and double checking nav systems, and helping Rey with the engines in both his shuttle and the Falcon. With so few people, nothing was beneath anyone. Not even him, and he'd fallen into the current of activity with surprising ease. He was a competent cog in the machine. He'd never just been a cog in the machine before. He'd always been something special. The child of the war heroes Leia and Han, or the new shining star of the Jedi Order, or Snoke's prize apprentice. Even Supreme Leader, however short his reign. Always hovering above it all or off to one side. Never in the thick of the fray.

But he liked this. His anxiety at being surrounded by potentially unfriendly Rebels, and the looming threat of being cornered by General Organa had all but evaporated in the face of a seemingly endless to-do list. One thing to deal with at a time, sort of like Rey had said. This engine. Now that engine. Move these crates. Now stack these on top. It was sweetly and purposefully numbing. Now, with General Organa's satisfaction that he wasn't going to betray and murder them all, most of the Rebels were content to ignore him, especially if Rey was nearby. And he found himself liking it, strangely enough. It was a glimpse into a life that would never truly be, but it was satisfying enough to have experienced it, however brief. 

And it helped that Rey was nearly always at his elbow or at his back. He could feel her presence, Force or no, and it was comforting. He would probably feel adrift in the chaos otherwise, both within and without. Snoke had served that purpose before, but it was never comforting. He'd felt constrained… where with Rey he felt anchored. And thus as the hours passed, he found himself missing Snoke less and less.

When the ships were loaded, and all the hours of checks and re-checks were done, the two teams of Rebels assembled out front to be seen off by their leader. 

"Normally, this is when I'm expected to give a magnanimous, metaphor-laden speech about hope and the fate of the universe and all that." General Organa began, addressing Poe and his group first. "But I'm tired of giving those speeches. I've had to give far too many of them for one lifetime, and many of you have listened to more than your fair share as well. So I think you can fill in all the blanks. You know hope hasn't failed us. If we didn't have hope, you wouldn't be doing this. We wouldn't keep trying. But we must be realists now as well. I need you to be realists. We have hope because we are hope. We are the hope of the Rebellion, and of the oppressed we seek to unchain. Remember this on your mission. Help is not coming. You are the help. Don't take unnecessary risks. Don't stick your neck out to accomplish more than what you set out to do. I cannot replace you. I need you to do your job and come back to us so that we can build on what you will accomplish. Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am" they chorused, accompanied by a grunt from Chewbacca and a chipper electronic chime from BB8.

"Very good." she nodded. "May the Force be with you."

"And with you, ma'am." Poe replied.

She turned then to Rey and Kylo who stood apart from the others, nearer to the ramp of the command shuttle. 

"Now I said that I've given a lot of motivating speeches in my life. But I find myself a bit short of words for you two." General Organa sighed, absently fingering the handle of her cane. "Rey, I have no right to ask this of you. I have asked more of you in the last month than almost anyone else. And I can't seem to stop myself, because you never fail to rise to the challenge. And Kylo Ren, you have proven yourself to be an efficient and merciless enemy of the Rebellion. I am still not sure how I feel about putting such a large part of our survival in your hands, and I'm sure, one leader to another, you understand my reservations. But I'm not here to berate or apologize to either of you, because the facts are that I need you both. And I need you together on this. And so I'm going to tell you the same thing I told them." she jerked her thumb at the crew of the Falcon. "Be careful, and be smart. I can't afford to lose either of you. We can't lay a foundation for peace without you."

"Yes, ma'am." Rey said with a nod. Kylo as per usual said nothing.

"May the Force be with you." General Organa said.

"Thank you." Rey responded, still a little hazy on exactly what the appropriate response was.

But it was Kylo who said, "You too, General." and all present drew a soft breath at his genuineness. 

For a brief moment, a smile threatened to overwhelm her general's stern mask, but she schooled it to be no more than a twinkle in her eye. But Kylo saw it all the same. "Dismissed." she ordered with a sharp bang of her cane on the flagstones. Rapt attention was replaced with scurrying feet and shouted orders as everyone made ready for take off.

"Kylo," General Organa stopped him on the ramp into his shuttle.

"Yes, General?" he replied, not bothering to hide the reservation in his voice. This was the closest thing to a private conversation they'd had in the better part of a decade. He'd hoped to escape Takodana without having to go through with it. 

"Two things, before you go." she said, facing him and resting her hands on the handle of her cane. "Perhaps it's not a general's place to tell you this. But I'm old and tired, and have never given much of a damn for what's proper. Kylo, I don't know you well… not the man you've come to be, but by all accounts, your only mistake has been letting others decide what greatness means for you. Your… your parents. Luke Skywalker. Snoke. You never decided for yourself. And you’ll never be happy with someone else’s definition of you. The only person who can’t fail you in that regard is yourself. Pay attention to what you feel is right, and you can't lose your way."

Kylo blinked hard, not knowing at all what to say. Part of him was relieved that this wasn't some desperate attempt at a mother-son chat, but by the same turn he was taken aback at how distant she kept herself with her words.

"Secondly, take care of Rey." she continued, softening her voice a shade so as not to be overheard. "She's powerful, and wonderful. But she's also brash and prone to take a blaster round for someone before she has a chance to think that she might've just pulled them out of the way."

"Yes, ma'am." he said softly, still somewhat thunderstruck at the tide of the conversation. "I… is that all?"

"No." she said softly. She reached out and touched his elbow, a kind and warm gesture to accompany the smile that still pulled insistently at her lips. He'd seen that smile before. It was the smile she gave her commanders. Her soldiers. The ones she was fond of, like Poe Dameron. It was the smile that held the Rebellion together, he realized. Against all odds. Even against him. "Take care of yourself, too. We need you both. And to be clear, I'm not just talking about the Rebellion."

"I will." He replied with a nod, awed and a little humbled by the attention. And a little ashamed that he'd prickled at the prospect of it only moments before. He started back up the ramp, but paused again, half turned away from her. "May the Force be with you, General." He said, with a sincerity that took ten years off his face.

"It is always with all of us." she said with a faint squeeze of his arm before she made her way unsteadily down the ramp. 

Kylo watched her go, swallowing against an unnamable emotion that threatened to overwhelm him.

"Whatever that one is made out of, I want to build a starship out of it." he heard Maz's voice behind him. He turned to find she was perched atop a crate, her thin legs swinging as she keyed in the ration inventory for his ship.

"She's tough." Kylo agreed awkwardly. "She's been put through a lot."

"It's not over for her either. Not by a long shot." Maz mused aloud. "I would rather face down the whole First Order, Snoke and all, than go deal with her brother."

"I do not disagree." Kylo said tightly. "Not even a little."

"You're going to have to face him too, you know." her eyes flicking up over her datapad.

"I know."

"There's a reckoning coming Luke's way. And it's well earned, I'm afraid." Maz said sighing and shaking her head. "The stars will align and all the birds will come home to roost, and he will have things to answer for. Just as we all do at one point or another."

Kylo frowned at the imagery, recalling the vaguest outline of his dream from the previous night. "Do you see a reckoning coming my way?" he asked, a shadow falling across his expression.

Maz laughed at his seriousness. "Your reckoning has come already." she told him, jerking a thumb over her shoulder. "Her legs are currently sticking out the exhaust pipe of your ship."

Kylo turned to see Rey's booted feet kicking as she attempted to propel herself further into the pipe. He gave Maz a confused frown.

"Reckonings aren't all about retribution and revenge. Sometimes they can be about redemption." She stood up on the box she'd been sitting on putting herself almost at eye level with Kylo. Idly she flipped through the lenses on her goggles, squinting at him. "Last chance, kid. Would you like me to tell you what I see?"

Kylo blinked at her, and then turned back to look at Rey as she kicked herself free of the pipe, wrench in hand and a satisfied smile on her smudged face. 

"No." he answered.

Maz smiled, showing all her tiny teeth, and popped him on the arm with her datapad. "Good answer." And then she hopped down and scurried off to find a loader.

Kylo wandered over to the rear of the shuttle where Rey had just emerged. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah! Finally found what was making that weird rattling sound when I did the engine check. Turned out there was a rotor in the main exhaust pipe that was out of alignment. Must've caught a bit of debris and gotten bent. But it's fixed now." She wiped her damp forehead on the wrap around her wrist, smudging more grime on her face.

"Is this what you do? What you did back on Jakku? Find and fix broken things?"

"It seemed to be what I'm good at." she replied with a half shrug. "Kept me fed and watered at least."

"So, if you can fix a busted exhaust rotor on a ship you've never seen before with a wrench and some sweat, then why do you need me to show you how to fix a lightsaber?" He asked, folding his arms as a smile played across his capacious mouth.

She mirrored his expression before tossing him her wrench. He caught it but just barely. "I don't need you to." she replied, stepping past him to head up the ramp. "I want you to."

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Updates should be coming every Monday morning!


	9. A Piercing Little Star Was Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who are we hunting?"
> 
> "Her name is Irkalla Ren." he replied, his voice regaining some of its detached quality as the pain subsided. "She's the best sharpshooter in the First Order. Probably in the galaxy if we're being honest. Of course, it helps when you can bend projectiles in flight."
> 
> "I imagine that would be very helpful." Rey remarked, still clattering away at the navigation controls. "What sort of reception do you think we will get?"
> 
> "We didn't hate each other, if that's what you're asking. Part of the reason I wanted to go for her first is because she's the least likely to be openly aggressive. And she might actually prove helpful if we can sway her to our side." he answered, flipping a few switches as the last of the atmosphere cleared. "She was one of those assets that you could give an objective, a few parameters, and trust she'd complete the mission without any additional help or instruction."
> 
> "You sound like you envy her skills."
> 
> Kylo cocked his head, considering her soft accusation. "I envied her stillness, sometimes. She could be unaccountably patient. And self-sufficient. All that mattered was herself, and whatever was in the sights of her rifle. I've always... lacked focus."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings all and happy Monday! 
> 
> Many thanks to KaminaDuck for the beta read!
> 
> Thank you all so much for the wonderful support, kind words, and all the kudos! I can't tell you how much it brightens my day to hear that you're excited for the next chapter, or that you enjoyed a particular line of dialogue. You guys are the absolute best!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. It gets a little angsty, but I promise it's worth it.

Kylo was at the helm and Rey was toying with the nav system for the hyperdrive when they broke atmo. The thick, white clouds surrounding Takodana always made for a rough exit and reentry, and it was particularly bad that day for some reason. Rey had braced herself against a console to ride out a particularly bad quake when she heard Kylo hiss in pain. 

Her head snapped to face him, her own instability forgotten. "What? What is it?"

"It's nothing." he replied through gritted teeth as he wrapped his fingers around his side. The response to dismiss his weakness had been automatic, but he knew better than to think that would be the end of it. "It's my rib. The one that's bruised. I didn't wear the compression wrap while we were on Takodana."

"Oh." Rey stumbled across the rocking bridge to stand beside him. She had an instinct to scold him, but thought better of it. "I can take the helm if you need to go put it on. If it'll help."

"It would help, but…" he trailed off.

"Go get it." She gently nudged his shoulder with her elbow. "I can fly this thing, I promise, At least get us in high orbit."

"It's not that." he said, glancing up at her out of the corner of his eye. "I can't exactly get it on myself. It has to be wrapped tight. The medical droids usually do it."

"Oh." she said again. "Well… I'll help you once we break atmo and set coordinates."

Kylo could tell there would be no arguing with her without starting an actual argument. He felt his mind instinctually grab for the ever-simmering prideful anger that had always bubbled just under the surface, but he found either his temper towards such perceived slights had cooled. Or perhaps he just wanted the chance to have her hands on him again. He was betting it was both.

He shook himself inwardly. There was a medical droid on board this shuttle. She didn't have to help him. And he didn't have to say yes. But she made it hard to think about all the reasons he shouldn't. And furthermore, he refused to follow the instincts that had led him so far astray. She wanted to help. He didn't need a Force connection to see that every line of her body begged to be asked for help. And he couldn't deny that he wanted her help. 

There was that Balance between them. Yet again.

"Alright." he replied softly. 

"I'll go ahead and get started on setting course." she said, stepping back to the nav console. "I… think anyway. Hang on." she pulled up the holographic onboard map. "Do… should I set the coordinates first or the speed through hyperspace on this thing. I'm used to the older models that want a speed first and leave the rest of the calculating up to you."

A smile pulled at the corner of Kylo's mouth in spite of the pain. "You can do either, but I'd set the coordinates first. We'll calibrate the speed to bring us there at nightfall. It's a backwater, but all the same we don't want to stick around any longer than we have to."

"Coordinates?"

"Should be the first set in the destination file."

"2265.49 , -15996.96?" she rattled off as she typed. A small planet striated with green and pocked with landlocked oceans popped up on the display to her right. "Cantros 7."

"That's the place."

"Who are we hunting?"

"Her name is Irkalla Ren." he replied, his voice regaining some of its detached quality as the pain subsided. "She's the best sharpshooter in the First Order. Probably in the galaxy if we're being honest. Of course, it helps when you can bend projectiles in flight."

"I imagine that would be very helpful." Rey remarked, still clattering away at the navigation controls. "What sort of reception do you think we will get?"

"We didn't hate each other, if that's what you're asking. Part of the reason I wanted to go for her first is because she's the least likely to be openly aggressive. And she might actually prove helpful if we can sway her to our side." he answered, flipping a few switches as the last of the atmosphere cleared leaving nothing but a thick blanket of stars in view. "She didn't have much ambition beyond picking off some Jedi to carve out a comfortable place for herself in the Order. And she was very good at that. She was one of those assets that you could give an objective, a few parameters, and trust she'd complete the mission without any additional help or instruction."

"You sound like you envy her skills."

Kylo cocked his head, considering her soft accusation. "I envied her stillness, sometimes. She could be unaccountably patient. And self-sufficient. All that mattered was herself, and whatever was in the sights of her rifle. I've always... lacked focus."

Rey pondered over this as she worked, thinking of Kylo's wild fighting style, which she had seen gave very little emphasis to tactics or defense. How he would rather hack away at his enemy until they gave out from exhaustion rather than engage in a battle of attrition or strategy. Even when he'd tried to invade her mind, he hadn't been careful. It had been a full assault and he had held nothing back. It had just been a scalding wash of-

"All set?" He craned back to look at her now. 

His voice snapped her from the memory, and she quickly skimmed over the surface of his thoughts to see if he'd seen what she was thinking about. Either he hadn't, or he was hiding it well.

"All set." she replied, giving a few more keystrokes and then flipping the switch on the hyperdrive. There was a soft whine followed by a whooshing boom as it engaged, which made Kylo wince and grip his side again. "We're due to arrive at in the Cantros system at two hours after projected full dark. It'll be about ten hours and change of shipboard time." she pushed away from the console and away from the memories of the interrogation room and stood. "Come on. Let's get that wrap on you."

"And then we should probably get started on your lightsaber." He said as he headed for the upper deck.

Rey followed him up to what turned out to be his private room on board the shuttle. She lingered awkwardly by the door as he rooted around in one of his travel cases for the compression bandage as well as a tube of bacta and a roll of gauze. 

"I have to take my shirt off for this." he said clearly uncomfortable at the prospect. 

"Alright." she replied trying to sound casual. "At least I get warning this time."

Kylo gave an amused snort. "Snoke did that on purpose, to put me off balance."

"Or to fluster me." Rey suggested. "Either way, it worked."

He cut her a look. "It did?"

She blinked at him. "You couldn't feel it?

He quickly looked away, busying himself with the stubborn seal on the bacta tube. "I… tried to stay out of your head. At least I was by that point."

There seemed to be no getting away from those memories today. "You've seen everything interesting in there already, anyway." she shrugged, trying not to twist the knife of his guilt any more than she had to. "Which is to say… not much."

"That's not true." Kylo started to argue.

"Your shirt, please." she said, gently but firmly cutting him off.

He hesitated. Oh Force help her, he hesitated as a little color bloomed into his pale cheeks. 

"It's alright." she coaxed, trying to maintain enough composure for both of them. This was ridiculous. She'd already seen him shirtless. This shouldn't be that hard. Not for either of them. But she could still feel her pulse hammering in the back of her throat. And in other places that she was very much ignoring.

He took a deep breath and lifted the hem of the white shirt over his head, baring his torso to the unforgiving artificial light of his chamber. Rey had intended to keep eye contact but she found she couldn't. Not directly anyway. If she took in those broad shoulders and those wounded, uncertain eyes as a single picture she thought her knees might give. But she beckoned him closer, reaching out for the bacta and the bandage, desperate to find something else to focus on. He turned to show her his injured side and she hissed between her teeth when she saw it. A deep purple bruise, distended with swelling and still blossoming into scabs in a few places. It was already healing well, thanks to modern medicine, but it still looked horribly painful. She had to stop herself from reaching out to touch it. To feel the heat coming off of it.

"I'm sorry." she said, before biting open the package of bacta.

She could feel him glancing back at her through the dark fringe of his eyelashes. "For what?"

"You got this during the crash. You dove on top of me." she said softly as she smeared the goo evenly over the abrasion. He stood as still as he could manage, but he still sucked in air through his teeth when it stung.

"It's alright. It will heal if I take care of it." he replied through clenched jaws. Better me than you, he thought, not bold enough to say it out loud, but he found himself half-wishing she was listening anyway.

She politely wasn't though. Rey placed a soft piece of gauze over the bacta to keep it from rubbing off under the wrap before it could do its work. "Compression bandage?"

"Here." He handed her a broad length of some sort of very stretchy synthetic material. "I'll hold it in place. You just wrap it around and then pull. It'll adhere to itself once there's enough tension."

Rey nodded and when he had the fabric secured over his navel, she circled him keeping her eyes firmly focused on the material and telling herself she had to keep it even and flush with his ribs, even though Kylo had given no such instruction. When the bandage was wound, Rey adjusted her grip on it and braced herself on his shoulder. "Ready?"

He nodded, and she pulled. The fabric whispered over itself and cinched tight before binding together. If it hurt, he gave no sign.

She was about to ask if it felt right when she noticed a rough spot under her thumb. She looked instinctually finding a ragged braid of scar tissue that edged over the ridge of his shoulder blade. It was old and faded, but still pronounced. "What happened?" she heard her voice betray her to ask.

Kylo didn't turn, but looked at her over his shoulder through the fall of his dark hair. "From when I pulled the building down on myself and Luke. I wasn't exactly careful."

"Oh." the word puffed out as she stared at the old wound. A child had received that injury. A frightened, betrayed child whose master had failed him. Had given up on him. The thought struck her like a bolt of lightning. She found herself tracing it with her fingers, as if she could smooth it and all its attendant pain away. Anger bloomed in her heart, like a frost-rimed flower, making her hand quake where it rested on his scarred flesh.

"What about this one?" Across his broad back from that mark, she'd found a round puckered little mound of scar tissue. It was still shiny and pink.

"That was you." he answered, more softly than before. "Back on StarKiller. The entry wound is on the front."

As if it were an invitation, Rey circled him, finding the matching knot of raised skin with curious fingertips. 

Oh.

Oh that.

She looked across at his other shoulder where the other jagged burn from her lightsaber cut up his chest and throat to slash across his face. The scar from the blow that had spelled her victory in that fight. It was clean and healed, but obviously still new, blushing pink against the pale expanse of his chest. She reached out to touch it as she had the rest. Touch the place where it started for them in a way. She had drawn first blood as it turned out, and she felt resolved to acknowledge it. To own the fact that she's injured him again and again until he'd yielded. But she stopped short, unable to lay her hand on it.

She had done this to him. This particular injury had been her doing. Another wound to stack on top of all the rest. Suddenly, faced with the reality, she couldn't bear the thought. The complicated feelings stuck together like burrs in her throat. She wasn't ashamed. She didn't regret. She knew why she had done it and that there had been no other choice in the moment. It was her or him. But the rotten feeling still spread like seething acid through her blood. She had been responsible for hurting him, no matter if she could justify it or not. Like so many others before her and in so many ways. Luke had justified his actions, after all. And Leia.

She remembered the look on Kylo's face when she'd called him a monster. A venomous snake. And the look he'd given her in the throne room when she'd told him no. This scar was only the beginning of the pain she would cause him. 

Kylo could feel the heat of her palm where it hovered across his skin. Trembling, he reached up and pressed her hand down, her middle finger falling into the groove of the wound. She gasped faintly. It was deeper than it looked. She had cut him to the bone for sure. Like a butcher.

A sudden, choked sob welled up out of her mouth surprising them both. Her hand quaked under his as he held it fast. It needed words, she knew. It needed apology to fix it and make it better. But she stumbled as she tried to collect the right thing to say. "I'm-"

"Don't say it." he said, catching her before she could say something they both knew would be false and inexact. "We both know you're not. It's okay that you're not sorry."

"I hate it happened, then." she said tearfully, as she traced the line across his collarbone. "I hate that I was so angry and afraid that I felt like I had no other choice." Now that she had touched it, she found she couldn't stop. Its ridges and depressions felt like prayer beads rolled between a penitent's fingers. The words of the prayer had been forgotten to time, but the repentance was still rooted somewhere in the action and its sincerity. 

Rey glanced up into Kylo's face as he watched her touch her handiwork with a deeply shuttered expression. She closed her eyes, sending tears chasing down her cheeks, and reached out with the Force. She didn't need to reach far to find his own scalding memory of that fight. Of that wound. He had it on the surface for her to find. She could hear his pained and shocked scream in her head and it brought a fresh sob crawling up her throat. She could feel the agony of the cut, but stronger than that was his fear, which welled anew at the sight of her own untamed strength. He hungered for it. She was no longer a mission for Snoke. He wouldn't have taken her to him. He wanted her for himself… though he didn't understand how. Only that there was something… something about her that called to him, and promised to silence the fear he'd carried with him like a ball and chain all his life. Made heavier each year by Snoke's constant and insidious whispering in his mind.

To her surprise, Kylo didn't stop her intrusion. Instead he made one of his own, finding the same moment mirrored in her mind. His first impression of her was the cold dead weight of her own fear. Of the certainty that she was going to die here on this frigid collapsing planet. They had both been afraid, he realized. Really and truly afraid. But unlike him, she was not petrified by it. Beneath the chill of her fear, fueling her every action was an icy rage that he could practically taste. He had hurt her friend, and he would die for it. This wasn't about the Force. Or for the Rebellion. Or even for her own sake. She wasn't standing against him. She was standing for someone. She was certain she was a dead woman and that there was no one coming to save her. And her foe was terrifying... but that traitorous Stormtrooper was her friend, and he wouldn't be taken from her without a fight.

He had hurt her friend, and he would die. It was no more complicated than that.

Would she do that for him, Kylo wondered? Would she face down a monster to protect him? Would she buy him a handful of pitiful, shivering breaths with her own life? Was he worth that to her? To anyone anymore?

At the precise moment he asked that question, her thoughts found his through their shared recollection and answered…

Yes.

Her response was like a cool breath of air into the incensed emotions that roiled in both their minds. Their vision cleared to find them staring hauntedly at each other through tear-stained eyes, Rey's hand still stroking where the scar crawled across his throat. As she reached up to cup his jaw and run her thumb along the seam at his cheek, Kylo found himself turning into the touch, his full lips brushing across her palm. His breath was hot against her skin, coming out in vapid little pants as at once he steeled himself against his desires and gave into them. He was letting himself be weak in front of her. Hiding himself both from her and against her as he let himself want. Though what he wanted exactly remained a mystery.

"Yes, I would." she whispered it aloud her voice cracking through the tears. But it seemed important that she actually say it out loud, though no one else was listening save him. "I can't build you anything. I can't give you anything. I can't make you into anything. But we can try to fix what's wrong with this world together. And if anyone wants you, they go through me. I don't care who they are. Do you understand?"

He cut his eyes up to her face, and he found himself smiling against her skin at the raw assertion. And then he laughed, the sound coming out giddy and almost unhinged. He kissed the palm of her hand, drinking in her determination and pulling it like a waft of incense into the depths of his soul. 

And when his breath puffed back out in a heavy, sated sigh, he grabbed his shirt from the floor and dragged her by the hand out of the room after him. "Come on, Rey." he said, ragged laughter and something like relief still coloring his voice as he threw the shirt on over his head. "If you're in the business of making declarations like that, we have work to do. You're not protecting anyone with a broken lightsaber."

She laughed and clumsily followed him, wiping at her eyes with her free hand. "Alright then." she said allowing herself to be taken along behind.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Updates should be coming every Monday morning!


	10. And Steadfast as Keats' Eremite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once all the parts and tools from Maz were laid across the table in the cramped war room, alongside the broken hull of Luke's original lightsaber, Kylo sat down across from Rey straddling his chair and leaning his broad chest against the backrest.
> 
> "So. What do you know about lightsaber engineering?" he asked, folding his arms across the back of the chair.
> 
> "Not much honestly." she admitted, lifting one shoulder. "The texts don't really talk about it much. At least not the ones I've read so far. Though I did pick around at the broken casing a bit." She looked up at him, waiting for a question that never came.
> 
> Instead, he kept his eyes on her steadily, clearly waiting for her to tell him what she'd learned.
> 
> She took a deep breath and gave herself a gentle shake. Teacher. Right. She'd asked for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday everyone! I'm back with chapter 10!
> 
> Thank you all so much for all the feedback and kind words and kudos. If you want to come scream about The Last Jedi or chat about anything really, come find me on Tumblr. Seriously... I could use the pick-me-up... I just saw Infinity War.
> 
> As always, much love and many thanks to my beta reader KaminaDuck. 
> 
> And a shout out should go to Wookiepedia because that's where I did all my research about lightsabers.
> 
> Enjoy!

Once all the parts and tools from Maz were laid across the table in the cramped war room, alongside the broken hull of Luke's original lightsaber, Kylo sat down across from Rey straddling his chair and leaning his broad chest against the backrest.

"So. What do you know about lightsaber engineering?" he asked, folding his arms across the back of the chair.

"Not much honestly." she admitted, lifting one shoulder. "The texts don't really talk about it much. At least not the ones I've read so far. Though I did pick around at the broken casing a bit." She looked up at him, waiting for a question that never came.

Instead, he kept his eyes on her steadily, clearly waiting for her to tell him what she'd learned.

She took a deep breath and gave herself a gentle shake. Teacher. Right. She'd asked for this.

She picked up the broken housing, rolling it back and forth between her fingers. "The beam itself is formed by heated plasma in a containment field. Nothing terribly fancy there. It's plasma just like your garden variety rifle or pulse engine. But the difference is that it's kept contained and focused through both common lenses as well as some sort of crystal. That's what actually makes the straight "blade" of the sword." she nodded at the opaque white crystal that lay next to the fragments of the housing. "Other than that, I couldn't really find anything about specifics of construction. There isn't a special kind of crystal… some are synthetic and some are natural. Housings and focusing systems are all different. There doesn't seem to be any sort of standard beyond just… functioning like a lightsaber. Sort of like there isn't any one design for an engine. As long as it does what engines do, it's an engine."

"That's because all Jedi make their own lightsabers to suit their personal style in combat as well as their connection to the Force." Kylo supplied. "Exact specifications depend upon the crystal, the wielder, and the type of weapon they desire."

She frowned turning the ruined casing over in her hands. "So… should I fix it or make a new one?"

Kylo cocked his head consideringly. "That's up to you." he replied, swiveling back and forth in his chair. "You fight well enough with it as it was."

She was watching him carefully, having sensed he hadn't said everything he was thinking. "But?"

"But you're trained with a staff." he went on. "Your instincts are honed for a staff, and it shows even when you're wielding a different weapon. It might benefit you to consider a double bladed lightsaber instead."

She arched her eyebrows as the mulled it over. "It would feel a bit more natural, I suppose. Right now I just feel like I'm hacking away with the thing like it's a meat cleaver. What would we need to do?"

"Well, I have an extra casing that Maz gave me, along with a pair of power regulators and focusing lenses. We could repair the handle from Luke's and-"

"Didn't you want this lightsaber?" she cut him off. "It belonged to Luke, but before that it belonged to Darth Vader. Your grandfather."

Kylo's expression clouded a little as he stared at the broken weapon in her hand. "I did, once." he admitted, still oscillating back and forth in the chair. "I suppose part of me would still like to have it. But… it's yours. It chose you and keeps choosing you."

"You used it to kill Snoke." she pointed out.

"For you. To save you from him." he replied. Then he gave a firm shake of his head. "No… It's yours. It'll be part of your new weapon."

"But we only have one crystal. Unless it can power two-"

"No, we have another crystal." Kylo reached into the bag at his feet and produced his own lightsaber and began unscrewing the end cap.

Rey's face scrunched up in confusion. "You can't just give me the crystal out of yours. What will you fight with?"

"I'm only going to give you part of it. It's already broken anyway." he replied as he opened the housing and dropped a stone the color of arterial blood into his open palm. An obvious jagged crack split the stone in two.

"Won't it make the sword weaker?" She asked, still frowning as she considered the stone in his hand.

"Possibly. But it won't be as much of a distraction. It takes a certain amount of mental control to keep the whole thing from flying apart. I'm still a little surprised you didn't notice."

"Did you make your own crystal? Is this one of the synthetic ones?"

"Yes."

"And you couldn't make another one when it broke?"

"Snoke wouldn't let me." Kylo replied, thumbing at the crack in the stone. "It was my punishment for being careless."

"It weakened you." Rey said, staring at him, her brow bent into a concerned frown at this revelation. "You said it yourself… it's a distraction."

Kylo blinked through this new insight. He wasn't sure she was right. And yet, when had she ever been wrong? At least when it came to people manipulating him. "All the more reason to give part of it to you."

She shrugged, still considering the stone in his hand. "You don't mind? You did make it yourself… It must have taken a lot of effort to-"

As if in answer, he took the stone between his fingers and snapped it cleanly in half along the crack. "It really will be better this way, I think. Now, you'll build your half and I'll build my half and then we'll attach them using this coupler."

And so they worked side by side, piecing together the halves of Rey's new lightsaber. Rey took to the task of repairing Anakin's saber, while Kylo built her a brand new one from the pieces Maz had provided. 

Kylo had been right in his assessment. She hadn't really needed his help. But she seemed to revel in it all the same, and he found her enjoyment infectious. Their collaboration had been easy in a way that he'd never experienced before. Her asking questions and him answering. Passing tools back and forth before they had been asked for, sometimes using the Force if their hands were busy, but sometimes passing them hand to hand, a touch lingering against a finger or palm. It was a warm companionship neither had experienced prior, but they realized together that they had been craving it all their lives. Not a master or a teacher or a leader, but an equal.

As they toiled away at their shared task, Kylo found himself unwittingly remembering their brief moment of clarity back in his quarters, where they reached for each other in the crush of emotions that threatened to subsume them both. It was embarrassing how easily he was flustered and overwhelmed when she was close. Even now, he would catch himself getting lost watching her hands work instead of his own. Thankfully, she was focused on her task and not keeping tabs on him through the Force. 

And even stronger than his self-consciousness at his near constant reaction to her presence was his lingering shock that she hadn't recoiled from him. That she hadn't come to her senses. She still hadn't. Here she was, blithely working away with him in striking distance, barely batting an eyelash. And seeming to enjoy it even.

Gingerly and almost disbelievingly, he reached out to find their Force bond… not to look inside her mind but just to feel it. The calm of her presence was like a cool breeze across the turbulent surface of his thoughts. By turns the sensation was both comforting and invigorating. And wholly alien, he realized.

And he realized something else in that moment. She was looking at him, a small smile coloring her warm brown eyes when she saw he'd stopped working.

"You drifted on me there for a second." she said softly. "Something wrong?"

He shrugged and gave an abrupt sniff. His instinct was to deflect. To pull away and slink back into his own thoughts, but before he could give in, he felt her reach out and meet him in the Force where he'd stopped halfway between them. Almost as if she had known he was there.

"I've… I've not ever been able to contact someone through the Force who wasn't… who wasn't a threat before. At least in some way." he said, dropping his eyes to where he was fiddling with the wiring on his half of the lightsaber. "Luke… he never invaded my privacy like that. The Jedi generally aren't supposed to. But I was always afraid that he would. And he never seemed like he needed to anyway. And Snoke… well, you saw what he could do first hand, so I don't need to really go into detail. You can imagine what being his apprentice was like."

There was a breath of silence between them, suspended on the hum of the hyperdrive.

"How long?" she asked, her voice sharper than she meant it to be. As if she had to force the question out. When he cocked his head in question she quickly clarified. "How old were you when Snoke got into your head? It seems to be a question no one wants to ask because I think everyone is afraid of the answer… no matter what the answer is."

Kylo licked his lips, his gaze going distant. "Since I was about six."

"Six?" she asked, flabbergasted. "You were six years old?"

"Or around there. I… I remember discovering the Force and then not long after. Maybe a few months? I started hearing a voice. I had heard stories about Force ghosts and Jedi who could read minds and speak telepathically so I just thought, y'know, this is something that all Force sensitive people do. My parents were wary of me using the Force without training, so until I could begin working with Luke they discouraged it. So I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want to get in trouble."

"Why did you think you'd get in trouble?" Rey asked.

"I didn't know what was going on. What was me. What was the will of the Force or whatever. I don't think it even occurred to me that the voice was actually another person. I had no idea, so I kept the fact that I was hearing someone in my head to myself." he answered. "And at first it never really said anything. Just… commented on stuff that was happening. It seemed like it would be a bigger deal to tell them. Snoke didn't truly reveal himself until after I was in training with Luke. When the frustration started to really get to me."

Rey set her lightsaber down with trembling hands and shook her head in disbelief. "I didn't know. I… I don't think anyone knew. Luke… your- the General... "

"I'm not the best communicator." Kylo replied, continuing to thread the wiring on the housing. "I was even worse back then. Don't blame them."

"I do blame them." Rey countered, her voice going hard again, "They were the adults in your life. They should have known. Or they shouldn't have made you feel like you couldn't tell them. They should have done something." She threw up her hands in frustration.

"They did know. And they did do something." Kylo shot back. "I was turned over to Luke when my connection to the Force became too worrisome. And well… you know how it went from there."

Rey sighed, picking up her own housing and resuming her work. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I'm sorry the adults in your childhood failed you."

"Yours failed you too."

"They failed me differently." Rey said, lifting one shoulder in a small shrug. "But I suppose we are part of a long line of apprentices and children failed by their masters and their parents. It doesn't mean we can't do better." She glanced up at him, hope and trepidation doing a dance behind her eyes. "Maybe do right by each other."

Kylo blinked at that, giving a tentative nod before continuing to work on the wiring, threading it carefully up through the housing. Much more carefully than he had been with his own.

When they finished, Kylo suggested they head up to the observation deck and take their weapons for a test run. "We'll both have things to get use to." He had said by way of excuse, but they both knew it was a ruse. They were starting to go stir-crazy talking about fighting technique and the shades of their pasts, while they painstakingly tinkered around with all the tiny mechanisms in the lightsabers. And truthfully, neither wanted to wait to see what their newly adjusted weapons could do.

On the upper deck, they faced off as the stars zipped by in white hot lines through hyperspace. Just like when they'd sparred in the mining chamber on Crait, they circled first, Rey watching Kylo's footwork in particular. Even moving in a circle he never gave ground. She could feel him on the offensive already. Planning his first strike before the sabers were even ignited.

"Word of advice? The style and fluidity of a double bladed lightsaber is something you're familiar with from your staff." Kylo instructed. "The only difference is that the blades have no mass, so this will take more finesse than strength. You won't need to counterweight or adjust as much, and the finest adjustments cause big changes. So… that's where the Force comes in handy. Are you ready?"

She nodded, taking the handle of her new weapon in both hands as he ignited his lightsaber. The crimson blade flamed, still spitting out through the crossbeam. 

"Looks like not much changed." Rey opined. "Does it feel different?"

"It's steadier now that I don't have to concentrate on holding the crystal together." he twirled the blade, first in front and then behind. "And I can amplify it if I need more reach."

She inclined her head, a smile tickling the corner of her mouth. "That's good. But you'll never have more reach than me." Both her blades sprang to life, one blue and the other red, bathing her face in an eerie transcendent light. Kylo was struck for a moment seeing her like this. Excited, cocky, and just a little bit feral. And she was likewise taking him in, with his overhanded flip of his saber accentuating his stance which exuded nothing but power, confidence, and unbridled aggression.

"Pupils, first." he taunted, a sweetly arrogant grin pulling at the corner of his mouth.

"After you, then." she snarked back.

His smile grew teeth, and he lunged for her with an open reverse-handled swing.

***

Hot, sweaty, and strangely sated, they finished their sparring and departed for their quarters to catch some sleep. Kylo had tried to good naturedly insist that Rey take his commander's suite, but she assured him she was contented with the crew bunks. Since she was the only one there, they were technically private quarters too, and certainly nicer than anything the Rebels had been able to offer. Nevermind her husk of a house back on Jakku.

But after she was showered and tucked into one of the bunks, the usual dream came quickly on the heels of sleep, as if it had been skulking around the edges her mind waiting for the lights to go out.

It was different this time though. She wasn't in the throne room, but rather back on StarKiller base in the blowing snow. Kylo lay barely breathing, half buried in a snowbank behind her. But standing before her was the creature in the black and silver mask. The monster who had hunted her across the stars and peeled her mind apart like an onion before she found the wherewithal to throw him out. She felt a drop of sweat trickle down her spine in spite of the freezing cold. He stalked towards her with his lightsaber at the ready, and behind him came the rest of the Knights of Ren with weapons drawn. Creatures in masks, all of them.

And she fought them. She planted her feet and fought them, but couldn't keep from giving ground in the snow until her boot touched Kylo's unconscious form.

A nigh-hysterical certainty seized her. She was going to die here and no one was coming to save her. The freezing panic closed in around her as the Knights and their terrifying leader advanced. No one was coming. She was nobody. Nothing. And no one would care. 

But if she held out long enough she might buy-

"It's alright." she heard Kylo's voice behind her, soft and soothing. "It's alright. I'm okay."

She turned to see him awake and uninjured, curled on his side with the snowbank falling over him like a blanket. She wheeled back to face her assailants and found them frozen in place. The wind had died down, and the snowflakes drifted in the eerie quiet around them. Rey turned back to face him as he spoke again.

"You're alright." he whispered gently, extending a hand out towards her. "Reach out and meet me. Just… follow my voice up to the surface."

It was then that she realized that she was dreaming, and that Kylo had sensed it and had come to wake her up. 

She opened her eyes, blinking damply in the dark of the crew quarters. "Thank you." she whispered, her voice husky with sleep. Her heart still hammered in her ribs, but it was beginning to slow. "I'm sorry if I woke you. I hope this won't become a habit."

"Do you think you can get back to sleep?"

She shook her head, rubbing the sleep and tears out of her eyes as she sat up. "Not likely. Maybe I'll..." but she was too groggy to come up with an idea of what to do instead of sleep. Especially aboard an unfamiliar ship.

There was a beat of hesitation over their connection.

"Come to my room." he said finally. It was only half a suggestion and Rey wasn't sure what the other half was.

Guiltily, she didn't answer right away. She shouldn't impose, she told herself, but she'd already woken him up. What more harm could she do? And she was too exhausted to fight with herself. At least if she went to him, he wouldn't be forced to sleep on the cold floor of the crew bunk, because he would undoubtedly come to her if she refused. So she slipped out of her bed and padded barefoot across the hall to Kylo's suite. 

After the harsh artificial light in the hallway, Rey was temporarily blind again in the dark of Kylo's room. She could just see him within, lit only by the small red indicators on the intercom by his bed. They reflected in his eyes and nowhere else; two pinpoints of crimson light staring out at her from the blackness. After a moment's hesitation and peering into the dark, she could see he was still in bed, his shirt off and the compression bandage barely visible above the sheet. 

She realized she had stopped in the doorway to stare. 

He peeled back the cover on his bed in invitation before reaching down and gathering a throw from the foot of the bed. He meant to be as delicate and unassuming as possible about this, she realized. They both sensed that they were playing at boundaries here.

But Rey went to him, slipping between the sheets and drawing the blanket around her shoulders. But she didn't pull it between them, and instead curled every inch of her body against his. He folded himself around her as she nestled her face against the scar on the crook of his neck. He could feel her holding onto his shoulders, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise.

"It's alright." he whispered against her hair. "We're on my shuttle and we're both safe."

Rey buried her nose against his skin, and held him even tighter. Her heart was still pounding, she realized. Half at the memory of the nightmare he'd woken her from and half from… something else. She breathed deep, and forced herself to feel the warmth of his body, and smell the clean scent of his soap on his skin. She counted his pulse where it jumped against her cheek, grounding herself to the sensation that they were both alive, and warm, and safely tucked in bed. It suddenly didn't even seem strange that they were sharing a bed… it seemed like the only place she could ever want to be.

One… two… three… four… five…

She felt his mind touch hers and pause.

"What are you doing?" he asked, a husky laugh coloring his voice.

"I used to count my own heartbeats to fall asleep back on Jakku." she replied, her voice muffled against his skin. "When… when I couldn't find the ocean. You know that. You saw it when..."

He blinked. He did know that. From the interrogation room. A piece of information discovered, considered, and discarded as he'd carelessly thumbed through her mind like a deck of cards, looking for weapons to use against her. 

She had counted everything, he'd discovered during his careless plundering. Rations. Days. Heartbeats. All markers of time to make the wait more bearable. Almost as penance, he called up that feeling of loneliness he'd discovered, letting it wash over him in a freezing wave. So lonely… yet so afraid to leave. Kylo hugged her tighter and dropped a kiss onto the crown of her head. He could still smell the desert, hot and acrid, in the roots of her hair.

"Count away." he whispered through their bond. "I will be right here."

Kylo didn't let himself drift off until her counting had subsided into soft, easy sleep. He stared out into the quiet dark of his room, still holding Rey fast to him. He remembered what she had told him… That she would stand against anything to protect him. He was on that list of people she would die for. 

And in that cloistered darkness as he listened to her breathing, he knew that he would do the same in turn. The universe would burn before anyone laid a hand on her. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Updates should be coming every Monday morning!


	11. And It Says, "I Burn."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo woke first that morning, roused gently by the soft beep of a proximity alert. The display on the wall dimly showed that they had popped out of hyperspace in the Cantros system at the expected hour, but they were not at Cantros 7 exactly. They were in low orbit over Cantros 6. 
> 
> Very low orbit. Inside the planet, in fact.
> 
> He frowned, sitting up a little further to squint at the display. Surely Rey would not have gotten the coordinates wrong. He looked down at her. The chime from the proximity alert hadn't woken her even slightly. She still slept peacefully, tucked into the crook of his arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday everyone!
> 
> First off, I want to thank you all for the outpouring of support and kind words I've gotten for this fic. Seriously... you guys are the best and I feel so warm and fuzzy when I hear that Monday is your favorite day of the week because you want to find out what happens next in my little story. So thank you so so so much.
> 
> Also thank you to my beta reader @KaminaDuck. Couldn't do this without you.
> 
> Last thing: This chapter is NSFW. So... y'know. Enjoy!
> 
> And thank you again!

Kylo woke first that morning, roused gently by the soft beep of a proximity alert. The display on the wall dimly showed that they had popped out of hyperspace in the Cantros system at the expected hour, but they were not at Cantros 7 exactly. They were in low orbit over Cantros 6. 

Very low orbit. Inside the planet, in fact.

He frowned, sitting up a little further to squint at the display. Surely Rey would not have gotten the coordinates wrong. He looked down at her. The chime from the proximity alert hadn't woken her even slightly. She still slept peacefully, tucked into the crook of his arm.

Kylo dared a peek into her mind, finding her dreams to be quiet and still. With a fondness that made his chest ache, he tucked an errant curl of her dark hair behind her ear. He thought briefly of kissing her cheek, but he dismissed the idea out of hand. It would be too much. It might already be too much.

Ever so carefully and with a good deal more regret than he wanted to admit, he exerted just enough mental pressure to keep her slumbering as he disentangled himself from her embrace and from the blankets. He approached the display and pulled up the view from the bridge. Cantros 6, as it turned out, was little more than an asteroid field. A planet cracked apart by multiple blasts from mining ships until it had been reduced shattered rubble to be processed by Imperial mining teams. And there were none present, which meant the carcass of Cantros 6 had been thoroughly picked clean. There weren't even any scavenging ships nearby.

Then he understood. Rey had chosen to exit hyperspace here to hide. Fuel wasn't an issue at present. And Cantros 7 was only moments away by lightspeed. If any patrols happened to be about, they could linger here unnoticed as they prepared. And their arrival in the system was likely to be unobserved by anyone save perhaps a few scavengers, if anyone noticed at all. Smart. It was definitely the tactic of someone whose survival had meant slipping through life as unremarked as possible.

Kylo stepped to the bathroom and undressed the rest of the way, carefully peeling the compression bandage from his ribs. He twisted to look at the injury in the mirror. He still felt stiff, but the deep purple of his bruised back had faded to a jaundiced yellow. Much improved. 

As the water in the shower heated, he stared at his marred face in the fogging mirror, tracing one finger down the scar that bisected his cheek. The mark he'd so quickly come to hate looked different to him now. Before it had been a disfiguring and shameful brand of failure. It had galled him to have to show it to Snoke. 

But now… Rey had reached out and touched him there as if that scar was the most sacred thing in the universe. Touching it had been a form of penance for her and that still confused him. How could she feel bad for hurting him? Ultimately, he was grateful she had. For him, its pain had been a passing thing. A transfiguration, not a disfigurement. He would bear a thousand, thousand injuries if it just meant that she would touch him that way again. 

The hungry ache in his chest flared again. Suddenly, all he wanted was to crawl back in bed with her. To feel the weight of her presence against him; mind and body alike. Maybe she would touch him again like she had the previous day. Maybe she could count his heartbeats for him. Maybe...

He gave his head a hard shake, shocked and appalled at his own craving. Like a man dying of thirst. A bone deep desire for… healing. For her. It was not something to which he was accustomed. He had thought he was. He'd thought that he'd curated that sort of desire for the Dark Side. But even his zeal for Snoke's approval and for the status as his grandfather's heir was a pallid candle flame in comparison to the all consuming inferno he felt now.

Without meaning to, as he stepped under the water, he found himself imagining how her hands would feel elsewhere on his body. And before the fantasy was even fully formed he fought to distance himself from it. He was not some decadent, slavish creature continually chasing his own fulfillment. He never had been. Many of the Knights of Ren were of that sort. Hux too, and it disgusted Kylo. He told himself he had more control than that.

Or was it simply that no one had piqued his interest?

Kylo remembered with a shiver the touch of her hand on his body as she catalogued every scar she could see. The smell of her skin, even through the standard issue barracks soap. The tickle of her hair under his nose when he had kissed her gently on the crown of her head as she drifted off to sleep. He wanted to pull her around him again as she had been in bed. And he wanted to explore her. Find the touches that made her sigh and go boneless in his hands. He wondered how her lips would taste under his. He would give her anything she wanted… anything…

But what if she didn't want that?

It was too late to back away from those thoughts now. His cock was at half mast and insistently growing thicker with each hammer of his pulse. Kylo gingerly checked their Force connection and found her still sleeping soundly. As he took himself in hand, he told himself it was just to blow off some steam. That he would need to be relaxed and focused in the hours to come, and this would help. Just this once.

But he knew he was lying to himself. He wanted Rey in a deep and primal way that made him burn with shame. He was weak and he knew it, and she would certainly see it that way too. But nevertheless he started a steady rhythm of even strokes that brought him to full hardness almost instantly. This would not take long, he knew. And if he was being weak, might as well go all out. Incinerate the rabid hunger and lust from his system. And yet… lust was not the word for what he felt as he worked himself. 

Reverence. Yes, that was the word for what he felt for her. Reverence for her strength and for her power that came not in the form of dominance and aggression, but in grace and mercy. A deep well of unending kindness and valor. He didn't want to possess it so much as bask in it. He would bring the galaxy to its knees for her if she asked… but not before he hit his knees himself. 

He remembered the sensation of her hand on his face, tracing the scar of her own making. The possession in her voice as she spoke to him about it. He wondered, as he continued to stroke himself faster, if she would ever kiss it as reverently as she touched it. 

The thought of her lips on his face sent a brilliant, near-heartstopping climax ripping up his spine forcing him to stumble towards the wall to brace himself. It took all of his strength to keep from shouting her name as his release spilled down the drain. He pumped his cock feverishly, wanting to wring every incandescent bit of ecstasy from that moment. This would be the only time, after all. He wouldn't let this happen again...

When Kylo emerged from the shower flushed and a little weak-kneed, he reached out through the Force found Rey still asleep; dreamless and unmoved. He checked his injury again and judged that he wouldn't bother with the compression bandage today. While he was still a little sore and stiff, the bandage was restrictive. When he got dressed, he opted for donning his usual black. His father's clothes he packed into a drawer. He might wear them again if they ever went to another tropical planet, but his black robes were still his. He was still comfortable in them despite how his world had changed. They were the clothes of Kylo Ren, and he figured now they always would be.

Rey roused as he was hooking the last few clasps on his tunic. She didn't sit up, or even move from where she was tucked carefully under the blanket. She just opened her eyes and stared at him for a moment, taking in the familiar imposing figure with an unreadable expression. 

"You'll probably want to avail yourself of some of the First Order garb as well." he said by way of explanation. "Cantros 7 is probably a good bit cooler than you're used to, and it's likely to be windy in the mountain passes."

She nodded, still staring at him with a flat, unblinking expression.

"Did you sleep well?"

She nodded again, giving a little stretch this time. "Better than I have in years. Certainly in the last few weeks."

"Good." he said, pulling his collar tight and smoothing the front of his tunic.

"Did you?"

"Yes." he said without looking at her. Shame welled anew at how weak it made him feel to admit it.

"Thank you." she said, her voice small. She still hadn't moved from her spot in the bed and it was all Kylo could do to not join her again. 

"For what?" he asked, actually glancing up at her for a moment.

"For everything." she answered. "For your ship. For teaching me how to build a lightsaber. And how to use it. For… forgiving me."

He laughed softly then, dropping his eyes to the floor under the guise of looking for his boots. There it was again… that grace that she had that she couldn't keep to herself. "There's nothing to forgive."

"I hated you." she said, curling in on herself a little. "I actually tried to kill you. I don't know that I would have succeeded, but had the planet not split apart I might have actually tried. And I shot at you with my blaster the very next time I saw you. But…"

He looked up again, studying her as she lay twined in his sheets. He waited for a moment before prompting her. "But what?"

"You didn't hate me. Ever. Did you?"

He paused, taking stock of his thoughts before he shook his head, the tiny motion still sending his damp hair falling into his eyes.

"And you never wanted to kill me. You just… you always wanted me to join you. Whenever you had me against a wall… that's always what you asked."

"I was still wrong."

"So was I."

She wasn't wrong, Kylo's brain whispered treacherously, but he wasn't listening. He was lost to the soft look in her eyes. When she looked at him like that, all his self loathing and doubt vanished like fog before the morning sun.

"I'll forgive you if you'll forgive me." he bargained. The floor was so much easier to look at than her. Especially her still piled in his bed with sleep mussed hair and that infuriatingly gentle expression on her face.

"Deal." she said, a smile bending her lips. And he couldn't resist mirroring it, just a little.

"We should get ready to go." Kylo hated saying it, but it was the truth. "We'll be racing the clock if we want to make it off planet before sunrise. Full dark on Cantros 7 only lasts about 6 hours."

Rey nodded and reluctantly eased herself out of bed. "Where were the spare uniforms and such?" 

"In the closet in the hallway. Third door on the left."

She trudged out of the room scratching a hand through her untamed hair, her bare feet making soft sounds against the tile floors. Kylo unabashedly watched her go, the smell of desert air lingering in the room after she had gone.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).


	12. No Bird Was Singing In It Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If it had been jarring for Rey to see Kylo don his Imperial-style black again, it was doubly jarring to Kylo to see her wearing it for the first time. It fit better than it seemed like it should, especially for being borrowed. The cuffs of the trousers had needed a few inches taken off, but it was nothing a little double bonding machinist's tape couldn't fix. But she looked so uncharacteristically severe, with her hair pulled back from her tanned face and pinned tightly under her little officer's hat. All the sharp creases and corners of the uniform brought out the hollow edges of her features, honed by years starving in the desert.
> 
> Looking at her clad head to toe in Imperial-styled black, Kylo remembered his fleeting dream of ruling together with her. From when he'd offered his hand and asked her to join him. He'd pictured her in black then. In a sweeping black robe that pooled on the reflective floor of Snoke's throne room. Dressed to rule by his side. How drab the dream seemed now. How close and ill-fitting on both of them, nevermind how the clothes looked. His vision had been so much smaller than what they were just learning themselves to be capable of. He was astounded at his own shortsightedness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday everyone! Hope your week is off to a good start. 
> 
> Just as fair warning, this chapter contains some sequences featuring canon-typical action and violence. So just be aware. 
> 
> Many thanks to KaminaDuck for the beta!
> 
> And thank YOU for reading and for all the kudos, comments, and loving support! Seriously, you guys are amazing and as much fun as I had writing this fic, I'm having even more fun seeing your reactions to it!
> 
> Enjoy!

If it had been jarring for Rey to see Kylo don his Imperial-style black again, it was doubly jarring to Kylo to see her wearing it for the first time. It fit better than it seemed like it should, especially for being borrowed. The cuffs of the trousers had needed a few inches taken off, but it was nothing a little double bonding machinist's tape couldn't fix. But she looked so uncharacteristically severe, with her hair pulled back from her tanned face and pinned tightly under her little officer's hat. All the sharp creases and corners of the uniform brought out the hollow edges of her features, honed by years starving in the desert.

Looking at her clad head to toe in Imperial-styled black, Kylo remembered his fleeting dream of ruling together with her. From when he'd offered his hand and asked her to join him. He'd pictured her in black then. In a sweeping black robe that pooled on the reflective floor of Snoke's throne room. Dressed to rule by his side. How drab the dream seemed now. How close and ill-fitting on both of them, nevermind how the clothes looked. His vision had been so much smaller than what they were just learning themselves to be capable of. He was astounded at his own shortsightedness.

They touched down on the planet in a steep forested ravine nestled in the foothills of the primary mountain range of the continent. As they'd flown in, Rey could see the bright lights of a mining colony and its attendant smelter tucked into the craggy mountain face. The wind howled through up the ramp as soon as the door opened and she could smell the metallic refuse on the air. Rey had chafed at her confining clothes at first, but as soon as the cool wind buffeted her face, she was grateful for the insulation, however scratchy. 

"Ready?" Kylo asked.

"Ready." Rey confirmed.

And they set out onto Cantros 7 together.

"Irkalla's lodge should be on the upper side of this ravine." Kylo told her as they turned to head up a switch-backed trail that led up the cliff face to the forest proper.

"What was she stationed here for?"

"Snoke had her doing recon on the mining community we saw on approach. There were rumors of Rebel activity there. A possible attempt to overthrow our control of the mine. She had a nice little perch up high overlooking the valley where most of the population lives. She was primarily tasked with observation, but if she noticed any overt antagonism, she was to take out anyone she suspected of sympathizing with the Rebels."

"Was she reporting to anyone? Snoke? Hux? You?"

"She was always one to have a largely independent operation… no oversight from Hux, certainly. And Snoke tended to give her a lot of leash."

Judge and executioner, Rey thought. She wondered if the populace had been aware of her. If she had killed anyone yet.

They climbed out of the ravine in silence. The howling wind made it difficult to hear anything but the sound of their own heavy breathing. Once they cleared the rim of the ravine, they came to the edge of a dense forest. But beyond, not more than a quarter mile into the trees stood a lookout tower some fifty feet above the canopy.

"That's where we're heading." Kylo pointed. "Though…"

"What is it?" Rey asked turning to face him.

"We should have had a sign from her by now." he said, squinting up at the tower through the wind, which was much stronger up on the top of the cliff. "A flare. A warning shot. Something."

"A warning shot? She would shoot at us?"

"She would miss. She'd make sure of it. You might lose your hat though." Kylo reassured her with an amused smirk. He ignited his lightsaber, holding it over his head with the cross beam clearly visible. She would recognize it if she saw it. If she was there to see it. "Come on." he said, quenching the blade after a few seconds passed with no response.

They trudged through the trees, hands never straying far from the lightsabers on their hips. Each gust of wind set the shadows in the trees roiling making it impossible to discern any threat around them. After half an hour of walking into the gale, the dark gray walls that ringed Irkalla's compound came in sight. No lights or movement were visible anywhere. The concerned frown deepened across Kylo's brow but he said nothing. 

The gate was unlatched. Yet another bad sign. It swung inward with a labored groan that spoke of a serious lack of use. Still no lights or sign of anyone being awake or home. As they stepped into the inner courtyard, Kylo called up towards the lookout tower as he searched around through the Force for any sign of her.

"Irkalla!" His voice boomed out over the tempestuous wind. It was even worse in the clearing with no trees to dampen it. "It's Kylo Ren! Are you up there?"

Nothing but the wind answered him.

"Irkalla! Are you-"

"Kylo, look!" Rey had grabbed him by the arm, turning him back towards the outer walls. On the outward facing side, the stone had been smooth and featureless. But on the inside of the courtyard, the wall was marred with numerous blackened craters. The sharpshooter had been firing at something or someone from inside her compound.

"Oh no…" Kylo breathed and took off towards the lookout at a breakneck pace.

"Maybe it's not what it seems." Rey offered as she galloped after him. "Could that have been target practice?"

"You don't need target practice when you can bend bolts in the air." Kylo replied curtly. "Stand back."

When they had reached the door, Kylo stretched out his hand and Force blasted it off its hinges. Rey jumped at the sound of the shearing metal, and at the raw strength he was displaying. She could practically feel his anxiety and power rattling her back teeth. But there was something comforting about it in a strange way. It was familiar now. Not just an unknown malevolence that plagued her dreams.

When the light was switched on, the true struggle inside the compound was revealed. Upended furniture. Broken windows. Burns and holes from blaster fire on nearly every surface. And one large rust colored stain on the floor.

Kylo knelt down, touching the puddle with his gloved fingers. They came away dry.

"She's not here." he sighed standing. "And this is days old. Maybe longer. She's either dead or-"

A black shape moved in the courtyard. A shadow out of sync with the waving trees outside. "Get down." Rey hissed, grabbing his sleeve and pulling him down behind a table.

"What is it?" Kylo whispered.

"A surveillance droid." she replied. "Out in the courtyard."

"You're kidding. First Order?"

"It had a black casing so that's a safe bet. I didn't get a good look at it."

"It must have seen me ignite my saber." Kylo cursed himself inwardly. "Stupid."

"Or it saw us land in a giant one-of-a-kind First Order ship that's been missing for over three cycles." Rey offered. "We just need to find a way out of here."

"Right." he said taking a deep breath. "One thing at a time."

"One thing at a time." Rey confirmed. "But hey… do droids like that have comm links?"

Kylo peeked around the corner of the table just in time to see the droid float through the unhinged front door. It was too close now for him to speak out loud.

"Yes." he whispered through the Force. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking we grab it and see what's been said on comms on this planet. Might tell us what happened and why Irkalla was attacked. And by who. I mean… I seriously doubt it was anyone other than the First Order, do you? But how would they know she was here?"

Kylo nodded in agreement. "On three? I'll push it down, you disable it?"

"Okay. On three."

They counted together in their shared headspace. One… two… three…

Then, they burst out from behind the table and as soon as the droid saw them it emitted an ear-splitting squeal of alarm. Kylo extended his arm and used the Force to slam it to the ground allowing Rey to pounce on it. Its flexible arms flailed at her until Kylo could get them under control. Rey's fingers worked quickly on the input, and soon had the droid quiet and its hard drive ejected. 

"Everyone in the valley likely heard that." Kylo said helping her to her feet as she pocketed the drive. "We have to move." 

They both ran full tilt through the forest, towards the edge of the ravine. The trees were little more than column-shaped blurs on either side as they wove their way between them. When they reached the cliff edge, they could see three repulsor-lift speeders barrelling down the canyon towards their ship.

"So they did see us land." Rey said between heaving breaths. 

"Come on." Kylo pulled at her elbow.

"They're going to catch us." Rey pointed out as they scrambled and skidded down the switchbacks, cutting the corners as often as they could.

"I know."

"Do we have a plan?"

"Kill them before they kill us?"

She huffed out a breath through puffed cheeks and pushed herself even harder. "Fair enough."

They skidded to the bottom of the ravine and tore off towards the ship as fast as their legs would carry them. Rey could hear the faint whine of their pursuers coming up behind, closing the distance alarmingly fast. Now that they were close Rey could reach out with the Force and tally them up. Nine in total. Three Stormtroopers on each speeder, all armed to the teeth.

And once they were in range the hail of blaster fire began. Rey instinctively ducked, slowing her pace as she tried to use the Force to anticipate and dodge, but she'd never had any practice at it. Especially not with nine people shooting at her. It suddenly felt like she was trying to run with three legs. 

"Go!" Kylo shouted, falling back with her. "Go! I'll-" 

But before he could finish Rey took a bolt across her upper thigh, let out a shocked yell of pain and stumbled to the ground.

Kylo reeled around and froze, his wide eyes locking on her kneeling form, panting and sweating even in the cold as their assailants closed in on them. He could see the blood seeping out under her hand like black ink in the darkness, and he his vision went red. Rage sung in his ears, and over it, in inexplicable harmony with it, was Rey's voice, reaching out through the Force.

"Together." she whispered, wrenching his attention back to her. Her hand was on her lightsaber and as her eyes settled on his, she summoned her strength and braced herself to pivot on her injured leg. She had sensed his rage, and she was not afraid. She would use it. It would be what carried her through this encounter without faltering. She knew how to use her pain to fuel her, because she'd seen him do it before. "Together."

He nodded once, pulling her cold surety around him like a second cloak and stepping up in front of her, igniting his lightsaber and blocking the still-incoming blaster fire. It was a game of chicken now, and when the speeders were in range, the two of them peeled off from one another. Kylo cheated left and leveled his lightsaber in a overhanded swing that sliced through vehicle and riders alike, sending parts flying from both and bathing him in a shower of blood and sparks. Rey used her partially concealed position to simply turn and ignite both her blades and cut through the other two speeders, sending their occupants sailing and shrieking through the air.

As their remaining battered and stunned assailants regrouped and armed themselves for close combat, Kylo and Rey found themselves back to back once more. Their rib cages heaved together as they assessed their situation and tallied their opponents. Speeders were disabled. Six Stormtroopers remaining. Three and three. Fewer than the Praetorians in the throne room. Even with Rey's injured leg, this would be a cakewalk. 

And thus the Balance was struck as easily as anything. His rage and passion thrummed against the steady beat of her calm confidence. And where they met… quiet. Even over their pounding pulses and the shouted orders from the troopers. So so quiet and still. 

Rey reached back for him with her hand as she reached out with her mind for the stillness between them. She gripped his thigh as she had before, holding and anchoring herself to him. And she felt him do the same, his gloved hand finding purchase in the hollow of her hip bone. 

"Together." she whispered again, and through the Force came a wordless echo of his agreement.

Their assailants didn't stand a chance. Kylo and Rey were a coordinated, balletic frenzy of light and violence. They cut their armor clad attackers down like spring grass in an ecstatic dance that seemed to stretch on forever. A brief but endless reliving of their unity in the throne room only a few days prior. They had found the Balance on instinct before. Without thought or effort. Now they sought it with purpose and resolve, and they let the connection hang on until their attackers lay in bloody heaps and they were all the way inside the shuttle with the doors closed and the engine engaged. 

Rey stared at Kylo as their connection ebbed away into the background again. He was bloody, panting, and positively incandescent with rage. He was a monstrous fury and it was utterly terrifying to behold. But she was not afraid. It had all been for her. She could feel it. She could practically taste it. In his mind had been a single mantra which she drank down like scalding water to thaw the chill of her panic.

They had hurt her and they would die.

It was so rare. It was so beautiful. And it was so much more powerful than the vacuous rage that had been fueled solely by his ego. This had purpose. She was its purpose, and she did not shy from it. She gloried in it, even. Rey craved being wanted and cherished like this. It's what she had wanted all her life, she realized. She'd gotten glimpses of it with Finn and with Leia. But it had always been a fleeting thing. Never this all consuming. Never this uncompromising. 

They had hurt her and they would die.

She was still staring, she realized, when Kylo frowned at her. "What?" he asked over the hum of the engines.

What, indeed.

Rey threw down her now extinguished lightsaber with a heavy thud, and crossed the loading bay in as few a steps as she could manage. She grabbed the front of his robe and, caring not a jot for the blood that covered his face, kissed him squarely on the mouth.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Updates should be coming every Monday morning!


	13. Tell Us What Elements You Blend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Millennium Falcon hummed through hyperspace with Chewbacca at the helm as the trio of Poe, Finn, and Rose sat down around the shipboard hologram to plan. Rose pulled up the map of the facility on Halm and turned it so that it stood flat for everyone to see.
> 
> "There are three security offices." she stated, and after a few keystrokes the rooms in question lit up bright yellow in the pale blue schematic. She gave an excited little wiggle in her chair, clearly thrilled to be part of formulating the plan for their escapade. "This one… is the central hub and has, of course, the most doors and walls between it and the outside. So it's a no go. Not without another way inside."
> 
> "What about this one on the roof?" Poe asked, pointing to another yellow cube on the map.
> 
> "It's the most accessible," Rose replied, "But very hard to get to without cover. Three stories up and windows all around. It's an observation deck type deal. Guaranteed to have someone in it all the time. Without cloaking, there's no way to conceal our approach, and we don't know that there aren't de-cloaking scanners here. I'd be shocked if there weren't."
> 
> "We're better off trying to use the one on the bottom floor then." Finn concluded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday everyone!
> 
> So meanwhile... back at the other half of the plot... I figured we should check in with Poe, Finn, and Rose and see how their escapade is going!
> 
> Many thanks to KaminaDuck for the beta-read. Seriously... you're the best.
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos, the encouraging comments, and for the shares! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, and how much it brightens my day to open my email or Tumblr and see that someone is excited about what I'm writing. Thank you thank you thank you!
> 
> Enjoy! And have a good week!

The Millenium Falcon hummed through hyperspace with Chewbacca at the helm as the trio of Poe, Finn, and Rose sat down around the shipboard hologram to plan. Rose pulled up the map of the facility on Halm and turned it so that it stood flat for everyone to see.

"There are three security offices." she stated, and after a few keystrokes the rooms in question lit up bright yellow in the pale blue schematic. She gave an excited little wiggle in her chair, clearly thrilled to be part of formulating the plan for their escapade. "This one…" she zoomed in on the largest of the highlighted rooms, "Is the central hub, and has, of course, the most doors and walls between it and the outside. So it's a no go. Not without another way inside."

"What about this one on the roof?" Poe asked, pointing to another yellow cube on the map.

"It's the most accessible," Rose replied, "But very hard to get to without cover. Three stories up and windows all around. It's an observation deck type deal. Guaranteed to have someone in it all the time who will sound the alarm if there are weird people on the roof. Without cloaking, there's no way to conceal our approach, and we don't know that there aren't de-cloaking scanners here. I'd be shocked if there weren't."

"We're better off trying to use the one on the bottom floor then." Finn concluded, folding his arms. "It's right by the entrance."

"Agreed." Rose replied.

"Okay." Poe sat back. "So in that case, how do we get through the front gate? It's not heavily guarded, but there aren't a lot of options for cover there either. They're going to see us coming a mile off."

"I agree… I don't think we'll be breaking in." Rose said. "But I think Finn discovered something that might help us."

"What's that?" Poe asked.

"So, in addition to all the schematics and maps on Dalemac's shipboard computer," Finn sat forward and flicked through a few files on the hologram, before stopping on some sort of calendar. "We also have this. Jascall Dalemac's day planner. We have access to his entire schedule for the next three weeks. Meetings. Travel. And exactly where and when he'll be meeting prospective clients and giving them tours. He's like… their hype man. He's the one meeting with all these buyers and pitching products."

"So we intercept and impersonate some of these people?" Poe inferred.

"Exactly." Rose replied. "Who's on tap for the next couple of days?"

"Lets see…" Finn pulled up the upcoming week in Dalemac's calendar on his datapad. "Looks like day after tomorrow planetside he's due to meet with some investors affiliated with the First Order. A filthy rich heiress and her informant from the First Order. She's got a private militia on her home planet that serves the First Order. I won't feel bad knocking them in the nose and stealing their ride."

"So we'll make it to Halm, stop off in town to pick up supplies... " Poe began.

"I've still got the First Order uniform I stole." Finn cut in. "So I'm set for a disguise."

"And we'll scan for their ship. Jump them somewhere between their landing and the Apex Facility, and then go meet Dalemac. Except not." Poe pulled the map back up. "We'll have to stop off in the security office first and probably wait there because we will have been late to the tour, and Dalemac will be in a meeting already." he pointed at the schedule on the datapad in Finn's hand. "We jump the security guards, switch uniforms and go from there."

"That sounds like a plan." Finn said with a broad grin.

"This is exciting." Rose squealed, no longer able to contain her excitement. "I always got to hear stories about daring break-ins and rescues… I never thought I would get to be part of one."

"You were nearly executed a few days ago, Rose. We both almost were." Finn pointed out.

"But we weren't!" she pointed out. "Isn't that the part that makes it heroic? We were almost executed, but we weren't! You knocked Phasma down a pit, and we saved Rey! Have to say… as an engine technician I never imagined that I would get to go on daring missions like this one. That… that was always Paige's thing."

"There's a lot about our current situation that I am still having trouble imagining… let alone believing." Poe mused, sitting back in his chair. 

"Tell me about it." Finn huffed. "Speaking of which, I wonder how Kylo and Rey are faring?"

"I bet they're fine." Poe grumbled with a roll of his eyes as he hefted himself to his feet.

"He's certainly… not what I was expecting him to be like." Finn said thoughtfully. "He's definitely nothing like he was when he still wore the mask."

"He's not at all what I was expecting either. Not after all the stories I heard. He certainly still looks the part, but..." Rose said, her mouth twisting in thought. "But then again, neither were either of you."

"What do you mean?" Finn asked.

"I mean… neither of you were what I was expecting. And maybe that's part of the problem with Kylo Ren." she shrugged. "Expectations can lead to disappointment. It was bad enough for us to deal with as adults. He was just a kid."

Poe wrinkled his nose as he paced back and forth across the hold. "That still doesn't excuse everything that-"

"I'm not trying to excuse it." Rose cut him off. "I'm trying to find the reason for it. And there is one. It sucks, but there is one. Just like there's a reason that you're so determined to succeed in your missions. And a reason that Finn defected from the First Order. A reason my sister and I joined the Rebellion. No one expected anything of us, is what I'm saying. We weren't expected to step up. We just did. Kylo Ren was the freaking chosen one, from the way it sounds. And speaking personally, that sounds terrifying."

Poe inclined his head in grudging agreement.

"We all find our way 'round." Finn said with a shrug. "I suppose if anyone can bring him around it's Rey. She's good like that."

"Yeah… yeah she is." Poe affirmed with a sigh. He finally quit pacing and rested his hands on his hips. "Well, if that's the start to our plan, I'm going to go let Chewie in on it, and then I'm going to go catch some sleep." 

"Sounds good." Finn nodded, and they all drifted off to take care of business before they hit atmo on Halm.

***

Finn didn't think anywhere could be hotter or drier than the desert on Jakku, and yet here they were on Halm, waiting out in the blazing sun for the transport carrying the First Order liaison. It felt like at any moment his skin would suddenly just begin to melt off his bones. He also didn't think he'd miss his Stormtrooper uniform, but he would have given anything for the synthetic white plastic over the heavy black canvas of the officer's uniform he was currently wearing. Clearly the person who designed First Order uniforms never expected them to be worn anywhere but aboard a climate controlled cruiser in high orbit.

"Here they come!" Rose called across the dusty section of road before ducking back down behind the rock she was using as cover.

Finn peeked through the scrubby bush that served as his hiding place and sure enough, a single vehicle was lumbering down the road. When it reached them, he and Rose pulled the trip wire, sending an improvised explosive straight up into the passenger side hover pad. A few yards down the road, the vehicle bounced to a halt in a cloud of dust and smoke. As soon as the driver hopped out to see what had happened, Poe was ready with the blaster, stunning each member of their entourage as they exited the vehicle. And last was the investor herself, a plump little dumpling of a woman who cowered in the back seat. 

She actually screamed when Poe opened the door. "Please don't hurt me! Just-"

"Look, I'd say I'm sorry about this," Poe commented blithely, making sure she saw the Rebel insignia on the lapel of his jacket, "But we both know I'm lying and they pay me to fly ships, not act." And then he stunned her as well.

"Let's see who we have here." Poe said, holstering his blaster and beginning to rifle through their belongings. "Yep, these are them. Ms. Tychi Emric, her associate Vacaro Edess, and driver Oren Kenosha."

"I guess I know who's clothes I'm stealing." Rose muttered as she dug around in the back of the vehicle looking for Emric's suitcase. "I hope there's something that fits."

"I'll take Vacaro Edess, since he's the First Order liasion. Then I don't have to change clothes." Finn said, digging Edess's credentials out of his pocket.

"And that makes me the driver." Poe sighed, stripping off his jacket to appear more nondescript. "Like always."

"Found the spare hover pad!" Rose called from the back. "Help me pull it out of this hatch so I can close these doors and change."

The two men scurried to help her heft the hover pad out onto the road.

"You guys know how to install that thing?" Rose's voice was muffled through the glass and steel.

"Not a clue." Poe admitted cheerfully.

"I do. I've worked on these before. Match coupler colors, clamps go in the rings, and then lift and it goes click? Right, Rose?" Finn asked.

"That's it!" Rose affirmed from the back of the hovercraft. "Be right back. I have to go become prissy, rich and horrible."

Ten minutes later they were on the road, having left the investor and her entourage in the shade of the rocks by the road, tucked neatly under a buff colored tarp.

"They shouldn't wake up for several hours yet. We'll have plenty of time." Poe said as they cruised along the desert road.

"Ugh." Rose was still fussing with her clothes, which consisted of a very tight fitting suit with a high lace collar. "Why do rich people wear things like this?"

"Because it makes them look rich, I guess." Finn suggested.

"If I had all the money in the world, I would wear fancy pajamas all the time." Rose grumbled, pulling at her collar for the fifth time in as many minutes. "And no one could say anything to me because I would be rich."

"Alright, here we go guys." Poe called to the backseat. Both Finn and Rose craned to get a view out of the front window. A guard shack was coming into view, and beyond it and a very high fence was a squat, unassuming building.

"State your business please?" the guard said flatly, clearly as thrilled to be out in the desert heat as they were.

"Ms. Tychi Emric here to see Mr. Dalemac. We had an appointment, but we were uh… delayed by vehicle trouble. This heat got to one of our hover pads."

The guard gave a knowing nod. "That happens if the vehicle is not used to it. Go on through. Park on your left and enter the double doors. On your right there is a security office. Check in there. Have a nice day."

"You too." Poe rolled up the window and cruised through the gate. "Well… so far so good."

"Kylo wasn't kidding. This place isn't fortified at all." Rose said peering out the tinted windows. 

"Yeah… That guard didn't even have a stun gun." Finn noted with a bewildered shake of his head.

"I hope that this is going to be worth it. You'd think they'd keep big secrets like this under lock and key." Poe pointed out as he pulled into one of the lined parking spaces.

"Maybe the stuff they work on isn't super secret." Rose suggested. "I mean, Kylo said he flies one of their prototypes."

"That's true. I guess we'll find out." Poe agreed, as his voice turned crisp. "Everyone got your credentials… ID… all that stuff?"

"Yep!" Finn replied and he and Rose brandished their ID cards.

"Rose, you've got the datapad with the map?"

"In my bag!"

"Alright… here goes nothing!"

When they stepped into the Apex facility they were blasted by a wave of cool, dry air. Finn visibly sighed with relief, wiping the sweat from his face. The hallway ahead of them was empty, and through the plate glass window on their right, they could see the security office with all its surveillance screens and a single scrawny officer inside. Finn was reasonably sure he could probably break him over his knee.

Poe put on his best shit-eating professional grin and knocked smartly on the door.

The security officer answered. "Yes, can I help you?"

"Ms. Tychi Emric here to see Mr. Dalemac." Poe said, giving his best shot at an official tone of voice.

The security officer looked past him for a moment at Rose and Finn and then beckoned them inside. "Right, right… you were supposed to be the tour before lunch."

"That's us." Finn said with a nod. "We had mechanical trouble on the way here. One of the hoverpads just melted right through."

"Eh, you're not the first off-worlders that have gotten stuck out in the desert here on Halm. Least you managed to get it working again." The officer sat down behind his desk and started clattering away on his computer. "Looks like Mr. Dalemac is in a meeting at present, but I'll send a message up to him. He should be able to at least give you the quick version before his next meeting. Seems like he's always overbooked."

"He sounds like a busy man." Rose opined, doing her best to sound pleasant.

"Well, have to say the war is good for business. At least our business." the guard shrugged.

Finn was pretty sure he could hear Rose's teeth grinding at the back of her oh so professional smile.

"Can I see your credentials please?" the guard asked.

"Oh… yeah sure." Poe seemed to fumble for a moment before he started producing all sorts of papers and knick knacks from every pocket on his uniform. "Here could you hold this… and this… and… I know it's in here somewhere… Hold this please and this…"

Finn, sensing what his friend was up to, glanced surreptitiously out the plate glass window, assuring himself that the hall was still empty.

When the guard's hands were full of every sort of paper, pencil, key, and clip, Poe balled up his fist and punched him square in the nose with a cringe-worthy crack. The guard fell unmoving to the floor.

"Alright Rose, where to?" Poe asked, shaking out his smarting hand.

"We need Apex service uniforms. And by "we" I of course mean "you." Their locker rooms are back this way. Come on."

Poe grabbed the unconscious guard and drug him through the side door into the mercifully empty locker room. Once the door was closed behind them, Poe started issuing instructions for the next phase of their plan. "Finn, find us some uniforms. Rose, fire up the map again and figure out where their labs are." As the other two worked, Poe shuffled the guard into a bathroom stall and pilfered his access card and badge.

"Here… uniforms for us, Poe." Finn said, passing out bundles of clothes. "Security for you, and scrubs and a lab coat for me. We can pretend we're escorting Rose around in Dalemac's stead."

They quickly changed while Rose talked them through the plan.

"Like all good evil military corporations, R and D is in the basement. Fortunately, the security card pilfered off of our sleeping friend and the key codes in Dalemac's planner should grant us access to that lab. There's an elevator at the end of the hall that can take us downstairs."

"Sounds like a plan to me." Poe said with a sigh. "Shall we?"

The three of them swept out of the security office and into the hallway, walking as if they owned the place. 

"This the elevator?" Poe asked under his breath as they neared.

"Mmhmm…" Rose hummed her assent.

Once inside they all breathed a little easier.

"Bottom floor?"

"Bottom floor." Rose confirmed. "All the way down."

It took an unreasonably long time for the doors to open, and they had no idea how far down they had gone. 

"So… is the elevator the only way out?" Poe asked as they descended.

"No, there's a maintenance shaft and a freight elevator as well as a roll-top door that opens to the ramp at the loading dock." Rose said flicking through the map on her datapad.

"Good to know it won't be easy to get cornered down there." Poe assessed, earning him tacit nods of agreement.

But when the elevator doors opened, Poe thought he was going to have to eat those words. They were met in the narrow hallway by a guard with a clipboard and a very stern expression. "Can I help you?"

"No, we're just escorting Ms. Emric through R and D." Poe replied casually.

"And Ms. Emric is…"

"She's a guest of Mr. Dalemac." Poe answered. "She was supposed to have a tour this morning, but had some vehicle trouble. Since Mr. Dalemac is in a meeting, he asked us to let her have a spin around R and D and then meet him up in his office to chat about prospective buyers."

The guard sighed and scooped up a clipboard to make a few notes. "Fine. Just… tell Jascall that if he's going to have guests, he needs to make sure he's got time clear in his schedule to take them around himself. It doesn't look good when he has the security team do it. Meaning no offense to you, madam." he nodded to Rose. "This just always seems to happen."

"None taken, sir." Rose replied with her best prizewinning smile. "It's partly my fault. I'm on a tight time table too, which the broken hoverpad on the drive over didn't help."

The guard nodded, clearly already tired of feigning interest in things that weren't his job, and unlocked the door and waved them through. 

The R and D lab was sparsely populated, and no one at any of the work stations seemed interested in their coming or going. A few glanced up, but only in annoyance at the noise.

"I think their prototypes are all through here." Rose said, covertly consulting her map. And sure enough, behind a pair of electronically locked double doors were a half dozen displays containing all sorts of prototypes. Rose was about to pull up the code when a suave, chipper voice called out from behind her.

"Mrs. Emric! So sorry I'm late. Got hung up in a meeting."

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Updates should be coming every Monday morning!


	14. Talk Fahrenheit, Talk Centigrade.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio froze where they stood taking a few seconds to exchange panicked glances before they faced their potential foe. Perhaps hoping to see a plan writ in their friend's face. An out. Something. Rose forced herself to suck in air so she wouldn't pass out, turned slowly and put on her best approximation of an "I'm so rich I spit diamonds" smile.
> 
> "Yes?" she chirped in a voice that wasn't her own. Though it certainly didn't belong to a middle-aged heiress with an eye towards weapons of war either.
> 
> A young half-Theelin with blue-tinged skin and elegantly braided white hair bounded across the lab, earning glares from the white-coated scientists trying to do their work in peace.
> 
> "Jascall Dalemac, at your service."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday everyone!
> 
> I happily present this week's chapter. One more with our friends snooping around the weapons facility and then it will be back to they Reylo show. Can you believe we're at the halfway point?
> 
> As a note, I'll be doing some traveling in the coming week, so my release schedule will be a bit wonky. The next two chapters are going to come out on Thursdays instead of Mondays. After that, it should be back on schedule. So that means this week has two chapters instead of just one!
> 
> Thank you all so much for the kudos and all the super nice comments! 
> 
> And many thanks to KaminaDuck for the beta read. 
> 
> Enjoy everyone!

The trio froze where they stood taking a few seconds to exchange panicked glances before they faced their potential foe. Perhaps hoping to see a plan writ in their friend's face. An out. Something. Rose forced herself to suck in air so she wouldn't pass out, turned slowly and put on her best approximation of an "I'm so rich I spit diamonds" smile.

"Yes?" she chirped in a voice that wasn't her own. Though it certainly didn't belong to a middle-aged heiress with an eye towards weapons of war either.

A young half-Theelin with blue-tinged skin and elegantly braided white hair bounded across the lab, earning glares from the white-coated scientists trying to do their work in peace.

"Jascall Dalemac, at your service." he caught up to her and gave a theatrical bow before extending his white gloved hand. "I offer my sincerest apologies. I had to prise myself from a dreadfully boring but sadly necessary budget meeting. I heard you had trouble getting here? You should have called! I would have sent someone to fetch you right away."

Rose swallowed hard to wet her mouth as she dropped her hand into his and let him kiss it. "Yes, but my driver set us to rights in no time. Hoverpad trouble. Apparently the heat sometimes gets to them."

"It gets to everything, I'm afraid. If the sand doesn't get to it first." Dalemac sighed, shaking his head so his braids swished over his shoulders. "Thank you for entertaining my guest, gentlemen." he said turning to Poe and Finn. "If you would, please go see to Mrs. Emric's vehicle. Make sure everything is running properly. It wouldn't do for her to get stuck out in the desert again. Come, Tyshi. Let me show you what we've been working on. I think you'll find it rather exciting."

Dalemac stepped uncomfortably close to Rose, and Finn and Poe tensed, looking ready to draw their concealed blasters and fire. But Rose noticed that he was fidgeting with something. At first she thought out of the corner of her eye it was the cufflink of his ostentatious suit, but on second glance she noticed it was a ring which he twisted open to reveal the Rebel insignia. Just like the one she'd given to the boy on Canto Bight. Quickly, she wheeled around and faced her partners.

"Yes, that sounds lovely." she tried her best to sound natural, but couldn't keep a steady rise in pitch out of her voice. "Check the compression coils and coolant levels while you're at it, guys. The mechanic in town said it was a little low."

Both Poe and Finn frowned at her and then each other, but before they could react, Rose had taken Dalemac's offered arm and disappeared behind the doors of the R and D showroom.

As soon as the doors were closed, Dalemac pulled her into an alcove that housed a hologram of the TIE Silencer, and more importantly was out of direct line of sight to the doors. "Who are you?" Dalemac hissed in a low whisper. All pretense and showmanship had dropped from his demeanor. "And who the hell are they?"

"I'm Rose Tico, and that's Poe Dameron and Finn." she whispered back. "We're from the Resistance."

"The Resistance? The actual Resistance? I knew it wasn't actually Tychi when I heard you'd arrived late without calling. She's always such a prissy helpless thing and her driver is even worse. I knew something was definitely amiss when I heard you'd apparently solved your mechanical problem yourself."

"She sounds lovely." Rose opined dryly.

"She is a gift." Dalemac answered, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "But… What in the hell are you doing here? How did you even find this place?" He asked, drawing her farther into the alcove.

"It's a very long story." Rose said, following him.

Dalemac checked a very expensive looking wrist watch. "Well, I have ten minutes before my next meeting. Fifteen before they send someone looking for me." he said, turning them both to face one of the displays which showed the upgraded TIE Silencer engine. Rose realized that Dalemac was making it look to any casual onlooker that happened to peek inside like she was getting a tour.

"The short version is that Finn and I stole your ship on Canto Bight, found all the schematics Apex was working on for both sides of the war, and basically followed the trail of breadcrumbs here."

"So you're the ones that stole my ship. I liked that ship." He pointed meaninglessly at a statistic on the screen.

"I'd offer to return it, but it got mulched when The Supremacy was rammed by the last cruiser in the Rebel fleet."

"Huh." Dalemac puffed out his cheeks. "Seems like an exciting time to be a Rebel."

"Exciting isn't exactly the word I would use." Rose replied a little more sullenly than she'd meant to. Now it was her turn to point at a detail on the Silencer engine as if making an inquiry. "More like incredibly desperate. We wanted to come here, see what you were working on and possibly disrupt progress if we could. Anything to stall the First Order and give us a chance to rebuild. We're… we're kind of up a creek right now."

Dalemac nodded solemnly, his snowy braids slithering over his back. "Then you might be interested in seeing this."He tugged at her elbow pulling her to another display. This one had an actual physical model on it. A shiny metal cylinder with multiple nozzles and seals at either end." This is the latest order from General Hux. Or Sovereign General Hux as he's lately been asking to be called. Pretentious prick. He put it on rush a few days ago."

"What is it?" Rose asked, craning her head around the cylinder on the plinth.

"It's the interior casing for a missile."

"What sort of missile?"

"A biological weapon, I believe we were told. Or possibly chemical. It's designed to deliver and disperse a payload, not explode. Nothing combustible in the missile at all aside from the fuel. But that's all we were told." Dalemac sighed. "What goes inside it is classified. I'm given to understand the material is volatile from the get go. But it's not corrosive or explosive, so there aren't any special seals or chambers inside. Just pop the seals on either end and poof! It's designed for maximum dispersal. And they've ordered hundreds of these, just for starters. And it's not even out of prototype yet. Whatever it is that they're making… production has already begun."

Rose's stomach plummeted to her feet. It would be a war of attrition then. If he couldn't blow up planets with StarKiller, he could just wipe out their populations. And knowing Hux, it would be gruesome. Something to strike fear into hearts and gain quick, terrified compliance.

Dalemac turned slightly to face her, showing her clearly the serious set of his chiseled face. "I can corrupt the data… make them start over again from scratch if we steal the prototype." he offered. "But you'd have to go destroy the first run of the cylinders as well." 

"First run?"

"One full shipment is already off world. Location is classified, but I'm sure I could find it. My problem… and it would be my problem, is that it would be traceable back to me, and I have no way off this planet unless I go with you. Seeing as you stole my ship. Anything else would be traceable."

"Then come on." Rose said, making a break for the exit. "Grab it, do your thing, and let's go."

"Wait, just like that?" Dalemac caught her arm and frowned.

"I know… I probably seem way too trusting." Rose said with a nod to herself. "But look… believe me when I tell you that I've trusted stranger people this week. I'll fill you in on the way. Come on! Let's go!"

***

Outside under the blazing sun, Poe was doubled over in the guts of the hovercraft while Finn paced frantically nearby. 

"We can't stay here much longer." Poe said, cutting a covert glance to the roll top door that lead to the R and D basement.

"We aren't leaving her here." Finn shot back.

Poe stepped closer to speak under his breath in case someone was eavesdropping. "We might not have a choice." 

"We are not leaving her here." Finn repeated forcefully, clearly not caring a bit for who might overhear them.

Poe dropped his voice to a scratchy whisper. "General Organa said we can't take any risks. We have to get back."

"I don't think she meant abandoning people." he argued, finally taking the hint. "And besides. We didn't learn anything. We need to find a way back in there and-"

"We seriously may not have a choice." Poe said, standing up and wiping his hands. "She may be captured. He could have pulled a blaster on her. Threatened her. We don't know why she decided to go off with him. Maybe she was saving our hides."

"Then we should go get her." Finn said defiantly.

"That is the sort of risk the General was talking about. We can't-"

"I'm not about-"

Neither of them got to finish their thought because around the corner, came Rose, carrying a huge bundle of canvas in her arms followed closely by Dalemac.

"Rose!" Finn shouted, before he remembered himself.

"Thanks for waiting for me. Load this thing in the back and lets get out of here." she said, handing him the bundle, which was clearly heavier than he expected. "I'll explain everything while we drive."

"Is he coming with us?" Poe asked, swinging into the driver's seat and cranking the engines.

"Yes, we're going to drop him off at Maz's place."

"Maz?" Dalemac asked, pulling the back door open for Rose.

"Yeah, Maz Kanata? From Takodana Maz?" Finn replied climbing into his seat.

"You mean the pirate queen?" He looked more than a bit impressed.

"That's the one." Poe replied as they skimmed their way out of the parking lot.

"Jascall, meet Poe and Finn."

They all exchanged brief, bewildered hellos.

"So what is that thing?" Finn asked craning around to peek at the canvas-wrapped bundle in the back seat.

"A casing for a biological weapon the First Order had Apex design." Dalemac replied coolly, watching with amusement as Finn recoiled in his seat. "Don't worry it's just the casing. There's nothing inside. Thanks for the ride, by the way."

"Don't mention it." Poe replied. "So we're swinging by Takodana and then on to Luke's?"

"That's the plan." Rose replied. "Let's get out of here before they find the security guard we stashed in the toilet."

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> The next two chapters (15 and 16) will be on Thursdays instead of the usual Monday schedule.


	15. I Had to Stop and Lift My Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kiss was more teeth than anything else. She hadn't meant to be so rough, but it seemed to be the only way to respond. Rey kissed him with such a savage passion that it cut clean through Kylo's livid-hot mind like a knife made of ice. She kissed him as if to consume him from the mouth down. She didn't care he was covered in blood. She didn't care that her leg hurt to stand on. Especially where it brushed up against his rough cloak. She just wanted to be close to someone who wanted her so badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thursday everyone!
> 
> So since I'm going to be traveling a fair bit the next two weeks, this chapter and the next one will be on Thursdays. After that I should be back to my regular Monday updates. Thank you for your patience.
> 
> Thank you all so much for your encouragement, your kind words, and all the kudos. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. My day is always made when comments pop up in my email. <3
> 
> Thanks also to KaminaDuck for the beta read!
> 
> Enjoy!

The kiss was more teeth than anything else. She hadn't meant to be so rough, but it seemed to be the only way to respond. Rey kissed him with such a savage passion that it cut clean through Kylo's livid-hot mind like a knife made of ice. She kissed him as if to consume him from the mouth down. She didn't care he was covered in blood. She didn't care that her leg hurt to stand on. Especially where it brushed up against his rough cloak. She just wanted to be close to someone who wanted her so badly. 

And Kylo let her. He let her drink her fill from him with lips and teeth and tongue all exploring and claiming. It made him weak. So much so that he actually staggered backwards and had to catch himself on a stack of crates. But he didn't dare try to stop her. He would have let her run him all the way to the ground if she had been so inclined. He wanted to be consumed by her, claimed and ultimately cooled from the ravages of the anger and terror that had encompassed him only moments before.

When she gathered enough sense to be shocked at her own behavior, she pulled back and made to speak, but he stopped her.

"Don't say it." he said, his voice rough and desperate. He skated his gloved thumb across her lips in a half hearted attempt to clean the blood from her lips. "Don't say you're sorry. Please."

Rey stared dumbly up at him, gasping a little but not recoiling from his touch. She shouldn't look at him this wide eyed and innocent with blood smeared on her mouth, he thought. 

"What do you want me to say?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"You don't need to say anything. I don't want you to be ashamed of what you want. Of this…?" he said, easing his gloved hand down the side of her face, feeling the heat of her skin seep through the leather. "But right now I want to get you up to medical see to your leg. It's still bleeding."

"Oh… right." she blinked rapidly, as if suddenly registering the injury for the first time. She looked down at the angry red gash which peeked through the torn canvas and had soaked her pants leg with blood. The cuff was actually dripping on the floor by her foot. Then she looked back up to him. "Are you hurt?" She asked, hands lightly playing over his chest and shoulders. She hadn't even thought… hadn't considered that he might be hurt before she'd just taken him.

"No, I'm fine." he replied, willing his voice to be even as he took her hands in his, stilling them over his heart. She was hurt and he was not, and he needed to take care of her. He would need to be calm for both of them. He could do that. If she was his reason, he could be calm. He would be calm. "Are you alright to walk?"

Rey tested her leg, and earned a searing wave of pain for the effort. Clearly only adrenalin and the will of the Force had kept her standing for that fight. "It will take me a minute." she admitted.

"Here, I'll carry you." Kylo said, kneeling and lifting her in a single smooth motion.

She clung to him, feeling the tacky spots of drying blood clinging to his robes stick between her fingers. It didn't bother her in the slightest she realized. It was all a product of that vicious rage which had dissipated like smoke in a stiff breeze as soon as they were together, safe in the ship. He was suddenly sweet and gentle again, under the blood and the black robes. Suddenly, he was just Kylo, who held her hand, and caressed her face, and gently woke her from nightmares.

And who she kissed now... apparently.

Kylo carefully deposited her on the exam table in the medical bay, leaving her legs to swing. "I'm going to cut your pant leg open and then start up the droid so it can patch you up." he said, pulling off his gloves and retrieving some scissors. His voice and movements both were taciturn and clinical. Once the fabric was parted, he positioned a bright light over the wound. It was deep and quite nasty, with the muscle showing through in places. No wonder it hurt to walk. It would need stitches and bacta if it was to heal before she was called to fight again. 

After he had fired up the medical droid, Kylo stood at the corner of the exam table and stared at the wound as it was cleaned and sutured. The rage he'd felt when he first saw the blood trickling between her fingers began to well up again. Rey could feel it simmering just under the surface, even without fully reaching across their Force bond. There was a steadily increasing pressure that almost rattled in her back teeth. 

"Easy." she whispered, drawing his bloodstained face to look at hers instead of staring at the wound. "They're gone. I'm here." Her thumb slid over his scar again, and he turned his face into the touch. In his mind he reached out for her, inhaling her presence like a cool, fragrant breeze. "We made it, and now we're ready for whatever the next step is. Tell me..." she paused to think, her mind catching on a way to distract him. "Tell me what you want to do next?"

He opened his dark eyes, staring out at nothing as he thought carefully for a moment, willing his focus to shift. "We need to go sift through the data on the surveillance droid's hard drive." he said, closing his eyes. "But I don't want to leave." He hadn't moved away from her palm, his lips dragging across her skin as he spoke.

"Then don't. Stay here with me right now." She glanced down at the droid as it stitched away at her leg with fine silvery thread. Then she looked back up at him, pushing an errant strand of his hair out of his eyes. "Actually, would you go grab me a wet washcloth?"

He did as she asked, handing it to her with both hands. "You have blood on your face still." she told him, as she started to swipe it over his forehead.

"Where?"

"Everywhere honestly." she said, cracking a smile. "You made a bit of a mess with that first swing."

With each pass of the washcloth, more of the blood was cleaned away to reveal a very tired and wild-eyed Kylo Ren underneath. She had seen this look. More than once, actually. The first time had been during the interrogation, when she pushed back a little too hard and wound up inside his head. And again in the throne room aboard the Supremacy, when she had told him "No."

"You're afraid." Rey breathed, putting the washcloth aside and placing her hand on either side of his freshly cleaned face. She traced the lines of worry and want that creased his skin, wishing she could just will them away. Or smooth them with her hands.

"Can you feel it?" he asked, not looking at her.

"I'm… I'm not in your head." she said. "Do you want me to be?"

He didn't answer, choosing instead to hide his face in the palm of her hand again, peppering her skin with featherlight kisses. Rey took it as a tacet invitation and pressed on his mind through the Force, finding him completely receptive. 

And so so frightened. His mind was pervaded by a hot, claustrophobic dread about a thousand things. Some old hurts and some new fears that had only just begun to blossom. Namely her. The subject of herself had its own swirling collection of anxieties. And cut between all of it was a shame that bordered on masochism.

"It's alright. I'm not hurt. Not really." she soothed mechanically, rubbing her thumbs along his cheekbones. "Reach out and meet me, Kylo. I'm right here."

He did both figuratively and physically. His hands found their way around her waist as she drew him closer. 

"You know that I'm afraid, too. And lonely. We both are."

"Were." he corrected. "I'm… I'm not lonely anymore. I think that's what I'm afraid of. I learned how to be alone. I don't… I'm afraid of being a disappointment. Again. I survived being a disappointment to my parents… to Snoke… to Luke… but I don't think I could survive being a disappointment to you. Not now… not..." He trailed off, giving a saturated sniff.

Rey didn't know what to say. She listened to his fear through the Force and through his words, but she didn't know how to fix it. And she so desperately wanted to. She wanted to assure him that she wasn't like the rest. She wouldn't turn her back on him when he didn't turn out to be what she had expected. She couldn't. Not now. He was the half that made the Balance whole. 

She gave up on words in the end and pulled him closer, sliding her fingers into his hair and marveling at how thick and soft it felt between her fingers, even if it was still a little stiff and sticky in places. And she kissed him again, a velvet slide of lips and tongue that Kylo practically melted into. Rey tipped her head back, parting her lips to let him gently and languorously plunder her mouth.

"Don't let me mess this up." he pleaded through their connection as he licked hungrily into her mouth. 

"You won't." she assured him, still carding her fingers through his hair. They were getting better at actually talking this way, she noticed. It wasn't just emotions and ideas. They could actually use words. Whispering to one another through their secret channel. "There's not a magic recipe for this." She told him. "No book or tradition is going to tell us how this works. No one has tried this but us. It doesn't have to be meant to be. No one is expecting this from either of us… the scavenger that comes from nothing-"

"You aren't nothing." he overrode her thoughts with his own, but she pushed back.

"And the fallen servant of the Dark Side. This doesn't have to be destiny. But it can be our choice to make. We only fail if we give up." She reached down and caught his hand, pressing their palms together. 

The rushing stillness of the Balance filled both their minds. It was so easy to find like this… so seductive in a way...

"Don't be afraid." Rey whispered aloud against his open, panting mouth. "I won't be either."

"How are you so brave?" he said, his voice cracking.

She considered his question carefully. "Because there isn't an alternative."

He blinked slowly at that answer, and kissed her again, still soft and sweet and full of yearning.

"Then there isn't for me either." his mind breathed over hers.

After a moment of drifting serenely through their shared connection, Kylo noticed that the medical droid had finished its work and returned itself to its charging station. And just a second later, the whole shuttle shook with a faint boom.

"Hyperspace?" Rey asked clearing her eyes.

"Yes. Just hopping us back to the asteroid field." Kylo responded. "How does it feel?" he nodded down to her leg.

She looked down at the shiny white bandage and flexed her knee. She scrunched up her nose, partly at the smell of the bacta and partly at the pull of the tape and the stitches. "A little tight. Probably the swelling and stitches. But I'll manage." she replied. "We should shower and get changed so we can look through the data on that hard drive."

He nodded, clearly still reluctant to let her out of his sight.

She slipped off the table, landing on her good leg and then shifting her weight to rise up on tiptoes and kiss him. That soundly knocked him out of whatever mental tailspin he was starting to curl into. "Stop it." she said playfully, a smile curling her lips. "I'll meet you on the bridge."

***


	16. Since Dark is What Brings Out Your Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifteen minutes later they were both clean, wearing fresh clothes that no longer reeked of blood and plasma coolant, and staring hard at the comms screen on the bridge of the shuttle. The percentage bar showing the download progress of the droid's comm data slowly ticked forward as they watched. Rey could still feel his internal tension leaking over the Forcebond. Whether he was letting her see it on purpose or if it was just a product of how tightly he was wound, that was anybody's guess.
> 
> "How is your leg?" Kylo asked, briefly glancing away from the screen.
> 
> "Already better." she answered easing her weight from one foot to the other. "I'll be glad when the stitches dissolve. They pull."
> 
> "Good. Good..." he nodded awkwardly. Thankfully, the screen flashed and came to a standstill as an alert noise filled the oppressive silence between them. "Here we go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy... *checks calendar* Thursday! Happy Thursday, everyone! I'm back from vacation, and thus we should be back to our usual schedule on Monday! Hooray!
> 
> Just as a warning, the second part of this chapter is NSFW. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your support and kind words! Your comments and kudos give me so much life.
> 
> And also thank you to KaminaDuck, who not only beta reads my work, but beta read this chapter while he was on vacation! Gold star!
> 
> Thank you all again for reading! Enjoy!

Fifteen minutes later they were both clean, wearing fresh clothes that no longer reeked of blood and plasma coolant, and staring hard at the comms screen on the bridge of the shuttle. The percentage bar showing the download progress of the droid's comm data slowly ticked forward as they watched. Rey could still feel his internal tension leaking over the Forcebond. Whether he was letting her see it on purpose or if it was just a product of how tightly he was wound, that was anybody's guess.

"How is your leg?" Kylo asked, briefly glancing away from the screen.

"Already better." she answered easing her weight from one foot to the other. "I'll be glad when the stitches dissolve. They pull."

"Good. Good..." he nodded awkwardly. Thankfully, the screen flashed and came to a standstill as an alert noise filled the oppressive silence between them. "Here we go." 

They started replaying the archived data at the distress call the droid issued when they attacked it and patiently worked backwards. They sifted through video feeds, comms data, and even shift schedules for the mines themselves. The sun set and rose on the mining colony four times before anything happened. Four whole days of quiet and then a flurry of activity. Under cover of night, a team of twelve heavily armed troopers had set out from the First Order base on Cantros 7 lead by a tall man in a hooded robe, wearing uniquely tailored armor. They were headed straight up to Irkalla's lodge in the forest. Kylo executed a few keystrokes to bring up a personnel list, and let out a slow exhale when he saw the names.

"What's he doing there?" he rumbled, squinting at the roster leader. "He was supposed to be half a system away on deep cover recon."

"Who is that?" Rey asked, her face pulling in a confused frown as she glanced back and forth between Kylo and the screen.

"Another of the Knights." he answered, pulling up a profile in another window. A man's gaunt, heavy-browed face appeared along with data about race, height and so forth. He scowled out at them from behind a respirator that covered the entire bottom half of his face. "Szalth Ren. Close combat specialist, but also capable enough with the Force to induce hallucinations, though he had never received any formal training. That's probably how they got Irkalla. He tricked her into seeing things that weren't there."

"Why the respirator?" Rey asked, cocking her head.

"The First Order found him at a gas venting operation on some backwater in the Calaron Sector. Apparently, when he was a kid he took a lungful of whatever they were mining. He has to breathe air that's treated with some chemical to keep his lungs from dissolving."

"That… sounds awful." 

"He's lucky the First Order found him." Kylo shrugged. "Most people who have that happen are just left to suffocate at the bottom of a mineshaft. But he had the Force, so he got turned over to Snoke instead of being used to fill a hole in the ground."

"I guess that is one definition of lucky…" Rey conceded. "So is she alive? Irkalla, I mean." 

Kylo flicked through a few more pages of transcripts. "Looks like. Seems they stabilized and moved her."

"To where? To their base? Or off world?"

"Last orders given were to set course for Xestreron I," came the answer.

"Never heard of it." she said, cocking her head slightly. "Not that I get out much."

"You probably wouldn't even if you had." Kylo replied giving a the hologram a few taps to pull up a galaxy map showing the location of the Xestreron system. "Xestreron is a dying star system. I wasn't aware we had any sort of outpost there." A few more keystrokes pulled up the database file on the planet. The screen populated with windows for detailing atmosphere, gravity, local plant and wildlife...

The database entry was blank. Nothing. Just a name and a set of coordinates. Not even a topographical scan or basic surface condition data.

"Well, then." Kylo responded after a moment of staring at the empty data fields.

"I guess we just set coordinates and hope for the best, then." Rey offered with a shrug.

"I suppose so. We don't have a lot of options. I'll set the shipboard computer to run decryption on the rest of the hard drive and on the update history of the First Order archives. Maybe we can find out who deleted the files on Xestreron I. And when. Perhaps something can be reconstructed or pulled from other sources. I don't want to go in there blind if we can help it." Kylo bent over the keyboard.

"Then I'll set the hyperdrive. Park us behind a moon or something when we arrive." Rey said, moving to the nav console. "We should probably get some sleep while we fly. And I should get off this leg."

Kylo agreed with a taciturn nod.

Once the decryption was running and their shuttle was smoothly zipping through hyperspace, they headed up to their quarters. When they reached the split in the hallway, Kylo hesitated at the door to his room. Rey paused just a few steps ahead of him when she heard him stop. She'd meant to go straight on to the crew quarters so as not to be a bother. Not that it mattered. Apparently her nightmares were telegraphed across the whole of the Force. 

She looked back to where he had let his broad shoulder catch on the doorframe, eyes hollowly staring at nothing where the floor met the wall. When he saw her stop, his gaze flicked up to her face. The want in his eyes filled Rey with a horrible ache that made her injured leg seem like nothing more than a scratch. And furthermore she could feel the stranglehold he had on his emotions for fear that they would leak over their connection, which had become a pleasant white noise in both their minds.

"Would you rather…" she trailed off, unable to come up with a way to finish the sentence that didn't sound like she was inviting herself into a space she wasn't sure she should be in.

"Yes." came the very quick answer accompanied by an outstretched hand.

So she pressed her palm into his and trailed into his room after him. He didn't bother to turn on the light, but just stripped his shirt and boots off and climbed in bed. He pulled the blanket open at his side like last time in wordless invitation. As she moved through the darkness of his room, unhindered by uncertain steps or an uncertain heart, it suddenly felt to Rey as if they'd always done this. That sleeping in a shared space was common for them. Easy, and done without a second thought. That they hadn't held lightsabers to each other's throats not two weeks prior. 

Rey didn't let herself think about it too long. She just kicked off her boots and gingerly eased herself into bed beside him, very aware of her injured leg and not wanting to disturb her stitches. She settled against the pillow facing Kylo, allowing him to draw the blanket up over her shoulders. He took a moment, not meeting her eyes even in the near pitch dark, to carefully arrange the covers, tucking them in around her with deliberate, almost meditative strokes. Then his hand settled on the back of her neck, his long fingers playing through her still slightly damp hair. They didn't touch otherwise. Just breathed into the space between them. Feeling the soft ebb and flow of the Force as it flowed into and around them. A soothing, steady thrum that connected and supported them both.

"When all this is over," she whispered after a moment, finally giving in and sliding her hands around his waist. "I want us to find a quiet place somewhere far away. And I want to see what we are capable of when we aren't utterly terrified of losing each other."

"What do you expect to find?" Kylo asked, toying with the fine hair at the nape of her neck, winding it around and around one finger.

"I honestly don't know. I can't even begin to know what to expect. But I imagine we are capable of so much more than what we've found in these moments of blind panic." she reached up to brush his hair out of his shadowed eyes. Her fingers lingered for a moment on his unscarred cheek. "If we could concentrate? If we could work together? Unafraid?"

He nodded, eyes searching her face with a flicker of deep yearning. "When this is all over." he agreed, leaning down to capture her lips in a tender kiss before they both curled together and fell deeply asleep.

***

Rey awoke first this time, but only by a few minutes. Just long enough for her to recognize that her sleep had been blissfully dreamless, and to take in Kylo's sleeping face on the pillow next to hers. He looked so different asleep. So peaceful without the long shadows of worry or anger to cloud his expression. His breathing and body both easy and free. She wanted him to always be like this. And he would be, she told herself. One day...

His eyes crinkled at the edges and he drew a slow, deep breath as consciousness slowly crept back over him. But before he opened his eyes, he instinctively tightened his arms around Rey's waist, pulling her close. She didn't fight it. She let herself be drawn against him, her legs tangling with his as she marveled at how he moved against her. Like rippling muscled water. A ripple that ended with a languid curl of his hips and the unmistakable brush of something very hard against her stomach.

He froze, his eyes flying open.

Rey sensed his impulse to pull away, and steadied him against her with her hands flat against his shoulder blades.

"I'm… I'm sorry." Kylo stammered, his whole body tensing. 

And Force be with her, he blushed. He blushed hard. Sternum to hairline, in a bright rosy pink.

"No, it's okay. I'm not embarrassed." She said, settling for pressing her lips to his temple because he'd buried his face in the pillow.

"I am." came the muffled reply after a moment.

"Would you like me to step out and give you some privacy?"

Kylo didn't answer. He rolled onto his back, flinging one arm across his eyes so he didn't have to look at her. He remembered touching himself in the shower. How he'd come so hard just from imagining her kissing his face. He didn't want to do that again. He didn't want to be weak like that again. That was supposed to be just the one time. He didn't want...

"Or I can stay, if you want." she offered when he didn't answer, trailing one hand down the furrow of his abs. "I've… not had much experience with this. But I… I want to touch you. If you want me to. Can I?"

Kylo peeked out at her from under his elbow. How was she real?

But he didn't let himself question it. Maybe this was something of the guilelessness and bravery he saw in her. Maybe he could mimic it. Knowing what he wanted, and letting it happen instead of forcing it. Or maybe he really was just that weak and desperate and pathetic. He couldn't bring himself to care enough to parse the difference. He just wanted. And he let himself want.

And she certainly wasn't looking at him like she thought he was pathetic. There was a brazen glint in her eye that answered the smoldering fire that burned low in his core.

"Alright." he said, his voice already rough at the edges.

Rey arranged herself along his side and slipped her hand under their shared blanket, finding the rock hard bulge in his pants. Curiously, she traced it lightly with her fingers, outlining the shape through the thin cloth and listening to his breath hitch when she found a sensitive spot. A hot excitement curled low in her belly as she felt the weight and girth of him against her palm. He was definitely not poorly endowed. And what's more, he seemed very responsive. Her excitement rose, stoked further by the sweet little gasps he kept giving. And also by the fact that she could only feel. He wouldn't expose himself to her. Not his body or his face, and part of her was enjoying it that way. Something sweet, and secret, and hidden.

Satisfied that she'd explored all she could, she dipped her fingers below his waistband, and when their bare skin touched, Kylo arched off the bed with a sharp gasp.

"Too much?" she asked almost withdrawing.

He shook his head, huffing out a moan with his face still half obscured by his arm. 

She resumed her exploration, cupping him in the hollow of her hand before beginning to stroke him lightly with splayed fingers. "Will you show me what you like? Tell me what you want me to do?"

"I like what you're doing." he said, his voice ragged with want. 

Rey pushed herself up on one hand to pepper kisses over the broad expanse of his chest. "I want to know what you like…" she whispered against his skin. "I want to know what… what you think about."

He pressed his arm harder against his face as a fresh wave of crimson flushed up his neck. Rey swore she could actually feel the blush against her lips. "You don't want to see that." he groaned.

That made her curious. "Can I, though?"

There was a beat of pause as he moaned and rolled his hips, sliding his cock against her open palm. The tip was beginning to leak making everything wonderfully slippery. "Yes."

As she continued her featherlight stroking along his shaft, she reached into the Force and through it pressed into his mind. She saw the memory he had there on the surface for her to find. Like a note, or a set of keys left on a table. 

It was the memory of the shower he'd taken the previous day. He stood there, hunched under the spray, pumping and working himself feverishly under the spray of the water. And she saw what he had been imagining. Nothing elaborate. Nothing disgraceful. In fact it was surprisingly simple. Just the imagined feeling of her lips on his face. On the scar she had left. She felt how desperately he wanted her to claim him that way. But she also felt his shame coupled inextricably with his desire. And his certainty that she would never want any part of any of it.

Rey rolled herself to be half on top of him, tightening her grip on his cock and beginning to mirror the strokes she'd seen him administering to himself. Smooth and even, and tightening right at the end. She could tell she'd gotten it right when his labored breathing turned into sweet breathy moans. 

Gently, she pushed aside his arm, and he let her. "Look at me, Kylo." she said, her rhythm never wavering.

He tried to do what she asked, glancing up at her wild-eyed and wanting, but he couldn't keep his eyes on her. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, kissing across her pulse as he clung to her.

"You aren't weak for wanting this." she said, caressing his brow and entwining her fingers through his hair. "You won't think I'm weak for wanting you to touch me when I'm done. Will you?"

He sucked in a sharp breath at the thought and gave his head a sharp shake without lifting it from where he was kissing her throat. "Of course not."

"Then enjoy this." she breathed, tightening her fist and upping the tempo of her strokes. His hips sped up to match, plowing his cock into her hand as he panted open mouthed against her throat. Rey leaned down, and even though he wouldn't look up at her, she found his marred cheek with her lips and laid a gentle, reverent kiss over the scar she'd left him with. Just as he'd pictured. Just as he'd wanted. And as she did so, she let her inmost thoughts touch his.

"This mark is mine." her mind whispered to his. "If I cannot apologize for it, I will claim it. And you with it."

The wounded sound that tore itself from his throat threatened to shatter Rey's heart. It was so full of desire and shame mixed with something higher and stronger than both. Relief, she realized. Relief and gratitude and… something else she couldn't quite put a name to. His body grew taut against hers and his breathing turned sharp. A second later she felt a warm gush of something pour out over her fingers, and his hands seized in her flesh hard enough to leave bruises. 

Kylo fell back against the pillows, throwing his arm across his eyes again as his hips bucked one last time against her hand. He was still flushed and breathing hard, though this time as much from exertion as from arousal and embarrassment. As he wound down, Rey contented herself with kissing her way along the track of his scar, starting at his chest and working her way up, sometimes even using her tongue and teeth to tease and soothe the skin. 

"I'm-" he started to say.

"If you apologize, I'm throwing you out of an airlock." she said between kisses. "And you are in no state to stop me."

He huffed out a dry laugh and looked down at her where she was still lavishing attention on his scar with a mischievous grin. "Can I at least apologize for making a mess?"

"I hope you have barely begun to make a mess of me." she countered as he used the far edge of the sheet to clean off his abdomen and her hand. 

He frowned at her slightly. "You do?"

She smiled at his disbelief. "Yes." she whispered, laying a kiss on his open mouth and feeling an unfulfilled heat unfurl again low in her hips. "I told you what makes you mine. Show me what makes me yours."

Kylo stared at her for a long hard minute, his dark eyes searching hers with a seriousness that made Rey shiver. "Are you sure?"

"Only if you are."

Carefully, being mindful of her leg, but not so gently that it didn't illicit a tiny squeak of shock, Kylo pushed her onto her back. He pressed the considerable length of his body against her side, in a mirror of their previous position, and used one of his long legs to push her knees apart. The position change alone was enough to stun her slightly, but that was only the beginning.

Kylo blew their Force connection wide open, and across it Kylo channeled the echo of his emotions from the battle on Cantros 7 the previous day. When he'd seen her go down under blaster fire and his vision had bled to an arterial crimson. She was flooded with a feeling of possession as he kissed his way along the line of her jaw. And while she was momentarily shaken, she wasn't afraid. She was pleasantly overwhelmed once again by the sensation of being devoutly wanted and desperately defended. And she reveled in it just as she had in the moments after their battle on Cantros 7. Before Kylo, she had never ever been so certain of her value outside of her own estimation. Nor was she ever so acutely aware of the whole she took part in.

Aggression and mercy.

Passion and grace.

Strength and stability.

And then he began to touch her. As his lips found hers, his hand slipped into her pants and curved against the thatch of dark hair between her legs. Shamelessly, she moaned into his open mouth and parted her knees further, giving him better access as his long fingers quested into the soft wet folds of her body. She was hotter than a crystal forge, and dripping wet with want. If Kylo hadn't just had an earth-shattering orgasm of his own, he was sure he would have been hard just from knowing how wet he had made her. All without touching her. Just knowing that he wanted to had been enough.

He goaded her desire with his mind as he let his fingers play along the damp slit of her body. He wordlessly whispered a thousand ways that he wanted her and needed her, both physically and otherwise. They poured from his consciousness like scalding water from a broken faucet and once he'd begun, he was powerless to stop his confession. And to his blissful surprise, her mind and body rose in radiant ecstasy to meet him. Everything in her cried out for more.

When he slipped one finger inside to curl it against a secretive spot she had never reached on her own, she bowed up off the bed like a plucked string. She was no longer sweet or passive, but a wild and wanting thing as she thrust against his hand and dug her nails into his arm. She had turned from patient companion to demanding mistress in the space of a few caresses, and Kylo breathed it in like a drugged vapor. 

More, she wordlessly demanded. More.

And more was what she got. She would have all of him if she wanted. He would let her consume him, but it was sweet relief to know that she wouldn't. That she wanted him whole and hale and hers to share the Balance with.

A second finger joined the first, catching the rolling rhythm of her body. Each thrust stoked the sweet heat building in her core until she felt radiant with it.

She came soon after, arching off the bed with a formless shout as he spun out her pleasure in delicate little circles deep inside her body. She clung to him, riding it out as wave after wave crashed through her senses. As her vision cleared, she stared up at him, more than a little dazed and overwhelmed. He slipped his hand out of her pants, wiping it on the sheet and then curled her up next to him with her willowy frame pressed against the broad expanse of his chest. As she trembled through the aftershocks of her orgasm, they traded lazy kisses full of teasing, nipping teeth.

"I don't want to get up." Rey complained, pulling them both down further under the blankets.

"Yeah, me neither." Kylo agreed, twirling an errant curl of her hair around his finger.

"Are we out of hyperspace yet?" She asked, her voice muffled against his throat.

Kylo glanced up at the screen on the wall. "Not yet. Another hour."

"Then I'm spending at least part of it right here." she said with a mock petulance that made Kylo smile. He reeled her into circle of his arms tucked her against his chest, splaying his hands out over her ribs. His fingers sank into the spaces between the bones. 

Somehow for the first time, he was aware of how painfully thin she was. How her already tiny body sank in at where it shouldn't, and places that could have been soft and full were rife with bony points. Maybe it was just that he'd always been careful in how he touched her. Hands just resting and never exploring.

He began to remember things from the interrogation back on StarKiller. Again they were simple details that were considered and discarded in favor of more pointed barbs. Her parents drinking away the money for her dinner. Lean days or, worse yet, thieves in the scrap heaps leading to nights with nothing to eat. A whole life of scraping by had left her hollow within and without. Her not insignificant wit and intelligence sharpened to a single point.

Survive.

He felt his possessive anger well up again, not at all muted for not having a victim to be directed towards. His own agonies seemed to pale in comparison to her struggles. Sure… there had been Snoke's constant toxicity, and the negligence of his parents and the suspicion of his uncle. But he'd never gone hungry… Never been left for dead. Or worse yet… to slowly starve.

Rey sensed the surface of his thoughts turn turbulent, but she didn't plumb the depths to find out why without invitation. She just twined herself tighter around him, seeking to distract him with kisses behind his ear, and she felt him calm somewhat.

There was naught to be done to the people who had done this to her, Kylo knew. And rage without an outlet was poisonous. A dangerous distraction. Even Sith understood this. He looked down at her, pliantly wrapped around his body until the pointed knobs of her spine poked out along her back. 

"I told you what makes you mine. Show me what makes me yours." she had said.

And what made her his was that she was his to take care of. His moth- General Organa had ordered it, as had every sidelong glance he'd garnered from the Rebels when it was clear that they would be setting off together. It was something that was not expected of him, but rather a promise that was pleaded for. 

And he would make good on that promise.

Kylo would have been content to just lie in bed and play with her hair as they both dozed until the planetary proximity alert sounded, but suddenly, breakfast before data crunching didn't sound like such a bad idea.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo hoo! We're finally getting somewhere! And for those of you wondering about the rest of the Knights... well... ;)
> 
> As I said, we should be back to our usual schedule for the foreseeable future. The fic is finished and I'm just editing now.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Thanks for reading! See you on Monday!


	17. The Breath of Air Had Died of Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An hour later found them both showered, dressed, and munching on some of the fruit they'd brought from Takodana as they considered the data on Xestreron I. They had not yet exited hyperspace, and were taking their lead time to get organized. And Kylo was making sure Rey was fed, picking the fruit apart into segments and passing them to her, as she'd done for him back in Maz's palace. She'd taken the first two with her hand, but the third she'd sucked straight from his fingers. She'd had to stifle a giggle at the choked sound he made. Rey hadn't intended the gesture to be tantalizing, as she was just typing something and didn't have a free hand, but she certainly filed it away in her mind for later.
> 
> "How is your leg?" Kylo asked, a desperate effort to distract himself as he flicked through file history with one hand as he licked the fingers of the other clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday everyone!!!
> 
> With this chapter, we are back on our usual schedule. I should warn everyone, that this chapter is much darker than the rest of the fic and it quite possibly its darkest point. It contains mentions of insanity, suicide, and self-harm, so please be aware and take care of yourselves. These things won't be a huge plot point going forward, but they were necessary for the story here and won't come up again outside of a very brief mention.
> 
> Many thanks to KaminaDuck for the beta read. However, I also did an extensive amount of editing after he'd looked at it, so there may be spelling/grammar mistakes. Please let me know if you find any.
> 
> Thank you all so much for your support and kind words. Seriously, getting the comment-alert email gives me so much life.
> 
> Enjoy! See you next week!

An hour later found them both showered, dressed, and munching on some of the fruit they'd brought from Takodana as they considered the data on Xestreron I. They had not yet exited hyperspace, and were taking their lead time to get organized. And Kylo was making sure Rey was fed, picking the fruit apart into segments and passing them to her, as she'd done for him back in Maz's palace. She'd taken the first two with her hand, but the third she'd sucked straight from his fingers. She'd had to stifle a giggle at the choked sound he made. Rey hadn't intended the gesture to be tantalizing, as she was just typing something and didn't have a free hand, but she certainly filed it away in her mind for later.

"How is your leg?" Kylo asked, a desperate effort to distract himself as he flicked through file history with one hand as he licked the fingers of the other clean.

"Better." she said bouncing her center of gravity from one side to the other as a test. "Still sore to the touch, so I had the droid apply a fresh bandage with a couple of layers so my clothes won't bother it. These uniforms are so itchy. I don't know how you do it."

Kylo shrugged his broad, black-clad shoulders. "You get used to it after awhile, I guess."

"Did the computer uncover anything?" She asked, taking another of the round green fruits with the hard pit and biting into it.

"I had it run a general search. Turned up a little more data, but the place is of so little interest to anyone, there still wasn't much." Kylo flipped through a few windows. "Looks like Xestreron I is the sole planet circling a very old white dwarf star. No moons but there is a small asteroid field nearby. No resources to speak of. It's just a hunk of freezing, crumbly rock, uninhabited by anything other than a few insects and microbes. It's cold down there and very dark, but habitable... barely, thanks to a thick residual atmosphere and a reasonable reserve of geothermal energy."

"But nothing in the First Order archives?"

"Nothing." he pulled up the empty entry to confirm. "But I did find it was deleted very recently."

"How recently?"

"Two weeks ago." he replied. "No past versions. No edits. Nothing. He had the entry history scrubbed entirely."

"He." she repeated. "You're sure this is Hux?"

"It's certainly sloppy and snake-like, so it's a good guess. Plus, it takes someone of considerable clearance to access the actual data in these files to delete them."

Rey blinked at that. "Well, that's inconvenient. I guess we'll just have to thermal scan the planet from behind the asteroid field to see what we'll find."

"Agreed." he nodded. "With it being that cold, life signs or heat from buildings and vehicles, if there are any, shouldn't be hard to pinpoint."

As if on cue, the ship jolted slightly signalling they had dropped out of hyperspace. The pair exchanged anxious looks and then hurried to their separate stations. Rey steered them into an alcove on one of the asteroids, and Kylo fired up the thermal scans. 

"It looks so desolate." Rey remarked, hugging her arms around herself as she stared at the dark little world through the main viewport. "I've seen asteroids bigger."

"But… believe it or not there's something alive down there." Kylo pulled up the thermal overlay onto the main viewer. A single point of red glowed faintly on the surface. A few clicks and adjustments had the scan zoom in, revealing a single story building with a few blobs of red circling out front.

"I guess that's where we are going." Rey shrugged turning back to the navigation console. "I'll hit atmo out of sight of the… whatever that is, and set down behind this hill here." she pointed. "You've got a couple of speeders on this thing, yeah?"

Kylo nodded. "We should plan to go in quiet. They probably know we're coming, or are at least prepared for it. Are you any good with a blaster?"

"I'm a reasonably good shot, I suppose." she shrugged before suddenly pulling a wry grin. "I'm definitely better than when I was shooting at you on Takodana." 

Kylo felt himself smile back before he knew what he was doing. Somehow their history was gradually becoming less painful. "Come on. We've got some silenced ones down in the armory. We should keep the lightsaber waving to a minimum so as not to bring the whole place down on our heads."

She followed right at his elbow as they both exited the bridge.

"You're sure your leg is okay?"

She smiled fondly. "It's fine, I promise. How are your ribs?"

"Barely noticeable." he replied.

"Good."

"Rey?" He said as they peeled off down another hallway, Rey taking two, sometimes three steps to his one. "Do me a favor."

"What's that?"

"Stay in my head on this one." he said, his voice low and deadly serious. "We don't know what we're going to find, and I don't want them to catch us unaware. Two sets of eyes will be better than one."

"Agreed."

"I just… I have a bad feeling about this."

"I'm glad I'm not the only one." She reached over and squeezed his gloved hand in hers. 

***

Even though it was high noon on Xestreron I, it was brighter than at twilight back on Jakku. The cold on the surface of the planet was bracing to say the least. It wasn't like the blustery chill in the forests of Cantros 7. At least something about that cold seemed natural. It spoke of weather patterns and the hibernation habits of tiny scurrying things. This was a wasteland pervaded by a still, bone-deep cold that made Rey's sundrenched joints ache even through the layer of synthetic insulation in her coat. Kylo had even donned his cloak again just for the added heat retention. He cut a terrifying figure as they stepped out onto the planet. His hood pulled up. Black on black. Just a stark white face peering out from the darkness into the darkness. 

Rey let herself remember a time when that scared her for a moment. Back to her dreams. Back to the monster in a mask. Back to the freezing, numbing terror the mere sight of him had once induced. It felt so incredibly distant now. What she feared lay out there in the cold dark of night. 

She reached for him with her mind. Almost without meaning to. And she found him instantly, as if he were waiting for her to stretch out her thoughts to him. Their minds twined and leaned together and their shoulders brushed as they listed into one another. Rey fought the urge to lean further. To lose herself in the steady, warm presence of his thoughts, and burrow into the folds of his cloak. And she could feel an answering tension in Kylo as he fought the instinct to draw them closer together. They didn't have time. Not right now...

They hopped on the speeder, Rey taking the controls and Kylo slipping onto the seat behind her, wrapping her in his cloak. They took a brief moment to check their gear one last time. Silenced blasters. Lightsabers. Medkits. Satisfied that they were as ready as they could be, Rey started the speeder and set out across the darkened landscape.

After a few minutes of travel, they found a vantage point up on a small hill. Lying out on their stomachs and peering down towards the coordinates they had marked with the heat sensors, they found a squat unmarked building. Only one story with a flat roof, built entirely of unremarkable grey brick, with no windows and no fence surrounding it. Just two guards in gleaming black armor out front, rifles in hand.

"Death Troopers." Kylo breathed, his breath steaming in the air as he passed the binoculars to Rey.

"Death Troopers?" she said, peering to see for herself. "Very dramatic."

"Say what you want. They earn their name." Kylo said. "Hux reformed them a few years back when we uncovered their training records in an Empire archive. They're the most elite of the stormtrooper regiments. Specialized training. Advanced armor and weapons. Some of them even have surgical enhancements. Hux uses them much as Snoke used the Knights of Ren. Surgical missions. Little direct oversight. Curious that they're on guard duty." 

"I count two… no wait three. There's one on the roof."

"A sniper, I bet." he sniffed.

"Safe bet. He's prone, and I think he's got a long rifle of some kind."

Kylo sighed. "Now I'm really curious what's in there. This place did not spring up overnight, but it's not in any of the First Order archives. So that means this must've been a pet project. Perhaps Snoke knew about it but as soon as I came to power, Hux deleted the files. And then put his best soldiers in charge of carrying out the plan… whatever it is."

"He was hiding something from you. Even before you left." Rey said staring off through the gloom as she passed the binoculars back.

Kylo put them up to his face. "And he's got one of the Knights of Ren working for him too. Maybe even more if he's turned Irkalla and the others to his side."

"Well… one thing at a time I suppose. We need inside that building and from what I'm seeing the stealth option is out. There's no cover and only one way in or out which has at least three guards on it that we can see." Rey said, creeping back over to the speeder. She paused to think, folding her arms against the seeping cold. "What if… what if I played your prisoner?"

"My what?"

"Like you were bringing me in to… I don't know turn me in or something."

"Odds are good they're under orders to shoot on sight." Kylo replied.

"But if you pulled your hood down, it might let us get closer at least. I'd like to be shot at as little as possible after last time."

"Agreed." he replied tightly, as he crept over to their speeder. "Come on. It's as good a plan as any, since as you pointed out we have virtually no cover."

As they pulled themselves astride the speeder, Rey gripped her lightsaber behind her back.

"Stay with me." Kylo whispered across their shared connection. It was less an instruction and more a plea.

"I'm with you." she replied, unable to keep herself from leaning back against him just a little. Just to feel the solid weight of him that mirrored the press of his mind on hers. She'd become addicted to that physical sensation if she wasn't careful. She probably already had.

Kylo pulled his hood down low over his face as they approached. When the Death Troopers saw them coming out of the gloom, they immediately had weapons in hand and trained on them.

"Halt!" one of them shouted, his voice cracking through his helmet's voice filter. 

"It's alright." Kylo shouted, holding Rey's elbow in one hand and raising the other in peaceable greeting. "I've come with the captive."

"The captive?"

"This girl is General Hux's prisoner. I was told to deliver her here." Kylo said, continuing to manhandle her along, getting them as close as possible. "This is Xestreron I isn't it?"

"Reach out to the one on the roof, Rey." Kylo whispered into her mind. "Do you feel him?"

"Yes." 

"Keep your hand on your lightsaber. He's got his finger on the trigger and that rifle is aimed at me. I can handle these two if you can keep him from shooting me."

She responded with an wordlessly affirmative press of her mind onto his as she let herself be dragged along.

"General Hux didn't tell us of any sort of prisoner arrival." The Death Trooper shouted. "This is not a detainment facility. Who are you?"

In a flash, Kylo drew Rey's blaster from her waistband and fired striking both the Death Troopers across their helmets. It sent them reeling but wasn't enough to penetrate their armor. But Kylo had been right about the trooper on the roof having his sights set and an itchy trigger finger, because he fired instantly in retaliation.

But Rey was faster, drawing and igniting her lightsaber just inches from Kylo's face, deflecting what would have been a deadly shot directly back at its shooter. To his credit, Kylo barely recoiled. It was like in the throne room again… a flash of shared insight that let her unerringly throw her saber and allowed him to catch it just so in order to kill his assailant. He'd known what she planned to do. He felt her intent so deeply in his bones he might've been performing the action himself.

"Thank you." his mind breathed across hers as they launched themselves at the other two guards.

***

The door to the building was no match for Kylo's lightsaber. He sliced through the locking mechanism and the hinges to let it fall inwards with a labored groan and thud. A puff of stale and equally cold air greeted them. The hallway within was the same bare gray stone as outside, illuminated by a soft bluish glow from the overhead lights. 

They worked their way down the hallway, checking each door and only finding supply closets for the Death Trooper equipment. No other guards seemed to be present, or if they were they hadn't been alerted by the commotion at the front door. At the end of the hallway was another locked metal door, similar to the one at the front. 

"Wait." Kylo cautioned, still speaking to her through the Force. "I want to know what's in there before we start cutting the door open and give it time to get help or start shooting."

Rey nodded in grateful agreement. They both reached out through the Force and scanned their immediate surroundings. Rey was a little clumsy for lack of practice, but she found she could follow his senses outward and work her way on from there. Almost as if he was mentally holding her hand for the first few steps. 

Initially, Rey only sensed a few faint presences in the room beyond. Not Force users. Just people. Their minds were busy, all rattling off numbers and sequences of chemicals. But it was difficult to sense them, and she could tell that Kylo was struggling as well. There were parts of the room that were just blank. Not just "not a person." but empty. Empty of the Force. 

She looked up at Kylo and found him wearing a frown that mirrored her own. 

"You feel it too?" she asked, both eager and apprehensive to know she wasn't imagining it.

He nodded. "But more pressingly I don't feel Szalth or any more Death Troopers. Shall we?"

In answer, she pulled her lightsaber, sliced through the lock, and stood aside while Kylo kicked it open. They were greeted by the sight of long metal tables covered in arcane laboratory equipment. Test tubes, beakers, and all manner of distilling equipment covered the tables. And stacked in the corner, Rey spied several crates stamped with the Apex logo. Apparently they were on more than one right track. 

A few shouts of surprise accompanied sounds of a mad scramble as three men in white coats dove behind their work stations.

"Easy." Rey called out as she extinguished her lightsaber. "We aren't here to hurt you."

"At least that's not our primary objective." Kylo added, dramatically stepping through the smoking remains of the door after her..

"K-Kylo Ren?" one of the scientists peeked over the top of his work table. Just a bald head, spectacled eyes, and knuckles visible at the metal edge.

"Supreme Leader Kylo Ren." he corrected coldly.

"General Hux didn't tell us there had been a… ah… change in leadership." the scientist stammered. "Not that we get much news here."

"And what and where is "here" exactly?" Kylo strode around the table sending the scientist scurrying backwards like a crab.

"This… this is General Hux's auxiliary chemical weapon testing facility." came the shaky reply.

"Auxiliary. How cute." Kylo drawled, his lip curling into a cold sneer. "I didn't know that was a synonym for "secret." How long have you been operating?"

"For about ah… five hundred cycles? Our clocks here are synced to the Supremacy so we operate on its… I mean your time, S-supreme Leader."

"Oh you're certainly not working on my time. I didn't know of your existence until yesterday. What is your current project?" he asked crisply.

Right to the friction point, apparently. Rey felt the conflict rise up in the scientist amid the panic of having the shade of Kylo Ren looming over him. Still, he wasn't going to give that information up without a fight. But…

Rey gave her head a hard shake. She was still sensing it… all around them. These blank spaces in the Force. As if the presence of something were just being redacted from reality. It was distracting. And worrisome. She looked around on the lab tables, searching for some physical manifestation of the strange phenomenon and found several crystals sealed in glass vials. Some were a soft, semi-opaque white and others were a gleaming jet black.

"Kylo, look at this." she held up one of the white stones in its container. This one didn't show up as a blank space. She could feel the Force twining through it, just like the crystal in her lightsaber. The others however… the black ones... "What are these? Are they-"

"Kyber crystals." he finished, taking the vial from her. "I can sense the Force in it… but this one…" he stretched out his hand over one of the black crystals still lying on the table. "It's empty…empty... how is that possible? They're… they're formed of the Force." he rounded on the scientist, igniting his lightsaber and pointing it down at the scientist. "What are you doing?" 

Instinctively, Rey reached out with the Force, letting her mind skim over the scientist's thoughts like a rock skipping on water. Just enough to get an impression. Looking only so far as to find some leverage. Just on the surface...

And the surface was more than enough.

"They have your family." She said softly.

Kylo turned and looked at her, the red glow of his lightsaber glinting dangerously in his eyes. "What?"

"You were thinking about your family just now. Worried about them." Rey went on, placing a hand on Kylo's elbow, but keeping her eyes focused on the scientist as she worked through the vague snatches she'd been able to glean from the scientist's unshielded mind. "Hang on… General Hux and the First Order… they have your family. They probably have all your families, and that's why you're working out here on this forsaken backwater rock."

The scientist nodded wide eyed. "You… you have the Force?" he stammered.

Rey confirmed with a nod, moving to crouch on the floor between him and Kylo, who extinguished his saber, but kept it clutched in his hand. "What's your name?" she asked, trying to make herself as personable as possible. Perhaps this could be solved without violence.

"Eldon Oppen." came the answer.

"Now, tell us what you're doing here, Eldon." Rey said calmly.

But her tone couldn't curb Eldon's hysterics. "I… I can't! My family! My little boy, they'll-" 

Kylo's lightsaber was tight in his grip. Rey could feel him thumbing the switch. "It won't be half as bad as what I do to you if you don't-"

"Wait!" Rey cut Kylo off. She turned back to the scientist. "Here's the deal. We're actually here looking for someone. Irkalla Ren. One of the Knights of Ren."

"The sharpshooter?" Eldon asked. "She's here. Szalth brought her a few cycles ago. She's… she's the last one."

"The last one?" Kylo parrotted. "Of the Knights?"

"Other than you." He glanced up at the snarling shadow that loomed behind Rey. "Um… sir?"

"Have the rest of them been brought here?" she asked, trying in vain to keep his attention on her and not on the imposing figure of Kylo behind her.

"All but you and Szalth, sir."

"For what purpose?" the question from Kylo was clipped.

There was a pregnant pause as the scientist weighed his options. Rey could feel Kylo's temper at its breaking point. The steam pouring off his anger was stinging behind her eyes. Eldon did not have time to be deliberating or fighting hysterics right now. Kylo didn't have the patience for it.

"Okay listen." she said spreading out her hands in front of her and angling her shoulder to put herself more squarely between Eldon and Kylo. "You have two options. Tell us what you're doing here with the Knights of Ren that Szalth is capturing, and we'll lock you in one of your cells. You can tell General Hux that you were attacked and interrogated and blah blah blah. However you see best to keep out of trouble at that point."

"Or?"

"Or I let him peel your mind apart like an onion and we get the information anyway." she jerked her thumb back at Kylo. "And then he probably uses you for lightsaber practice. And Hux probably kills your family. Your choice. For the record, I'd rather go with the first option so I have fewer nightmares and there's a chance you and your families survive. But I'll be honest, we're sort of at the end of our rope here."

The scientist had to swallow a few times to get enough spit into his mouth to speak. "It's a chemical weapon that disperses microscopic shards of voided kyber crystal."

"Voided." Kylo repeated. "What do you mean by voided?" 

"We discovered a way to use the old Death Star weapon system to drain the Force from the crystals, leaving them housing a very tenuously contained void. When the pressurized casing is shattered, the crystal dissolves into the air as it seeks to absorb the Force from whatever happens to be present. And if one of the things present happens to be a Force sensitive person… well… you can have a look in our cells to see what happens. If Irkalla is still alive. She's been very quiet these past few hours."

Kylo stepped back reeling. "It's a weapon. Hux is building a weapon to wipe out Force sensitive people."

"It… it won't kill you, exactly. Not directly anyway. But you wouldn't have access to the Force. And being bereft of it so suddenly has… adverse side effects. Enough to cripple the person in question and leave them open to attack or extraction."

"Thank you." Rey said standing to her feet. She turned to Kylo and took a deep breath. "Get all the samples. We'll take them with us. Maybe shove them out an airlock. Maybe- I don't know. Something to keep them out of Hux's hands."

"You're too late for that." the scientist had stood up too and was shaking out his lab coat. "There's a manufacturing facility under construction on Catallus. And we've already got the missile casings from Apex. We weren't privy to any of the logistics past the testing phase. We are just observing long term effects of exposure."

"And what are those effects?" Kylo asked, pacing a little between the tables.

"In Force sensitive individuals, insanity… depression… eventually self-harm and suicide." he told them, his tone turning slightly academic. "Non Force sensitive individuals even feel the effects as well, though not to as damaging a degree. A general malaise of body and mind that they can't quite explain."

"Is there any way to reverse it?"

"We don't know. We… aren't really in that business." the scientist admitted. "And no one's lasted that long."

Down the hall there a pitiful keening cry echoed along the walls as if in answer to the inquiry. Everyone in the room flinched at the sound.

"That would be her." Eldon said. "Still alive it would seem. Not that I envy her."

Rey nodded, a plan forming in her mind as she took another deep, steadying breath. "Are there any other guards here other than the three we dealt with out front?"

"No." Eldon replied. 

"Alright then. Everyone up." Rey ordered. The sharpness in her voice sounded alien in her own ears. "Keep… keep your hands where I can see them. Kylo, please lock them in that testing cell there. I'm going to go look for Irkalla."

Kylo assented but not without a wary look. He didn't like the idea of Rey going off alone in this place, and he didn't make a secret of it.

"I'm not going far." she assured him, her mind leaning into his for a moment before she turned down the shadowy hallway lined with heavy metal cell doors. She paused at the entrance, reaching out with the Force and finding… a worrying amount of nothing.

With the scientists locked in their testing chamber, Kylo quickly rejoined Rey as she worked her way down the hall. 

"I hear her." Rey whispered aloud. "But I can't feel her. It's like… she's gone from the Force somehow."

"Neither can I." Kylo fairly growled. "I don't like this."

"It's sort of like when Luke cut himself off from the Force." Rey said kicking open a door that was already ajar. The cell was empty but for a massive black stain on the floor. "He just… wasn't there whenever I looked into the Force. But this is worse somehow. Luke was just absent. It's like Irkalla is actively not there..." 

Kylo took a steadying breath before continuing the search. "Irkalla? Irkalla, it's Kylo Ren. Can you hear me?"

A shapeless moan fountained up down the hallway. The pair broke into a trot to follow it.

"In here, I think." Kylo said, igniting his saber and cutting through the lock on the door.

The door swung outward and revealed a pitch black windowless cell. No furniture. Just a bucket and a woman in a tattered paper gown curled up in the farthest corner. Her eyes glowed in the gloom, tiny golden pin pricks under the fall of her matted white hair.

"Jedi Killer." she hissed from the shadows when she saw them, pulling herself into a primal crouch. "Did they send for you when I wouldn't off myself?"

"No one sent me. I went looking for you when I couldn't find you at your lodge." Kylo replied from the doorway, extinguishing his lightsaber. He wanted to approach, to reprimand her for her sneering accusation, but he found he couldn't. He was rooted to the floor by what he felt through the Force. He could sense her mind it turned out. It was there, but it was an empty shell filled with nothing but bloody shreds where her connection to the Force should answer his invasion into her thoughts. Inside, there was nothing… just a bereft, shattered agony.

Rey pushed past him, falling on her knees in in front of her. "Irkalla? Irkalla, I'm Rey."

Irkalla recoiled from her, and it took a moment to focus her wild yellow eyes on Rey's face. She clearly didn't recognize her... But that name… that name she seemed to know. She blinked several times, swooning a bit as she visibly struggled to collect her thoughts. "The scavenger…" Irkalla breathed, the word coming out as a hiss.

"Yes, that's right." Rey nodded. "I'm a scavenger from Jakku. The one Kylo was chasing."

"They send you to scrap me for parts then?" a laugh that bordered on mania tittered in her voice. Her dirty nails bit into her bruised arms along deep purple tracks. "The good stuff has been picked over."

"Nothing like that." Rey said attempting to soothe her, unsure if she should try to touch the traumatized woman or not. She desperately wanted to.

"Rey, we can't stay here." Kylo urged gently. "We have to go. We don't know if they've raised an alarm."

"I know. I know. But we're not leaving her." she replied, not taking her eyes off the other woman. "Irkalla, the others. Where are-"

"Dead and rotten… dead and rotten." her scream-withered voice turned to a crackling singsong. "But rotten first. Seven there were… and five of them here. I'll count them for you… One for sorrow. Two for mirth. Three for a funeral, and four for birth…" 

"We can't stay here." Kylo said again, pacing frantically in the doorway. He still had not come inside, as if he thought Irkalla's condition might be contagious.

"Help me get her up then. We-"

"It's too late for that." he said, his voice trembling. "We don't know if there's a cure, and we can't leave her. I'll…" he sighed, going for the lightsaber on his belt. "I'll do it. She's my responsibility."

Rey was on her feet in an instant, planting herself squarely between them. "No, Kylo wait!"

"Five for silver, Six for gold, Seven for a secret, Never to be told. Ha ha! That one is me!" Irkalla's voice was rising in pitch, as if she could sense the tension growing as she continued her hysterical rhyme.

"We shouldn't make her suffer." Kylo reasoned, but there was nothing reasoned in his tone. His voice was thin and coming unstrung with burgeoning panic.

"No, we shouldn't. Not when we can make her better." Rey pointed out.

"We don't know if we can." Kylo countered.

"Eight for a wish…"

"You're afraid. Don't be afraid. Let's take her to Ahch-to." Rey offered.

"To LUKE?" he spat incredulously.

"What? No, of course not!" Rey answered shaking her head. "But on the island there's a tree and a cave there where the Force runs strong. Stronger than the Kyber crystals. Perhaps she can repair her connection to the Force there. And we have the texts. Maybe there's something in there. It's… it's worth a shot before we do something that can't be undone. Besides it will be on us to find a way to undo it. In case… in case…"

"And nine for a kiss…"

Kylo stared down at Irkalla with wide wild eyes at the thought of what Rey was implying. He'd succeeded so far in preventing himself from considering it fully, but he couldn't deny it now. His fear roiled and screamed in Rey's head and she fought for all she was worth to not to be subsumed by that sucking vortex.

"What's next… I don't remember…" Irkalla had begun to fret, her nails biting into her mangled arms again.

"Don't be afraid. We've dealt with bigger problems." Rey assured him.

Abruptly, all of Kylo's frantic and fearful thoughts stopped on a dime, and the mental sensation nearly sent Rey reeling. Out of the sudden stillness, a single thought coursed like a lit fuse through his mind. 

"This was for me." he said so softly that the hum of the instruments in the next room almost obscured his words.

Rey frowned. "For you? What do you mean?"

"I would have been who he used it on first." He looked from Irkalla to Rey and back again. "That's why he hid it when I came to power. Maybe Snoke did order it at first to ensure that once Skywalker had been dealt with the Jedi would never gain strength again. But when he was gone, Hux changed his plans. He would have used it on me. Maybe all of us, but especially me."

"Oh no…" Rey whispered, tracking his line of thought and finding that the logic brooked no argument. But she wouldn't give in to the panic that threatened her. She held her ground and kept her voice calm. "Then… then we need to find a way to fix it. A way to stop him."

But Kylo was fairly shaking. The realization of the betrayal had further ignited his fear, fanning it into an incinerating anger that Rey could not only feel but taste, like the cloying metallic flavor of blood at the back of her throat.

So this is why the Jedi had all this talk about how fear leads to anger.

"Kylo, Kylo, listen to me." she said fighting to keep the desperation out of her voice as she swallowed down her own fear. "We are going to fix this, alright? Hux is going to pay. Not just for what he did to the Knights, but for everything. Remember? Remember what we said in the throne room? We are going to burn the First Order to the ground and put a stop to the need for the Rebellion. This is part of the tyranny we are tearing down. But we can't do it from here." She crossed the tiny cell to him and put her hand on her face, her thumb sliding into the groove of the scar on his cheek. Her skin was cool against his and his eyes cleared at the familiar touch.

"This won't be our fate." She whispered gently, willing herself to believe her own desperate words if for nothing more than Kylo's sake. She spoke it like the greatest truth she'd ever known. "It's not going to be ours. It's not going to be Irkalla's. We will fix this. We have to if we are going to face Hux. Listen to me. Listen to me, Kylo. We will fix this, but we have to start with her. This is where we decide who we are." She pointed to Irkalla's hunched form behind her. "I can't do this alone. Help me."

He had a sudden visceral flash of insight, as if he were unexpectedly in two places at once. Cold air swirled around him… not the cold of this dying planet. The cold of a different one… where it snowed. Rey stared out at him, fat white flakes blowing and catching in her hair. He recognized that look. She wasn't giving up. Not yet. Not without a fight. But she didn't want that fight to be against him this time. She wanted his help to set things right. Rey always would believe things could be set right. Especially when he was so quick to despair. She was his Balance

"This is where we decide who we are…" the words echoed in his thoughts.

Who we are...

Kylo took a slow shuddering breath, his livid gaze sliding from Rey's face to Irkalla and then back again. "I'll carry her. You get the samples. As many as you can find. We want to stall their work as long as possible." 

Rey smiled up at him, a fleeting expression of utter relief. She kissed him lightly at the corner of his mouth, her lips trailing lightly over his scar. "I'll meet you in the lab." 

As Rey stepped out of the cell, Kylo crossed to Irkalla, who was still frantically trying to remember the next line of her little rhyme. Her hands worked pitifully at the ragged edge of her gown as her wild eyes roved around the room. A wave of his hand and a firm press of his mind on hers and she passed clean out.

Only a few more minutes work, and they were back on the speeder with a satchel full of various kyber crystals and Irkalla sandwiched between them, still unconscious and wrapped in Kylo's cloak. As the speeder's engine revved and they sped across the bleak landscape, Rey could hear Irkalla whispering in her ear, still lost in her counting exercise.

"Ten for a bird, you must not miss."

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Updates should be coming every Monday morning!


	18. A Call to Come In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on the shuttle, Kylo had carried Irkalla's semi-conscious body up to the med bay and laid her on one of the exam tables, programming the droid to keep her sedated and comfortable until they arrived on Ahch-to. Rey meanwhile had made a bee-line for the bridge to get them back into hyperspace as quickly as possible. When their course was set and the stars were once again streaking by the viewports in long, lazy white lines, she went in search of Kylo. She found him lingering in the med bay, standing in the doorway staring at Irkalla's now completely unconscious form with distant, haunted eyes.
> 
> "It's terrifying." she said softly, jarring him out of his reverie. It surprised her how easily she snuck up on him. Especially now with the Force twining through both of them with barely a thought to summon it anymore. It proved just how deeply entrenched he was in his own mind. She let hers reach out to his, if only to be a comforting support. Not to pry or push. And she was relieved when she felt his thoughts lean into hers.
> 
> "It is." he agreed, his voice soft and almost mechanical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday Morning, everyone! Hope you had a lovely weekend and that your week is off to a good start! If not... hopefully this will lift your spirits a little!
> 
> Please note that the second half of this chapter is very much NSFW. But there's no other warnings besides that.
> 
> Many thanks and much love to my beta KaminaDuck. Seriously... between this and the MCU fic I'm writing, he beta reads something close to 10k words every week to two weeks. Go check out his Tumblr, @kaminaduck and @duckgetsstuck if you're into Homestuck. And he also streams some Homestuck reactions as well as video games over on Twitch under KaminaDuck as well (and sometimes on Thursdays, you can find me stabbing things along with him). But seriously... give him some love. He's part of the reason I have the confidence to publish something this ambitious in the first place.
> 
> And of course... thank you all for your support and kind words. I've gotten so much great feedback and encouragement about this fic. It's been amazing. So thank you thank you thank you!
> 
> Enjoy this week's chapter! I'll see you all next week!

Back on the shuttle, Kylo had carried Irkalla's semi-conscious body up to the med bay and laid her on one of the exam tables, programming the droid to keep her sedated and comfortable until they arrived on Ahch-to. Rey meanwhile had made a bee-line for the bridge to get them back into hyperspace as quickly as possible. When their course was set and the stars were once again streaking by the viewports in long, lazy white lines, she went in search of Kylo. She found him lingering in the med bay, standing in the doorway staring at Irkalla's now completely unconscious form with distant, haunted eyes.

"It's terrifying." she said softly, jarring him out of his reverie. It surprised her how easily she snuck up on him. Especially now with the Force twining through both of them with barely a thought to summon it anymore. It proved just how deeply entrenched he was in his own mind. She let hers reach out to his, if only to be a comforting support. Not to pry or push. And she was relieved when she felt his thoughts lean into hers.

"It is." he agreed, his voice soft and almost mechanical.

"Did you meet her through the First Order?"

"No, actually. I met her at Luke's Temple." Kylo replied, with a fond shake of his head.

"Oh."

"She was one of the few who came with me instead of fighting. She'd had no interest in being a Jedi in the first place. She was always bored with all the "lightsaber flappery" as she called it. She was already a master marksman before she arrived. Her frustration at the whole formal Jedi process made the decision easy, I think."

"She really is your responsibility then." Rey remarked with the barest pinch of a frown "I hadn't realized…"

He only nodded in response, his gaze still fixed on Irkalla, watching as her rib cage swelled and collapsed with each breath.

"I set the course for Ahch-to. It's quite a jump, but we'll be there in about eight hours."

He nodded again, still not looking at her. A long silence stretched out between them as they both stared at their new charge. The drugs from the medical droid were working their magic and she was still and quiet. She was the only thing in the room that was still and quiet. Both their minds cracked and roiled with unspoken anxieties even as they clung to one another.

"I would have had no warning." Kylo finally said, so softly that it was almost as if he was speaking to himself. "None. Hux would have made sure of it. One minute I'm the Supreme Leader of the First Order. The next… just a husk. A worthless, empty… thing. And he would laugh." His eyes narrowed as if he could see the scene in front of him. "I can hear it in my head. He would have left me a useless dried up nothing. I don't know if he'd even bother to kill me."

Rey slipped one arm around his waist and pulled him to face her. She brought her hand up to cradle his face, ensuring he could look no where else but her eyes. "You wouldn't be nothing, Kylo. You aren't just a… a conduit for the Force. None of us are just that. When… when I was with Luke… he wasn't a great teacher. But he did make sure I understood that. The Force isn't all we are."

His mouth twitched bitterly. "It was all I had for so long. It was all I had that I could control."

"It's not all you have now. And you know it."

He blinked at that, his eyes softening as he leaned into her with both body and mind. "We're together because of the Force."

"Brought together by it, sure." she said rising on her tiptoes to reach his lips. "But I… I was conflicted about you from the start, I think. Before the Force connection… before I found the lightsaber... before StarKiller… before any of it. I kept hearing your story… pieces of it all around me. And I… I always wanted to know more."

Kylo stared down at her, the turbulent fear that had swirled in his eyes gave way to something else… something infinitely more peaceful and sad. He lifted a gloved hand and touched her face almost to assure himself that she was real. "It didn't make you afraid?"

"No." she answered, letting her honesty rise up to meet him.

"But you were afraid of me." His hand was still on her cheek as his eyes searched hers. "Once…"

No. No, they weren't doing this. They were done with these regrets. They were making and finding horrors and griefs aplenty these days. They didn't need to retread the old ones.

"Come on." She deflected as she leaned into the touch, feeling the worn leather catch on her skin. "I think we both need a shower and some sleep."

"You should eat something first." he replied, his fingers finding the ridges of her ribs even through the thick uniform. He felt that swell of responsibility rise in him again, pushing his anxiety aside for a moment. "We both should."

"Okay… food first. Then shower." she agreed, pulling him off down the hall.

*** 

Rey didn't even bother with a pretense of indecision about following him to his room after they'd finished eating. The time for all of that was long past. Especially after what they'd found at the testing facility. She didn't want to be anywhere else but with him, where the Force vibrated and sang in the air. She hadn't said it out loud, but what they'd found there frightened her too.

It wasn't so much being stripped of the Force that scared her. Or at least, it didn't scare her the way it scared Kylo. So much of his identity was wrapped up in his ability to wield the Force. But it still scared her. And mostly, she was rapidly discovering that it scared her to lose him in that way more than it scared her to lose herself. 

But Kylo… he was terrified. A deep, scalding, wrenching fear that took every ounce of his considerable mental fortitude to keep at bay. And she could feel it. Much like one could see steam spurting from the rim of a boiling pot.

"You can have the shower first if you want." he said, stripping off his tunic as they passed the doorway.

If she was going to give him a respite from his fears, it was going to be all or nothing. Now or never.

"I don't mind sharing." she replied in the most nonchalant voice she could muster. "If you don't."

He froze in place mid-stride, slowly revolving on the spot to face her with the most quizzical expression. "I… no, but-"

His reaction and hesitation had been enough to convince her that she was on the right track. She silenced his sputtering by hooking her fingers into his belt and pulling him into the bathroom. To her surprise he came easily. "I don't want to be apart from you right now." she said in a warm but matter-of-fact voice. "And I know you don't want to be apart from me. So… start the water for me, would you?" she asked, giving her best impression of a coquettish wink before she began pulling the ties out of her hair.

For a moment Kylo just stood there dumbfounded, mouth gaping like a landed fish. "Are you… flirting with me?" He asked after a moment. A smile seemed to be at war with his look genuine shock, but so far shock was winning.

"Only if you're starting the water." she replied playfully, a grin working its way across her face. She was clearly getting somewhere. At least he wasn't wallowing in fear anymore. Now he was just confused.

A true smile blossomed on his lips then, and promptly turned into a few coughs of genuine laughter. But he did as she bade, while still watching her as she stripped out of her uniform; jacket, boots and pants all falling to the tile floor until she was in nothing but her underwear. 

Kylo's eyes dropped to the square white bandage over her thigh that covered her wound from the blaster fire. Anything to keep from staring at her… anything. Anything to keep from embarrassing himself. She quickly peeled it off, using it to wipe away the excess bacta. The wound was healing quickly and the stitches were long dissolved, but the stripe of healing skin still looked angry and red.

Rey could feel Kylo's anxiety and anger beginning to swell again. She found she was growing increasingly sensitive to it. So much so that she could practically taste his emotions at the back of her throat. But she also found that with her newfound sensitivity she was also able to respond to his emotions much more readily. Very readily in this case.

She stymied the negativity where it was by untying the band of fabric that covered her breasts and letting it slip to the floor. He swallowed hard at the sight, eyes jumping from her face to her body and back again. She grinned at his reaction, sauntering towards him with an unpracticed but unabashed sway of her hips. 

When Rey was standing so close their chests nearly brushed with each inward breath, she reached out and took his wrists. "Touch me." she beckoned, her voice a soft whispery purr over the steady drum of the water on the tile.

Kylo quickly went to pull a glove off with his teeth but she stopped him by squeezing his wrists. "No, no… with the gloves on, I think."

He made a sound deep in his throat borne of pure desperation, pulling where she held him but not earnestly trying to escape.

"Relax." she breathed, reaching up to caress his cheek. "Let me do the thinking for a bit." 

He swallowed thickly and seemed to almost swoon on the spot. For a split second, Rey thought she might have to catch him if his knees gave out, but he did as she asked, caressing one trembling gloved hand up her flank and, at her arching insistence, he let his thumb roll over her nipple. She caught her lower lip between her teeth and gave a little moan at the contact. Her confident playful swagger faded slightly at the edges. No one had ever touched her like this. She'd had sex before, sure, but that had just been a very sandy, half-clothed fumble in the dark of her gutted little hovel. She'd never had anyone caress her with such awed care. 

She opened her eyes and found him staring at her with open-mouthed wonder. Not a trace of the former fears or seething anger could be seen in his features. Just a stunned, aching want that she found matched perfectly within herself. She raised up on tip toe and kissed him, reveling in the feel of his rough black robe against her bare skin. It raised goosebumps even in spite of the warming air.

Then she steeled herself, half gritting her teeth, and stepped away, pausing to pull off her underwear before sauntering under the warm shower. She tipped her head back and openly revelled in the feel of the water on her skin. There had been a handful of rainstorms on Jakku in her life, and for every one of them she'd gone out and stood face up under the shower. She did much the same now, feeling the rivulets of water chase down the channels of her body. It always felt so amazing.

But not as amazing as Kylo's hands.

She wiped the water from her eyes and turned to face him. He still stood outside the shower, fully clothed in his throat to floor black with his mouth slightly and hungrily agape.

"Well, are you just wanting to watch? Or did you want to actually share the shower?" she asked before arching back under the spray again, running her hands through her sodden hair. Over the static of the water, she could hear clothing being hastily discarded followed by the wet sound footsteps drawing near. She reached out on instinct and found his hand as he approached reeling him in. His hands were everywhere all at once when their lips met. Squeezing, caressing, memorizing every curve and dimple on her body.

"Would you like me to prove to you that we aren't just together because of the Force?" she asked, her lips against the shell of his ear.

Kylo nodded, the tails of his wet hair tickling her face.

"Then, stay out of my head for as long as the water's running. Close your eyes and just feel."

She kissed him again before slipping to her knees. She heard it again… that abrupt and sweetly desperate sound from somewhere deep in his throat. He would always try to quell it but it never quite worked. He never could catch himself in time.

Kylo was already halfway to being erect when he stepped in the shower, so only a few tugs from her wet hand brought him to full hardness. Rey let her lips play up the shaft, reveling in the velvety feel of his skin on her mouth. There was so much of him. But it was a challenge she relished. 

"I've never done this before." she told him, as she laid a line of open mouthed kisses along his length. She noticed a bead of moisture welling at the tip of his cock, and she curiously licked it away with a deft flick of her tongue that made him gasp. 

"I… you don't… you don't have…" he seemed at a loss for words, and he desperately reached for their connection in the Force to try and convey what he was utterly failing to say. That he wanted this but not if-

"Uh uh… stay out of my head or I stop." She warned, before skirting her tongue around the swollen, dribbling head. "You know I can just toss you right back out again." she added with a smirk.

A snide smile pulled at the ample curve of his mouth as well, broad enough to bare a few of his teeth. "And you know I can make you do whatever I want without needing to be in your head."

Kylo froze as soon as the cocky retort was out of his mouth. And Rey didn't need their connection to know he thought he'd overstepped. He was certain he had, actually. He hadn't meant a word of it. Not a single word of it as anything more than a tease or a taunt. She knew it. He would never hurt her. Not again. But he looked so terrified.

And so she smiled up at him. "Another time." she whispered, her breath ghosting along his skin.

Another time. The thought struck him like a bolt of lightning. This wasn't the only time. He had always assumed that it was. Everything. All of this time spent together on the ship, he'd been grasping at their moments together like strands of smoke. But this was solid, and real. It wasn't over when they got to Ahch-to, and somehow deep down in his consciousness he had assumed it would be.

If he'd planned to have any other coherent thoughts on the situation, they all fled from his mind as she sucked the head of his cock into her mouth and pulled him down as far as she could take him. Which was to say, only about halfway, and he had to fight for all he was worth not to grab her hair and force himself down her throat. Not that he wanted to be rough. It was the furthest thing from his mind. It was just so… inviting. And overwhelming. Even with the steaming spray of the shower pouring over his body, her mouth was so ridiculously hot and soft. He just wanted more. 

But he waited. With gritted teeth and tense muscles, he waited for her to suckle and lick and ease him deeper on each bob of her head. And it was so deliciously worth it. So wonderful to not have to work for it… for anything with her, really. They fit together that way, and he was learning to be patient and simply let things find their place. Because their place always seemed to be somewhere wonderful. Somewhere like this. With Rey giving him everything he could ever want because it was exactly what she wanted too. Even if he wasn't in her head, he could tell she was enjoying working him up. 

She moaned around him as she took him in as far as she could go, circling one hand around the base and stroking him in long, even pulls of her mouth. Kylo immediately felt his balls tighten. Either she was lying about being in his head, or about being a novice at this or…

He couldn't form any semblance of logical thought past that point. All he cared about was the perfect white hot suction of her mouth mixed with the cool, eerie quiet of his own head. It was numbing and relaxing, and at the same time he could feel the spring that curled low in his body winding tighter and tighter and-

"Rey… Rey, I'm going to-" 

He couldn't finish working the words out before she sucked him down and swallowed around the engorged and leaking head of his cock. His orgasm was like tossing a lit match into a pool of fuel. He came down her throat in a gushing torrent, and inevitably some of it spilled out of her lips and coated his pulsing shaft as she continued to suck him. Kylo could feel it and how it changed the delicious filthy slide of her mouth over his throbbing length, but couldn't bring himself to look down. He feared the sight of Rey debauched and used and so so willing would be his undoing. 

She stood slowly on stiff knees, wiping her swollen lips before rinsing off her hand. She smirked up at him, a thousand little teasing quips swirling in her eyes, but she never got to voice any of them. Kylo couldn't stop himself from kissing her, attracted at once to the idea of tasting himself on her tongue.

"Good?" she asked as his mouth made its way down the hollow of her throat. "I have no idea since I'm behaving myself and not crawling around inside your skull. Even though I desperately want to."

"Better than good." he panted. "I'm still not allowed to use the Force connection with you, am I?"

"Only if you're done with your shower." she replied with a mischievous grin.

"Far from it." he replied mirroring her and stealing another ravening kiss tinged with the flavor of his seed. "But you only said I had to stay out of your head. That doesn't rule out using the Force in other ways."

"Oh-" was all Rey had a chance to squeak out before Kylo flicked his wrist and used the Force to heft her lightly up into the air. She dangled there suddenly at eye level with Kylo, invisibly supported all around. 

"Is this alright?" he asked unable to see past her surprise and her feet pedaling uselessly in the air as she tested the hold she was in. 

Finding she could move freely, she answered him by stretching forward to capture his full lips in a biting kiss.

Another rotation of his wrist had her pushed back against the shower wall, slowly sliding up until her hips were level with his face. Kylo braced his hands against the tile and lifted her legs over his shoulders so that she was straddling his upturned face.

"Comfortable?" He inquired, a pleased, almost cat-like grin split his sharp countenance. 

She could only nod, robbed of her voice by his breath ghosting our over the wet folds of her pussy. 

"Alright then. Your turn." He ran his tongue along the seam of her body, and she let out a thready moan that echoed around the damp tile walls and rang in the depths of Kylo's soul. Oh, she wanted this. He didn't need the Force to know that.

The feel of his mouth against her sex was enough to light the world on fire for Rey. She tangled her hands in his hair and writhed against the wall behind her. And while he had wasted no time in getting her exactly where he wanted her, Kylo was also clearly in no hurry to get this over with. He licked at her in long, languid strokes that ended with the tip of his tongue painting delicate circles around her clit. And occasionally this maddening rhythm was broken up by the occasional kiss, suck, and even gentle bite at her inner thighs.

"More…" she finally resigned to beg. The insistent, heavy heat growing in her belly was unbearable. A pressure that ached and scalded. She wanted to take him deep inside, like she had with her mouth. She'd never wanted anything so much. "Kylo, more…"

She felt him smile against her pussy before he delved his tongue inside her cleft. Another high pitched cry escaped her at the new sensation. And it only took a few swipes of his clever tongue to have her cresting the wave of her orgasm. She bucked against the wall, grinding herself shamelessly against his open mouth until she just hung limp in the grip of the Force, shivering and moaning his name.

Slowly he let her slide down the wall and into his arms. She panted against his chest, knees wobbling underneath her as he pulled them back under the spray of the water. They rocked together, letting the water pour over them with nothing but the static of the shower to keep them company. 

"Did I make my point?" Rey asked finally, rubbing her face along Kylo's chest like a cat.

"You did." he replied, dropping a kiss into her wet hair.

"Nice trick, by the way."

He smiled, flushing a little in a way that had nothing to do with the water. "I'm sorry I-"

"What did I say." she cut him off with a withering look, made somewhat less threatening as she wobbled on her still unsteady feet. But she was determined to make her point. "Apologies. Airlock. Pass me the soap, please."

Once they were clean and dry, they dressed for bed. Rey didn't even bother going in search of her bag in the crew quarters, and instead stole one of Kylo's shirts. It was too big by an almost comical degree, the collar drooping down to bare one shoulder no matter how much she shifted it. But once they were in bed, Kylo took full advantage of the access it gave him, kissing his way from the cap of her shoulder to the crest of her ear, pausing to lick and nibble every point and dimple he could find.

Rey fell asleep like that, lavished in attention and feeling deeply deeply wanted.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).
> 
> Updates should be coming every Monday morning!


	19. It Gives Us Strangely Little Aid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahch-to was just as Rey had left it. Damp and gray, and constantly tormented by a biting wind that tasted of sharp seawater. The flimsy, filtered sunlight did little to alleviate the over-saturated chill in the air. And all around her was the unending, grinding crush of the waves. 
> 
> Standing in the shadow of the command shuttle, she recalled how much she had loved the sound when she'd first arrived weeks ago. Water everywhere. In every breath. In every sound. Falling all around her and churning ceaselessly beneath her. It had helped her sleep better than her imagined ocean ever had, driving away the restlessness and bad dreams until the Force connection stirred up her old demons. Or one demon in particular.
> 
> "Rey, are you alright?" Kylo's voice cut into her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday everyone!
> 
> At last, we've made it to Ahch-to!
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and for all your support, kudos, and comments. I can't tell you how much it encourages me to hear from you as I'm editing during the week. So love love love to all of you!
> 
> And an extra special thank you to KaminaDuck for being my beta! Couldn't do this without him!
> 
> And now for this week's chapter! enjoy and I'll see you next Monday!

Ahch-to was just as Rey had left it. Damp and gray, and constantly tormented by a biting wind that tasted of sharp seawater. The flimsy, filtered sunlight did little to alleviate the over-saturated chill in the air. And all around her was the unending, grinding crush of the waves. 

Standing in the shadow of the command shuttle, she recalled how much she had loved the sound when she'd first arrived weeks ago. Water everywhere. In every breath. In every sound. Falling all around her and churning ceaselessly beneath her. It had helped her sleep better than her imagined ocean ever had, driving away the restlessness and bad dreams until the Force connection stirred up her old demons. Or one demon in particular.

"Rey, are you alright?" Kylo's voice cut into her thoughts. She looked up at him where he stood beside her, once again clad in his usual black. A living silhouette in the weak sunlight. She remembered how his towering image had terrified her once upon a time. Not even all that long ago. How she saw it lurking in every shadow, especially after their seemingly random connections through the Force began. But just as her view of Ahch-to had changed, so also had changed her view of him.

And why was he asking her if she was alright? It was his old master that they'd come to see. The one who had considered murdering him in his sleep. She reached into the Force and found him with barely a thought, and discovered that he was strangely calm. Certain. Willing himself not to panic until the situation required it. Right now they were just standing on a rocky outcropping, listening to the waves. No sense worrying yet.

He'd learned that from her, she realized, and smiled inwardly at the idea.

"Suddenly, I'm not sure I want to see Luke again." she said, looking back out over the rocky landscape, her eyes climbing the steps ahead of her. "I honestly don't think I can face him without getting angry. Not after what I know. Not after…" she looked up at him again, not needing to finish that statement. 

"You're still upset by that." Kylo blinked, not bothering to hide his surprise.

"I am. Viscerally." she said with a tight nod, chewing on the word as if she meant to spit it in someone's face. "I thought I would have processed it by the time I got here. But… I think I've gotten more angry."

"It's alright to be angry." he said, following her gaze up to where the stairs disappeared into the cloud that hugged the cliff face. "If it's alright for me to be afraid… and angry. It's the action that matters. That's what you told me anyway. It's the action that can't be undone."

Rey swallowed hard, still looking up the cliff face. "What Luke did was wrong. Full stop. For however brief a second he claims, he still acted on his fear. And his own shame was what stopped him. Not any thought for you." A livid flush was creeping into her cheeks. "I just… I get so angry just thinking about it. I don't know that I can see him without throwing it back in his face."

Kylo smiled then, just a bare bend of his full lips. "I think you showing up with me will be reprimand enough. Besides… my- General Organa is here. His sister. If anyone is going to give him a good dressing down, it will be her." He took her hand and gave it a squeeze, forcing her to look at him. "What did you tell me? One thing at a time. If we are going to have a prayer of defeating Hux and his anti-Force weapons, we need Luke to know. We may need his help. And Irkalla needs the island. It's like you say to me all the time. One thing at a time."

"One thing at a time." she repeated, lacing her fingers into his as they scooped up their bags and began to climb up the stairs. "One thing at a time."

Halfway up the steps, they heard an exuberant shout that might or might not have contained Rey's name. They squinted up into the gloom to see Finn tearing down the staircase towards them, sending all the little porgs fluttering off to find more peaceful perching spots. When he reached them, Finn crashed into Rey like a wave.

"You're back! You're alive!" Finn crowed, squeezing Rey until she thought she might burst, but she didn't mind. She buried her face in the soft, buttery leather of his jacket and squeezed right back. She had missed her friend. Her first true friend. Her hands found his head, his clothes, whatever she could grab to hold him close. "We were so worried! I-"

He stopped short seeing Kylo Ren standing behind her like a mute shadow.

"I'm… I'm glad you're back too." Finn said smiling awkwardly, finding the genuineness of his words a little strange in his own ears.

"It's alright." Kylo said, coughing out a little laugh. "You don't have to be happy to see m-"

"No… No, I am." Finn frowned a little in his earnestness. "I mean I can't speak for everyone but I'm glad you're both back. If you hadn't come back together then that would mean something really awful had happened. No matter who was missing."

"Well, it's not to say that nothing awful did happen." Rey sighed her expression sobering somewhat. "Come on. I have a feeling we should tell everyone all at once."

"Yeah, we've got news too, and it's… worrying to say the least." Finn said with a nod. "Come on. I think I heard something about dinner."

And the three of them turned to labor up the stairs.

***

Their reception at the top of the plateau was similarly warm. BB-8 headed up the pack, speeding towards Rey and beeping shrilly. She hit her knees on the soft turf, letting the little droid roll in between them.

"Hi BB!" she greeted, a bright smile splitting her face. "It's been awhile!"

The droid whistled, and dipped its little half-dome head towards Rey for inspection.

"Yes! It's straight!" she replied, rolling his little antennae between her fingers. "Looks good."

"Rey! You're back!" Rose came galloping up with Poe close behind.

"We're back!" she echoed, standing and dusting the turf from her knees. "You guys find anything?" 

"Boy, did we ever." she replied, puffing out her cheeks. "General Organa wants to meet with all of us before dinner. I hear those amphibious people… the Caretakers? They're doing some sort of big cook out down on the beach?"

"Rey! Kylo!" Leia's voice piped up from the huts up the hill. "You'll have to come up here if you want a hug. I'd never make it back up those stairs again."

Rose and Rey fell into step as they climbed, with Poe and Kylo just behind. Leia welcomed Rey with open arms, and embraced her so tightly Rey thought she might pop. 

"I'm so relieved to see you." she said, her face half buried in Rey's hair. Then she looked up over her shoulder at Kylo who stood a respectful distance behind. Leia released Rey, and extended a hand to him. "That goes for both of you."

He took her hand, the leather of his glove creaking in her strong grasp. "Likewise, General." he replied, his demeanor more than a little stiff with awkwardness. Though not nearly as much as at their first reunion. He did smile this time at least, just a little. "I'm grateful to see nothing went amiss."

"So am I." she replied with a genuine smile, giving his hand one last squeeze. "I suppose that while dinner is cooking down on the beach, we should convene and discuss the outcomes of our respective missions."

"Alright, we can throw our bags in my old hut and meet you all down on the beach, yeah?" Rey offered.

"Sounds good." Leia nodded. "It will take me a bit to get down there anyway."

"Wait… where's Luke?" she asked casting her gaze around the hilltop.

Leia's face fell a little and she sighed softly. "Honestly, we've not seen much of him since our arrival."

Rey nodded, not entirely surprised. He'd avoided her for over a week when she'd first arrived. It was hardly unexpected that he'd done the same when more people showed up. But she couldn't deny the tiny well of relief that opened up when she thought she might not have to face him after all. "We'll be down to the beach soon." she said, hoping her smile was not so bright as to give away her thoughts.

She knew Kylo had heard them though, and felt his answering agreement, though his sentiment was without much hope for such an easy escape.

Rey and Kylo hiked up a few more sets of steps to a small cluster of rounded stone huts at the top of the hill. The Caretakers had rebuilt hers from the looks of things. There was a hut where the rubble of her old one should have been, and she noticed the stones it was constructed with were much less weathered than those of its counterparts.

"In here." Rey beckoned him into one of them. "This was where I stayed. Looks like the Caretakers rebuilt it after Luke threw his tantrum."

Kylo had to practically fold himself in half to get through the door, but inside he could stand comfortably enough. He turned slowly looking around the rustic little room with its low-slung furniture and dusty stone floor. "Is this where you were when the Force connected us for the first time?"

The frank question startled her. "Oh…" Rey said haltingly. "Well, I was sitting here, the first time we connected through the Force. And you were oh… about there." she plopped herself down on the little bed and pointed at a spot in the hut not two feet from where Kylo was already standing, before looking up at him with guilty eyes.

"I see." he swallowed. "You actually shot your blaster at me. I didn't just… imagine it?"

Rey shied away a little at the frankness of his statement. "I blew a hole in the wall. It was more than a little terrifying, I'll be honest. One minute I'm trying to wake up and the next I'm face to face with…"

"With your enemy."

Rey didn't look at him. The dust on the floor was suddenly so much more interesting.

"You covered for me though. At the time." he said with the barest hint of a frown. "That was the last thing I heard before the connection dropped. You told Luke your blaster went off while you were cleaning it. Why?"

"Instinct, I guess." she answered with a faint shrug.

"Not the same instinct that led you to shoot at me."

"You didn't try to retaliate." she replied. "Your lightsaber was on your belt. I saw it. You never thought to draw it. You never drew it on me again… not since the forest."

"What did you think… in the moment before you grabbed the blaster?"

"I thought I was still asleep." she shrugged. "I… I almost spoke to you. Before I realized I was awake."

"What would you have said? Now I'm curious."

"Something stupid and ignorant, probably." she replied, her eyes finding the tops of her shoes again. "I had no idea… I didn't… I didn't know what had happened. Truth be told, I still don't. I still don't know what happened when Snoke came to you. How did it happen? How old?"

"I don't remember exactly how old I was when I started… started sensing his presence. But the first time I heard his actual voice in my head, I was twelve." he answered staring off out the tiny window. "I thought I was dreaming at first. I'd already begun my training at Luke's temple… I'd read that sometimes people who had the Force could hear whispers. That sometimes people saw the ghosts of dead Jedi." he listlessly lifted one shoulder. "Snoke was smart enough to conceal his nature until he had rooted himself deeply into my life. He became my outlet when I was lonely or depressed. Or afraid. Especially when I was afraid. He'd always turn it to anger in the blink of an eye. It felt good, you know? Especially to a dumb, scared teenager. It felt active. Powerful. Everyone kept saying I was the strongest… I had the potential to be the best and the greatest and so on and so on, but I never felt like it. I only ever felt like I kept failing in my training with Luke."

"That wasn't just you. Luke… he..." Rey stretched out her leg so she could nudge his ankle with her toe. "He was still pretty rotten at the whole… encouraging tutor thing when I rolled around."

He snorted with laughter and shook his head. "I was weak."

"You weren't weak. You were twelve. Younger than twelve." she retorted. "With your whole world expecting the whole world of you. That's… that wasn't fair. And Snoke took advantage."

"You were younger than me when your parents ditched you on Jakku." Kylo pointed out.

"But I never had anyone besides my own growling stomach whispering in my ear." she answered. "It's like I keep telling you. I was lucky in this case to be nobody."

A broad and burdened silence stretched out between them, punctuated only by the distant crush of the waves that surrounded the island. 

"Where were you when we touched for the first time?" Kylo asked, continuing to circuit the tiny room.

"Here." she replied as she moved to sit cross-legged on the floor near the brazer in the center of the room. "I was right here." A small smile kindled on her lips at the recollection. A far fonder one than the memory they'd been collectively worrying at a moment ago.

Kylo mirrored her expression, but only a little, walking a wide circle to face her. "You went from shooting me on sight to extending your hand to me through a connection you didn't understand the origins of."

"To be fair, you didn't understand how it worked either. You said so yourself."

"To be even fairer, I wouldn't have blamed you if you thought I was lying."

She lifted one shoulder in a vague shrug. "I had learned the lesson about making assumptions by that point. Clearly wasn't finished learning it though."

"Why did you reach out to me?" his eyes narrowed as he considered her. "After everything. After what you knew me to be and everything I'd done to you and your friends. To my own father. Why did you do it? You must've known it would be dangerous."

"I didn't know what else to do. And no one seemed to have the answers." she answered honestly, hugging her knees to her chest. "You… you were hurt so profoundly by Luke. And… and I told you. In all my years on Jakku, I'd never felt more alone than I did then. Luke had given up on me. The Rebellion had sent me on a quest I was rapidly realizing I couldn't complete because I saw no way that Luke was going to return with me. And then, the one other place I sought answers didn't have any. You… you were all I had." Her shoulders hunched under the recollection of her loneliness. "You were my only hope."

"I didn't know I'd have a vision. I didn't know…" she lifted one bony shoulder in a tired shrug. "I just knew that you'd been hurt and no one had ever… I don't know. Acknowledged it? Tried to fix it? They only ever lashed out… or used your pain to their advantage. And I didn't know if I could do anything. And I… I didn't know if it was my place. I still don't. But I had to try then..."

And for the briefest moment of brilliant insight, it was like Kylo was seeing double again. Rey now and Rey from before. From before they knew they might be anything together. Force or no. They sat in this room together, and without knowing or understanding any of it, reached out to each other. And that changed everything.

Kylo knelt down in front of her, pulling off his glove as he had before. He offered his hand this time, and she reached for it greedily pushing forward onto her knees. They pressed their palms together, feeling the Force well up between them. Perfectly Balanced as it always was. It was getting easier. They didn't need charged emotions or the gnawing sense of danger to find each other. The connection… the Balance was just there for the taking, underpinning every thought and action that flowed between them.

"Thank you for not giving up on me." he whispered, a soft smile lighting his normally grim face.

"Thank you for trusting me, when you had no reason to." she replied. She rocked forward, pressing her lips against his. "As much as I want to stay in here and play around with the Force all day, we should get to that meeting. And dinner. I'm really starving."

Kylo smiled against her mouth, leaning in to catch her bottom lip between his teeth before releasing her and helping her to her feet.

When they were outside the hut but not yet heading down the mountain, a familiar voice called out.

"Well, well… I suppose it was inevitable that you two would end up finding each other."

Rey stopped dead in her tracks, and Kylo nearly ran headlong into her, intent on getting as far away from that familiar voice as possible. 

Rey rotated in place slowly, turning to face Luke Skywalker who had just exited his hut on the other side of the circle. They stared at each other, long and hard. Neither moved at first. And for his part, Kylo barely breathed. But he wasn't scared of Luke. No something else had his attention, and made every hair stand on end.

No, Kylo could feel Rey's anger rising. He had not ever truly seen it before, he realized. He had known anger in his life. He was intimate with his own as it had simmered away under the surface of his psyche for years. But he'd never felt anything like this. Her wrath was like ice. Sharp. Brittle. Cracking. And precarious. He found himself taking a single step back, if only because he suddenly did not want to be between her and the object of her fury.

"No need to sound so smug, Luke." Rey bit back, her voice a frigid thing, full of jagged edges. Especially when she spit out his name. "Someone had to go find your wayward pupil, since clearly you'd given up." Retort delivered, she turned to go.

"I only sound smug because you're such a fool." he cut back with equal vitriol. "You'll forgive me for saying in advance that I warned you when this all goes south. And it will. Just because Snoke is gone doesn't change anything." 

She stopped again, her rapidly crystallizing anger freezing her like a statue. "Then you'll forgive me for actually trying when you didn't. The only one who seems to have given up on Kylo is you."

"Oh, so it is Kylo now? I know what I saw, Rey." Luke replied striding towards her, jabbing a finger in the air. "I am ashamed of my action but it doesn't mean I was wro-"

A swivel of his shoulders and one long stride put Kylo between Rey and Luke. He stretched out his hand, sliding the Jedi Master just a few inches backwards across the paving stones. "Another step in her direction and you go over the cliff behind you." He said, his voice even and calm, but carrying the cold reverberating echo of Rey's fury. He let it sink into his bones, chilling his own apprehension and fixing his courage in place. 

Luke appeared both astounded and livid as he pressed against his invisible bond. But Kylo dropped his hold quickly and turned slightly to Rey who peered up at him over his shoulder, her eyes wide with surprise. "Come on, Rey. The others are waiting, and I don't like wasting time being talked about like I'm not here."

The tight, angry lines of her face softened and she nodded crisply before turning and heading down the steps. She felt Kylo lag behind her. Just a breath… a few steps before he turned to follow. She could see him in her mind's eye, still facing down Luke until she had a bit of a head start.

"I'm sorry." she said when he caught up to her.

"I don't have any airlocks to throw you out of at present, but I'll improvise if you apologize again for standing up for me." Kylo replied.

She cut him a smile. "I was standing up for both of us. He thinks I'm an idiot for going to you."

"You are." 

Rey shrugged. "Maybe. But it wasn't the wrong thing to do. It wouldn't have been the wrong thing to do even if I failed to reach you." she looked up at him earnestly. "I… I had to try."

He reached over and caught her hand in his. "Thank you."

She merely smiled up at him in response, her button nose wrinkling slightly. 

***


	20. To Carry Praise or Blame Too Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of their group had already assembled when Rey and Kylo finally arrived down on the thin stretch of beach. Poe, Rose, Finn, and Leia circled around a crackling fire while farther down the beach, the amphibian-like Caretakers bustled about large pits dug into the coarse sand. Curls of blue-white smoke issued up from the rocks they'd piled into the pits along with delicious smells of cooking seafood. Rey's mouth momentarily watered before she focused herself on her compatriots. Planning first. Then food.
> 
> When Kylo saw her eyeing the cooking pits with their enticing-smelling steam, he elbowed her gently as they sat down. From his satchel, he produced a cluster of the starchy little fruits she'd grown partial to on Takodana. The smile she gave him threatened to outshine the brightest sun on Jakku and she took it, eagerly popping three of them in her mouth at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday all! 
> 
> Hope you all had a lovely weekend. I'm back with this week's installment. Moving forward there might be a shift to a Sunday night schedule instead of Monday morning, owing to my work schedule in July. Next week is tech week for one of my shows... weeeeee...
> 
> Many thanks to KaminaDuck my faithful beta reader!
> 
> And many thanks to you all for your lovely comments, kudos, and for faithfully coming to pay me a visit each week. I'm so glad so many of you are enjoying my little story.
> 
> All the best, and Happy Monday! (and happy 4th of July to my American readers! And Happy Canada Day! And Happy Happy! <3)

The rest of their group had already assembled when Rey and Kylo finally arrived down on the thin stretch of beach. Poe, Rose, Finn, and Leia circled around a crackling fire while farther down the beach, the amphibian-like Caretakers bustled about large pits dug into the coarse sand. Curls of blue-white smoke issued up from the rocks they'd piled into the pits along with delicious smells of cooking seafood. Rey's mouth momentarily watered before she focused herself on her compatriots. Planning first. Then food.

When Kylo saw her eyeing the cooking pits with their enticing-smelling steam, he elbowed her gently as they sat down. From his satchel, he produced a cluster of the starchy little fruits she'd grown partial to on Takodana. The smile she gave him threatened to outshine the brightest sun on Jakku and she took it, eagerly popping three of them in her mouth at once. She rationed the rest through the meeting, but also kept offering to share. He found he couldn't resist… partly because the fruit was delicious, but also because there was an intimacy to sharing something like this. Especially out in the open. It had been one of the earliest gestures of affection they'd shared, and he would treasure it always.

"Well, now that we're all-" Leia began but then she looked around and gave an irritated sigh. "Wait, where's my brother?"

"Back up the hill nursing the verbal bruising Rey just gave him." Kylo answered, his mouth pulling into a withering smirk. "You couldn't hear it? My ears are still ringing." 

Rey cut him an embarrassed glare but said nothing, sucking some juice off her thumb.

Leia snorted. "Having spent the last week with the sullen idiot, I can't say I feel he didn't deserve it. Ah, here he comes!" She looked up the hillside and saw the old master making his way down the switch backed stairs.

"Wonderful." Kylo grumbled.

Leia shot him a stern, but not unkind look. "This is my meeting, Kylo. If he's rude I'll throw him in the ocean."

"Or I could weld his mouth shut!" Rose offered with a sweetly mischievous grin.

They all shared a good chuckle at that recollection as they waited on Luke to join them.

"So, now that we're all here, lets get started." Leia invited as her brother took a seat near the fire beside her and Poe. "Who wants to give their report first?" 

Finn perked up a little, looking around to see who else was itching to speak first.

"Finn, you look like you're wanting to volunteer." Leia gestured to him. "What did you find on Halm?"

Finn, to his credit, looked to Poe for the go ahead to start giving their status update. "Well… our information from Kylo paid off." he inclined his head and gave him an appreciative smile which Kylo answered a little bashfully in kind. "The Apex facility was largely unguarded save some local private security. It housed a lot of R and D which we managed to set back with the help of one of their own, but that's not the biggest thing we found."

Rose reached down into the bag at her feet and pulled out a tapered metal cylinder about three feet long. "This was sinking a large amount of their resources. It's a dispersal unit for some kind of chemical or biological weapon."

"I see. Were they responsible for manufacturing whatever was being dispersed?" Leia asked.

They all shook their heads.

"We didn't find anything in their databases detailing what the canisters were meant to carry." Poe replied. "That information was explicitly kept out of their hands."

"We know what they're supposed to carry." Kylo spoke up and all eyes shifted to him. He nodded to Rey who reached into her belt and pulled out two clear vials, each containing a stone. One was a soft opaque white while the other was jet black.

"It's these." Rey said, passing the vials around. "Please be very careful with them. These are samples of kyber crystals. Something Jedi can use to make their lightsabers."

"Why are they different?" Finn asked, holding the black stone up to the fire to see if the light would penetrate. It didn't.

"The white one is a normal kyber crystal. The black one has been what the First Order scientists called "voided." Kylo explained. "Kyber crystals are one of the most Force-attuned natural substances. It's part of their makeup from the start. Integral to the stability of their lattice structure. The First Order has discovered a way to pull the Force energy out of these crystals, and when they are ruptured they powderize and proceed to suck the Force energy out of anything they can find. Including people."

"They're planning on using these on people?" Poe asked staring at the crystal in his hand for a moment.

"That seems to be their goal." Rey confirmed. "We… we discovered that they were doing human testing in a secret laboratory on Xestreron I."

"What?" Leia sat forward.

"When we went to chase down the rest of the Knights of Ren, our first stop was Cantros 7 to check on Irkalla Ren." Kylo explained. "We-"

"Irkalla…" Luke breathed, cutting him off.

"One of your pupils, yes." Kylo glanced over.

"She was one of the ones who left with you."

"Yes, she did." he replied, his voice growing tight as he sought to press on. "She served the First Order as a sniper, and after the Knights of Ren were more or less disbanded she was stationed on Cantros 7 as a… control measure. We found her lodge ransacked, with obvious signs of a violent struggle, and she was missing."

"We captured a surveillance droid on the planet." Rey went on. "And managed to get communication intel from its hard drive to discover her location and who had taken her." 

"Another of the Knights, Szalth Ren, was helping General Hux round up the Knights for testing. According to Irkalla, they're all dead but her." Kylo finished for her.

"So you found her." Luke asked with a suspicious squint.

"We… have her, actually." Rey said pressing her lips together. "Back on the shuttle. She's in very rough shape."

"Her connection to the Force has been severed and we don't know if it can be repaired." Kylo's mouth twisted around the words as he spoke them.

"That's… harrowing news." Leia said leaning back from the fire a bit. "But she's alive?"

"She is. We're keeping her sedated until Rey can…" Kylo turned to her with a frown. "What was your plan exactly?"

She turned to Luke, clearly measuring her words before she spoke them aloud. "We wanted to see if the strength of the Force on this island might be able to… I don't know. Undo the damage?"

"You want to reestablish the Force connection in someone who uses the power of the Dark side?" Luke scoffed dismissively. "Insanity."

"We have to try." Rey insisted. "Not having the Force is driving her mad. The others-"

"She'll survive without it." he replied coldly. "I've been cut off from the Force for nearly a decade."

"By choice." Rey bit the words off with indignance. The chill of her anger was beginning to spread. Kylo could feel it rattling his back teeth. "This was traumatic for her. For all of them. She's half insane from it, and the others actually killed themselves. Whatever she's done before, she doesn't deserve this. It's cruel. I thought that… perhaps the tree can-"

Luke cut her off with a harsh cough of laughter. "I burned that tree to the ground, Rey. And all the books in it. I told you that it was time for the Jedi to-"

"You mean these books?" she flipped the flap of her satchel open and showed the weathered spines of the Jedi texts. "I stole them before I left. And if you've burned the tree to the ground," she looked imploringly up at Kylo. "Then I guess the next best option is the cave."

"Out of the question." Luke snapped.

"It wasn't a question." She replied fixing him with a freezing glare.

For a split second, Kylo thought he was going to have to jump between them again lest they come to blows, lightsabers or no. But his mother… the General was faster.

"Alright both of you!" Leia exclaimed. "Luke, I'm honestly shocked at you. Your exile has done your ego and your empathy no favors."

"Leia… if you had seen what I know the Dark Side to be-"

"I have, damn you!" she cut him off and everyone around the campfire recoiled as if she'd slapped them across the face with her words. "Don't you think for an instant that just because I can't swing around a fancy light sword that I'm ignorant of the power of the Force. While you were here, mourning your mistakes and shortcomings in peace, I was watching the man that was my son tear a bloody streak through the galaxy." Kylo visibly flinched at her words and it took all of Rey's strength not to grab his hand for fear he would flee. 

But she did reach out with the Force, and she found no need to steady him. He was holding his ground. It was becoming less painful to face his his history. Less painful with practice. And with Rey there.

"You may have sensed it, if you hadn't decided to not watch because it hurt ever so much," Leia went on, years of pent up frustration and anger dripping from her normally composed voice. "But I watched it, Luke. I know with painful clarity what the power of the Dark Side is capable of. And because of that, I know this. It's only frightening when the wielders of the Light abandon their posts out of fear."

For a moment no one breathed but the ocean wind.

Luke heaved a heavy sigh, visibly somewhat contrite. He shrugged his shoulders in defeat and looked over at Rey. "What do you want me to do then?"

She blinked once in confusion. "What?"

"You came here expecting something… be it for the Rebellion or for this Knight of Ren. What do you want from me?"

"Nothing." she answered, her brow furrowed. "We… Did you think we came here just for you? So you could fix this mess? After you've abandoned all of us for years and years? You just happened to have the safest hideout in the galaxy, that's all. Ahch-to is safe, secluded, and off the First Order's radar. And happens to have a very strong connection to the Force, which we have a use for. That's all." Rey shook her head in utter disbelief, her soft brown eyes narrowing with contempt. "You mocked me when I first came here because I thought you would save the Rebellion. And now you have the audacity to ask me what I want from you. I did not come here seeking anything this time. I found what I need. You don't want to be the heroic, legendary Luke Skywalker? Congratulations. You're not. The heroism of the Mighty Luke Skywalker failed when he gave up on the most important thing ever entrusted to his care: a pupil. Nevermind that he was your nephew. You gave up. You're still giving up. And we don't need that. We don't need you to save us. No one is asking you to. I have Kylo and I have the Jedi texts. And Leia has a hideout for rebuilding. We don't need anything else."

"You think you're going to rebuild the Jedi order and the Rebellion on this rock?"

"Absolutely not. Don't be ridiculous." Rey scoffed, with a sharp laugh. "You wanted the Jedi to end. Well, it's over. We're your last two pupils and we're ending it. Didn't you tell me that the Force didn't need Jedi? That it was always there. Well, the people who are strong with the Force will always be there too. And we're going to put the Force to the test and save Irkalla. If you want to actually be helpful, then by all means. But I don't appreciate you being in our way." She sat back and folded her arms.

Leia looked over at Rey with a twinkling smile playing across her features.

"What?" she asked, eyes wide and a little suspicious.

"Are you sure you don't want to be General?" Leia asked. 

Rey actually gave a genuine laugh at that in spite of her fury. "I would be terrible at it."

"I've never been any good either." the General shrugged. 

"So… a plan then?" Poe piped up cautiously, eyes darting between the warring parties circling the campfire. "We… still have the whole voided Force crystal chemical weapon problem. Do we know… what the plan was with that exactly? Like what did they want to do with it."

"Right. There sort of…" Rose faltered as she sought the most delicate phrasing she could find. "Aren't many Jedi anymore…"

"I think I was the primary target." Kylo replied.

"You?" Finn asked, his face drawing up in a frown. "Hux would have used this on you?"

"To render me no longer a threat. Hux and I loathed one another, and Snoke continually stoked our rivalry believing it made us perform better. I'm given to believe this project has been long running, so its original purpose was probably to aid in the war against the Jedi. But after my succession… I think Hux was wanting to stage a coup. Take out the Dark Force user at the top of the pecking order and ensure no replacement."

"Right… right because he wasn't rounding up the Knights to look for a replacement. He was experimenting on them." Rose added with a slow nod.

"All but one of them." Poe pointed out. "Who is this… Szalth?" He wrinkled his nose around the name like it left a bad taste in his mouth.

"He primarily conducted interrogations when he wasn't in the field." Kylo explained. "He had a way with the Force that would let him induce hallucinations. And he was brutal in a close quarters fight. He was the least ambitious out of all of us. He just… liked hurting people. It's pretty much that simple. He liked the freedom that being feared gave him."

"So you don't think he's Hux's replacement for Supreme Leader?" Leia asked.

Kylo shook his head. "No, I have a feeling they cut a deal. Szalth keeps his cushy position, and Hux runs the First Order. And even if Szalth gets mouthy, Hux has the kill switch, so to speak."

They all nodded gravely.

"So… we need to get this weapon out of Hux's hands." Leia said with a heavy sigh. "It poses a great danger to all of us. Not just Rey and Kylo but anyone in the galaxy who is strong in the Force. Or has the potential to be."

"Right." Kylo agreed. "Hux won't stop at the nearest threats. He will…" he paused and swallowed as he weighed his next words very carefully. "He will finish what I started. And with much more efficiency than seven Knights scattered around the galaxy. All it would take is one report of an odd occurrence or activity that can't be easily explained and he would just drop a canister in the middle of wherever. The local populace gets sick, but the Force sensitive person goes insane and likely dies. Problem solved."

"Apex wasn't making the crystals." Poe said definitively, stretching his feet out towards the fire. "They didn't even know what was supposed to go into them. Just that they needed a way to rupture an internal capsule to disperse whatever it was."

"The onboard computer on my shuttle is working backwards on the data we secured from Xestreron I." Kylo said. "The scientists had sent encrypted instructions on their "voiding" process as well as the data from their experiments back to Hux. I imagine we'll have a manufacturing location or a mining facility uncovered by morning."

"Perhaps then we can reconvene in the morning once we know more about the manufacturing location." Leia suggested. "Because I don't know about you, but all this planning and arguing has made me hungry, and whatever the Caretakers are making down in that sandy pit is smelling amazing. And I think I just saw one of them waving." She creakily stood to her feet with the help of her cane, taking Luke's offered arm gratefully.

"What are they making, I wonder?" Rose asked, standing as well and turning her inquisitive nose into the wind.

"At this point, it could be crispy fried sarlacc tongue and I'd still eat it." Leia called back over her shoulder, earning herself a laugh from Luke even in spite of his sour demeanor.

***


	21. To Better Its Perch for the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group made their way down the beach to where the Caretakers were cooking. The delicious smelling contents of the pits turned out to be a plethora of seafood all steamed in their own juices and encouraging ladles of seawater. Hard little shellfish, cooked whole in their branching shells, nestled between hand-sized clusters of some sort of starchy seaweed, and large silver fish whose scales still gleamed in the firelight. 
> 
> They helped all eagerly themselves, and Rey showed them all how to eat the bizarre crustaceans with the help of strange utensils that were part straw and part hooked fork. They all laughed at each other as they dug around in the little shells, pulling faces as they sucked and prodded at their dinner. But the difficulty of eating the tiny creatures was worth it. They tasted of the minerally brine of the gray sea mixed with a sweetness that had seeped out from the seaweed as they cooked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday everyone! So the chapter is coming early this week because I have two shows that I'm working on at present which have me busy both morning and evening. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue updating on Sundays this month or if we'll be back to Mondays (but in the evenings) next week. Keep an eye on my tumblr @littlethingwithfeathers for updates if you aren't subscribed to me or the story.
> 
> Thank you all so much for the awesome feedback. I'm really glad the sound thrashing Luke had earned was something you enjoyed. I'm hoping you enjoy his character moving forward as the lesson from Leia and Rey starts to sink in.
> 
> Also many thanks to KaminaDuck, my beta reader, who put a rush on getting this chapter done. He's the best. You should go show him some love on Tumblr and Twitch. He's @kaminaduck.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this week's chapter! See you all Monday at the latest! Much love!

The group made their way down the beach to where the Caretakers were cooking. The delicious smelling contents of the pits turned out to be a plethora of seafood all steamed in their own juices and encouraging ladles of seawater. Hard little shellfish, cooked whole in their branching shells, nestled between hand-sized clusters of some sort of starchy seaweed, and large silver fish whose scales still gleamed in the firelight. 

They helped all eagerly themselves, and Rey showed them all how to eat the bizarre crustaceans with the help of strange utensils that were part straw and part hooked fork. They all laughed at each other as they dug around in the little shells, pulling faces as they sucked and prodded at their dinner. But the difficulty of eating the tiny creatures was worth it. They tasted of the minerally brine of the gray sea mixed with a sweetness that had seeped out from the seaweed as they cooked.

When dinner was finished the Caretakers built up the fires in the pits into roaring blazes, fragrant from the seaweed they'd heaped between the logs. And then they broke out their instruments. Rey and Rose took to dancing a merry jig to the tune they struck up. And Finn, being Finn, had bravely taken up some sort of rattle made of shells and joined in with the band along with Poe who beat out a sharp rhythm on an empty barrel. 

Kylo had lingered at the edge of their circle, watching them dance in the firelight, twirling and laughing with abandon. One would never know by looking at them that only a few hours prior they'd all been holding a very tense discussion about chemical weapons and the future of Force users in the galaxy. Now… it was like they were all children again. Or perhaps seizing the chance to be the children they never were. 

Rey was beautiful like this, he though with a pang of almost painful fondness. With her skin burnished in the firelight and her grin flashing as Finn gave up on his music making and caught her around the waist for a spin. He didn't feel compelled to join them, but found he wasn't exactly jealous either. He hadn't been deprived of this sort of comfort. He remembered torch-lit parties full of Ewoks, and loud celebrations on glittering Coruscant. He'd willingly turned his back on it, so it seemed… an undeserved pleasure. It was enough to just watch their blithe revelry. But he was surprised when Poe joined him at the edge of the waves.

"In case you were wondering why we were so bad at fighting… our talents were clearly wasted." He jerked a thumb at his prancing compatriots. Their uproarious laughter at their own antics was louder than the music as they spun and stumbled on barely coordinated feet.

"Don't feel too bad. One of them is technically mine, I guess." Kylo replied, a smile pulling at his mouth. "Or was, I suppose."

A strained but not wholly uncomfortable silence drifted between them, full of uniquely nervous glances. Kylo thought Poe might rejoin the others once their stilted effort at conversation had petered out, but he stayed, rocking back on his heels for a few moments before speaking again.

"I'm sorry, by the way, Kylo." Poe finally blurted out. "For the fact that I rode your ass when you first came to us."

Kylo shrugged, staring down at his boots. "Don't apologize. It was well deserved. I'd certainly earned the ire of every person in the Resistance many many times over."

"But that still doesn't give me an excuse for being an ass to you about it." Poe admitted, jamming his hands into his pockets as he turned to look out at the churning sea. "You showed up. You put yourself out there for us, and Rey trusted you. That should have been enough for me."

There was another awkward, slightly desperate silence filled only with the sound of feet shuffling in the sand, sharply syncopated music, and the roar of the ocean.

"I have an answer for you, by the way. If you're interested in hearing it." Kylo said, finding a shell to send hurtling out over the ocean. It skipped a few times before disappearing into the frothy water.

"An answer?"

"Back on Takodana." He didn't turn to face him, his dark eyes still following the invisible track of the shell he'd thrown. "You asked me why I'm here."

"Right… I did, but I shouldn't have." He picked up a shell of his own from the sand and sent it winging out into the waves to sink with a barely audible plunk.

"She's why." he nodded back towards Rey, hand in hand with Finn and Rose as they bounded around the fire. Then he shrugged, passing his hand through his wind-tossed hair. "That's it. I wish I had a better and more noble answer, but she's the piece of the puzzle that I was missing. All my training, Light and Dark, never had the answer. She's the only answer I've ever found. So… she's my answer. That's why I'm here. She is the only thing that makes any idea of a way forward make sense."

Poe smiled then, his even teeth gleaming in the dim light. "Good enough for me." he said, reaching out to shake Kylo's hand before rejoining the dancers around the fire. 

Kylo stayed behind, leaning against the tent pole, half in and half out of the shadows. For the first time a tiny part of him truly mourned for not having stayed with the Resistance. On the surface of his mind, he knew that this was never for him even if he had stayed. It would have been a cloistered studious existence and then war after. But it didn't stop him from wanting it. From wondering what he would have been like if he could have danced around this fire. Who Ben Solo might have been if he hadn't been weak… If he had held out just a little longer and met Rey by some other means...

But regrets and looking to the past were no longer habit he would allow himself to nurse. That way lay bitterness and festering wounds best left forgotten if they wouldn't heal. This was his place. Kylo Ren's place. Beside her, still half in the Dark.

He turned away from the fire, feeling his skin cool again as the sea breeze fanned his face. He breathed in the briny air, reaching out with all his senses across the whole of the island. He could feel Rey, a cool, sturdy presence behind him, and the dimmer lights of Luke and Leia further down the beach… and dimmer still were the ashes of the tree Luke and Rey had mentioned. The roots still smoldered far underground… but under it all there was a beckoning, siphoning Dark. 

That must be the cave Rey mentioned, he thought. He could feel it pulling at his mind like a child at apron strings. Perhaps later he could go find it. But for now, the edge of the Light called to him and he contented himself with watching it dance in Rey's eyes.

***

Down on the opposite side of the beach were a mirrored pair of figures standing not far off from where the sea foam bathed an outcropping of rocks.

"You're sulking." Leia told her brother. "We came all this way and all you've done is sulk."

"What do you want me to say, Leia?" he sighed. "Did you really come all this way for an apology?"

"God, no. It's far too late for that." she scoffed, knocking him in the knee with her cane. "I came because we need your help."

"Rey doesn't want my help. She said so herself. Hell, you said so in not so many words."

"Luke." his name escaped his sister's lips as little more than an impatient sigh, as she satt down on the rock beside him. "Rey is amazing, and with Kylo she's fearless in a way I don't think even we could match back in the day. And I don't blame her for not asking for your help again after what you said to her the first time. But-"

"What am I supposed to do?" Luke threw his hands up. "She says she doesn't need me."

"You're an idiot, brother." Leia chided. "You're wise in certain ways, but somehow you manage to still be a short-sighted idiot. She does need our help. She and Kylo both, whether they recognize it or not. And they don't because they're young. We have to stop abandoning people when they frustrate us, Luke. We all need each other. Especially now. There's what… fifty of us left?"

His eyebrows shot up. "That's all?"

"That's all." she confirmed with a sad sigh. "You should give Rey the help that you can. Whether she asks for it or not. That's all any of us are doing. No single one of us is the savior. That's where we've had it wrong all along, and where Rey, Kylo, Poe, all of them! They have it right."

Luke leaned back against the rock and sighed heavily. 

Leia reached over, scooting her hand under his. "We aren't going to be the ones to save the galaxy this time." she said smiling up at him. "And that's a relief, honestly. But we do have a part to play to make sure the galaxy still gets saved. And that means we do what we can."

Luke stared down at his sister, turning his hand over to grip hers. Her fingers were still so strong as they threaded through his. She must still practice with her blaster. He leaned down and kissed her forehead just under where the Alderaanian mourning braid cut across her hair. And without a word, he went striding off down the beach, white robes billowing in the seabreeze.

***

Back at the bonfire, the Caretakers had decided to take a break from their instruments. Rey, Rose, Finn, and Poe all tumbled onto the sand, panting and laughing like children. After a moment Rey looked around, puzzled to not immediately find Kylo, Leia, or Luke. The latter two were no surprise, but she had expected to still find Kylo around. She reacted on instinct, flinging the web of her mind out of the ring of firelight as far as it could reach.

"I'm here." she heard his voice in her mind along with an amused chuckle. "Just down the beach. I'm not in orbit or anything."

She laughed inwardly at her overreach as she scrambled to her feet. She knocked the sand from her clothes with a few practiced shakes, and trotted off into the dark. She found him easily, a shadow against the shadow of sea and sky, standing at the edge of the surf.

"I guess I got used to always having you close." she said, a little guiltily once she was in earshot. "You can come join us." 

"I know." he said. When she was in arm's reach, he made to brush her hair out of her eyes, but stopped himself and glanced over her shoulder where the others were still chattering away.

"It's alright." she encouraged, smiling faintly in the dim light.

"What will the others think?"

"I just told Luke Skywalker off twice in one afternoon." Rey gave a brazen little giggle. "I'm not afraid of anything anymore I don't think." She leaned into him then and pulled his billowing cloak around her to shield her from the wind. 

With her ear pressed against his chest, she could hear the soft rhythm of his heart over the crushing sound of the waves all around them. She rocked herself there for a moment, cocooned in the steady rhythm.

"Do the waves sound the same to you?" Kylo asked, prompting her to look up from the circle of his cloak. "As the ones on the island in your head?"

Rey looked out over the vast sea, her eyes barely able to resolve where the ocean ended and the patchy vault of the stars overhead began. "I thought so the first time." she said, laying her head down on his chest again. "I thought that after the vision I had at Maz's… maybe I'd been having visions all along! Maybe my destiny was here. The waves I was hearing were these waves."

"But they weren't?" he asked, sadness unhinging his voice a little. "Were you disappointed."

She shook her head, rising on her toes to brush her lips against his. "I think they are now." she whispered against his mouth.

Kylo smiled against her skin and began to kiss a slow line down the side of her temple to her jaw. But he never made it past her cheek. He stilled, his body going stiff with surprise against hers. Alarm prickled along their nearly omnipresent Force connection. She instinctively turned to see none other than Luke Skywalker slowly making his way down the beach.

Rey turned back to face him. "I'll deal with him." she whispered darkly, spreading a soothing hand over his chest. 

"He may want something." Kylo suggested, eyeing his uncle carefully. "I saw him talking to General Organa earlier tonight. Maybe she talked some sense into him." Even through his confident words, Rey could sense the uneasiness that had begun to thread its way through Kylo's senses as Luke neared.

"One could only hope." Rey grated out. "Go on. I'll deal with him."

As Luke strode into earshot, Kylo slipped away, pulling the hood of his cloak up as he departed farther into the night.

"If you're curious, he was always that dramatic." Luke said dryly watching him go.

"I hear it runs in the family. What do you want, Luke." It was decidedly not a question.

The old Jedi sighed, his breath carried away by the wind off the ocean. "I'm not the one to help you defeat Hux and the First Order. And I won't be the one to help… do whatever it is you're planning on doing with the Force and the Jedi and… all that." he waved his hand vaguely in the air.

Rey had to clamp her jaw closed to keep a smart remark pinned behind her teeth. Kylo had been right. Maybe he wanted something, and it couldn't hurt to hear him out.

"But I want… I need to help." he said with a contrite sag to his shoulders. "There's parts to this that aren't me playing the legendary hero and facing down the whole First Order with a laser sword. Let me… Let me take care of Irkalla. Here on the island, while you're off dealing with the First Order's chemical weapons."

Rey eyed him suspiciously. "Earlier you wanted nothing to do with her because she used the Dark side of the Force. You were appalled we were even considering it. Now you've changed your mind?"

"I asked the wrong question earlier." Luke said. "I asked what you wanted me to do as if you wanted me to fix it all. Like when you came to me the first time. I can't do that. I've been wallowing in self pity over that fact for far too long as my sister none-too-gently pointed out. So... let me do what I can. And I'll be out of your way. It's a win win…"

Rey weighed her options. They would have to leave Irkalla here, but she had imagined she might entrust the Caretakers with her. Just until they got back. But maybe… maybe…

"Alright." Rey said. "You're right, we'll need someone to look after her and I suppose that you're our best option. I'll have Kylo bring her down out of the shuttle in the morning when he retrieves the logs from Xestreron I."

Luke gave an awkward nod and made to go, but turned back.

"Have you read the books?" he asked.

"Only the part about how Jedi can be sent out from the Temple as peacekeepers." she answered. "Came in handy. It's how I kept the Rebels from shooting Kylo on sight."

"They're handy alright. But…" He smirked to himself. "Page turners they are not. Take them with a grain of salt."

"Well… I'll just read them by the ocean then." Rey answered with a small smile.

Luke nodded, mirroring her expression. "Good night, Rey."

"Good night, Luke."

 

***


	22. As Gilt to Gold That Wouldn't Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo was still there when she made her way up to the cave entrance. He stood in the carpet of seaweed, toes of his boots at the edge of the pit.
> 
> "You jumped in there?" he asked when he felt her approach in person. He hadn't bothered to turn. He was still peering into the blackness below.
> 
> "I did." she answered, hugging her arms around herself as she peeked down over the edge. She had to admit that it looked a lot scarier at night. Not that it seemed cozy and inviting in the daytime. At least then she could see the bottom. "I couldn't find answers anywhere else. And when Luke had me reach out to the Force on my first day of training, this place called to me. It told me it had answers."
> 
> "Answers about what?"
> 
> "My parents… at least I thought that was the answer it was wanting to show me." she frowned. "It… That was the question I was asking. The one I was always asking back then…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday everyone!
> 
> My weekday schedule has been crazy this week and will continue to be crazy next week, so I'm posting a day early again! Huzzah! Please be warned that this chapter is very much NSFW, and that section begins after the first *** break and continues for the rest of the chapter. You're welcome. XD
> 
> Thank you again to KaminaDuck for beta reading!
> 
> And thank you for reading! I've really appreciated everyone's feedback and reblogs. I can't tell you how much it means to me to know that people are enjoying this story.
> 
> See you all next week!

As Luke departed back down the beach, Rey turned her senses towards the interior of the island to seek after Kylo once more. She resisted the urge to fling her consciousness wide again, instead letting her mind rove over the island like a steadily spreading fog. She found him some distance away and when he sensed her, he welcomed her to look through his eyes to see his surroundings. He was standing at the edge of a familiar gaping hole in a rock where the sandy beach met the cliffs. The thundering voice of the waves echoed as the sea belched up seaweed onto the stones through the opening. And the blistering darkness within called to her once more.

Or was that just him? He always called to her now. Pulling her like a current. Or like gravity.

Kylo was still there when she made her way up to the cave entrance. He stood in the carpet of seaweed, toes of his boots at the edge of the pit.

"You jumped in there?" he asked when he felt her approach in person. He hadn't bothered to turn. He was still peering into the blackness below.

"I did." she answered, hugging her arms around herself as she peeked down over the edge. She had to admit that it looked a lot scarier at night. Not that it seemed cozy and inviting in the daytime. At least then she could see the bottom. "I couldn't find answers anywhere else. And when Luke had me reach out to the Force on my first day of training, this place called to me. It told me it had answers."

"Answers about what?"

"My parents… at least I thought that was the answer it was wanting to show me." she frowned. "It… That was the question I was asking. The one I was always asking back then…"

"Did you learn anything?"

"Just that I wasn't asking the right questions." she finally settled on saying. "It's like you said. I knew. I knew deep down. Hell, Maz Kanata even told me as much weeks before. I just didn't want it to be true." She looked up at him. 

"It's not the whole truth. Not the whole truth about you anyway." he leaned down and kissed her forehead as he wrapped her in his cloak again to shield her from the damp wind. "You really think that Irkalla can recover if we send her down there?"

She lifted one shoulder, settling closer against his chest. "It's worth a shot. The Force runs very strong down there. I know you can sense it. And Luke is going to help us actually. That's what he wanted to talk about."

Kylo pulled a face at that. "I feel a little strange leaving her in his hands. But I guess we don't have a lot of options, especially if we have to leave Ahch-to to deal with Hux. I can tell you that she won't like it though."

"She can't come with us." Rey shrugged. "I mean… I was going to leave her with the Caretakers if Luke was obstinate, but they aren't exactly… schooled in the Force specifically. Whether Irkalla is happy about it or not… Luke's change of heart will be to her advantage. If they can keep from arguing."

"True." Kylo took her hand and drew her away from the cave entrance. "Come on. We should get some rest."

***

When they reached the cluster of huts at the top of the cliff, Kylo hesitated before he followed Rey inside, letting his shoulder catch on the doorframe as he craned his head inside. 

"I can stay in the shuttle if you'd like." he offered, his voice halting awkwardly. As if he didn't want to say the words but knew he should. 

Rey turned back to face him and frowned in abrupt confusion. "Would… would you rather?"

"Well, no of course not, but…" he leaned all of his towering frame against the doorway, huffing out a nervous laugh. "Since this was your room… I feel like I'm sort of invading your space this time. And we've been more physical than… than maybe you're comfortable with?"

She blinked, a bemused smile creeping across her face. "You can read my mind, Kylo. You could look for yourself if you wanted to know how I feel. I'd let you."

He said nothing, staring at the tops of his boots so that his hair fell across to shadow his face.

Rey lit the brazer before crossing to him, her smile melting into a bit of a frown. "Is there something you're uncomfortable with? Have I missed something?"

"You can read my mind too, you know." his mouth pulled in a grin that was more of a grimace, but he didn't look up. If anything he shrank from her further, as if he could meld with the stone door frame. "You… I showed you what I have been thinking about. What I've been doing."

"You showed me that you touched yourself and you came thinking about me kissing your scar." she said, cupping the marred side of his face, trying in vain to get him to look at her. "I'm hardly scandalized."

He didn't reply, turning instead to press his full lips against the palm of her hand. His face was unreadable, hidden between her skin and the fall of his hair. She could feel his emotions prickle against her mind as he averted his gaze and tucked himself against her skin. It was a familiar sensation.

"You're afraid." she whispered, still caressing his face. "Why?"

He looked up at her under the heavy fringe of his dark hair and his mind touched hers, inviting her to look deeper. She felt the caustic, vibrating waves of his fear wash over her, but she held her breath as she sifted through his thoughts for the root of it all. 

"I've never had anything that I want be so easy." His voice drifted through her mind. "We just are, you and I. The two sides of the Force. And you don't want anything from me other than what I already am. That's what you need, and that frightens me. What if… I'm not enough? What if I feel the pull of the Dark again? What if something changes?"

It was an ancient ache. An old fear. The original fear, so deeply rooted in Kylo's heart that Rey didn't know if she could ever dig it out. 

"You are enough." she whispered.

"You don't know that. You don't know that I won't-"

"The Light and the Dark aren't exclusive anymore. They can't be. We're proving that." Rey responded, still stroking his face as she pushed his hair out of his eyes. "There are no books. No more codes or creeds to sort everything out for us. No more easy ways out. Listen to me, Kylo. We are just going to take things as they come just like we've been doing. We will find our way, and we will do it together because the Balance isn't wholly in either of us. We have to work together for it to work. You're still acting like you're alone. Neither of us is alone. Not anymore, and we never will be."

He nodded, still running his lips over her palm as he sheepishly glanced up at her through the fringe of his eyelashes.

"Now," she said aloud, gently disentangling her mind from his. "Did you want to stay? Because you're holding the door open and letting the wind in. And I'm from the desert, so I'm cold."

Kylo nodded a little dreamily, caught for a moment between the impulse to obey her implied request and the desire to immediately pull her to him, wrapping her in his cloak and pressing her as close to his body as he could. But the latter would still leave them both standing in the door, so giving her palm one more indulgent kiss he stepped inside, letting the wooden door swing closed behind him. Rey stepped away for a moment, her hand grazing down his chest before she went to build up the fire in the brazer.

Kylo pulled off his gloves and his boots, draping them over the small chair in the corner. He took a few deep breaths, comforting himself with the warming air and the sweet smell of burning seaweed from the brazer. He noticed Rey watching him, fire shining in her keen eyes as thoughts scrolled behind them. He cocked his head in question as a sheepish smile pulled at his mouth.

"Can I do something that I've wanted to do for awhile now?" she asked taking a few lazy steps in his general direction. "Assuming you're fine with us continuing to be physical." The clinical nature of the words sounded strange in her ears.

"Oh, it was never a question of that." he laughed, his eyes bashfully finding the tops of his feet.

"I want to undress you." she said, smoothing her hands down the front of his tunic as she reached him.

"Okay." he said, his smile still coloring his voice. "Whatever you want."

"You shouldn't say things like that." she chided playfully. "Not if you're still uncertain about what you want."

"I'm very certain about what I want." He pulled her to him in a smooth motion, tucking her against his body as his cape pooled around them. "I just… am afraid to ask for it. Of what it means to have it. But I mean it though." he said, bracing himself against the back of a chair as it tipped forward towards her. "Whatever you want." A wolfish grin played on his lips as a little cockiness seeped into his demeanor. Friendly. Playful. But hungry and patient.

Rey thrilled a little at the sight. At the idea that she might be slowly excavating some portion of Kylo left untouched by Snoke. Some part that still swaggered… and blushed. And still wanted things. Kind things that didn't have consequences and shadows clinging to them. 

"Well, then for a start, I want to undress you." she said crossing to him and letting her hands slide up to find the clasp on his cloak. 

It came unwound easily and fell to the stone floor with a heavy thump. Rey played her fingers over the broad expanse of his chest and shoulders, feeling the muscles taut beneath the fabric. She knew what he looked like shirtless. She could see it in her memories and in her mind's eye, especially that first time through their Force connection. The sight of him had stolen her breath then, though at the time she'd been more flustered than aroused. But now... to touch without the benefit of sight, and yet have full knowledge of how his bare torso felt sent tendrils of heat coursing low in her body.

The wide belt came off next, followed by the quilted tunic with all its fiddly hooked clasps. There were dozens of them; all tiny and tucked into the seams of the fabric. Rey could feel her frustration rising as she picked them open one by one with her blunted fingernails. Part of her wanted to just rip the garment open. Just tear the hooks apart and lay a line of desperate, biting kisses across his chest. She could feel him fairly vibrating under her hands with a matching urgency. He wanted this. And she wanted to hurry. To give him everything they both wanted in a blinding, tearing instant.

But she didn't. She had wanted this part too, and she still wanted it. She wanted to painstakingly dismantle the shell he wore tonight. She may have stood up to Luke for him, blustering and fussing as she did, but when the old master had taken a single step towards her, Kylo hadn't hesitated to put himself between them. He had faced down a man who had, albeit for only fleeing instant, contemplated murdering him in his sleep. And he'd done it without reluctance or unease. Without fear for himself. He was afraid of so much, but he was not afraid to stare down anything for her. He deserved to not have to wear his armor with her. And she wanted to prove that to him somehow. By letting him see her slowly and gently take it all apart.

When all the hooks were undone she pushed the tunic off his shoulders, finally indulging in that series of open mouthed kisses as she pulled apart the ties on the sleeves. Once freed, Kylo, who had been still and passive thus far, sank his hands into her hair, pulling her up for a deep kiss. The feeling of his tongue over hers nearly unraveled her resolve to draw this out. Even more so than all the tiny hooks in the universe. She was overwhelmed with the image of him lying underneath her, chest heaving and eyes wide, having been freshly tackled to the ground.

As he continued to lick into her pliant mouth, she tried to focus. Her fingers nimbly worked at the buttons on his pants until she could clumsily push them down to his thighs. He helped her then, kicking them off and stepping out of them all without breaking the kiss. 

"Tell me what you want, Kylo." she whispered, kissing a line along his jaw as if she wanted to eat the freckles from his skin. "I'll give you anything you want."

He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, reveling in the married strength and give of her body. "You shouldn't say things like that to me, either."

"What's more intimate than what we've already done?" she asked, staring up at him utterly guileless with the light from the brazer dancing in her eyes. "We've seen each other's minds through the Force that holds the universe together. It makes me… I want to give you everything."

"So do I." he said, leaning down to steal another kiss. 

"Take advantage of it, Kylo." she said, carding her fingers through his thick dark hair. "Don't be afraid of what you want. Not when it has to do with me. Tell me what will feel good. What makes your bones ache with want to think about. I want to give that to you."

It took him two breaths to find the words and three more to find the courage to say them. "I want to feel your mouth on me." he told her, his voice going rough at the edges. "But I… I don't want to finish like that. I want… I want you. We don't have to tonight if you feel like that's rushing thi-"

Rey rose on her tiptoes and kissed him gently on the lips to stop him from backtracking. "Tonight." she whispered against his parted lips. "We might not get another chance."

In eager response he sucked her bottom lip between his teeth which devolved into a messy, desperate chain of kisses as they started to work their way towards the bed. She drew him along in front of her with wandering hands, her own teeth scraping lightly across his plush, kiss-reddened mouth. Her knees found her bed behind her and she collapsed backwards onto it, pulling Kylo on top of her. He stopped himself short of collapsing on top of her, instead planting both hands on either side of her shoulders with one knee on the bed. He stared down at her with nothing short of desperate awe. He panted lightly through his parted lips, pupils swelling rapidly as he watched her hook one arm behind her head and gesture to her own clothes with the other. 

"Your turn." she practically purred the words, stirring him to action.

Kylo had significantly less patience than she did for the act of undressing. To his credit, he started off slow, peeling back the layers of fabric and redressing her with kisses peppered lightly over her goosebumping skin. But when he freed her breasts from the wide band of fabric that kept them bound, he was suddenly like a desert wanderer bent over an oasis pool. His hands shook as he cradled her breasts, kissing and licking and nibbling at each one in turn, watching with lustful fascination as her nipples stood up rosy and peaked under each pass of his tongue.

Rey for her part revelled in the attention. She arched and moaned, pressing herself against his wonderfully hot mouth as he busied himself with ridding her of her pants and underwear. When she was free of them, her knees fell open almost wantonly. She'd have been embarrassed about how badly she wanted this, but she saw the same desperation mirrored in his eyes. 

And felt it in her mind. Half-formed thoughts never given enough time to complete. Ways he wanted to touch her. How her skin tasted. And in turn, her desperation opened her mind to his, and she beckoned to him in thought and with her grasping hands. In their growing emotional frenzy their minds were primed to touch at the places they couldn't be bothered to hide.

"Touch me, Kylo." she said, unsure if she'd whispered it or shouted it for how loudly it clamored in her skull. She opened her eyes to watch his face as he slowly dragged his palm down the flat plane of her stomach. She spread her legs wider, curling her hips and arching with what she hoped was a needy and encouraging moan.

As Kylo dipped his fingers into the wetness between her legs, Rey opened their mind link completely, letting him feel what he was doing to her. The simmering heat coiled low in her belly had fanned to new flame and she desperately wanted to drive herself against his hand. To chase after the fullness he was only hinting at.

Patience, she counseled herself. It will be worth it. 

Kylo, breath coming in harsh, stuttering pants, started with only one finger. Slowly, and with gradually deepening strokes he pressed into her, all at once fighting and clinging to the sensations she was broadcasting across their mental link as they mingled with his own. She was so wonderfully tight that he had to press his free hand down on his erection to keep from nearly coming right there. He could feel her desperation winding tighter and tighter. It made him want to plunge his fingers in up to the third knuckle, but he didn't want to hurt her. Not for his own satisfaction. Not for all the world.

After a few moments of purposed teasing, second finger and a swirl of his thumb over her swollen clit followed, and Rey whined high in her throat. It was a needy and desperate sound followed by a wild buck of her hips that had Kylo bending low over her to lavish kisses on her. 

"Patience." his mind whispered over hers. "I want to give this to you."

She dug her heels into the bed, curling her hips to give him better access. Inviting him deeper both in body and mind. Kylo lost himself to it a little, feeling her sliding and clenching around his fingers as her thoughts turned warm and frenzied. Her mind was normally so cool… so refreshingly serene. It was beautiful… almost dazzling to see her whipped into such a desperate wanting.

"More…" she whispered aloud, the word drawing out into a long keening moan. "Just… a little more. Please, I'm almost there…"

Kylo crooked his fingers, questing for and finding the place that would send her arching off the bed. The walls of her body tightened around him at the sensation, and she moaned his name aloud. It was a broken, desperate sound that almost made him feel guilty for drawing it out as long as he did. She gripped his arms, thrashing against the bed as white hot waves of pleasure crashed through her senses, blinding her to all else save the filthy slide of his long fingers. 

And with her mind pressed so close to his, he could feel the waves of her orgasm straight down to his own core. It was a transcendent experience… never had he been in another's mind when they were experiencing pleasure like this. Only another's pain he'd felt in this way. So many times he'd drunk it in like cheap liquor, meant to foul and fog… but never this. He'd only lightly touched the surface of Rey's when he would bring her off before… it seemed entirely too intimate. But the way she clung to him now, body and mind… he couldn't resist. And he was surprised he didn't come himself before she finished riding the crest of her orgasm.

He'd closed his eyes, he realized. And when he opened them, Rey stared up at him, her expression foggy but rapturous. Her hair stuck to her forehead, and her sun bronzed skin was flushed with pleasure and exertion. She trembled as she pressed herself up for a kiss, and he held her fast against him, indulging in the feel of her body against his as he rutted aimlessly and irresistibly against the hollow of her hip.

"Your turn?" she offered, her voice breathy and unstrung.

"If you want." 

"I do. Very much." she nodded. "Pull those off for me, will you. My hands are still shaking."

He smirked as he stood and peeled down his underwear. His cock, flushed to a delectable rosy pink, bobbed out, making Rey lick her lips instinctively. "Don't you need your hands for-" 

She grabbed his hand and shimmied down the bed in answer, pulling him astride her stomach. He stayed up on all fours so as not to crush her, but not yet realizing that was exactly how she wanted him. Rey pushed up on her elbows again, and licked him root to tip with a long stroke of her tongue, feeling the answering tremor that shivered out through his whole body.

"Rey…" he scarcely had enough air to do more than form the shape of her name, but the silent plea it carried hung in the air. His hands fisted tightly in the bedclothes on either side of her as he fought to stay still. 

She raised up further on her elbows and sucked him delicately into her mouth. Just the head, and just enough pressure to hold him there as she rubbed the underside of his shaft with the flat of her tongue. He shivered over her, as a sound that might have been him moaning her name again instead turned into a sweetly plaintive whine. She tasted a little dribble of precum as she sucked, so she pulled all the way off letting it smear across her lips a little as she lapped at the slit. 

His mind was on fire when she reached into it as she licked along his length again. Eyes cinched closed. His entire body taut as he warred with himself, the muscles in his shoulders standing out over his frame and ribs heaving around breaths that didn't carry enough air to feed the flames swelling inside him.

His dark eyes were cinched shut so tightly he saw stars. He couldn't look at her. He knew what she was doing and he didn't want to look. He'd come if he saw her sucking his cock with precum decadently smeared on her lips. He'd let himself peek and immediately closed his eyes again, head falling back to remove all temptation to watch. Rey smiled to herself as she licked another long stripe up the underside of his cock. She would file that particular weakness away for later. 

But for now, it was back down again, a little farther and sucking a little harder before hollowing her cheeks and dragging him back out again. It was wonderfully slow and a little sloppy as she took him deeper and deeper on each pass, all the while enjoying the ring side seat to his steadily growing desperation. 

It was different this time. She knew the shape and weight of him. How far she could swallow him down without choking, but still be able to feel his pulse kick against her back teeth. It was a heady, powerful sensation, even with him on top of her. The sounds he made were wonderfully debauched and needy, as if her mouth on his cock had shaken loose something long deprived.

"Rey…" he said, her name a rough and ragged sound. "I want… I need to be inside you. Please…"

She pulled off with a wonderfully obscene pop. "Okay." she said, her voice a little husky. "Come down here then." 

She kissed her way up his chest as he arranged himself between her legs, their mouths crashing together again as Kylo sucked on her tongue, tasting himself there and groaning into her open mouth. His cock rested against her entrance, their pulses thrumming against each other. But his eyes swam with renewed apprehension as old worries resurfaced at the precipice or where their minds met.

"I probably should have already asked… or y'know… pried around in your head," Rey said, sensing the sour note of his anxiety at these unanswered questions. She smoothed her hands up his back as her knees hugged against his sides. "But… Is this your first time?"

"No." he shook his head, shifting his cock away from her body so he could concentrate. 

“Who was your first?”

Kylo looked away. "No one special. I’ve had more than a few come to me thinking my bed might be the first rung of a political ladder. Especially in the early days."

"And you took advantage?"

He nodded, not looking at her. "I did. Once or twice before I realized it held neither appeal nor value. You?"

"Yes. Just… just the once." she hesitated. There was something sort of mood killing about discussing past lovers while in bed with the current one, but she had asked and so had he. And not out of jealousy she could sense. But out of a desire to keep from hurting her. He was still afraid of that, desperate as he was for the clutch of her body. "There was a boy. Back on Jakku. We were both young… too young to be doing that, but neither of us had anyone to tell us no. He left to join the first order as a mechanic as soon as he was old enough. Only a few weeks later. He was a whiz with engines. Could make them sing. He begged me to come with him."

"Why didn’t you?"

"You know why."

"We might’ve met sooner."

She shook her head a little dismissively. "More likely I would have been crushed into dust in some remote inner working of the First Order's war machine, which is what I imagine happened to him. You would have never seen me. I wasn't important to anyone, remember? I'm nothing."

"You're not nothing." He pulled her even closer. "I was wrong to ever say that. I… I was trying to manipulate you. I-"

"No, honestly… you were right." She rested her hand on his chest to quiet him before sliding her palm up to cup the back of his head. "But I think the thing you don't realize is I'm glad that you're right. I'm glad I came from nothing because I got to decide who I wanted to be. You didn't. You came from something, and that something put constraints on you. It has at every turn. From everyone."

"You don't. I don't know how you do it, but you don't."

"Honestly, it's because everyone around me has already made that mistake, so while I may be a fool in other regards, I'm not going to make that particular mistake."

"You don't think this is a mistake?" He asked, and the wounded wanting in his eyes nearly slew her where she lay under him.

"Never." she whispered, rolling her hips to brush her aching sex against his cock, smearing precum along the length of him and making him gasp.

As he bracketed her body with his arms and lined himself up, he said "I don't want to hurt you… tell me if-"

"You're not going to hurt me." she assured him as she settled back against the pillow. "Feel me through the bond. You can feel everything you're doing to me. I… I want you in my mind while we do this. I want to feel you… feel what you feel..."

"Okay…" he whispered, blowing his half of their connection open wide as he sank into her warm, welcoming body.

At first as he pressed in, all he could do was gasp. She was so wonderfully hot and tight, and yet her whole body seemed to give under his. He expected to have to stop. To have her stop him, but she didn't. The first thrust just went on and on. Nothing about her resisted him, and where her mind touched his was nothing but cool blissful pleasure. His gasp turned to a carnal moan, which she gratefully drank from his lips.

With a final curl of his hips he was fully seated inside her, and he panted open-mouthed with his eyes cinched shut as the walls of her body constricted around him. And he could feel himself inside her, not just his own sensation but hers as well. The pleasant heavy fullness that he gave her. The duality of the experience was a satisfaction unlike anything he'd ever experienced.

Rey gazed up at him as he pushed into her, awed by how much he still held back. She could see his thoughts, hear himself cautioning "slower… slower… be careful…" Nothing hurt. Nothing came close to pain. The feeling of him sliding into her was akin to a homecoming… the arrival that she'd never gotten to experience but had so desperately wanted all her life. 

"Move for me, Kylo." she whispered, putting her hand on his face. He had frozen above her, shivering and panting. She could feel his pulse deep inside her body, a slow throbbing tease against her inmost places. Her middle finger sank into the crevice of the scar as she caressed his face.

Her scar now. She had claimed it.

Kylo opened his eyes for a moment, the fathomless dark of his gaze made impossibly darker by the need that coursed through his every thought and bled over to meet hers. He coiled himself around her burying his face in her neck and he began to move. First in shallow little thrusts that slowly turned into long delicious rolls of his muscular body. Rey wrapped herself around him in answer. Arms, legs, everything that could reach, and she clung to him as he rocked into her over and over. Like the waves of the ocean.

She felt incandescent with him tucked away into her inmost shadows. If she could have pulled him closer, she would. The pull of the Dark Side… its gravity. She understood it now. It did not always seek to subsume, but to meet the Light it found. 

Darkness rises and Light to meet it. 

And they had. The entwining of their physical forms was a pale shadow compared to the ecstatic dance they could participate in with the Force. The Balance was everywhere now, with their connection thrown open so wide that every thought and emotion and sensation was in contact. All around them was a harmony. That idea that the line between Light and Dark had ever been thought to be thin was laughable now. It wasn't a line. There had never been separation. It was everywhere. 

The Force was everywhere with them.

That thought sent a freshly dawning wave of ecstasy through her whole body, and she felt him catch the crest with her. He pulled back, a look a frantic desperation in his eyes. She could feel it… the point of no return for him was near and they would either need to stop or...

"Together." she whispered, catching his hand as he grabbed at her hip with the other. 

"Together." He repeated. It was like a mantra as their consciousnesses blended through their connection. An inexorable braid of Light and Dark and whatever it was that bound them together. That strand that coursed through both of them.

And it pulled taut as they both tumbled over the edge.

For a moment, Rey thought her heart had stopped, and his with it. The world was wonderfully calm and peaceful, and her ears rang in the stillness. This was it… the Balance they kept finding. Only now it was somehow more. They'd found it without desperation… without need of it for any reason other than its own sake. They'd found it by wholly finding each other. By finding themselves within each other. 

Rey and Kylo stared at one another, drifting through the resounding quiet together. Their physical pleasure… all their wanting and struggling seemed so far away. All they'd ever needed or wanted to fully understand themselves and their place in the Force. It was here. At long last.

Kylo rested his forehead against hers, his breath coming out in short pants. Rey wrapped herself tighter around him, feeling the answering squeeze from his strong arms, even as his cock slipped out of her. How long they lay like that, their skin cooling and their breath slowing, they couldn't say. Neither wanted to count that time spent curled together, hands still clasped as they drifted together.

They both were at a loss for words, trading kisses and gentle touches as they rolled to their sides, tangling their legs together.

He didn't look frightened, Rey noticed as she smoothed his sweat soaked hair back out of his face. For the first time since their meeting in the interrogation chamber the fear was gone from his face. Gone from his mind, and a cool surety burned in its place.

"I love you." he whispered finally, his eyes clear and absent of reservation. "You don't have to say it, but I figured it was time that I did. High time."

She smiled, kissing him gently. "I love you too. I do. I truly would be nothing without you."

Kylo almost gave in to the impulse to argue. The only urge he ever nursed regarding using his Force powers against Rey was to wipe the memory of him calling her "nothing" from her mind. But down at his core… the part of his mind that still touched hers, he knew what she was saying. Just like he knew what she meant when she had called him "Ben." And he could still hear it in her voice when she called him "Kylo."

He skated his thumb over her knuckles where they still clasped each other tight. The hand of Darkness and the hand of Light… he had always felt the pull. This was what it meant. Not his foil. Not his weakness. Not his undoing. But his power in its truest form. And his peace.

He kissed her hand, as he had fantasized about back on Takodana when he'd gone to stand sentry against her nightmares. It seemed like so long ago. A short eternity where they had danced and deferred and scraped around the edges of each other. Always afraid of overstepping. 

He knew now… he didn't need to resist her. He didn't need to argue. He didn't need to explain. Because she knew. And that comfort would banish every fear he'd ever had, like a cold, clear winter sun through grey mist.

***


	23. It Asks a Little of Us Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sharpshooter was groggy and irritable as Rey helped her sit up on the examining table. Her fogginess and generally foul mood was to be understood after spending close to a full cycle sedated by the heaviest drugs the medical droid had at its disposal. But her mania seemed to have subsided for now into a sharp, spiteful gloominess, muted only by the lingering haze of the drugs.
> 
> Rey cautiously reached out to her through the Force and found Irkalla's mental condition unchanged in that regard. Where the Force should have hummed through her consciousness there was a horrid, vacuous silence and Rey instinctively cringed from it. Almost as if it might be catching.
> 
> "Where are we?" Irkalla had grumbled after a few minutes spent blinking and remembering how to breathe and swallow spit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday, everyone! 
> 
> This should be the last Sunday evening update at least for a bit. The schedule might get jostled around a little when I go to the beach next month, but not by too much. Again, this fic is finished. I'm just editing it now.
> 
> Thank you all so so so much for all your feedback and kind words. I can't tell you how much it brightens my day to get those notices in my email. Seriously... it's the best feeling.
> 
> Many thanks to my beta reader, KaminaDuck. 
> 
> Enjoy!

While everyone else was packing and eating breakfast, Kylo and Rey decided that their first order of business that morning would be to introduce, or reintroduce as it were, Irkalla to Luke. They mostly managed to avoid everyone that morning, as Finn, Rose, and Poe were already down at the Falcon. But Rey caught Leia's eye, as they both exited their huts at the same moment. Leia could barely suppress a roguish grin, and Rey flushed to the roots of her hair as she hastily trailed after Kylo down to their shuttle.

The sharpshooter was groggy and irritable as Rey helped her sit up on the examining table. Her fogginess and generally foul mood was to be understood after spending close to a full cycle sedated by the heaviest drugs the medical droid had at its disposal. But her mania seemed to have subsided for now into a sharp, spiteful gloominess, muted only by the lingering haze of the drugs.

Rey cautiously reached out to her through the Force and found Irkalla's mental condition unchanged in that regard. Where the Force should have hummed through her consciousness there was a horrid, vacuous silence and Rey instinctively cringed from it. Almost as if it might be catching.

"Where are we?" Irkalla had grumbled after a few minutes spent blinking and remembering how to breathe and swallow spit.

"You're on board my command shuttle." Kylo explained, pouring her a cup of water from the medbay sink. Rey meanwhile had retreated to the doorway so as not to crowd her while she regained her bearings. "And we're currently on the surface of the planet Ahch-to."

She scrunched up her hawkish face as she took the cup from him. "Never heard of it." she said before swallowing the water down greedily.

"You wouldn't have." he replied, taking the cup and refilling it. "It's an old stronghold of the Jedi Order."

"You back riding that train again?" Something resembling a laugh grated its way out of her mouth. "You were always sentimental Kylo, but I never thought you weak like that."

"No, I'm not really interested in the Jedi specifically." Kylo replied with his own grim smirk. "But the Jedi were on to something with this planet. It has a physically manifested connection to the Force. Sort of like the old kyber crystal mines, but it's… different. We thought it might prove beneficial to you. In your… condition."

"My condition?" she spat. Snatching the cup out of his hand and downing it in a single gulp. "You mean the condition of Hux fucking poisoning me and cutting me off from the Force? That condition?"

"We want to help you, Irkalla." Kylo said softly.

"Yeah? Well, what if I can't be helped? Do you know what the others did? Malius, Vull, and Phex? They were all here ahead of me and they all bashed their fucking skulls in on their cell walls. They didn't even bother to clean the blood off before they gassed me and tossed me in one." her thin lips curled into a snarl as she slammed the plastic cup down on the metal table. "Fucking Hux. Force or no, if I get my hands on him I'll wring his skinny neck." Fat tears had formed in her gold-tinged eyes and began to roll down her cheeks. She sniffed hard and wiped her face with obvious irritation. "It's too late anyway… nothing to be done."

"You're alive." Rey commented, still leaning against the doorframe. "It's not too late to try something."

Irkalla cut her sharp eyes over to Rey. "And who are you? His new apprentice?" She nodded to Kylo.

"No. I'm Rey."

"You with the First Order at all then?"

"No. I'm an… an orphan. I grew up in the scrapyards of Jakku."

"But you have the Force, I'm guessing. You a Jedi? One of Luke's?" her jaundiced eyes narrowed. "I don't remember you."

"I'm nobody." Rey dared to inch closer. She'd lingered in case she was needed, but she had wanted to leave this to Kylo. "Not anyone you would know anyway. But I do have the power of the Force. The Light side. But I'm no Jedi. I'm not really trained… per se."

Irkalla sniffed hard, looking back up at Kylo. "So what's the plan. You just leave me here to marinate in whatever Force mojo this planet has and hope for the best, while you go off to do whatever?"

"Not exactly." Kylo replied, doing his level best not to fidget as they came to the part of the conversation he was least looking forward to. "The island isn't… completely uninhabited."

"Who's here?" Irkalla eyed them both suspiciously.

"Luke Skywalker." he answered after a deep breath.

She blinked hard at that. "Skywalker is here?" she asked incredulously.

"He's been here since I destroyed his temple." Kylo said.

"You found Luke fucking Skywalker…" Irkalla shook her head hard, and then thought better of it when a dizzy spell overcame her for a moment. She waved off Kylo's offer of a steadying hand. "I'm not turning Jedi." she said vehemently, as she gripped the side of the exam table with white knuckled hands. "I left with you for a good damn reason. Their mumbo jumbo about detachment and all that is bullshit. I'm not going back to it just to… I'd rather go insane like this."

"No one's in a position to ask you to go back to the Jedi ways. Least of all Luke." Rey said firmly. "We brought you here to try and restore your connection to the Force. Not sway you to one side or the other."

Irkalla nodded mutely for a moment before looking up at Kylo. "You know Hux had planned to use that stuff on you, right?"

"I know." he replied.

"Hux has gone bonkers since you left. Or so I heard. Says the First Order and the whole galaxy needs to be out from under the heel of "Force Sensitive Freaks" or so he calls us. If you had stayed none of this would have ever happened."

"If I had stayed, Hux would have gassed me in the throne room." Kylo corrected her, doing his best to keep the anger from his voice. "And then he would have come for you anyway. You'd have had just as much warning. He was trying to keep me from taking an apprentice, because that apprentice would have killed me, and so would go the cycle as it always does. That instability is what drove Hux to do what he's doing. Not me leaving."

Irkalla just shrugged, worrying at a ragged nail with her teeth.

"I have a question you might know an answer to, Irkalla." Rey spoke up. "Where is Szalth? Why did he get a free pass?"

Irkalla grimaced at the name but ultimately responded with a one shouldered shrug. "He's probably with Hux. Knowing those two, they cut a deal. Szalth plays errand boy and bodyguard in exchange for not getting gassed. He never wanted to be Supreme Leader. No fun to be had just sitting around plotting on a throne. He likes to get his hands dirty, and Hux likes his clean. It's a win win."

Kylo could only nod at her assessment.

An uneasy quiet fell over the medbay, permeated only by the steady hum of the overhead lights and the air recycler.

"So are we doing this?" Irkalla asked swinging her legs off the table and hopping down. She tested her balance and then took a few steps finding her legs less jelly-like than when she'd first woken up.

"You're amenable to the idea then?" Kylo asked.

"Well, I wouldn't go that far." she replied with a snort. "But I don't have a lot of options and well… Rey was it? She's got a point. I'm not dead, so it's worth a try."

"I'll take you down to meet Luke." Rey offered. "I think we're due back up at the huts soon."

"I'll grab the decryptions from the shipboard computer and meet you up there." Kylo said, following them both out of the medbay.

***

"Ugh, I'm still shaking sand out of my hair." Rose's complaining greeted Rey as she and Irkalla made their way up the stairs. Their little company had circled around a small cookfire sheltered in the middle of the huts.

"That's what you get for sleeping out on the beach." Poe responded.

"Wasn't it your idea to-"

"Rey! Good morning!" Finn was on his feet making room around the little cookfire they had set up. All around were plates of eggs, some fried fish, and more of the starchy seaweed from the night before. "And you must be…" His eyes slid to the stranger in their midst.

"Irkalla Ren." The sharpshooter answered stiffly. "Order of the Knights of Ren. Or formerly of, I guess I should say now." She didn't offer her hand, but rather pulled the blanket she'd brought from the medbay more tightly around her shoulders.

"It's… a pleasure. I'm Finn. Formerly of the Stormtroopers. But… y'know not because they've disbanded. I just left."

"Oh right." Irkalla gave a faint nod as she looked him over. "The traitor. I heard about you."

"And… I've heard about you. L-lots." 

The awkwardness was rising and Rey had to put a stop to it, as well intended as Finn's smalltalk was. "Where's Luke?"

"Still in his hut." Leia answered standing slowly to her feet. "I'm General Leia Organa." she put out her hand to Irkalla. "Would you like some breakfast?"

Irkalla just stared at it for a moment and then with some trepidation, accepted the handshake. "Sorry." she apologized for her hesitancy. "I honestly didn't expect you to be so friendly."

"Well… no point in being nasty, I suppose." Leia shrugged. "We're not here to fight. Not with you."

"And what if I want to gain my connection with the Force in order to rejoin the fight? Fight for the First Order. What then?"

"Then we'll burn that bridge when we come to it." The general put on a tight lipped grin that was more grimace than anything. "But to speak truthfully, right now I have bigger fish to fry than the possibility of you coming after me at some indeterminate point in the future. And I sincerely hope it won't come to that."

Irkalla blinked again. "You're not at all what I was expecting." 

"I get that a lot." she replied. "Mostly from myself."

Luke chose that moment to emerge from his hut, his face haggard in the thin morning sun. His eyes fell immediately on Irkalla's face and he paused mid-step before he gathered himself.

"Irkalla." he inclined his head towards her. "Welcome to Ahch-to."

"Hello, Skywalker. I hope you're not expecting me to call you Master Skywalker like I'm twelve years old in your crusty old temple." she sneered.

"Luke is fine. There's no Jedi Masters here. Not anymore." He replied. "I suppose it doesn't behoove us to waste any time. Will you come with me please?"

"Where are we going?"

"I want to show you something." he turned and headed down the opposite side of the cliff, his voice beginning to fade with the growing distance. "A place where the Force runs strong on this island. You might be able to reach it-"

"Go on." Rey nudged her with a reassuring smile. "We'll be back to catch up with you soon."

Irkalla snorted, letting her own grin pull at the corner of her thin mouth. "You'd better be." And she followed a still rambling Luke Skywalker down the hill.

As the sounds of their footsteps disappeared, another set began to rise up over the lip of the cliff. "I've got the decryptions." Kylo's voice called from behind them.

"Excellent." General Organa said beckoning him over to the circle of the cookfire. "What have you uncovered?"

They all took their seats eager to hear the news. Rose was still shaking sand out of every nook and cranny of her jumpsuit.

"Could I borrow your datapad please, Finn?" Kylo asked.

"Oh sure." he fished it out of his bag and passed it to Rey who passed it up to Kylo where he sat on the rock wall above her. She had eschewed a seat up on one of the rocks or logs in favor of curling up closer to the little blaze.

Kylo plugged a small drive into the datapad and up sprung the image of a planet.

"Catallus." he pronounced, passing the pad to General Organa. "A rather unremarkable world located in the Inner Rim. Recently terraformed for weapons manufacturing and mineral mining and processing by the First Order. Because..." A few more taps on the datapad brought up the mineral composition of the planet. "It's full of kyber crystal veins."

"You found this in your archives?"

"No." he replied. "Remember how I engineered your escape from Crait? I called in mining ships from some weapons manufacturer. They came from here. I checked the first order logs and this planet's data has been wiped from the archives too. Just like Xestreron I."

"That's where they're manufacturing those crystals?" Poe asked, taking the pad from the general.

"And assembling and loading the cases." Kylo confirmed. "A transmission went out a few hours before the decryption finished. The first batch of missile cases has been completed, and Hux is on his way in his new flagship, The Sovereignty, to retrieve them."

"Can we make it there before they do?" General Organa asked.

"It will be tight, but I think we can." Kylo said with a slow nod. "Especially if we take the Falcon down to the planet and Poe's team takes my shuttle." 

"Why not all fly together?" Finn suggested. "Safety in numbers?"

Kylo shook his head, but Poe spoke first. "Better to have multiple methods of escape. We've got both ships, so we might as well use them." 

"Chewie could take us down to the planet in the Falcon." Rey offered.

"But how will we cloak our approach? They'll see us coming." Kylo replied with a small shake of his head.

"Same way we got through the shields at StarKiller." Finn piped up.

"How was that exactly?" Kylo asked, his brow puckered. "I've been meaning to ask."

"Hopped into the atmosphere at lightspeed." she answered, helping herself to some of the porg eggs that were simmering over the fire.

"You hopped into a planet's atmosphere at lightspeed?!" Rose half shrieked. "How the hell were you not killed?"

"Han-" Finn hesitated, his eyes darting to Kylo for a brief worried second, but he realized the name was half out of his mouth already. "Han Solo was driving."

Kylo's face remained an implacable mask, but Rey saw the muscle in his jaw tense.

"Chewie could do it though, right?" Poe asked.

"Oh of course." Rey answered around a mouthful of boiled egg.

General Organa swallowed the idea of the dangerous maneuver about as well as bitter medicine but pressed on. "So we have a method to get to the surface. How do we get inside?"

"Not to throw a wrench in everything," Rose interjected, her words measured and deferential, "But why are we sending the two Force users to the planet with the warehouse full of anti-Force weaponry? It feels like we're just asking for trouble."

"Y'know," Finn agreed "I'd been wondering that."

"Because we're willing to bet that Szalth is guarding that facility. He would shred all of you without having to think twice." Kylo replied darkly. "If you're not adept at resisting mind manipulation… hallucinations… things like that? He'll make you walk willingly off a cliff."

"And you two are capable of dealing with that?" General Organa asked, taking obvious care to keep her tone from sounding like that of a mother hen.

"I'm stronger with the Force than Szalth, and she threw me out of her head during an interrogation before she even knew what the Force was." Kylo jerked his head towards Rey. "So… it's our safest bet, if not a sure thing."

General Organa visibly sighed. "Our safest bet." she parroted. "The best shot. Been hearing that a lot lately."

"Your odds are good." Kylo assured her. "Better than they were on Starkiller."

"That's not saying much." she said with a soft laugh. "But… it's better than nothing. So while you two are blowing up anti-Force weapons, what are the rest of us doing?"

"Monitoring shipping channels." Kylo replied. The data pad had made it back to him, and with a few flicks of his fingers he brought up flight records for the planet. "We will be cutting it close. We need to make sure no shipments make it off world and to the Sovereignty."

"I take it you're giving me your ship, then?" Poe asked with an arch of his eyebrow.

"Can you fly it?"

"Oh he can fly anything."

"Oh I can fly anything."

Poe and Finn answered at the same time. Rose was the first to snort with laughter, carrying everyone to a collective chuckle in their wake.

Even Kylo was smiling as he said, "Good. Then you can hide behind one of Catallus's moons and cloak to stay off their scanners. Don't get close unless you have to. There's no reason to think the Sovereignty will have a weaker cloaking system than the Supremacy."

Poe shook his head, muttering half under his breath. "Sovereignty… Supremacy… Who the hell names these things? It's like they're begging to be shot out of the sky."

Even Kylo pulled a wry smirk at that.

"Well… that sounds like a plan. Much as we ever have one." General Organa pronounced, moving to stand. "And it sounds like we're short on time, so hop to it."

There were murmurs of "Yes, General" from those from the Resistance, but they all stood together and began seeing to packing and planning.

"Kylo? A moment please?" General Organa called out as he and Rey started down the steps towards the Falcon.

He turned back, more than a little wary as he was on Takodana when she had pulled him aside. But he found the prickly apprehension that had been so instinctive before was dulled slightly. Oddly, Rey's words from the previous night came back to him as he felt her continue down the stairs… that there might not be another chance for any of this. "Yes ma'am?" he replied, hoping to cover his discomfort with formality.

She smiled as if she knew his thoughts. Maybe she did… either with her own connection to the Force or with a mother's intuition. "You're different." she said, eyes sparkling in spite of the pallid sunlight. "From how you were when you came to us a few days ago. You both are."

He swallowed against the lump forming in his throat as he wondered where she was going with this. "It's um… it's been a… trying few days." he replied with a frown. "Seems like it should be more than just a few days. We've had to depend on each other. It's… certainly not something I'm used to."

"I know. You were always that way. Even..." she said, her mouth pulling into a thin line as she sought for the words she wanted to say. "You aren't interested in apologies from your mother." she finally settled on saying. "You'd have demanded them already."

His shoulders tensed and his gaze was suddenly finding the top edge of the cliff… the pounding surf… the stones beneath his feet… all of it was more in need of his attention than Leia's soft, imploring face. "You have nothing to apologize for." Kylo replied more curtly than he meant to.

She sighed heavily, staring down at her weathered hands where they rested on her cane. "Maybe not." she said so softly that the pounding of the surf nearly drowned out the words. "Maybe there was nothing to be done. At least not by… ah well." Then she looked up at her son, reaching one hand out to cup the unscarred side of his face. "But I think you should know that if there had been, your mother would have done it. And if there's anything an old, tired general with about fifty-odd recruits to her name can do for you now… all you have to do is ask."

Kylo stared at her for a long time, rooted to the spot by her touch. By the tenderness in her eyes. He hadn't really realized up until that moment that he never expected to find gentleness from her ever again. Not without the cost of forgiveness and apologies and all the messiness that he didn't want to ever have to endure. But here she was, giving it to him free of any of those charges.

"Thank you." he whispered, the words fracturing just a little as he spoke them. In his shock, he could feel something akin to a smile flicker at the corners of his mouth.

Leia stepped back again, folding her hands on the handle of her cane. "And take care of her." she nodded up the ramp in the direction Rey had gone. "I feel like it bears repeating, but at the same time I never need to say it all."

"Of course, General."

"May the Force be with you." she said, a true and sincere smile forming on her lips.

He nodded a little absently. "What did you say before? That it is always with all of us?"

"Especially the two of you. Now more than ever." she gave him a wink that reminded Kylo fleetingly and achingly of his father.

With a firm, detached nod, Kylo turned and made his way up the shuttle ramp to where Rey was waiting.


	24. Of What Was Either Cloud or Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I’m sorry you had to come here." she said from the doorway. "If I’d had the time to disable the automatic hyperdrive sequencer on your shuttle I-“
> 
> “It’s okay.” He said softly, his eyes moving but not quite looking up at her. “Chewbacca is the only one I’d trust to pull off this move anyway.”
> 
> "The only person left," he projected across their mental link, just in case she was listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday everyone!
> 
> My summer madness is over so for this week and next, I'll be back to posting on Monday mornings. Thank you all so much for bearing with the scheduling weirdness.
> 
> So here we are! The final stretch! Hard to believe really...
> 
> Thank you all so so so much for the wonderful feedback and kind words. Truly, I live for those notifications in my inbox, and you all have been so faithful and sweet. Thank you!
> 
> And thank you also to KaminaDuck, my wonderful beta reader!
> 
> Enjoy and I'll see you next week!

Both ships broke atmo on Ahch-to simultaneously; the Falcon carrying Chewbacca, Rey and Kylo, and the command shuttle carrying Poe, Rose, Finn and Leia.

As the thick blanket of clouds gave way once more to the starry expanse of space, Rey abandoned the co-pilot chair next to Chewie and set off for the back of the ship. She could sense Kylo somewhere towards the back, his usual mantle of brooding wrapped around him like armor. Not hiding exactly but definitely making himself scarce.

She found him folded into a just-slightly-too-small chair in the central hold, where the bunks and the galley butted up against each other. Ghosts clung to his hunched shoulders as he sat, crammed into the seat. His elbows were on his knees, and his dark hair fell to shadow his drawn face. It made the scar look deeper than it usually did.

"I’m sorry you had to come here." she said from the doorway. "If I’d had the time to disable the automatic hyperdrive sequencer on your shuttle I-“

“It’s okay.” He said softly, his eyes moving but not quite looking up at her. “Chewbacca is the only one I’d trust to pull off this move anyway.”

"The only person left," he projected across their mental link, just in case she was listening.

She was. And she flinched inwardly and outwardly.

“What did your- General Organa have to say? I didn’t… I didn't linger. I didn't want to pry.”

“My mother.” He corrected, his voice rough but gentle. “It's okay. It's going to get more awkward the longer we avoid it. She… she said much the same thing to me as she did back on Takodana. To be careful… and to take care of you. As if I wouldn’t.”

Rey moved over and sat beside him, resisting the urge for now to put her arm around him. She knew better than to coddle him like this, but their shoulders touched and their minds touched across the mental link. She could feel his indignant irritation and inward anger prickling along the back of her skull, seeking something to lash out against. But she knew this would pass. It always seemed to if unprovoked and unchallenged. If it wasn't given an excuse...

"The last time I was here… before… before everything,” Kylo said, speaking so softly at first Rey almost missed it. "The last time I was here, I was twelve. Han was taking me to Luke to start my training. He bitched and moaned the whole way."

Rey snickered a little in the silence as she imagined it with ease.

“What?” Kylo asked, turning to look at her for the first time since she’d entered the hold.

“I can practically hear it in my head." she chuckled, shaking her head a little. "He did love to complain when he was doing the right thing.”

“You can? Hear it, I mean?”

Her smile faded a little as she gave a considering nod. "I imagine I can."

"I can’t." Kylo said, roughly rubbing his palms over his knees. "I don’t really remember what his voice sounded like back then. I try not to anyway.”

Rey leaned over, pressing her lips to his temple for lack of anything helpful to say.

He listed into the contact unconsciously even as he continued to berate himself. "I can’t make it right, Rey." 

She shook her head solemnly. “No. But I think…” she reached up, her fingers finding the groove of the scar on his cheek with practiced and meaningful ease. “I think we shouldn’t confuse making things right with doing the right thing.”

He leaned into her hand, his scalding, swirling thoughts pouring over her cool assurances. His dark eyes searched her face for a moment before he leaned in and kissed her.

It was different from all their previous kisses. Not full of teeth or tears or veiled smiles. Kylo kissed her like he was memorizing her. Every curve and plump arch was tasted and committed to memory as he remembered again what she had said the previous night.

We might not get another chance…

That thin thread of nervousness cut through everything, stealing the breath from both of them.

“We’re going to be okay.” She whispered against his open mouth. It felt important to say it out loud even though she didn’t want to part her lips from his.

“Stay in my head.” He half begged. "While we're down there. Please."

“Only if you stay in mine.” She replied, her words tickling his cheek as she pressed her nose into his hair.

As if knowing their conversation had taken a turn towards the mission at hand, a grackled roar came from the cockpit above them.

“Five minutes.” Kylo breathed looking down at her.

“Here we go.”

***

The Falcon dropped out of hyperspace and skipped like a stone over the surface of the planet three times before Chewbacca regained enough altitude for Rey and Kylo to drop out of the cargo hold on their speeder with a bag full of explosive charges. They both gave their heads a good shake to be sure nothing had rattled loose upon reentry.

“Testing coms” Rey said as Kylo steadied them on their course. 

“We hear you loud and clear!” Poe responded, his voice coming through clearly. "We are cloaked in the atmosphere of the moon Catallus-Delta. We have eyes on the Sovereignty." 

"We have the front gate of the facility in sight. They are clearly expecting us." Kylo responded. "Rey, can you cover us?"

"On it." she replied, pulling herself up to stand precariously on the seat of the moving speeder.

"Godspeed, guys." Poe told them. "Burn the place to the ground."

As Rey and Kylo zipped towards the building, they heard the alarm sound; a low bone-shaking siren that grew more and more piercing as they drew closer. Rey reached out with her Force senses. She could feel the overwhelming heat of Kylo's presence behind her, and ahead were a hundred tiny dots of consciousness. 

All with blasters aimed.

Rey could sense that Kylo could feel them as well, his thoughts sliding over hers like silk over marble. He waited for her go ahead. He was waiting for her to tell him what to do. She braced her feet and ignited her lightsaber.

"Go."

The speeder lurched like a startled animal beneath her feet, but being half in Kylo's head meant she was ready for it. The jolt carried her exhilaration up and over any reservations she had. A hail of blaster fire descended and Rey set to twirling her lightsaber like a propeller, blocking every shot as they barrelled towards the entrance. 

The gate grew closer and closer and when they were about to hit it head on, Kylo jerked the speeder parallel. Rey extinguished her lightsaber and covered her face as he extended a gloved hand. With two consecutive Force blasts, he blew the gate apart and ripped the doors off their hinges. With the path clear, the speeder skidded inside and ground to a halt in a spray of bright sparks. 

As Rey disentangled herself from the speeder and shouldered the bag of explosives, Kylo lifted the doors and jammed them back into place. Already the troopers were pinging useless blaster fire against them, but they were thick plate durasteel. It would take serious cutting tools to get through, if the troopers outside wanted to follow them. It should buy them enough time to set the charges and call for-

Kylo turned towards the opposite door. "Do you feel that?" he asked.

A presence, thick and cloying, was approaching from the opposite direction and making no secret of its advance.

Rey nodded, switching to speaking over their mind link. "It has to be-"

Before she could finish the thought, the doors in front of them slid open with a metallic screech, revealing some sort of sanitation chamber beyond. Rey only had a moment to catalog that information before through the doors stepped an ominous figure in fitted black armor. His face was partially covered with a respirator that hissed mechanically with each indrawn breath, and his eyes, the same caustic yellow as Irkalla's, leered at them over the top of the mask as he stalked towards them.

"Master Kylo Ren." Szalth sneered, derision coating his manipulated voice like acid. "You were always the type to deal with things like this yourself. Always wanting the glory. Always wanting the Supreme Leader's approval like a mewling dog. Did you come to show off for your new pet?"

"I'm not here for glory, Szalth." he said, pulling his lightsaber from his belt.

"No. Not here for glory, and not here for Snoke's approval certainly seeing as you took care of him yourself." Szalth paced a little, a swagger working its way into his steps. "Then what are you here for? Surely your rivalry against Hux isn't so bad that-"

"Shut it, Szalth. I know that Hux planned to wipe us all out. You don't know that he won't do it to you. He could do it easiest to you!" Kylo argued.

"And yet he hasn't." Szalth gave a gallant shrug, barely visible in his armor. "Hux is a tactician, Kylo. You've never been one to properly appreciate that. A Force user like me is useful. But one like you with your emotional tantrums? Or like Snoke with all his secrets? You're a liability. The Sovereign General dislikes liabilities mucking about in his planning."

"You would destroy all the Force users in the galaxy just to secure your own position?" Rey asked, shock threading her voice. "You would let him do that? We could stop Hux. The First Order. All of it. Why are you helping him when he wants all of you dead?"

"And who are you?" Szalth turned to Rey, fixing her with his jaundiced stare. "You must be the girl everyone keeps talking about. The scavenger wretch that was the undoing of the mighty Kylo Ren. Whatever is it about a nobody like her that brought you to your knees, Kylo?" His voice sweetly dripped with the perceived irony.

Kylo watched as Szalth flicked his wrist, levitating Rey up into the air. He heard her scream. The same scream from when Snoke was torturing her. He thought his ears might bleed from having to hear it again.

"NO DON'T!" He made to lunge but he was frozen in place. What was happening? Szalth had never been this powerful before… this was...

"Kylo, it's a trick! Focus!" Kylo heard Rey's voice over the sound of her agonized shriek. It came to him like a breath of cold clean air, cutting through the fog that pressed in on his mind. He was suddenly aware of the manipulation and pushed outward with the Force, throwing Szalth from his thoughts and allowing him greater contact with Rey. It had all been a brief, harrowing hallucination. And he was gifted with a brief realization of what she had seen… a brief vision of Kylo himself attacking her, aiming to cut the perceived weakness from his mind once and for all. Her nightmares made real… or real enough.

But she hadn't believed it. Not for a second.

He turned on Szalth, teeth bared and anger singing hot in his blood. "Leave her alone."

"My my…" Szalth taunted with a huff of breath. "So that's what she is to you… your salvation. And, you… scavenger wretch... all along you were wondering what your place was in all this? The Force let you give each other what you needed."

The pair planted their feet to face him, their lightsabers at the ready, but Szalth laughed, a wheezing gravelly sound under the respirator. Just the sound of it made Rey's chest tight with imagined malaise.

"You two are ridiculous." he said with a haughty scoff. "If you think I'll fight fair, you are dead wrong. Hux warned me about your abilities. Kylo I knew about, but he hinted you might be even stronger. And I'm not one to take chances." He drew one hand up by his face, slipping down a visor that sealed with a hiss. And then he brought his other hand up over his head and slammed something down onto the floor.

Both Kylo and Rey had a split second to see what it was, but neither was fast enough to stop him.

A jet black crystal in a glass vial. It glinted in the sparse light as it hurtled towards the ground. A split second later it shattered, sending out tendrils of choking fog into the room.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd apologize for the cliff hanger but... ;)
> 
> See you next week.


	25. It Asks of Us a Certain Height

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In that frozen moment before the voided crystal struck the ground, Kylo and Rey turned to each other, their eyes gone wide with wild panic. All threats from Szalth and the troopers outside were forgotten as the dust of their worst nightmares began to swirl in the air around them. 
> 
> "Hold your breath!" Rey's mind desperately pressed on his, her words rattling in his teeth.
> 
> "It won't matter." Kylo replied bleakly, his mouth quivering as he reached out for her hand. He could already feel them both slipping apart as the tendrils of crystalline fog began to coil towards them. The Force was falling out from under them.
> 
> "Hold your breath!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would apologize for the cliffhanger from last week, but I think we all know I'm not actually sorry. :) 
> 
> But to make it up to you, I have an announcement. Since there is only one chapter left and a short epilogue, I'm going to change my update schedule. See I'm going out of town this coming Monday to spend a week at the beach, and I don't really want everyone to have to wait a whole week for just an epilogue. So the final chapter will go up sometime Thursday or Friday, with the epilogue coming at some point in the weekend. Sound good?
> 
> Thank you all so so so much for coming and screaming at me about the cliffhanger. Seriously, that actually really made my day to know how invested people have gotten in the story.
> 
> And thank you to my beta reader KaminaDuck for tirelessly correcting my terrible grammar.
> 
> Happy Monday everyone! Enjoy!

In that frozen moment before the voided crystal struck the ground, Kylo and Rey turned to each other, their eyes gone wide with wild panic. All threats from Szalth and the troopers outside were forgotten as the dust of their worst nightmares began to swirl in the air around them. 

"Hold your breath!" Rey's mind desperately pressed on his, her words rattling in his teeth.

"It won't matter." Kylo replied bleakly, his mouth quivering as he reached out for her hand. He could already feel them both slipping apart as the tendrils of crystalline fog began to coil towards them. The Force was falling out from under them.

"Hold your breath!" Rey ordered again as she grabbed his hand. "Stay with me. As long as you can. If we just hold on… if we just..." she fairly shouted across their connection, but even her own voice was fading… and his.... Only a moment ago he had been as near to her thoughts as her clothing on her skin, but now she felt as though she had to scream for him to hear her across the rapidly growing chasm. She had felt like this on StarKiller Base… as the planet had sundered between them and pushed them apart. Part of her had been reaching for something even then… she hadn't known what. The Force… the Balance maybe… but it had fallen from between them when they'd clashed. When she lashed out at him... 

The Light was fading and the Darkness of his presence was shrinking into something worse than darkness. Into void. Into nothing. Pulling back and back until she felt numb. And empty. She missed the heat of his skin. She'd give anything to have him close even if he was angry. In that instant she craved his anger… hot and scalding. She wanted it to boil over onto her, soaking down to burn her very bones. She would never fear it or cower from it again if she could just have it now. She would burn alive in it if it meant an escape from this soul crushing void hurtling down on her now.

She might've been screaming. If the look on Kylo's face was any indication, she must've been making some noise as he pulled her fully into his embrace. But all around her was numbness. She could feel his arms but it felt so empty. She felt so empty. Nothing but a swelling vacuous ache...

The Balance. She thought of it suddenly and she discovered she could still feel it. A vague outline of that stillness they could share. It was gossamer thin, but it was there, she realized. She groped for it and felt him doing the same. It was all that felt real, as their grip on the Force was disintegrating from the edges inward. The center was all that was left to hold them now. 

Until it was gone as well.

She could feel his hands on her back. She could feel his mind reaching for hers on the other side of that veil, and through it, she could feel the scorching, searching burn of his fear. She longed for it to blister her hands… her face. Burn everything away like the Jakku sun... but less distantly she could feel the peace they were always searching for together.

She could feel the Balance and through it, him. 

There was a clamoring quiet there… a ringing… a pealing that made a sort of quiet all its own. Sweet and safe. And it beckoned to her.

"We can't hang on like this. He's going to kill us both." Kylo managed, sounding in her mind as if he was speaking through gritted teeth. And from a great distance. They both glanced to their side for a brief second, seeing Szalth stalking closer, a malice-filled smile pinching the corners of his veiled eyes. But they felt their connection slip too with the distraction.

"I would rather die like this". Rey replied, curling her fingers against the front of his tunic as if that could pull him closer in her mind. Closer to the center as the Force continued to fall out from under them on all sides, sucked into the void of the shattered crystal. "We won't win the fight against him anyway. Not without the Force. He'll drive us both mad."

"Don't give up…" Kylo begged, the proposition sounding alien in his own ears. He'd already abandoned his previous statement in the shadow of her desperate plea. Now all he could think about was hanging onto Rey til the very end. Feeling the cool salve of her thoughts as they washed over his as they both cowered in the fleeting sanctuary of the Balance between them. "Please don't give up, Rey. The Force hasn't abandoned us yet. Don't let go of me. We'll think of something! We'll-"

This was it. What he had feared. But he was not alone. Neither of them was alone. They would have each other until the very last. At least Szalth could be trusted not to take his time in this case. He wouldn't linger. He'd make it quick. Maybe they could hold on until then… 

To the very last. 

A green flash from the front door involuntarily drew their attention away from their own entropy. At first the light blinded both of them to all else but the thin band of acid green glare, but soon they both resolved what they were seeing.

Luke Skywalker had stepped through the still shuttered doors, black robe settled about him and green lightsaber in hand.

"Luke, no!" Rey screamed in warning, even as she felt her slackening grip on the Force slip that much farther. Kylo was starting to fall away from her no matter how much they clawed for purchase. But she had to warn Luke… she couldn't just let him… "He's poisoned the air." she heard herself shout over the deafening silence that continued to encircle her. "He's…"

"Run." Luke shouted as he stepped around them. "I'll deal with Szalth."

"Who the fuck are you?" Szalth spat, readying the electrified club at his belt.

"Leave my pupils alone." Luke growled, leveling his lightsaber.

"Oh… oh!" Szalth's brows rose in mild surprise. "Master Skywalker…" he mocked. "These are- I see. And you think you can stop me from destroying them? Look at them. They're content to destroy themselves. Clinging to each other instead of facing the real threat." He gestured to the couple as they struggled to stand. "I'm going to carve them into pieces while they just lay there and hold each other like a pair of frightened children. The Sovereign General will appreciate their heads. And whatever you're doing to hold the effects of the voided crystal at bay, I assure you, you can't hold out forever."

"Rey and Kylo. Get up, and run." Luke's voice was even, but still held an edge. It was an order. Calmly and gently given, but an order nonetheless. Then he turned with a swirl of his cloak to face Szalth fully.

They didn't think twice this time, and obeyed, both of them scrambling into a sprint for the sanitation chamber behind Szalth.

Szalth hefted the club, electric sparks arcing along its length as he leveled it for a wide, sweeping swing. But Luke extended his hand, his fingers curling into a claw in the air. With a hard jerk at the elbow, the respirator came free, sending Szalth to his knees.

Kylo and Rey didn't look back until they were inside the chamber and the doors were closing. They blocked everything from their minds. Their terror. The burning of their muscles as they forced them to run. The horrible sucking gasp of Szalth's breathing. Everything but the lighter-than-silk touch of the Balance that tenuously held them together. And as the doors closed and the aircycler kicked on, they finally let themselves look back through the viewport, their faces crammed together against the dingy glass. Luke gave them a small wave, the light of his saber dancing in his watery eyes, and then vanished. Szalth was left alone to crumple to the floor, clawing at his throat as he wretched and vomited up gouts of pink froth. Then they slid down the cool metal door, puddling on the floor in the circle of Kylo's cloak.

They huddled together on the floor, desperately trying to remember how to breathe and clinging one to the other as if they held the secret of how to draw breath. They looked at each other with wide, disbelieving eyes as the world… their thoughts… the Force slowly reformed around them. And within them. But Rey's vision wouldn't clear. It was still hazy and fuzzy like she was looking at the world from underwater. And she realized she was crying, and Kylo was wiping at her tears with his gloved fingers, while his own spilled down his face.

And then just as they were getting their bearings, they both felt it. Just a soft… absence. A departure from the Force that left a softly faded edge. It wasn't the crystal. It was something else. Something gentle and not… wrong in the way the crystal's effects had been. This was right… but left a sad bereftness in the Force all the same. They looked up at each other, bleary eyes red from the strain of their ordeal.

"Luke is gone…" Rey whispered in her mind, despairing more for the fact that she didn't know if Kylo could hear her. She pushed the thought as far into the Balance as she could reach, worrying that it was just going to bounce off the inside of her echoing skull.

But Kylo could hear it. "But he righted his mistakes." Kylo replied, the rich sound of his inner voice reverberating through her consciousness.

Rey gasped a little as she looked up into his face, and smiled in spite of herself. In spite of the unexpected sadness of losing Luke. Because she could hear him. In her head. Just like before. She reached out, grabbing at his cloak feeling the icy wave of her dread lift when she sensed the answering hot spark of his fear and fury as it turned to relief. With her face pressed under his jaw, she drank it in gratefully and eagerly. When his anger had turned to furious action back on Cantros 7 that had been but a pale shadow compared with this. Szalth had tried to take her from him, and he had paid. His wrath was satisfied even if the satisfaction had not come by his own hand. It was somehow comforting that he was as terrified as she had been. Not of dying. Not of failing. But of losing each other. 

But they hadn't. 

And Rey realized something as she swayed there, clinging to him like a life raft. The Light hadn't saved them, and the Dark had not come to their rescue. They'd made a haven in the middle to survive long enough for Luke to come to their aid. The Balance had been what saved them. 

In truth, they had saved each other.

Her hand found his cheek, fingers skating along the hollow of the scar she'd given him, followed swiftly by her dry cracked lips which he in turn captured with his. The kiss was messy and desperate and hungry. Somewhere in it they'd both begun to weep again with relief, turning their kisses salty, like the gray ocean air on Rey's imagined island.

"Kylo? Rey?" Rose's voice crackled across the comms.

"Yeah… yeah we read." Rey responded, her speaking voice raspy with strain. "Are you guys okay?

"We're still behind the moon. What the hell happened to you guys?" It was Finn this time.

"Szalth." Kylo answered. "But we're fine. It's… we're fine. We're headed towards the shipping platform now." He turned to Rey offering both his hands. "Come on." he said helping her up before moving to the door and igniting his lightsaber. "They're going to be coming through that door any minute. We can't wait. I'll cover you."

"Stay in my head." she half-begged as she pulled at the strap on the bag of explosives, her watery eyes imploring as she cinched it securely against her side.

"After all this, you'll have to throw me out." he replied, a small smirk pulling at his mouth. The white-hot caress of his mind slipped over hers, confident and steady this time. Promising violence, and vengeance, and power, and everything that she wanted right now. The calm. The planning. The focus. That was done. Right now was for action. They had a weapons facility to blast into orbit, and it was going to feel fantastic when they did.

The sanitation chamber door cracked open with a metallic hiss and welcomed in a storm of blaster fire. Rey ducked through in Kylo's shadow as his lightsaber blurred into action, deflecting and even returning some of the phaser fire from the troopers gathered in the warehouse. With their minds on the same tether, she could pull him along to follow her as she laid the charges at each stack of pallets they passed.

There must have been thousands of canisters in that room. Thousands. Thousands of attacks. Kylo's powers would have only been the start of Hux's reign of terror. She shook her head and focused on the task at hand. They were stopping this. With Szalth out of the way, only a battalion of Stormtroopers stood in their way. They could do this.

But as they got around to the loading bay doors, Rey took stock of the row of pallets there. All shiny metal cases in neat little lines stacked one on top of the other. But one stack of pallets in the center of the row by the loading bay doors was missing. Rey finished laying the charges and then tugged on Kylo's mind.

"Cover me." she said, moving to the wall where a console glowed.

"What are you doing?" he said, daring a glance back as he followed her, his saber still just a crimson blur between them and the rain of blaster fire that hadn't abated.

"I think we're too late." she said, scurrying along behind him to crouch in his hulking shadow.

"What?" He asked, almost missing a bolt from a trooper on the upper railing but catching it in time sending it sailing back to blast him in the chest.

"There's a stack missing in the front row." She let her fingers dance over the keyboard pulling up shipping manifests. "I'm worried they've- yep. They have. One stack has made it onto a transport heading for the Sovereignty. It just left… maybe ten minutes ago."

"Poe, do you copy?" Kylo shouted aloud over the coms. "A shipment is offworld and headed for the capital ship."

"A New Order freighter class… service code 459-Alpha." Rey recited from the manifest. "You… you've got to do something. We won't be off the ground before it reaches Hux. They'll jump to hyperspace and-"

"We're on it!" Poe confirmed, his voice accompanied by the sound of engines and cloaking being engaged.

"Chewie! We need a pick up… south side of the building! Hurry!" Rey called as they sprinted outside, her lightsaber finally now in her hand to guard against incoming blaster fire. They just needed to hold on until the Falcon arrived. Then they could blow this accursed place to dust.

***


	26. Not Even Stooping From Its Sphere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The detonation on the surface was visible from the viewport of the shuttle as Poe and his team sped away from the moon and towards the hulking Sovereignty. Poe just hoped the cloaking would hold against the capital ship's scanners until they were too close to be targeted by anti-aircraft guns.
> 
> "Rose, find me the ship that's carrying the cargo. Freighter 459-Alpha." Poe ordered as they closed in on the Sovereignty, its black wings filling nearly the whole viewport.
> 
> "There it is!" Finn shouted a moment later, first pointing at Rose's screen and then out the front viewport. "Pulling into the aft docking bay."
> 
> Poe punched the throttle, sending their cloaked shuttle lumbering after the freighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy... *checks calendar* WEDNESDAY! Happy Wednesday everyone! 
> 
> So here it is! The final chapter of this story. Though there is a short epilogue coming this weekend to wrap up a few things. I will save all my long thanks for that, but suffice it to say... this has been an amazing journey. I've loved writing this story but I've loved seeing your reactions to it even more. So thank you all so so so much for reading and for all the kudos and comments. You guys are seriously the best.
> 
> And thanks again to my beta reader KaminaDuck for putting a rush on these last few installments. I couldn't do this without him.
> 
> Enjoy this last chapter and look for the epilogue coming this weekend!

The detonation on the surface was visible from the viewport of the shuttle as Poe and his team sped away from the moon and towards the hulking Sovereignty. Poe just hoped the cloaking would hold against the capital ship's scanners until they were too close to be targeted by anti-aircraft guns.

"Rose, find me the ship that's carrying the cargo. Freighter 459-Alpha." Poe ordered as they closed in on the Sovereignty, its black wings filling nearly the whole viewport.

"There it is!" Finn shouted a moment later, first pointing at Rose's screen and then out the front viewport. "Pulling into the aft docking bay."

Poe punched the throttle, sending their cloaked shuttle lumbering after the freighter. 

"Can you just shoot it down?" Leia asked, her voice scratchy over the coms. She had opted to stay behind in an escape pod hidden on the dark side of one of the moons.

"Not without effectively decloaking and giving away our position." Poe replied, leaning into the controls as he sent them into a dive. "In my X-wing? Maybe. But this thing is big and slow. Plus it's already inside the big ship's shields. I'd never hit it."

The shuttle's cloaking held all the way to the barrier sealing the docking bay. Kylo had been right. They weren't scanning for their own cloaking signatures. But passing that barrier stripped the stealth shielding instantly. Thankfully, Rose and Finn were already on the twin laser cannons and they set to shredding the inside of the docking bay as they skidded in for a landing.

"Well, would you look at that." Poe exclaimed as he punched the button to lower the ramp. "It's old Hux himself. Guess he wanted to see to these things himself. Shouldn't make them difficult to find." He had spied their red-haired adversary and a small contingent of guards as they practically goose stepped into the hangar, taken aback at the damage and noise. 

"Be careful, Poe." General Organa ordered, a stern quaver in her voice. "Hux is never caught without a trick up his sleeve."

"Yes ma'am." he replied, tucking a rifle against his shoulder and spearheading the other two down the ramp.

The trio disembarked with blasters firing. The hangar hadn't been terribly busy. Hux had likely wanted to continue keeping his pet project a secret until he could reveal it much as he had Starkiller Base. A grand display of power and supremacy over all the chaotic forces of the galaxy… including the fabled Force itself.

When he saw Poe and his team blasting their way out of their shuttle he instantly recoiled before gaining his composure. He pressed a finger to a nearby console and leaned close. "Phasma." Hux barked, to no one in particular. 

"Wait… who?" Finn stopped firing for a moment.

"Finn, focus!" Poe shouted over the sound of his own blaster fire. But Finn was focused on what was happening with Hux. Had he said...

"Phasma. Deal with this infestation of scum in my hold and secure the cargo." He turned on his heel and marched away, leaving his guards to deal with the mess. They laid down a blanket of phaser fire as they advanced.

"Gladly, Sovereign General." came a faintly grating and metallic sounding voice over the station wide intercom.

As if in response, the loud sound of whirring servos and and clanging footsteps began to sound in an adjoining hall and a second later, the towering chromed silhouette of Captain Phasma appeared through the loading bay doors. 

Though it appeared not to be quite all of her. A laser cannon was fitted where her left arm should be, kitted out with a sharp electrified blade along the underside. And her gait was uneven; her left leg clearly was much heavier than her right. Most terrifying of all was her helmet, half melted away on one side to reveal her pale face. A fiendish curl of lips and a single piercing blue eye visible in a face otherwise subsumed by once-molten metal. And yet, she was no less formidable and imposing for all her missing parts. Finn, taking an involuntary step back, half wondered if they'd made her taller just for the hell of it.

"Finn! Look out!" Rose shouted as Phasma leveled the laser cannon at Finn and fired.

The blast sent them all scattering, heavily damaging the shuttle behind them. The trio scrambled to seek cover behind stacks of crates as Poe started issuing orders. "Rose, you've got a set of explosive charges yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Get over to-"

"How in the hell is she still alive?" Finn bellowed, peeking over the top of his crate and nearly losing an inch of his hair to the next round of plasma fire from Phasma.

"Focus, Finn." Poe thundered. "Rose, stick those charges to those crates. We're going to blow them out that airlock behind us, and then blast them to kingdom come. Finn, you and I are going to cover her."

As if in response to the plan, there was another volley of fire from Phasma's laser. "FN-2187!" she taunted. "You can't seem to stay away, even in spite of being traitorous scum."

"I'm not a number!" Finn shouted from behind his crate, spraying blaster fire wildly in her direction. "I never was!"

"You don't even deserve the number you were given." Phasma roared, discharging the cannon again. "You're a traitor and a coward!"

"Finn, we've got to think of something else." Poe said over comms. "That cannon is going to shred us and this blaster fire isn't getting through her armor. And more troopers are on their way."

As if in answer, Phasma took a cacophonous step forward and let loose another blast from the laser cannon. "Face me, coward!"

"I can't get to the crates without her blowing me to bits." Rose shouted.

Finn took a deep, steeling breath, obviously audible over his mic.

"Finn, what are you thinking? Tell me your plan." Poe said warningly.

"I'll deal with Phasma." Finn said, reaching for a fallen Stormtrooper's stun baton and rolling out of cover away from where Rose was trying to cross to the crates of missile casings.

"Finn what are you doing? That thing won't work against her armor!" Poe yelled, popping out of cover to shoot at four troopers that had come in on the upper level.

"I've just got to hold her off!" Finn replied, standing, weapons in hand. "Just need to stand my ground until Rose can do her thing."

"Finn, don't!"

"FINN!"

"Ah, FN-2187." The half of Phasma's mouth that was visible curled into a hideous smile. The raw scar tissue that bisected her lips pulled taut and threatened to split. "Have you still not learned your lesson? Your place in the Order? Not that you have one other than as a place to lay my bootprint."

"I've learned that dealing with you is my responsibility." Finn growled, hefting the stun baton in both hands. "That righting the wrongs of the Order falls to me more than anyone else."

"And you'll be pleased to know that scouring you and your faithless ilk from the face of the universe will be the most pleasurable of my responsibilities." Phasma snarled, lunging for him with a wide swing of the blade attached to her laser cannon.

It was less of a fight, and more of a brutal beating. Phasma's enhanced robotic limbs coupled with training undimmed by her upgrades gave her an undeniable upper hand as Finn tried to parry and dodge. But she was too strong. Too fast for him to stay standing for long. She repeatedly brought him to his knees, nicking open cuts on his arms and across one thigh.

"She's toying with him." Poe said under his breath as he watched the fray. "Rose, status."

"Charges set. Help me get them-" 

There was an explosion from the rear of the loading bay that sent them all reeling. A contingent of storm troopers had moved in behind them and had sent a grenade hurtling into one of the engines of their shuttle, blasting it to pieces.

"Shit!" Poe swore, struggling to stand up from where the blast had knocked him prone. "Rose? Finn?"

"I'm here. I'm okay." Rose responded. "What are we going to do now?"

"Finn?" Poe called again, daring a peek over the top of the crates he was hiding behind to see Phasma pulling herself to her feet. She hefted the blade attached to her arm and began to swing it down onto Finn, who was fending her off with his baton. But it was starting to give. It no longer sparked and bowed sharply in the middle. Just a few more strikes and it would-

"Poe! Get down!" a sharp, high voice yelled across the hangar.

All eyes, including Phasma, turned to see who the new arrival was. And she was met with a brilliant blue lightsaber straight through her exposed eye and out the other side, like a spear. Blood pouring from the charred hole in her skull, she stumbled forward once, giving the faint impression that she might not go down, before she fell to the side with a loud, dull clank.

The lightsaber zipped back across the hangar to land in Rey's outstretched hand as she trotted to join them. Behind her followed Kylo, barely having to stretch his stride to keep up with her as he twirled his own lightsaber in hand.

"Where the hell did you guys come from?" Poe asked exuberantly. "How did you get here?"

"We had Chewie kick us out on escape pods from the Falcon." she answered. "It's how I got on board the Supremacy way back when." she smiled blithely up at Kylo who couldn't help but return her expression.

He squinted down at her with something like a smile threatening to pull his lips. "You know it wasn't that long ago, right?"

"We've got to get rid of these things." Rose said, knocking her knuckles against the pallet of misiles. "Blast them out into space some-"

"They're rigged to explode?" Kylo asked her eyeing the charges set at the base.

"Yep. Just need an airlock or something to fly them-"

He cut her off by Force pulling the crate of missiles up into the air and tossing it out through the hangar barrier.

"Or a super scary Force user." she finished, before hitting the button. They couldn't hear the explosion out in the vacuum of space, but they could see it, and it was a terribly satisfying sight.

"Finn! Are you okay?" Rey ran to her friend and tried to help him to his feet. Blood weeped out of a dozen fresh cuts, including one over his eye which was dripping down his face.

"I'm alright… I'm alright…" he insisted even as he struggled to his feet.

"There's a medical droid in the Falcon." Kylo suggested. "Could get him patched up there."

"No, I'm fine." Finn protested even as he winced when the cut on his leg pulled open, more blood oozing out onto the floor.

"No, you're not, you're bleeding. Rose, help him into one of these escape pods would you?" Rey asked. "And hail Chewie for a pickup."

"So what now?" Poe asked watching his two squadmates limp away. "Do we steal a ride off this thing?"

Kylo looked around, squinting a bit as he tossed the net of his senses around the ship. "I think we have our ride." he said with a tilt of his head.

Poe frowned. "You mean this thing? The Sovereignty?"

"Why not?" Kylo shrugged. "There's nothing on here but a bunch of Stormtroopers and officers. Rey and I will chew through them like they're nothing."

"What about Hux?" Poe asked.

"Gone." Kylo replied. "Took another command shuttle off ship as soon as he saw us land. He's not stupid."

"He's a coward." Rose spat, putting her hands on her hips.

"He's a strategist. One should be careful of the difference. Especially when they resemble each other." General Organa's voice crackled over the comms. "Hi by the way. Nice job with that batch of missiles. That's really the last of them?"

"That's the last of them." Kylo confirmed.

"And we'll use these guns to blow the whole facility to rubble on Catallus so that they can't make more." Rey confirmed.

"Where are you?" Kylo asked, casting his eyes and his senses around.

"Back on the surface of the moon we were hiding behind. Poe seemed worried that something might happen to me."

Kylo caught Poe's eye and mouthed a silent "Thank you." which was answered with a sly, satisfied wink.

"So what do you say, General?" Kylo asked aloud, a smile coloring his usually dour voice. "You in the market for a new capital ship?"

Leia's chuckle over the comms warmed everyone's heart. "It just so happens that I am."

"Good as done, then." Kylo nodded. "We're going to go clear this place out." He tapped Rey on the shoulder and motioned for her to stay with him to which she gave an enthusiastic nod. "Poe and Rose, once Finn's back on his feet and not leaking all over my ship, pick up General Organa and circle back to meet us on the bridge. We will be done by then."

"Sounds good." Poe replied, turning back and heading towards the shuttle.

By the time Kylo was finished laying out the plan, he and Rey stood at the door exiting the hangar, and beyond it they could hear a squadron of troopers forming up in the hall. Orders shouted. Boots on metal floor. Weapons aimed.

They flattened themselves to the final corner, and Rey looked up at Kylo, a small smile painting her lips.

"Together?" her mind whispered over his, the word falling like a cool drop of water.

"Together." he replied, the warmth of the thought crackling like fire in his liquid dark eyes.

The door opened and they launched themselves at their assailants in perfect tandem.

***


	27. Epilogue: And Be Staid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks later...
> 
> Kylo and Rey stood on a cliff's edge, both looking out over the churning gray ocean of Ahch-to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... here we are. The end at last. Though not really an end in truth. I had intended this story to be a sort of... Episode 8.5, which meant it always had something of an open ending. I don't have any plans at present for a sequel, but never say never. Episode IX may plant some seeds for this story to continue. And it may not. We'll just have to see. But I'm certain in the broader scope of things, I'm not done writing for this pairing yet. 
> 
> I want to send my thanks to KaminaDuck for his tireless beta-reading. You can find him on Tumblr as @kaminaduck, and if you're into Homestuck, he's got a HS blog under the handle @duckgetsstuck. He (and sometimes I) also stream video games from time to time. Usually on Tuesdays and Saturdays over on Twitch under the handle KaminaDuck. This story would not have been possible without his help. Having another set of eyes gave me so much more confidence, so give him a follow and a big thank you.
> 
> And while I'm on the subject, thank YOU for reading and for all the comments and kudos. There were several of you who commented every single week telling me you were excited for the next chapter, and many of you reblogged and recced the story on Tumblr. And I just don't have words for how grateful I am. Seriously. Thank you so so so much from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> I am definitely not abandoning Reylo or Star Wars forever, but right now my attention is turning back towards Marvel. So if that's your jam, keep an eye out starting in September. I've got a Steve/Natasha/Bucky fic coming, along with some Stucky stuff as well. Like I said... definitely not the last Reylo thing I'm going to write, but I think I want to see what Episode IX holds.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at @littlethingwithfeathers (multifandom madness along with personal stuff, my fanfic, and whatever else strikes my fancy), @mygrandmotherspiano (classical music and positivity blog), @12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars... multishipping madness!) and @drowningortolan (All Hannibal, all the time!). 
> 
> Thank you all again, and I hope you enjoy the epilogue! Love love love, always.

Two weeks later...

***

Kylo and Rey stood on a cliff's edge, both looking out over the churning gray ocean of Ahch-to. As they watched, the clouds overhead parted for a moment, just in time to see General Organa's newly acquired capital ship jump into hyperspace in a snap of light. They'd renamed it the hulking craft "Hope Bringer." A little cheesy in Kylo's mind, but the Rebellion had always had a weakness for that sort of thing. And for once, he couldn't really fault them. Acquiring that ship, with its fleet of fighters and wealth of ordinance and heavy arms, had given them hope again. 

When it had gone, Rey sighed and looked around at the gray little smudge of rock. As it happened, the two of them were standing at the very same cliff edge where Rey had given Luke his lightsaber, only for him to toss it off the edge to entertain the porgs. It now hung on her belt, hers in truth now. Repaired and made more. Just how she felt every time her mind touched Kylo's through the Force, which was most of the time now. The broken parts of her had been repaired. The parts that had longed for her parents… for someone to help her. She'd grown beyond that, fused to something more both in the Force and outside of it. That moment when she'd met Luke just a few short weeks ago felt distant and small now. Almost inconsequential. A stepping stone to her true destination.

Kylo was nearly omnipresent in her thoughts now, and she in his. They moved through each other with practiced grace, as if they'd been connected all their lives. Perhaps they had been. At any rate, he tacitly noted the memory of her first meeting with Luke as it slid across her thoughts. As she realized where they were and how far she had traveled only to wind up back where she started.

Back where they had started in truth. 

But without Luke this time. Without anyone to guide them as they tried to figure out what to do next. 

She didn't mind his probing. In fact, she often threaded her thoughts into his as intricately as their fingers were laced together now. The warmth of his leather gloves felt good against her bare skin and the near constant presence of his mind in hers was a welcome comfort after a lifetime of loneliness.

Loneliness for both of them in truth.

"I wasted so much time." Kylo said, speaking as much to the wind as to Rey. And perhaps to the departing ship as well. 

Rey burrowed under his flapping cloak pressing her face against the front of his quilted robe. "You didn't waste time any more than I did back on Jakku. It was the only way we were going to get here."

Kylo took a deep breath, circling his arms around her and holding her close. "But where is here? Where do we start?" he asked, squinting out at the horizon through the salty ocean wind. "What's next for us?"

"There are more like us out there." she said, clearly measuring her words with care since his thoughts swirled with a thousand different plans and ideas. Some of them tasted like vengeance, and she couldn't blame him. "And Hux won't let a setback like this stop him."

"My mother can handle Hux." Kylo said with confidence. "She's got resources now. A ship full of secrets and a foothold in the outer rim. She'll put a stop to the First Order and return control of the galaxy to its individual governments."

"So that leaves us looking for Force sensitive people…" Rey said with another sigh. "To keep them away from Hux in the meantime."

"Right." Kylo nodded. There was a beat of pause as they both continued to survey the churning ocean. "So where do we start?"

A thin metallic ping caught both their attentions as if in answer to their continued string of stalling questions. They looked down at their feet to find a small smoking dent in the side of the rock face directly below them. But in front of them there was nothing but sharp rocks, the crashing waves and beyond that, the boundless ocean. Kylo and Rey frowned at each other before a voice called up to them from down the switch backed path.

"Hey! Over here!" Off to their left and down the steps stood Irkalla, rifle proudly in hand.

"That shot was impossible." Rey said with an incredulous frown, kneeling and bending over the side of the cliff for a closer look at the divot carved by the blaster shot. It wasn't a glancing shot. It looked as if it had been fired head on.

"Unless…" Kylo let the word drag out.

They both looked at each other, giddy smiles blossoming on their faces. They turned back to see Irkalla making her way up the steps, her grin matching their own. Rey let out a laughing sigh and looked up at Kylo. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, letting her hair, whipped loose by the constant breeze tickle his nose. 

"I guess now we know where to start." Rey said.

"One thing at a time?" Kylo offered, taking her hand again.

"One thing at a time." she agreed.

***

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr at littlethingwithfeathers (general fandom) and 12porgsinablackrobe (Star Wars only).


End file.
